Cuckolding Beginners Guide: After Yes Now What?


First Date questionIntroduction

The time between agreeing to try cuckolding and her first date is an important time. It is a time if handled wrong it can mean relationship issues that can destroy the relationship. Also, it can mean a breakdown in communication and it can mean putting her safety at risk once the first date occurs. This guide will share relationship secrets and planning secrets to make her first cuckolding date enjoyable.

Defining Cuckolding

What is cuckolding?

Before discussing cuckolding it is important to ask yourself what does cuckolding mean to you? Is it a hot wife that has many male lovers outside of her loving relationship with her husband? Maybe it is dominating wife who humiliates her husband by taking on another lover because he has a small penis? Perhaps it is a wife who wants to know what it is like to have sex with someone outside of their relationship and experience another penis.

The answer to the question, there is no  universal definition and everyone has there own definition of cuckolding. This means, cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions an unifying theme. All definitions include a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship that is done with his knowledge and consent.

For some it raises the question is cuckolding cheating? The answer is perceptional and outside of the scope for this article.

BDSM and Couples

Arguably anytime a couple involves a third person in their relationship it can be cuckolding but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms. I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Type of Cuckolding and Planning your first date

Understanding the two different forms of cuckolding is important because it will help guide the couple on the type of experience they want. By defining the type of experience, it will help them communicate and help find a man that is likely to support the experience they wish.

Couples Cuckolding

If she is leaning towards a couples cuckolding experience then experience is short-term and probable will not need her husband’s / boyfriend’s involvement in choosing the other male. The focus here is on short-term physical enjoyment. It is possible the first date may be meeting for sex instead of drinks.

BDSM

This may take her longer to find and may require more involvement, if asked. Since this type of arrangement may be for the long-term she may ask her husband / boyfriend to come with for input. Alternatively she may keep him updated regarding the progress of the date. Planning may become more intricate and finding a male who is willing to accept such an arrangement make take longer. The date in this type of situation may resemble a couple meeting for the first time and may involve several meets before any sexual activity occurs. As a couple working out safety and boundaries becomes paramount to protect the relationship.

After Yes What Next?

She agrees to try cuckolding but what next? Being a couple with that look like ‘deer in a headlight’ is not an option. After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date there is a period between agreeing and the first date. During this period the couple goes through some drastic changes. These changes range from emotional withdrawal, to fear, and to sheer excitement. Some describe the experience as a roller coaster of emotions.

Where do you look?

The first step involves finding a suitable male. Finding a suitable male for cuckolding is nerve-racking since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her. This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

In the digital age there are many ways to search from:

  • using the internet
  • talking to friends
  • using apps on your phone
  • striking up conversations
  • letting it happen naturally by giving her a ‘hall pass.’
  • vising a swingers club or social

Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome. Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how the relate to the invited male. When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding. As a result many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple. Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male. This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

She is Shy Introverted

The Issue

For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming. It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience. It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience. Alternatively she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience. So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

Before searching it is important to talk about her reluctance  if she is normally outgoing. Without talking discussing her reluctance it can open the door to relationship issues that can have a far-reaching effect long after the experience is over. Furthermore it can impact her ability to effectively communicate her comfort, it can impact her enjoyment, and impact her feeling of security because she is not meeting a need.

Does this mean she should not try cuckolding? No, being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience nor does it mean she should not have the experience. Instead it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

Overcoming the Hurdle of being Shy Introverted

Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible; however, it can pose a hurdle. Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources. The difference lies in the process for finding a suitable male. Typically searching for a cuckolding is an individual experiences whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.  Since she is shy it may mean, as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her. This may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange you for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

Setting Basic Boundaries

One of the big differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries. Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust, and providing for a sense of well-being by ensuring needs are met. Cuckolding boundaries are different. The focus for cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

Choosing the ‘Bull’ Other Male

Cuckolding normally requires choosing the other male is her choice but she may ask for husband / boyfriend for their advice. Depending on the cuckolding experience she is seeking it will decide the male she chooses. If she is shy then she may ask her boyfriend / husband to help. His involvement should be agreed before  any searching occurs and should be limited.

Finally

Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins. Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives. Without taking time to talk through the issues and set basic boundaries the risk to her is high.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 26 May 2014


IMG_8082Intro

A bountiful selection of good blogs this week and it made choosing 10 to include very difficult.

I believe you will enjoy all of them.

Highlights

Why I Love Big Pussy Sex is an interesting article that examines the idea of a ‘stretched’ vagina and experiencing it from a ‘male’ perspective. The reason why I find it interesting because it is an attempt to capture both the physical and emotional experience from a ‘male’ perspective that has a small penis.

Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values examines the idea of boundaries, how they evolve, and subtly the author talks about some of the boundaries they have used. It is an excellent article for anyone wanting to understand the need for boundaries or is looking for a fresh idea of how to introduce boundaries without killing the ‘experience.’

Be Careful for What you Wish for is a blog that I debated about adding since the author appears to have flooded the ‘cuckold’ tag section with a lot of their writing. While I am not opposed to writing a lot. What I have to question is the need to post 14+ blogs in a one week period instead of spacing them out over a few weeks. In this situation, I feel the author’s message is weakened and missed because of too many posts. From my perspective I do not want to read of them because of the volume and I have to question if they are all good quality posts worth reading? My instincts tells me it is not worth my time reading them all. Nonetheless, since I have strive to have authors that write on different parts of the threesome spectrum and because I try to strive to include a variety of authors, I have decided to include this one.

1) Just…there by Krystalla

2) 2nd Honeymoon by Krystalla

3) Why I Love Big Pussy Sex by Love Small Penis

4) Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values by Loving Without Boundaries

5) Why I’ve Never Been Interested in a Threesome by Adventures in Randomness

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cumminsgirl

7) The Unicorn is Getting Restless by Good Clean Fun

8) Be Careful for What you Wish for by Sexual Maniacs Anonymous

9) Cuckolding from MD by mdsh143

10) Sex Tips for Group Activities by FriendsshipFunandMaybeaBlog

 

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

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21 Points to consider before having your first threesome (singles)


Am I ready for my first threesome?

It is amazing the transformation attitudes towards having a threesome has gone through over the last 25 years. It has gone from the image of ‘seedy’ couples and ‘sex crazed’ guys to an acceptable practice. It goes without anything the transformation is incomplete and more needs to be done. However, it is now possible for both single men and single women to fulfill a part of their sexual need through a threesome. The reasons why a single man or a single might seek a threesome for their sexual need varies greatly, from wanting to explore the idea to being too busy for a relationship.

With that said, looking for a couple to have a threesome with can be time consuming endeavor that may yield no results or the results may not be what the individual was expecting. Plus it can mean making sacrifices in your personal life in order to have a threesome.

Below are some points for single men and women to consider before deciding to begin their search for their perfect threesome:

1)   Do I have the time to search for a suitable couple?

2)  Do I understand what is involved with having a threesome?

3)  Do I understand having a threesome is not like the porn movies and I will be interacting with real people?

4)  What is my sexual identity? Am I comfortable sexually interacting with someone of my own gender?

5)  Can I be outgoing, sociable? Am I able to start and hold my own in a conversation?

6)  Can I deal with rejection?

7)  What do I want from a threesome?

8)  Can I deal honestly with the couple and deal honestly with myself?

9)   Can I keep an emotional distance from the couple? If not, then is having a threesome the best choice for me?

10)  Can I have sex with someone if I am physically attracted to them without being emotionally attracted too?

11)  Can sex be a physical experience without it leading to a relationship?

12)  Wanting a relationship and wanting a threesome are many times incompatible. If given a choice which will pick? Why?

13)  Being the ‘third’ in a relationship means you are a tool, device, or toy for the couple. Thereby implying you are not an equal in their relationship and it implies you are replaceable.

14)  Can you be submissive and not dominate the relationship?

15)  Can you be intimate with two people at once while not becoming a part of their drama?

16)  Are you able to view the couple as a couple thereby respecting their relationship and not view it is an opportunity for NSA sex?

17) Am I assertive enough to say ‘no’ if I do not feel the situation will work?

18) Am I willing to practice safe-sex?

19) Do I have a plan for my physical and emotional safety?

20) What attitudes do I hold about couples who search for a threesome?

21) Can I take responsibility for my choices?

 

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