Interesting article that focuses on approaching a friend and stranger for a threesome. While I would not describe having a threesome as polyamory, as this author does, nonetheless I quite enjoyed this author’s writing style to discuss the subject. It is a great article well worth the time to read.
Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring?.
via Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring?.
The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.
As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.
If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.
Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.
Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.
By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.
In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.
The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.
At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea
This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.
This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.
Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.
The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.
Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationshipsI found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.
When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.
While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.
Threesomes, swinging, and open relationships are terms that are used interchangeably but each term has a specific meaning. Without understanding the meaning of each term it leads to confusion and misunderstanding.
We all know threesome is a broad term meaning three people having sex together and it is used to cover a variety of situations. What many people do not realize is the term implies an encounter whereby the couple remains emotionally monogamous to each other but brings in a third person in order to enhance their sexual enjoyment of each other. This means the term is used ind describing a couple that occasionally participates in the activity and for the most part, has a close relationship.
Swinging is a term, this author feels, is over-used and it has almost become meaningless. The term dates back WWII and it described the practice of fighter pilots who shared their wives due to the high mortality rate but the practice itself dates back to biblical times.
Today, swinging implies a lifestyle choice. This means a couple that participates in having threesomes does so on a regular basis and the practice has become a part of their life. This means the difference between the term swinging and threesome implies the degree to which the practice is a part of the couple’s life.
An open relationship can take on many forms, such as cuckolding / cuckqueaning, menage da trios, friends with benefits, or polyamory. The defining feature of an open relationship versus a threesome or swinging is the couple, in an open relationship, forms a secondary sexual relationship with someone outside of their primary relationship. This means each individual in the relationship, can choose, to have a relationship with someone else. It also means the difference between an open relationship, swinging and a threesome is in an open relationship emotional monogamy is lost.
This brings up the question, is all swinging and threesomes an open relationship? In this author’s opinion the answer is no. First in a swinging or threesome situation the activity is done together in an effort to maintain emotional monogamy. Second, an open relationship tends to involve relationship formation whereas the others focus on sexual enjoyment instead of forming a relationship. Such a difference means there is a different relationship dynamic at play.
Next, it brings up the question what about a couple that swings or has a threesome but one of the plays alone on occasion. The answer comes down to the reason for playing alone and the frequency. If it is something that is done on a rare occasion and it done for heightening sexual enjoyment then the answer would be it is not an open relationship.
Finally is it possible to have an open relationship while maintaining some form of monogamy? This author believes cuckolding / cuckqueaning is an example where the submissive member remains monogamous and receives sexual enjoyment from their partner’s sexual encounter. The other example is a friend with benefits. A friend with benefits relationship implies there is no monogamy and it is a choice. This means the friends can, if they are not already in a relationship with someone else, choose to remain monogamous to each other.
The terms threesome, swinging, and open relationship describe a relationship based on the frequency of group sex and the extent to which the couple remains emotionally monogamous to each other. Even though each term describes these characteristics, it still means there is some interpretation that must occur. Hopefully by discussing these terms in more detail it will help the reader understand the differences between them.
Threesomes and variations 