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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)

Posted in Threesome opinions by

Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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FAQs regarding soft-swinging

Posted in FAQ, Types of threesomes by

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What is soft-swinging?

The term soft-swinging implies that the couple involves someone else with them when sex occurs between them. However the involvement of the third person is limited to no oral or penetrative sex. This means in most situations woman on woman activity is not included in the definition and the role of the third person includes a voyeuristic element to it.

Does the definition include all male on male activities?

The definition does allow for mutual male masturbation and incidental contact between the males, provided no oral or penetrative sex occurs in the threesome.

What female on female activity does the definition include?

The definition includes kissing, touching, caressing, breast play, mutual masturbation and not involving toys or a strap-on.

How come you have excluded most female on female activity from the definition?

This author believes a strong argument can be made that female on female activity by definition is soft-swinging since it is impossible for penetrative sex without the aid of a toy. However, this author goes beyond the mechanics and looks at the broader picture. If penetration is occurring, regardless if it is a toy or a penis, then it is sex.

Are there any advantages of soft-swinging over a full swap?

The term advantage is perceptual and depends on the planned situation and definition of soft-swinging being used. Arguably soft-swinging may offer a lower risk of STD / STI, may offer a lower risk of pregnancy by the third person, preserves monogamy, and it can give the couple a group sex experience without having sex with the third person.

 Are there any disadvantages to soft-swinging?

Again the response depends on the definition of soft-swinging and the planned situation. Some possible disadvantages may include feeling sexually frustrated due to sex with the third person did not occur, feeling pressure to have a full-swap, and inviting a third person to participate in sex brings up further issues.

Does safe-sex need to be practiced in a soft-swing situation?  

Yes, since safe-sex is more about protection from STDs /STIs than pregnancy. For example, herpes and HIV / AIDs do not require intercourse or oral sex to be transmitted. Instead it requires a person come into contact with the infection and the infection to be transmitted through an unprotected barrier.

What positions work in a soft-swing situation?

Since the third person does not have sex with the couple and only take on a voyeur role, when it comes to sex, then question applies to couple. Generally speaking any position works. However, if the goal is ‘give a show’ for the third person then doggie-style, big dipper, or fusion may be positions to consider.

How can we incorporate the third person?

The response depends, to a large extent, on the needs of the couple and their limits. Inviting someone to watch can be quite erotic. However, if you are looking to incorporate them then there a lot of options:

Two Males

  • Mutual masturbation in order to arouse the woman, to arouse each other, and to provide a sexual release for the third person.
  • Invited male caressing the woman and / or giving her a message
  • Invited male caressing her breasts, sucking and playing with her nipples.
  • Invited male kissing the woman
  • Woman masturbating her partner in front of the third person
  • Woman masturbating the invited male
  • Woman having sex with her male partner in front of the invited third person

Two Women

  • Invited woman masturbating the male
  • Invited woman kissing, caressing, and touching the male or woman
  • Two women physically interacting, short of penetration, in order to arouse the male and them.
  • The couple having sex in front of the invited woman

What advice can you give to single males regarding soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging means you will not be having sex with the couple and there will be a voyeur aspect to the role. Nonetheless, it does mean some male on male contact is possible, such as touching or mutual masturbation. Also, it means that some physical contact with the woman is possible. Next it means if a couple opts for soft-swinging it does not necessarily mean at a later date they will be open to a full-swap. Some couples enjoy soft-swinging and it maybe as far as it progresses with them. This means for you, do not agree to a soft-swinging situation with the expectation that a full swap will occur at a later date. Lastly, it means it can be a situation that leaves you feeling sexually frustrated afterwards. Therefore, the choice is yours; it is important to remember in this situation you need to communicate your needs and your desired activities to the couple.

If we have an open relationship is soft-swinging a good way to have an intimate encounter with my partner / spouse and my lover?

A lot depends on the boundaries that have been agreed and it also depends if all three of you can be comfortable in the situation. If all three of you can be comfortable and it will not destroy the relationship(s) that have been developed then it is something worth exploring the idea. Should all three of you agree it is workable and all three of you feel that you can work through the feelings then it is something to try. It maybe all three of you find it leads to a very erotic experience.

If we have an open relationship and want to try soft-swinging then who does not participate and takes on the voyeur role?

It depends on how you define open relationship and the type of open relationship you have. If it is not a polyamorous or ménage da trios then it is this author’s feeling it should be the individual with whom the secondary relationship is formed. However, if you are in a polyamorous or menage da trios relationship, then this author feels this open to negotiation among the three of you.

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Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario

Posted in Cuckolding, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

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Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.

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Understanding Soft-Swinging

Posted in Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Types of threesomes by

Voyeurs !

Have you ever found the idea of having a threesome arousing, especially during foreplay?  Only to find, apprehension about the idea or concerns about preserving the relationship forces at least one of you to step-back from the idea? Stepping back from the idea after taking steps towards it can create feelings of frustration and wishing there might be happy medium.  It can also create “mixed-messages” and confusion regarding true intentions about having a threesome. For some couples the practice of soft-swinging may offer an alternative or a route to have a threesome by approaching the idea slowly.

Defining soft-swinging is not easy since the term does not have a universal definition and for the purpose of this article it will mean a two male threesome, mfm, whereby the invited male is not sexually involved with the couple that invited them. Soft-swinging does not include foursomes where there is no interaction between the couples and it does not mean a two women threesome, fmf, whereby the male watches.  Also for the purpose of this article, soft-swinging does not include oral, anal, or vaginal sex. It therefore means, soft-swinging involves any activity that does not involve penetration or close sexual contact with the invited male.

This leads this author to the question, why would a couple choose to have a soft-swinging experience? There are numerous reasons. However the most likely reasons include: it can keep the couple:

  • sexually monogamous
  • keeps  the couple physically monogamous
  • significantly reduces the risk of STDs/STIs
  • significantly reduces the chance of pregnancy
  • for some couples it can serve as a gateway to the group sex scene including threesomes
  • it provides the couple with the opportunity to have someone watch them having sex

Essentially, soft-swinging for couple provides a taste of having a threesome while minimizing the risks of having a threesome and it also provides for a couple a chance to experience a threesome without fully committing to it. This means soft-swinging can offer couples the best of worlds, protecting the relationship and having sex while someone else is present.

What are the drawbacks of soft-swinging? On the surface it can appear there are limited drawbacks to soft-swinging but as with anything else, soft-swinging does have its limitations. One major limitation is finding someone interested. Soft-swinging can leave the invited third person feeling sexually frustrated and it can leave them loosing interest in the couple if they believe a threesome will occur that does not occur. Final drawback it can be emotionally intense especially if an individual participating in it is not ready for it. Essentially, this means it can cause emotional damage to the relationship if boundaries are crossed or it was more that what they were expecting.

So, how do you find someone interested in soft-swinging? It is not always easy since this practice is a sub-set of the threesome community and interest tends to be with having a threesome instead of soft-swinging. Nonetheless, you can look in the same places as you can for a threesome. The best advice is being upfront and honest about the limitations to the encounter.

For some couples soft-swinging can provide an alternative to a threesome or can provide a bridge for having one. Nonetheless soft-swinging call allow a couple to remain monogamous to each other while experiencing a threesome. However, soft-swinging can expose a couple to the emotional issues and similar risks that a couple having a threesome will face. Therefore a couple deciding to try soft-swinging needs to evaluate the risks and potential benefits before deciding to undertake soft-swinging.