How do you know if someone is interested in a threesome? Has there ever been a time you thought someone might be a good choice for a threesome but did not know if you were reading their cue correctly?
The easiest way is to ask them but if you feel there is too much to risk then looking for clues might indicate their receptiveness. Looking for clues about their receptiveness to a threesome is not science and at best it will give you some indication. This means looking for cues will help in determining the probability they are interested and there is room for error, which means you may be wrong. So before asking someone if they are interested in having a threesome, weigh the risks and determine how much of a risk you are willing to take by asking them.
For the rest of the blog this author will discuss some areas to examine. Please note this is done at a very high-level in order to provide a very basic guide. At this point going into a very detailed discussion would involve writing this in multiple parts and defeating the purpose of the very simple guide.
Possible signs of interest
1) Is there flirting occurring? Some people are very social and quite flirtatious, which means this is not a good indicator. However, if flirting is something is new then it could indicate there is openness to the idea.
2) Also, what is their eye-contact and body language like? Are they being receptive and making eye contact? If they are then it could be a sign they are interested, especially if there are other signs too.
3) How do you feel when they are around you, as a couple? Do both of you feel comfortable with them? Is there an attraction at some level? Do either of you perceive them as a threat to your relationship? Is there something inside that say, “they are not a good choice,” or makes you feel uncomfortable? If so then you should consider those feelings as they may be an indicator they are not a good choice.
4) How does the potential third person act around the two of you? Do they show a strong preference for one of you? If they do then it could be sign of a potential problem. Do they communicate with the both of you? Meaning, do they show resentment if one of you says something to them or is only one of you able to speak to them? Again, if they are resisting anything that is asked then it could be a sign they are not a good choice for a threesome due to the fact they may not follow requested boundaries.
5) Are they shy, “soft-spoken”, or introverted? Person who is not social and confident may not always state their needs. In a threesome situation discussing needs and feelings is important to avoid injury. Without being comfortable enough to discuss them then there is potential for issues later.
6) How well do you know them? Have you spoken about different sexual practices? Has a discussion about relationships, cheating, and sex occurred? In this author’s opinion you do not need to know everything about their life but knowing about their attitudes can help. In additional, if you know them well then your relationship with them may make being objective difficult.
7) If they have mentioned they have an interest in a threesome, what type of threesome situation do they want and how does it compare to what you want? The greater the difference the more likely it may be a situation that does not work.
8) What is their relationship status? A married individual or someone in a relationship carries a lot of risk. If you select someone who is either married or in a relationship be prepared for issues that come up with them and be prepared to assume the risk their partner may find out. Should you find yourself in a situation where they claim their partner knows then speak face-to-face with their partner before agreeing to anything.
9) What is their tone of voice? Is it warm and friendly? A warm friendly and relaxed tone could indicate they are relaxed with you thereby indicating a possible interest.
10) What is their occupation and education? This is at best a very broad indicator regarding their ability to be detached and their free time. Educated people, very generally speaking, tend to understand choices and can be better at communicating their needs. It can mean, an educated person, is easier to speak with thereby making the decision easier. It can also serve as a very broad indicator for their reason for wanting a threesome (e.g. a business person who travels a lot or senior manager may not have time for a relationship).
11) Have any of you been drinking or doing drugs? Drinking, drugs, and threesomes do not mix. Discussing a threesome when drinking or doing drugs, including cannabis, is a very good sign that the discussion should occur when all of you are sober.
12) Is there indication of issues? If there signs of issues such as:
- Marital issues
- Recent death of a close member of the family or friend
- Major surgery
- Recent move
- Any other major life events
these could be signs the interest is more due to the stress of recent events then a true interest in have a threesome.
Knowing if someone is interested in having a threesome is more of an art than a science. It involves looking for cues and then using those cues to determine if the person might be receptive to the idea of having a threesome. Looking for cues is risky since overlooking cues that indicate that they are not interested is possible. Therefore before asking anyone about joining a threesome, ask yourself what is the risk of asking them and are you prepared to take the risk?
- Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Overcoming resistance to the idea of a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome Terminology (3somes.wordpress.com)
- OP-ED: Essential characteristics that every couple considering a threesome should have (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Frequently Asked questions about choosing a third person for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs – Finding a third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Unwilling threesome (ask.metafilter.com)