I came across this survey, see below link, a few weeks ago and placed it on my forum site. After having some more time available I thought I would place it here from my followers to read and comment. The survey examines those interested in cuckolding but who have not had the experience. At least for me, I found it informative and supporting other surveys that I have read. At least for me, I believe it is worth the time reading. Hopefully you will take the time to read it and share what you think.
What is necessary for a successful relationship and successful threesome?
One of the core ingredients, I believe, is necessary for a successful threesome is a solid relationship and this is a common thread throughout this site. Defining a solid relationship is not as easy since a lot depends on religious background, cultural, political background, and socio-economic status. This makes providing a unifying definition difficult and makes the definition dependent on couple that is asking.
Recently a Psychology Today article made an attempt in defining the term and I believe, it positively contributes to my ongoing discussion of what makes a relationship stable enough for a threesome. With that said, there are a three minor points that I do not agree.
The first one is going to bed at the same time. Whilst I understand the point being made, I feel it neglects other issues such as health problems or work schedule that may impact bedtimes. In my opinion, this is a minor ingredient for a successful relationship and not a major ingredient.
Second is sharing common interests. Without developing common interests a relationship, I believe, is destined to fail. However the article neglects to mention how much of a common interest a couple should share, what definition of common interest the author is using, and to what emotional level that interest should be shared. Without more discussion from the author I believe this interest is pointless.
10 points too superficial
Finally I believe, the 10 points raised are very closely related and do not dwell deep enough for the article to be meaningful. Nonetheless point four regarding forgiveness and point five focusing on what your partner does right, highlight the author is heading on the right direction for this article. I believe if the author was focusing on deeper points about relationships then this article would be much more meaningful.
I believe this article is a good guide on some of the more superficial aspects that a relationship needs to be successful and it provides limited insight into what a couple should be doing if they are considering a threesome.
- Is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Twos company, Three’s a crowd? Do’s & Don’ts of Threesomes. (tricksandthetown.wordpress.com)
- Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Sex Talk With Nick: Tasty Threesomes (uiwomenscenter.wordpress.com)
- Good News, Everyone, Threesomes Are on the Rise (thedatereport.com)
- Threesomes, privacy, and the law (3somes.wordpress.com)
- 16 bad habits that can spoil ur relationship (ameborepublik.wordpress.com)
- Is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding? (b0ylu5t.wordpress.com)
- 20 Things I Would Do Differently If I Were Married And You Should Do Now. (happinessandstrength.wordpress.com)
- Is it baseball, length of daylight or the weather? (3somes.wordpress.com)
For those of you who are interested in the topic of polyamory or are considering it, then this article is for you. It is a very well written article on the subject and explores the topic of determining if polyamory is right for you. I strongly recommend taking the time to read this excellent article.
Interesting article that focuses on approaching a friend and stranger for a threesome. While I would not describe having a threesome as polyamory, as this author does, nonetheless I quite enjoyed this author’s writing style to discuss the subject. It is a great article well worth the time to read.
An excellent article for those who are interested threesomes in a long-term polyamorous relationship or learning more about it.
Thank you to darkelaina who wanted information regarding planning a threesome on their own, the risks, using an online web site, and other information. This post is based on their questions.
Planning a threesome on your own for your partner and yourself is never easy. In some ways it is like planning a surprise threesome but in other ways it is different since you have your partner’s support. The purpose of this article is to address some of the issues, risks, and strategies involved in planning a threesome on your own. It is not meant to be a comprehensive discussion and it is not meant to be a formula to approach it. Instead it is meant to provide an opinion and highlight some issues.
Online Site Navigation:
I do not recommend sites because I feel each individual / couple needs to make the determination based on their needs, rather than relying on recommendations. Also a lot comes down to price, needs, interest, and the interest in your area for threesomes. This makes recommendations difficult since there is so much variability that a recommendation is difficult to make. Nonetheless I will give some general advice to help in the determination.
Free is not always better: I do not believe a free site is better and I sometimes feel using a free site may open you up to exploitation, especially if it is a general site rather than a specific site targeting this type of activity.
Does the site allow you to try the site before subscribing or does it offer a limited version as free? My own feeling, would encourage a potential customer to try the site before charging them or at least offer a limited version for free.
How is the pricing structured? Are you being “nickeled and dime to death?” Meaning are you being charged for every service you use every time you use it? Alternatively is pricing tiered to allow you to select the plan that best fits your needs?
How many people are in your area? There some very good free sites in the UK but if you are in the US then they are no use to you since they cater to people in the UK and the wider EU area. Likewise if you are in Mississippi but the site caters to people in the West then it may not be value for money.
Are they targeting a niche (e.g. polyamaory, cuckolding, wife-swapping) or is it a general site? If it is a general site and you have specific interest then you may find you will have to either compromise on your interest or spend a lot of time reading through replies to find someone that shares a similar interest. Likewise if you do not have a specific interest and you are using a site that caters to a niche interest then you may find that you are not successful a lot of the time.
How easy is the site to navigate? Can you easily move around the site, read profiles, and communicate with other members? If not, then it may not be worth your time?
What is the site’s reputation? I do not always put a lot of weight on reviews. From reviews I have written some appear to be written either by the site or someone that is closely connected to it in order to inflate the site’s reputation. Likewise there is always someone out there with “an axe to grind” and will speak negatively about a site regardless of how good it is. Sometimes friends might be a good source about sites if they are into threesomes. Otherwise try to average out the comments to get an idea of what the site is like.
What are the terms of service? This will define your agreement with the site, how regularly you will be billed and how for how much. If you are uncertain about any term then contact the site before agreeing to something that may be useless to you.
Have you seen that profile before? Sometimes the same people will create multiple accounts in order to get replies from people with various interests. Also, I believe, sometimes sites will create fake accounts in order to drive people to their site and make them look bigger than what they are. If the name is different but the information in the profile is similar to other profiles then most likely it is the same person.
What does the profile say? Read the profile closely. It will tell you the type of person they are seeking and something about themselves. If they cannot make time to put in a few sentences about themselves then the question has to be asked how serious are they?
Have you created an alias and kept your personal information offline? You do not know who you communicating with and it is important not to put any information online that can identify you or put your / your family at risk.
Have you considered your safety and the safety of your family? What plans have you made to keep them safe and you safe?
Regarding your profile have you specified the type of person(s) you are searching for, your boundaries, and the extent to which your partner will be participating?
Having sex with one or more people that are unfamiliar
One unfamiliar person
There is no magical formula for this situation and the best I can give is an opinion.
If the threesome involves your partner, yourself and an invited third person then this can be fairly straightforward. Assuming you meet the third person online a little bit of time should be taken to get to know each other. The level of knowledge about each, I believe, depends on the type of threesome being planned. Should this be either a soft-swap or full-swap threesome then very little needs to be known other than having enough information to make a decision if the person is a suitable candidate for a threesome.
After the decision is made to invite them for a threesome, one of two options exist. First option is having a meet and greet, whereby all three meet each but no sex occurs the first time. The time is used to get to know each other more and then make the decision if it is going to progress further.
Second option is allowing sex to occur during the first meeting. This is preferable for couples who have some experience or feel comfortable with the third person
Before the threesome occurs and if it has not already, the couple should discuss issues such as ensuring both of them have the same understanding of their boundaries, how will the time be divided, how attention should be given to the third person and any feelings / issues that have come up. Taking time to do this will help mitigate any potential misunderstanding that may occur.
Once the three come together for the threesome then things should proceed as fast as the person least comfortable. Drugs should not be used, alcohol kept to a minimum, and no one should be pressured into doing anything they do not want to do. Sometimes a slow transition such as playing a game like Twister, strip-poker, or giving a massage might help to transition to the threesome.
As the threesome begins foreplay should not be rushed but enjoyed. In a MFM the female should be in control and should direct the males how she wants to be pleased. The couple should adhere to their boundaries and should not deviate from them. The first time should not try to push limits but instead keep it simple. However, the situation is causing an issue then the threesome should be stopped, with no one becoming upset, and then at a later date decide if it should be retried.
Two unfamiliar males for MFM
At the surface this would imply if the female was in a relationship and the relationship is an open relationship. In such a situation this would imply either dogging or another group sex activity such as greedy-girl. The risk here is for her safety and it is ideal that her partner is there to watch in order to protect her. This could raise some issues regarding comfort and performance anxiety. However her safety is paramount to any uneasiness or anxiety that may occur.
Ideally some screen should occur either before meeting or before any sexual activity happens. Along with screening some time should be taken to speak with each male before having sex in order to relax and make them more familiar. If at any point anyone becomes uncomfortable then the activity should stop.
This can be a very dangerous situation and should be cautiously approached. Ideally the female should let someone know about her whereabouts and plan for her safety. She should avoid using any drugs and avoid any alcohol as it could put her at further risk. Also she should not do this impulsively, such as meeting two men at bar, but should do it in a controlled situation such as a swingers club that does not serve alcohol. Again, take the time to speak with both of them and only do what you are comfortable with.
Issues / Risks / Concerns
In the above section I have talked about using an online site and some of the issues that go along with using them. In this section I am not going to repeat the information above and focus on other aspects.
In this author’s opinion this type of planning poses a bigger risk since there is limited input from your partner and much of the planning is based on your preferences. This can lead to the wrong decisions being made, the wrong person being selected, and it can open up a myriad of other issues.
Mitigation: Keep your partner updated about your progress and ask any questions that you feel is necessary. If you feel your partner my oppose something, is uncomfortable, or might agree to something then do not assume. As an alternative, take the time to update them and ask them about their level of comfort.
Expectations are not clear: Expectations define boundaries and dictate acceptable behavior. Without clear and understandable expectations it is possible misunderstandings occur. In this type of situation misunderstandings happening increase due to the lack of involvement by your significant other.
Mitigation: Talk about expectations with your partner that covers the whole spectrum from the type of person you will search for to acceptable behavior during the threesome.
Threesome does not go as planned: This may be the result of not discussing the idea to the extent that was needed or unachievable expectations were set. Also feeling such as jealousy
Mitigation: The more discussions that occur along with some research the more likely realistic expectations can be set. If there are issues regarding insecurity or jealousy then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the right decision
Task seems overwhelming and it is not progressing as expected.
Mitigation: Talk to your partner about helping out. Try to clarify needs and expectations.
If one person did all of the work then it will go smoother, quicker, and with less issues:
Mitigation: This author believes the more the work is shared then the greater the chance the planned threesome will be successful
If you are planning to have a threesome without your partner, have you discussed boundaries for the threesome, boundaries about what you will share with them, and safe-sex practices that will be followed?
Mitigation: Without having discussions about what is being planned along with the limits to discussions and activities for the threesome then it may create a lot of problems later.
I cannot stress this enough, especially if this is going to done alone, safety is the utmost consideration.
Mitigation: Examine the situation, identify potential risks, and find ways to mitigate those risks. Also, let someone know about your whereabouts if you are going to be participating in a threesome a lone.
Fantasy versus Reality
In my opinion this type of threesome planning can lead some to believe in an erotic story threesome. Whereby a threesome is planned by one person and the two invited males ravish the female in utter delight. Also for the woman it can create the belief that she will be sexually satisfied because there will be two males there to please her, competing against each other for her attention, and she will be at the center of attention. Unfortunately reality is not always like the movies or books. Having a threesome can be quite anxiety provoking for both a man and a woman. However a male publicly shows his anxiety through his inability to maintain an erection and cumming very quickly. Plus having a threesome is fought with emotions and it can make even the most emotionally strongest become emotionally upset.
Another issue becomes planning. For some they may believe allowing one person to plan a threesome is better since it streamlines it. However a lot of input and discussion is lost thereby allowing a threesome to be planned with limited input. This can work in some situations but a lot of the time it lead to something being missed thereby creating issues.
Finally, a threesome regardless of the type, should not be seen as a panacea for problems in the relationship. I do not believe it will fix a relationship and it could make a relationship worse. However if it is a loving and stable relationship then most likely it will not damage it. It might help it by help each the couple appreciate each other and communicate better.
- Threesome communication for couples (3somes.wordpress.com)
- My journey (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Your local librarian or pastor may be into threesomes without you ever knowing (3somes.wordpress.com)
- We All Follow a Different Path (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome and bisexuality (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome advice for Irish teens on state-funded website sparks anger (metro.co.uk)
- How To Find a Threesome (threesomewebsite.wordpress.com)
After reading this article I began thinking. At first it confirmed a lot, what I believed, about the route to a threesomes. However, the more I thought about it I began realising there is another step before starting the journey of having a threesome and it is the journey to arrive at having a threesome. As I thought about it, I realized two important points. First point, I believe, there are common drivers that brings a couple or individual to have a threesome. Second point, I believe, the rate each person progresses from having thinking about the idea to actually having one is different. Then as I began writing this article, I realised, the length of the journey each is influenced by their driving influence for the journey. In this article I will explore each of these points.
Journey’s First Steps
Each journey begins with a reason to start. For each couple or individual the reason may appear unique to them; however, I believe, there are some common reasons that I will explore in this section. Each section contains a description of the length of journey. This refers to how long the interest in having a threesome lasts once the first threesome occurs and this means it does not mean how long it takes from initial discussion to have a threesome.
Different / Curiosity (Journey length: short)
Curiosity is a good driver for a journey but it is not always a solid guide. Sometimes friends share their threesome experience, we read about a threesome experience that gets us aroused, or the idea intrigues us. Regardless of the reason, we are all intrigued by things that things that spark our interest that make us want to explore and with threesomes getting more positive media attention, it is no wonder more interest is sparked. However, having an interest does not mean you have a map and it may mean driving in the dark. This can lead to unnecessary detours, collisions, and wrong-turns along the way. For some they may get lost along away and others may lose interest, especially if they do not have clear directions or some other reason to continue on their journey. At least for me I see a couple / individual under this heading as having it on their bucket list of to do and unless there is a strong interest to continue, once the novelty wears off then it is likely the couple / individual will stop having a threesome.
Meets a need (Journey length: can be either short or long)
For this article I am not going to get into the discussion if humans are meant to be monogamous. Instead this means, everyone of us has a need and sometime having a threesome can meet that need. In this situation, I am not talking about using a threesome to prevent cheating or using a threesome to fix something in the relationship. .Need, in this context, means a sexual need that one person cannot fulfil. Such situations can include a busy individual who does not have time for a relationship due to commitments, someone who has had previous open relationships, or someone who is in relationship that is either bisexual or gay. This means having a threesome has some function in the relationship in order to maintain it and to allow it to grow.
Organic Growth / Relationship Development (Journey length: can be short or long)
This is different than curiosity in the sense that curiosity has an element of randomness, impulsivity, and uncertainty. Whereas organic growth implies a threesome that comes about due to the relationship developing and it being the next step in the relationship. Normally, I feel, this tends to be seen in couples that have been around a while and have been building up to this point through their exploration together.
Pressure / Coercion / Manipulation (Couples only – Journey length: typically short)
Generally speaking a threesome should only happen, this author believes, where there is an equal distribution of power in the relationship and the relationship is stable. Under this heading the threesome journey comes about due to balance in the relationship favouring one person over another to the point where they can exert influence to produce the result that they want. Usually these threesomes tend to be short term due to problems in the relationship.
Misunderstanding / Fallacy (Journey length: typically short)
This is a catch-all category for those who believe that by having a threesome it will solve a problem, such as lack of interest, or it is a quick way to get ‘laid.’ In this situation the individual or couple will approach the threesome based on that fallacy only to discover it is not the panacea that they were expecting.
Impulsivity (Journey length: typically short)
This is another catch-all category for decision made while drunk, high, or made on the spur of the moment. Impulsivity happens when a decision to have a threesome is made very quickly, without allot of information, and it can be a risky situation.
Infidelity (Couples only – Journey length short or long)
After an act of infidelity occurs sometimes a couple will choose to have a threesome. The reason for wanting a threesome may be the result, after some healing, a realization a need was not being met, the idea of their partner being with someone else is arousing to them, or it could a way of healing by coming to terms with what happened.
This section may be a bit misleading since it refers to the route that is taken in having a threesome rather than the time it takes from initial to discussion to actually having the threesome.
Baby steps refers to talking small calculated steps in having a threesome. A route could be discussion > role playing > soft-swinging > threesome. It may be taken by couple / individual that needs to get comfortable with the idea and takes gradual step in order to reach their goal of having a threesome.
A lot of discussions about the subject occurs before any definitive steps are taken.
‘Diving into the Deep End’
Very little discussion occurs before the threesome happens.
- What does having a threesome involve from a couple’s perspective (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Evolution of a threesome relationship to an open relaitonship: Relationship structure, Multi-partner relationships, and Communication (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why does my husband or boyfriend want a fmf but not mfm? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Fantasy versus Reality of Having a threesome: Chapter 4 Resolving the Dilemma of Privacy versus Having a Threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- How To Have Bisexual Threesomes (mademan.com)
- How To Get Lesbian Beauties To Have Threesome (mademan.com)
- Why does my spouse / girlfriend want a mfm instead of fmf? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Study on long-term gay open relationships (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Canadian study on sex and threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)