Cuckolding Beginners Guide For Her: Surviving the First Date

First DateIntroduction

Cuckolding provides a woman the best of both worlds. An opportunity to openly have a lover that can fulfill needs that only he can fulfill and a chance for her to live out some of her fantasies while maintaining a loving relationship. In order for her to do this requires being dedicated to support her primary relationship, being dedicated to communicating her needs, and be willing to take the first step once the opportunity arises. This guide is a step in the journey and how to make it through the transformation that will occur.

What Have I got myself into?

Defining cuckolding

Cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions is a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship. Broadly speaking this covers all group sex activities but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms.

I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.


Your boyfriend or husband will expect that you will have sex with someone else outside of your relationship. Similarly any man or ‘bull’ you meet will expect sex. However, it is important to remember for men when there are expectations about sex performance issues may arise that may lead to disappointment.

The above may sound intimidating but there is a lot power that is harnessed. As a woman you will have the last say over who you select, what happens to you, and nothing will happen without your consent. This means you can set your expectations and can manage the expectations of others. Ideally for the first date it is good to have minimal expectations to prevent feeling disappointment and creating too much pressure.

What do I want?

What do I want? Is a powerful question that opens many possibilities. It suggest cuckolding can offer the freedom to decide your own destiny and to meet a need that is not being met. Also, it gives the chance to live out a fantasy and to experience something only a few couples ever get to experience.

Being a woman who is control of her destiny and finding a lover without hiding it, brings a degree of power. Being able to get the most from the experience means understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself what do you want from the experience? What would you like to try or do? Is there something about the experience that draws you to it versus having a threesome? This type of experience can fulfill a secret fantasy or an unfilled need if done correcting.

Communication Relationship Power

Having an enjoyable experience comes to down to a relationship that works and the ability to communicate. Communication for an enjoyable experience is vital. By being able to effectively communicate needs, comfort and limits means putting aside needs of others to focus on your needs. This can mean, at times, there are competing needs but by working through the issues finding a compromise that works for all.

In this type of situation, as a woman, you have a lot of control. For your boyfriend / husband it means making his fantasy a reality will not happen unless you agree. Likewise, the other male will not be chosen unless his needs are align with your needs. Knowing how to use your power becomes vital for meeting your needs and making the experience work for all.


Cuckolding is not having a threesome, which means there is a lot more more freedom but more risk too. For your husband / boyfriend it is a time of great anxiety. Also for them it can be a source of great joy. Understanding your husband / boyfriend is vital for the experience to work for him, for you, and the relationship. Since cuckolding is not like a threesome the same type of boundaries do not work. Instead cuckolding requires a different set of boundaries that focus on safety and relationship.

This means having discussions about:

  • If you will discuss the experience with the other man
  • If you will share ‘sloppy seconds’ with him
  • If sex will happen once you get back
  • Your husband’s / boyfriend’s comfort level
  • Your comfort level
  • If you want him to meet the other man
  • Safe-sex

Also it raises the question should there be forbidden activities like anal sex or kissing? In my opinion, I believe discussing such topics is futile since your boyfriend / husband will not be present thereby not knowing what transpired.



Thinking about your sexual health and physical well-being is paramount. Sometimes bringing your boyfriend / husband to meet the potential playmate can build a bit of a buffer. By doing this it sends subtle message that someone is aware you are out.

Another point to consider is calling or sending texts to give progress on the date. This can be erotic for your husband / boyfriend and it can serve as a valuable instrument for your safety.

Last point on safety, practicing safe-sex is a must. The last thing you want from a few hours of bliss is an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. Best advice use a condom along with a back up birth control method.

Build a Buffer

Meeting someone for the first time can be a very anxious and awkward time. Being able to ‘click’ online or over the phone is one thing; however meeting in person is totally different. From the beginning let the potential playmate know there are no expectations from the meeting and it is about seeing if things can go further. Taking your boyfriend / husband with can give you a perspective that you may not see before deciding to go forward and if you decide not to go forward with the idea then having them there is a way to politely leave.

 At the meeting

Before meeting the third person discuss with your husband / boyfriend about the meeting. Develop signals and code words to signify:

  • comfort
  • nothing will happen
  • you want to leave
  • he is not comfortable with the other male
  • you are getting comfortable with the other male
  • time for him to leave

This may sound obvious but it is easy for him not to notice because he will be going through his own evaluation. Thereby missing something you might be trying to communicate with him. By talking before meeting the other male it will help to make sure the two of you work as a team and help make the evening go seamlessly.

  • Suggest to your partner to dance or chat to someone as a signal to leave.
  • Suggesting to your partner to buy some drinks as a signal you want to get to know the other male alone
  • Touching or kissing the other male to show comfort
  • Taking off glasses to show discomfort about choice
  • Talking about getting up early as way to leave for husband / boyfriend or you bring it up as way to bring the meeting to an early close
  • Mentioning a friend being ill as a signal to your husband / boyfriend you have no interest in the other male

Finally Alone

Before actually meeting, it may be worthwhile asking what helps him to relax and what helps to make him comfortable. If you have a fantasy about undressing for another male then share it with him.

After all of the communication and meeting the two of you are finally alone. For you it can be a time of fear and uncertainty because your husband is not there with you. Alternatively it may be a time of excitement because of the unbounded possibilities that exist. In either situation it is important to be able to relax and communicate your needs

For him it can be a time of great anxiety. Watch him, do not rush, and spend a few minutes talking. Helping him relax and you being able to relax will help. Men like looking a women naked and undressing slowly in front him will help arouse him. If you are comfortable asking him to undress you this could be an arousing moment for the both of you.

After undressing there is no need to rush. Take time to enjoy each other and explore. Since he is new, let him know what feels good and if necessary guide him. This your time to make your fantasy come true and mold him into your desires.

As the fantasy becomes reality think about what feels good and what do you want to experience. Try to balance it against trying too much and putting too much pressure on him or yourself.

Returning to your husband

If everything has gone as expected then you should being feeling good about yourself and the experience. Soon you will be back with your husband / boyfriend. This can be quite erotic and very intimate if you choose. For some men, ‘sloppy seconds‘ can be quite intimidating but a confident man will know how to enjoy it.

If the two of you have not agreed that you will bathe before laying with him and if you have not agreed the experience will not be discussed then take him to bed. Encourage him to explore you and to feel where the other man has been. Play to his fantasy of sharing you by telling him how good it was and how much you enjoyed it.


Surviving the first date takes a lot of communication and trust. Also, it involves a special couple that can introduce a third person and continue to make their relationship work. The key to surviving the first date is felling empowered and being in charge of your destiny. If you can communicate your needs and make everyone happy then you are on your way in having it all.

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Threesome signs

Do non-verbal signs show interest in a threesome?

A-IMG_8560Are you considering discussing the idea of having a threesome for the first time? If so then this article may help you. Think back to when you met your spouse and the discussion you have about your sexual past. Was there anything unique? Did anything make you think they might interested in a threesome? Now, think about the time from that discussion up about a year ago? How do you feel they changed? Are they more sexually liberal or less sexually liberal? How has your relationship with them changed? Finally think about your history with them from the discussion to now.

A sign, simply put, is an indication of their willingness to have a threesome. Many times the signs are subtle such as attitude, beliefs, or changes in behavior. If you answered the questions above, I hope the result shows there can be signs that your partner / SO is open to a threesome but a lot depends on your relationship with them instead of their past.  Does this means there is a complete disconnect between their history and their willingness to have a threesome? I do not believe there is a complete disconnect but I do believe there are subtle signs that can show their interest. It is important to remember indicating interest and actually going through with a threesome are entirely different. A sign can be used when judging if the subject of having a threesome is worth discussing but it is not a guarantee of agreement nor is it an indicator that a threesome will happen. Simply put a sign is something you can use in your assessment about your partner’s receptiveness to the idea.


There are some who believe having a liberal view is an indication there is potential interest in having a threesome. Whilst I believe someone who has liberal views, especially about sex, can show their interest in a threesome. Nonetheless, I also believe those who hold more traditional views about relationships and marriage is for a lifetime can show they are willing to work through the tough times if a planned threesome goes wrong.

Another important attitude is an attitude that lacks jealousy and control. It is not possible to be from jealousy all the time but being jealous can be problematic in a threesome. Likewise the need to control everything can be good, especially if you are a manager but in a threesome everyone has some control while submitting control to the other two people in the threesome.

Final attitude sign is outgoing. Being outgoing in a threesome is necessary and without being outgoing having a threesome becomes difficult.


Attitudes in beliefs are very similar with the difference being an attitude is how you approach something and it is something that most people will see. Whereas a belief is something more personal and it is something that is rarely shared. At a deeper level an attitude is the expression of a belief. At some point in a relationship the discussion about beliefs happens. This can be a good, though not perfect, indicator of your partner’s interest in a threesome.

In my opinion a good sign of the possibility of having an interest in a threesome is having a healthy attitude about sex. This means each person is able to use the sexually proper words and euphemisms or colloquial terms are avoided. Likewise sex is dealt with from mature adult perspective. Meaning there is not a lot of control, jealousy, and a true wish to support a relationship.


Behavior is probably the easiest to misread and misunderstand. It is my belief behavior must be understood in the context of the person’s beliefs, the environment where it occurs, and relationship history.  The below is a possible list of behaviors that may show an interest in a threesome and by no means is it an exhaustive list. Likewise the list can show other issues and it is important before making any assumptions your observations are discussed with your partner.

  • Expressing an interest in having sex with someone else
  • Stating they find someone attractive
  • Discussing the idea of having a threesome
  • Dressing more sexy / provocative
  • Role playing a threesome / interest in threesome porn  or websites / sharing fantasy of having a threesome
  • Wanting to put nude / semi nude photos on an amateur porn site.
  • Asking about your attitude towards threesomes, cheating, and group sex
  • Previous threesome experience whereby the do not frame it as being a bad experience
  • Willingness to try / explore new sexual things
  • Healthy curiosity about sex


A sign can show an interest in having a threesome when taken in context of relationship history and the condition in which it occurred. If a sign indicates that a person might have an interest in a threesome it does not mean they have it nor does it mean a threesome will occur. All it means there is a chance they might be receptive to the discussion and from there anything is possible. If you believe your spouse is interested in having a threesome then it is best to speak with them outside of the bedroom.  Finally if you have signs that you believe can show an interest in a threesome please add it by responding to this blog.