First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Finding the balance: Progressing the discussion of having a threesome without collapsing the discussion


donkey zooIntro

Imagine for a moment having an amazing heart-to-heart conversation about having a threesome but no decision has been made about the next step. Maybe the conversation did not go as expected, a few months have elapsed, and it is time to ‘test the water.’ The challenge is finding the balance between discussing the idea and not causing a complete collapse of the idea.

Start with yourself

In previous articles the importance of understanding your needs and how you envision the threesome is discussed. This means doing some introspection, thinking about possible scenarios, and thinking about your needs. Also it requires thinking about the relationship, the risks you are willing to take, and how you may react. Finally it involves doing some research into the topic. Without having a vision of a possible threesome, revising it, and thinking about it it is nearly impossible to communicate it to your partner.

Having a history together

History regarding a threesome means being together long-enough where each person in the relationship understands how each other responds to a situation, having a communication style that is unique to the couple, and having been together long enough the couple has been able to work through a few difficult situations. Essentially, history means know what makes your significant other operate and knowing how they are likely to respond. Without understanding your ‘significant other’ the chance of catastrophic failure, when trying to progress the discussion of having a threesome, is high.

Confront Challenge

Academic textbooks are written on confronting and challenging; however for this article a brief explanation will be given. Confronting someone, sometimes referred to challenging, can provide an opportunity to persuade them by opening them up to another perspective by confronting / challenging the flaws in their belief.

Successfully challenging / confronting a belief requires a clear understanding of the direction you want to take with the discussion and enough knowledge about the topic any resistance can be met. The goal is not to start a fight to the death over having a threesome. Instead, if done correctly, the technique can be used in regular conversation and help progress the conversation by alleviating any outstanding fear / anxiety over the idea.

Time

Being human mean we change and being human mean we are not the same person we were yesterday. So what allows us to change? Our experiences, our challenges to our beliefs, and events in our lives. As a result, we learn and make the necessary changes. Regarding discussing a threesome, it can mean resistance to the idea has changed and there might be a willingness to discuss it.

So how much time is needed? My feeling if a relationship is new then at least two years before discussing the topic. This will give time to build the foundation of the relationship along with having an opportunity to work through any crisis and develop a sense of security.

Regarding how long the idea should be dropped before picking up the conversation again? There are some who feel if your ‘significant other’ says no to the idea then the topic is dead unless your ‘significant other’ bring up the idea. I disagree with it because I do not feel it is communication because a need is not getting met in the relationship. My feeling six months minimum but ideally a year. This will give your ‘significant other’ a change to think about the topic and a chance to ask any question they might have.

Relationship

Without feeling secure in the relationship  any discussion regarding having a threesome will fail. This means the first step in striking a balance require that security and trust are present.

Conclusion

Answering the question where does the limit exist for discussing a threesome when there is resistance to the idea or the direction is not clear? The answer is dependent on the situation and the couple. This means history together, the depth of feeling secure, and the ability to communicate are essential if the discussion is to progress. Without feeling this and without feeling confident about discussing the topic then it is likely this issue remain unresolved.

Other articles you might enjoy

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/family-message-about-sex-and-impact-on-wanting-a-threesome/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/working-through-the-tough-times/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/12/08/what-makes-a-couple-successful/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/perception-and-cheating/

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Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?


Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

via Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

An excellent article for those who are interested threesomes in a long-term polyamorous relationship or learning more about it.

Swinging and Mental Health


Italiano: PTO / Disturbi mentali: Elenco di fr...Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.

Understanding the resistance to anal sex


 

Fluid dynamics overcoming gravity

 

Introduction:

 

If you wife / partner is resistant to the idea of having anal sex it is important to understand what is causing the resistance. Without talking to her and understanding the issue overcoming her resistance, convincing her, is not possible. This posting will talk about some of the more common reasons a woman may be resistant to the idea of having anal sex and some suggestions to try to help her overcome her resistance to it.

 

Bad Experience:

 

Probably the most common reason for resistance is a previous bad experience trying anal sex which resulted in feeling of pain or discomfort. Since the experience resulted in an adverse feeling she is trying to avoid that feeling again. Feeling of pain is typically the result of not using enough lubrication, not properly relaxing anus, and not stretching out properly before entry occurred. In essence anal sex was rushed and the necessary time needed to get her to relax was not taken. Whereas the feeling of discomfort is the result of entering too quickly and not allowing her to properly relax.

 

In this case the best way to address this type of resistance is to explain how things will be different this time. Explain that you will use a lot of lubrication and will to continue to apply it. Also explain that it will not be rushed, there will be adequate foreplay, time will be taken to get her anus to relax and stretch. Even though you have a plan on how to address her resistance due to pain, remember people generally avoid pain and seek pleasure. If it was a painful experience there will be less of a chance she will try it again.

 

An Ex:

 

Another possibility for her resistance is an ex. This is especially true if the relationship is fairly new, as ex’s can haunt the relationship. There are two common explanations here regarding her ex. The first is that he may have been into having anal sex and it might have been not enjoyable for her. Reasons why it could not have been enjoyable includes having it forced, he was obsessed with having anal sex, or it was very uncomfortable. In any event the experience was not pleasurable for her and she does not want to experience it again.

 

Overcoming this resistance may not be possible if he abused her or it was a troubling experience for her due to the fact she has negative feelings associated with the experience. Since she has negative feelings associated with the experience she will want to avoid to experience so that she can avoid those feelings. The best approach here is you can allow her to talk about her experience to you. By allowing her to do this will allow her to build trust in you, foster developing communication between the two of you, and develop something more deeper than sex an emotional bond.

 

The other possible explanation if it is in relation to her ex is that it was something that they shared and she does not want to share it with anyone else. Chances are that this is not a reason but if it is this indicates a problem in the relationship. If it is the reason then the focus needs to be taken off having anal sex and focus on how to solve the issue regarding her feelings for her ex.

 

Misconceptions about anal sex:

 

 

 

Anal sex for some can be a very taboo subject and misconceptions about the subject can develop. Some of the misconceptions are listed here:

 

  • Anus will not go back in place
  • Others will be able to tell that she has anal sex
  • She will loose control of her bowels, become incontinent
  • If her partner likes anal sex then it means that he is gay
  • She can get pregnant from having anal sex

 

These misconceptions about anal sex falls into one of two categories: anatomical or misinformation. To begin with the anus is a sphincter muscle. Meaning it is meant to stretch and close. Provided she has not suffered nerve damage, physical injury, or had surgery to that area then her anus should return to the same shape it was before having sex. Also she should not suffer incontinence unless that was an issue before having anal. Furthermore there are two common misconceptions regarding anal sex: she can get pregnant from having anal sex and that her male partner must be gay if he likes anal sex. To begin with the rectum and vagina are separated by muscle. There is no way for sperm to leave the rectum, swim into the cervix, enter the uterus, and then the fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg. So the risk of pregnancy is non-existent. Finally some people have a misconception that if a man enjoys anal sex with his wife it means that he is gay or is hiding his sexuality, totally not true.

 

Addressing these misconceptions relies on education and experiencing anal sex in an effort to dispel them. Educating her about her anatomy and educating her about the fact that no one can tell, including her doctor, that she has had anal sex. Maybe try reassuring her that anal sex would not occur a week before she had any doctor’s appointments.

 

Relationship Issue:

 

Anal sex at its core is about trust, patience, and communication. Generally speaking this author believes relationship issues generally are not the reason for resistance to anal sex. Usually it is attempted by a couple after they have been together for a while and after they have built up their communication. For anal sex to be successful it requires her to trust you that you will stop if she says ‘stop’, that you will not get upset with her if she cannot continue because it is too painful, and that you will not always push to have anal sex. If she does not feel secure enough in the relationship to try anal sex then it indicates that some work needs to be done in the relationship.

 

Take time to build up your relationship with her and build up your trust with her. Spending some extra time with her and letting her know how special she is to you may be all that is needed to convince her to try anal sex. Also, try anal sex when the both of you do not feel rushed and have the time to enjoy the experience. This may mean getting her to relax to enjoy the experience.

 

She is not interested in having anal sex:

 

 

 

Even though the rectum is rich in nerve, blood supply and some woman find having anal sex to be more intense than vaginal sex not every woman is interested in trying anal sex. For whatever reason the idea may not appeal to them and they may not want to try it at all. In this case it is best to let the topic die due to the fact no matter how hard you try you will not convince her. She will have to come to conclusion to try anal sex on her own.

 

Universal boundaries


What are the rules, boundaries, for a threesome? How do I set boundaries for a threesome? Is best not to have boundaries for a threesome and allow my partner to enjoy themselves? All of these are common questions regarding boundaries for a threesome. Boundaries, by definition, are the rules that are implied or agreed that provide the limits for a threesome. It is these limits that allow trust to be formed in order to have a threesome and serve as a way of communicating expectations for the threesome. Without them a threesome would, possibly, descend into chaos and for the couple it could lead to conflict.

Since trust and boundaries are linked it means having a universal set of boundaries is not possible and it means boundaries are couple specific. Does this mean there are no underlying boundaries that most threesomes have? Not necessarily, this author believes there are some boundaries that are necessary to allow other boundaries to be agreed. Implied boundaries are the unspoken boundaries. These are the “rules” the couple develops their time together such as not going to bed angry or talking to each other before a decision is made. Without implied boundaries a relationship would be paralyzed since the simplest of discussions would become protracted discussions and by having implied boundaries a relationship can operate. However, implied boundaries are easily misunderstood since it requires both individuals in the relationship to understand them along with their limits and if an implied boundary is misunderstood then it leads to misunderstanding.

Are there any implied boundaries for a threesome? Yes, such as the decision to have a threesome is a mutual decision made equally by both partners.  Another implied boundary is the responsibility for planning the threesome is shared. However, how the boundaries operate and the extent to which they operate is dependent on the couple defining them. Therefore, a couple should never assume their partner has the same understanding of an implied boundary and they should discuss with their partner on a regular basis their implied boundaries.

This leads this author to the next questions, what about the agreed boundaries? For a threesome to occur this author believes there are a few boundaries that need to be in place for a threesome to occur.  These boundaries either facilitate the discussion or are needed to minimize the risk of conflict afterwards. However, they are not the boundaries that define the limits of the threesome and they are not boundaries that define how the threesome will operate. Typical boundaries to allow the discussion to occur or to minimize conflict afterwards include:

  • Not using the threesome against the other
  • If necessary, agreeing the threesome is a mutual decision
  • Agreeing to discuss the threesome after it occurs and to work through any issues that may have risen.
  • No means no
  • Each person, at any time, has the right to say no to the threesome or any aspect of the threesome.
  • The threesome will not happen until each person is ready and they will go as fast as the person least comfortable with the idea.

Obviously there are more boundaries that a couple can include but they are dependent on their needs along with the type of threesome being planned. In answer to the above questions, the answer depends on the couple, the type of threesome they are planning, and their limits of comfort. Any universal that may exist is only meant to facilitate the discussion regarding having a threesome or to minimize the chance of conflict afterwards.

Building trust for a threesome


Discussing the idea of having a threesome went well, boundaries were agreed, and the decision was made to invite a third person. Now a rush of questions starts flooding your mind. How can we trust someone? How can I trust my partner to stick to our boundaries?  How can I be sure it is going to work out? All of these questions have one thing in common, the need to build trust.

Before talking about building trust for a threesome it is important to define trust. Trust is an allusive term that is difficult to define and relies more on intuition than objective observation. Therefore, trust is about confidence and placing confidence in someone based on their character. This implies an element of trust is dependent of the perception of the person and the confidence the individual has in that person.  For a threesome it means being able to have the confidence in someone that what they are saying is true and they will adhere to their statements.

This leads to the question, how do you build trust for a threesome? For a couple it means there is enough history that each other has confidence in the other to do what they promise. If the couple has been together for a little while it may mean they need to approach having a threesome at a slow pace since it may require them to build trust as they get closer to the threesome. In contrast, for a couple that has been together for a while, it may mean trust is not an issue for them since they have a history together. However, if the couple is going through a difficult period where the issue of trust is involved then it a threesome will not help them rebuild their trust and instead it is more likely to erode any trust that exists.

Now, the question becomes how does the couple trust the third person and the third person trust the couple? The starting point is the type of threesome being planned. If the threesome is a soft-swinging or full threesome then trust is more about the character and trustworthiness of the individual then building actual trust.  A soft-swinging or full threesome is about physical enjoyment and preventing feelings for the third person from developing. In order for this objective to be achieved, the couple needs to avoid building a relationship with the third person and this means, the contact with the third person needs to be limited. Typically, there is very little time for discussion and a decision to have / not to have the threesome is fairly quick. Other types of threesomes the length of time to build trust varies due to the length and nature of the threesome.  In answer to the above question, building trust is a function of the type of threesome being planned and the amount of communication that is needed for it to occur.

In conclusion building trust is the cornerstone of having a successful threesome and the amount of time needed is dependent on the type of threesome being sought. The starting point for trust lies with the couple and their ability to trust each other. Once they have enough trust built for a threesome then the next step for them trusts the invited third person.  If the objective of the threesome is physical enjoyment then the time needed to build trust is short and is only necessary to the extent that enough trust is built to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas other types of threesomes such as poly or cuckolding will require more trust due to the nature of the threesome being needed. Finally trust is allusive and it is built on perceptions. Without trust no threesome can occur.