Tag Archives: threesome variation

My Power Over My Husband’s Small Penis

Posted in Cuckolding, Threesome Articles by other authors, Threesome opinions by

"The celebration [fête] of the Order of C...Using Cuckolding as a Fantasy

This is a well written article, see above, that is not the typical small-penis humiliation cuckold blog post and it is an article that I encourage anyone to read. The author explores the power dynamic of their relationship, that her husband’s small penis has created and how they have addressed it.

While I admit I have not read many of her articles, I do find her approach refreshing since fantasy cuckolding play and using toys seems to be an integral part of their sex life. At least from her writing it seems to have made a positive impact and it is something worth discussing.

For this site, I feel it is a great article and the author presents a side that is quite compatible with a strand that I write about, the use of fantasy for couples who are either unsure about wanting a threesome or not ready to have one. I believe, she provides a lot of insight in how it can be accomplished and how for some couples, it can be fulfilling. In conclusion, I believe, this article and this author has something to offer anyone interested in threesome / group sex and effectively using fantasy in your relationship.

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FAQs about cuckolding

Posted in FAQ, Threesomes by

The leather pride flag, which has become a sym...

What is cuckolding?

Cuckolding refers to a committed couple whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship. It is done with the knowledge and consent of her partner.

With that said this author feels there are two forms of cuckolding. One form has elements of BDSM in particular domination / submission, which typically involves some form of humiliation. In this form it is the woman who takes on the dominant role and the male takes on the submissive role. Typically the woman will limit or withhold sex from her male partner while she is involved with another male. Also, it is common for the male to wear a male chastity device to prevent him from masturbating.

Second form involves sharing the experience. In this form of cuckolding there is no domination / submission with humiliation. Instead both agree to the experience and the woman finds a male lover outside of their relationship. Once she returns she will typically share the experience with her male partner. This may include not bathing and telling him about the experience while they have sex.

What is cuckqueaning?

It is the same as cuckolding except it is the male that takes on a lover outside of the relationship and generally speaking, this form is much less common than cuckolding. On this site, this author uses cuckolding to address both cuckolding and cuckqueaning.

How is cuckolding different than having a threesome?

Cuckolding differs from a threesome in two fundamental ways. The first way, cuckolding is more of an individual activity than a team activity. Unlike a threesome it is the woman who does most of the searching and it is her that will have sex with someone else without her partner being there.

Second way cuckolding is different, for the woman it means she is no longer monogamous to her partner but her partner remains, in most cases, monogamous.

This means cuckolding is a quasi-open relationship whereby the man has a less active role and the woman primarily plans her experience. The extent to which she shares the experience is primarily determined by the boundaries they have established.

Is cuckolding an open relationship?

In this author’s opinion, cuckolding can be a form of an open relationship and the test is how long it lasts. If it is something the couple tries a few times and then agrees not to incorporate in their lives then it is not. However, if it is something that continues and becomes a part of their life then this author feels it is a form of an open relationship that normally involves one partner remaining exclusive.

Would you recommend cuckolding to a couple who has no threesome or wife swapping experience?

No, without some group sex experience, such as threesome or wife-swapping, the couple is not fully aware of the issues involved. Typical issues include emotional reactions, communication, and the work needed to support the relationship. Group sex experience will not necessarily prepare the couple for cuckolding but it will give them some experience regarding the issues that they may face should they try cuckolding. Instead this author feels the right approach would be to start out with having a threesome and then let cuckolding evolve naturally from it.

What are three issues a couple may face if they try cuckolding?

Beyond the issues of pregnancy and STIs probably the most common issue will be jealousy. Jealousy will come in different forms such as feeling disconnected from your partner, feeling ignored or outright jealous. Another issue is communication. Again it can take different forms such as too much communication about what is occurring, too little communication, or not the right communication. If a couple tries cuckolding communication is going to be paramount to keeping their relationship together. Final issue, resolving feelings about cuckolding, cuckolding is a practice that is not readily accepted and very few people understand. This means there is very little support and it also means it can create a lot of feelings about participating in this type of experience. It is important if a couple is going to try this then both of them are confident in their choice.

Should I have my partner meet my lover before anything happens?

It comes down to your agreed boundaries but it is something this author recommends. Having them meet them will help both of you and ideally they should have the last say, if it happens. By doing this, it allows them to take part in the decision making process and it gives them the responsibility for agreeing. If they agree then they share the responsibility for the decision for cuckolding to occur.

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The cuckold experience

Posted in Cuckolding, Relationships, Threesome opinions, Types of threesomes by

thiswifesturn

 

The Cuckold Experience 

(click title for original source)

Anyone who’s ever been in one of these relationships will tell you that they’re emotionally complex, physical stimulating, extremely passionate, and intensely erotic. Men and women who’ve been in these types of relationships often become captivated by their unique intensity. Multiple studies demonstrate that the emotional impact of these relationships on their participants is so profound that it can permanently alter brain chemistry levels in both men and women. They become addicted to the thrilling surges of adrenalin (power) and dopamine (pleasure) associated with these activities.

For men, the phrase “once a cuckold, always a cuckold” speaks to this powerful desire and effect. Despite the conflicting emotional turmoil experienced by men in these relationships… often referred to as “cuckold angst”, described as the most intensely erotic roller coaster ride a man will ever experience… men find it highly addictive…

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Why couples choose cuckolding?

Posted in Cuckolding, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Types of threesomes by

Kama Sutra Illustration

Introduction

Life is a journey that each of us makes. Along the journey, we find people who join us and sometimes they leave to continue on their path. On the route we travel, feedback from others and learning occurs causing a change in path for our journey. My journey has allowed me to learn more about cuckolding and weave it with my experiences with threesomes. If someone were to ask me, what is one area that my knowledge is increasing form this journey? The response I would give, the biggest evolution of I have seen is my opinion of cuckolding.

Defining Cukolding

Before continuing, it is important to define cuckolding since each person defines it differently. Cuckolding involves the involvement of another person in a relationship either on a short-term or long-term basis that requires consent of the non-participating individual. Furthermore this activity is typically expressed with one individual in the relationship having sex outside of the relationship while the other partner remains monogamous. The reason for this can vary from opening up the relationship, to a domination / submission relationship, or various other reasons. Therefore, I feel cuckolding is best described by using a spectrum definition. A spectrum definition for cuckolding means examining:  the presence or absence of: domination / submission in the relationship, the degree to which  describing the relationship as an open relationship, the length of relationships, and the number of relationships, and the frequency that contact with the other person occurs. Thereby making the definition of cuckolding difficult due to the various ways it is expressed.

For those who have read my writings may know my experience with cuckolding has been with one strand of cuckolding and I have come to appreciate that there are other strands too. From my experience, I feel there is an underlying assumption, that cuckolding and cheating are synonymous. Cheating involves a violation of trust, due to a violation of boundaries and the breakdown of communication that leads one partner to meet their needs outside of the relationship. Whereas cuckolding involves, maintaining trust through an open and honest discussion about the activity. It also involves establishing boundaries, and working as a team to maintain the established boundaries. Therefore, the root of the difference comes from cuckolding is done in the open and done to the extent that the couple is agreeable versus an activity that is done in the cloak of secrecy.

The above definition may seem puzzling to some and I will try to provide a few examples as to how I envision cuckolding. One example is a typical scenario of the male feeling inadequate about penis size or is quite submissive in the relationship. In order for the male to address the inadequacy or to express his submissive nature in the relationship, the couple enters into cuckolding. This scenario will score high on domination / submission along, scoring high with the relationship being whereby the submissive male remains monogamous and scoring high on the other aspects. My feeling this comes about due to the couple waning to incorporate domination / submission into their relationship or it could come about as a way to maintain the relationship.

Another example would be similar to the above example but this time the male half of the couple is dominant with a submissive female partner. I feel, this could come about because the woman is in a high demanding role where she needs to be in control and this is one way for her to loose some control. Alternatively, I feel, this could come about from the couple wanting to have traditional roles and the woman does this not to please her husband. If you were to score this scenario it would score high on domination / submission, high on being an open relationship due to one person remaining monogamous, but scoring as it relates to relationship including number would be lower than the first example since this would most likely be a more controlled situation. Reason for the lower scoring on the number of relationships and length would most likely be due the amount of time needed before the woman agrees and her need to maintain her relationship with her partner.

Third example would be a couple exploring the idea of having sex with someone outside of the relationship. This would, most likely be a one-off or limited time experience that is not regularly repeated. The idea here is to allow one partner, for whatever reason, a chance to explore sex with someone else. This means this type of activity:

  • Is done in the open with their partner’s knowledge and consent
  • The relationship is not opened up since it is done for a limited time
  • There is not a BDSM element operating such as domination or humiliation
  • There is boundaries about the activity
  • There is agreement on how much information is shared.

Scoring this would result in a very low score for domination / submission due to the decision being about exploration. In addition, it would score low on being an open relationship since this experience would maintain emotional monogamy. Finally, it would score low on other aspects since it is about exploring and not maintaining a relationship.  Typically couples that want to explore the idea, try something different, or fulfill a fantasy would pursue this type of scenario.

A final example would be role-playing the idea. This implies that the couple does not physically involve a third person but plays out the idea. When scoring it this would mean domination / submission would be either moderate or low, depending on the scene. Others would be non-existent since there is not the involvement of a third person.

Many readers is at this point may be asking what is the point of this review or essay? The answer to this question is not easy, since there seems to be some confusion about cuckolding and some hostility to it as a subject. The rest of this essay will examine some of the reasons why a couple might consider the idea.

Ideally, I believe, cuckolding is something a couple should consider only after having some type of group sex experience together. Reason for this belief is grounded in the belief that by having the group sex experience a couple understands what is involved, understands if cuckolding is an option for them, and develop communication skills needed to help them work through a cuckolding experience. Now, I realize that we do not live in the ideal world but the real world, which means people / couples do not operate as expected. For couples who do not come to cuckolding as an extension of their group sex experience, I feel, there are several reasons why a couple might choose cuckolding and those reasons are discussed in the rest of this article.

Motivation

In the above paragraphs, I briefly touched on relationship variations where cuckolding might occur and in this section, I will go deeper by talking about motivation for a couple a couple. Motivation, simply put it is the reason why a couple participates in having a cuckold due to the rewards it provides the couple and the rewarding being provided exceeds the risk of having a cuckold.

For example, Couple A (a fictitious couple) who has been married 15 years decides to try cuckolding. The husband, Mark, find the idea of his wife having sex with someone else arousing and his wife, June, decides to provide that experience for him. After having sex with another man, June, comes back telling Mark about it and Mark then has sex with sex. Mark finds his orgasm is intense even though while June is out Mark went through  plethora of emotions from extreme fear to a high state of arousal from imagining what June is doing with her lover. From the experience Mark and June have found they have improved communication and a deeper trust of each other. In this case the motivation for the couple is the positive change in their relationship.

With that said, in the above example change in the relationship is a motivating factor for having a cuckold and it this can be quite a powerful motivator. However there are others, such as wanting to explore the idea, allowing sexual freedom, exploring domination / submission, and other reasons. The reason for motivation, this author feels, will determine to extent the couple will peruse cuckolding.

Reward

This author is not going to get into a Psychology 101 discussion of positive and negative reinforcement, rewards. Instead I will continue with the above example of the couple in the section on Motivation and discuss rewards. Unlike motivation understanding the risk is not necessary. In understanding rewards, the reward must be strong enough to encourage the continuation of the behavior. This means in the above example the rewards for Mark are the emotions he goes through, hearing about his wife’s experience after she comes back, and being able to have sex with her once she returns. For June the rewards includes having sex with someone else, breaking society’s norms, and sex with her husband.

It is obvious from the above example that the rewards being given will diminish over time an as a couple they will have to find other rewards to maintain their motivation for cuckolding. For the above couple, it could be the changes in their relationship may be enough to motivate them as the rewards diminish or it could be, as the rewards diminish, the couple looses their interest in cuckolding. This means their is a relationship between the rewards and motivation.

Society’s Norms

From birth message about roles and relationships bombard us. The messages come from religion, school, observing adults interact, and test our beliefs while searching for a partner that meets our needs. From there we incorporate some, rebel against others, and follow some norms until being able to replace it our belief regarding relationships resulting in a philosophy about what we believe is acceptable in a relationship.

My feeling, one factor that I feel motivates couples towards cuckolding or conversely is the biggest barrier in exploring cuckolding is, societal norms regarding relationships. For many couples adhering to societal norms provides a level of stability, a sense of security, a sense of worth / purpose, and decreased anxiety because they are living within society’s expectations.

Adhering to societal norms does not ensure a successful relationship but can lessen conflict within the relationship, thereby maintaining relationship stability. For couples that choose to divert from societal norms cuckolding becomes a possibility, though not a guarantee. Couples who choose this route may risk being discovered, may risk being spurn by those around them, and may risk isolation if because they chose a different route. However, if a couple can successfully balance the desire to define their relationship based on their values, instead of society’s, along with the anxiety that is created by not strictly adhering to society’s expectation then may find happiness by having more control over their relationship.

Needs

Need differs from a want because a need is something that must occur in order to maintain the relationship. Essentially this means without it, the relationship would cease to exist or at least be fraught with conflict. This can be risky for the relationship, since a need maybe one-sided whereby one person needs it to stay in the relationship while the other person does not. The differing value on the need puts pressure on the other to agree to fulfill the need or risk the relationship ending. Being able to negotiate need and communicate them becomes paramount for the survival of the relationship.

For example, couple B decides to try a cuckold relationship because one of them has a higher sex drive and the other has a low sex drive. Couple B believes by meeting the need of the individual with the high sex drive, by allowing a cuckold to occur, relieves pressure on the individual with the lower sex drive to have sex, thereby maintaining an equilibrium in the relationship. Arguably, it is a need because the couple feel cuckolding is central to maintain the relationship. However, I believe, this is a want since other possibilities exist before considering the option for cuckolding. This type of scenario also raises another issue regarding the impact on the relationship because the lower sex drive may not feel complete because they do not meet their partner’s needs thereby adversely influencing their relationship and it does not address an underlying issue in the relationship the reason for the competing sex drives.

Wants / Exploration

It is easy to confuse needs for wants. In this situation, a want is something that moves the relationship in a different direction and comes from the desire to try something different. This implies a want is not core to keep the relationship viable and it something for consideration. At this point, it is important to mention, a desire to explore is different than replacing something that is missing in the relationship or fix a trouble relationship. If the decision to try cuckolding is to fix or save a failing relationship then it is not want and probably a sign that cuckolding is the wrong choice until the issue is resolved.

Another example, Couple C ( a fictitious couple), appears to be a very typical married couple. They are enjoy trying new things, evaluating them, and then deciding their next step. Fred one day suggest to Melissa that he would like to have her have sex with another male. At first Melissa is shocked but then acquiesces to Fred’s suggestion and meets Tom for a one-off meet, with Fred’s knowledge. Both Fred and Melissa enjoy the experience but decide it is not for them.

Finally, this author feels the difference between a want and need is dependent on the extent to which the relationship depends on meeting it. In the example with Couple B, there was a need in order to maintain the relationship and minimize conflict. Whereas the couple wanting to explore the idea,  Couple C, is a want, since the relationship could continue without trying cuckolding.

Resolution

Under this type of motivation, the couple may want to explore cuckolding in order to resolve a question or a mundane issue that comes up without having an impact on the relationship. A question that cuckolding might be used to resolve would be, “what it would feel like if I did have sex with my first boyfriend?” Another question might be, “What would it be like to have sex with the guy that flirts with me while he takes my order at the coffee shop?” Alternatively, the mundane issue could be one partner not having as much sexual experience as the other, a boyfriend / girlfriend from the past, an attraction to someone outside of the relationship, or another issue.

Compromise: Monogamy versus open relationship

Arguably cuckolding can provide a solution for a couple who wants an open relationship but wants to maintain some level of monogamy. In a cuckolding situation monogamy only remains for the partner who does not participate. This means cuckolding provides a compromise solution between having a threesome and an open relationship.

Conclusion

Life is a journey that provides many detours, dead-ends, scenic routes, and expressways. Every couple that exits on cuckolding will find that cuckolding will take them to different places with some staying on the cuckolding highway. In order for them to stay on the cuckolding highway, there needs to be enough rewards fueling  their motivation for continuing with cuckolding. Without motivation and rewards cuckolding for a couple will end

Lastly, cuckolding is there for the consideration as a tool in a relationship but it does not mean all of us have to partake. Instead it means appreciating the diversity and richness it brings.  This means, someone else’s journey may not be appropriate for us but we understanding their journey means we can better improve ours. By being able to learn form it, we can learn something a bit about ourselves, what motivates us, what  motivates others, and integrate that learning into our lives. As an author I am glad cuckolding is an option because of the richness it can bring and I hope all that read this article can appreciate it too.

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