5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Intro

What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

• One-off
• No contact afterwards
• We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
• With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.

 

Basic etiquette for a male wanting mmf threesome

Remember they are a couple

 

You may be thinking that having a threesome is a quick way to get laid without having the complication of a relationship. Unfortunately this is not the case and you will have to form a relationship that is similar to a working relationship with them. During your communications with them if you only focus on the woman, getting laid, or your “assets,” there is a good chance you will not be considered. This is due to the fact that he male half of the couple normally acts as a gatekeeper and you won’t get past him if you ignore him. Best bet is to include both in your communications, let him know you respect him, you respect her, and you respect them as a couple. This does not mean you have to give the male half equal attention. Instead it means you need to recognize her partner enters into the equation and by ignoring him you are most likely killing your chances of being considered for a threesome with them.

 

In any communication be courteous and genuine.

 

Courtesy, honesty, and genuineness goes a long way with a couple. Trying to be someone who you are not, lying about yourself, or being rude will not get you far. Swearing, using colloquialisms, and being too casual is likely to work to your detriment. If a couple suspects that you are lying, not who you say you are, or disrespectful trust will not be developed. Without developing a level of trust with the couple there is no chance that a threesome will occur.

 

When responding to online ads respond to the information in the ad

 

This means read the ad and respond to the ad itself instead of sending them a template response. It also means letting them know how you meet their stated requirements. A generic, template, response or someone who did not read the ad is easy to identify. Most likely this will result in your reply being rejected. If the ad or their reply does not ask for contact information such as contact number or email address then do not provide it.

 

Be prompt, on time, and let them immediately know if you cannot show

 

Nothing speaks poorly about your character if you are late or you are no show without letting them. It is not a good idea to be fashionably late as most couples will not wait much beyond their stated meeting time for you to show and most likely will not give you another chance if you do not show. So, it is important that you remain in communication with them before meeting them and let them promptly know of anything that may delay you showing up.

 

Be clean and smartly dressed

 

As the cliché goes, you only have one chance to make a good impression. Meeting a couple without bathing and poor hygiene will not impress them. Take the time on your appearance and dress for the environment you will be meeting them. Even if you are going to their home for drinks to see where things go, dress smart for them.

 

Understand your role

 

Your role in a two male threesome is to support the husband in providing his wife with a sexual experience that cannot be provided in a monogamous relationship. This means having sex with two guys at once and it is not due to the fact that there is something in the relationship that he cannot provide. In essence you are a ‘toy’ for them and not a replacement.

 

Follow their lead

 

This experience is primarily for them and you are there as an added benefit. There may be a time where you may want to help them progress from discussion to the act or enhance the overall experience. In most cases provided you stick within their boundaries you will be alright but it is a good idea to ask before taking a leap.

 

Ask  

 

If you are unsure about their boundaries, their boundaries appear contradictory, or there is anything else that you have a question about them then make sure to ask. It is better to ask than making the wrong assumption.

 

Don’t rush

 

There is a tendency if a couple shows an interest to push the couple towards the act. Let the couple dictate the speed from contact to the act and if they are moving too slow for you then they are not the couple for you.

 

Don’t be afraid to say no

 

Remember having a threesome is a two way street. Granted the couple may have most of the control over the situation. However if you are not in agreement or the couple does not meet you needs then you are well within your rights to say no. It might mean that you loose the invite but it will prevent a bad experience.