How do you have a threesome without actually having it? Maybe your question is, how do you take small steps that safely allows exploring the idea of having threesome? Answer, there are a variety of ways and this article will examine a few of the techniques available.
Fantasy Sharing / Pillow Talk:
Sharing the idea as a fantasy as a part of foreplay, during sex, after sex is a great way for creating an erotic encounter or maintaining interest. The great thing about this is it can be spontaneous where your minds can run wild, it is easy for each person to maintain their comfort zone and it does not require a lot of preparation. A major drawback, it is easy for the line between fantasy and reality to become blurred. Unless the discussion shifts from fantasy to discussing the making it a reality during the ‘cold-hard light of day’ then assume the idea remains a fantasy.
At first I debated if this should be included in the ‘Fantasy Sharing / Pillow Talk,’ section and I decided to make its own section. Watching threesome porn, this author feels, is a great way to share the fantasy and if the couple chooses, us it as a way to start the discussion about having a threesome. Also, it can serve as a way to get new techniques and ideas for fantasies. It is important to remember porn is fantasy that shows professional actors acting about a threesome fantasy. This means it is unrealistic to expect a real threesome to be similar to a porn movie.
Role playing a threesome essentially is simulating the idea of having a threesome as real for the couple as possible. Before the role play starts a safe-word, a word that could not be confused as a part of the act, should be chosen and used to stop the role play if it becomes too uncomfortable for a participant. Next step involves the role-play itself. It can be as simple as a fantasy description during foreplay using toys or fingers to simulate the third person. On the more elaborate side, it can be an elaborate play whereby the couple develops a scene. The scene can be the woman going into a bar flirting with another guy while her partner watches from a distance or it can be her male partner pretending to be someone else who seduces her without her husband knowing about it. It is important to note, if the scene involves people who may unknowingly participate it can cause problems and potentially put safety at risk. Finally even though simulating a threesome may be arousing actually having one maybe different. Therefore, it is always to important to remember there is a difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and actually having a threesome. The difference lies in the fact during the fantasy each participant remains in control of what happens but during a real threesome the ability to control the situation, to a great extent is lost, since the outcome is dependent on the third person’s interaction with the couple.
Sex toys provide a great way to explore the idea of having a threesome without actually having one. They can be used in conjunction with role playing or used on their own. This is one area where creativity and imagination can be limitless.
Lap Dancing Club
Attending a lap dancing club is another way to simulate having a threesome but be prepared to be charged money. By attending a lap dancing club the sex is simulated and usually with the client not being able to touch the dancer. It can give a powerful visual representation of what a threesome might be like but again it is not a real threesome.
There is a misrepresentation that you must participate if you go to a swingers club and generally speaking it is not the case. Attending a swingers club to meet people and to watch can provide a perspective that may not be open to you. It can provide some insight and make having a threesome as real as possible without actually having it. With that said, it is important to agree to boundaries before going and be prepared if approached to politely, yet assertively, tell people that you are not looking to play that evening. If you are not comfortable telling people ‘no’ then you may find putting yourself and / or your partner in a situation that they would rather not find themselves. Finally before going for your first time it is recommended to contact the club. They will advise you and arrange for you to join. Normally a swingers club will charge a membership fee. Usually the fee is to meet legal requirements along with attracting the type of clientele they want.
As an author, I debated if I should include soft-swinging since it involves another person. However after much though I decided to include it since it does not involve having sex with the third person and in my view, soft-swinging is the closest the couple can have simulating a threesome without it actually occurring. Soft-swinging by definition means sexual activity does occur but penetration does not. This can be anything from having someone watch you having sex to kissing, fondling with clothes all the way to rimming. As a technique for simulating a threesome soft-swinging can provide a transition for a couple wanting a full-swap threesome but is not ready for it. Likewise for a couple who wants to remain monogamous to each other then soft-swinging can provide the best of both worlds, the ability to have a limited threesome while remaining monogamous to each other.
Posting Pictures on amateur sites:
Nothing can be more exciting than taking a few suggestive then posting online and then reading the comments. The comments then can serve as fuel for further fantasies, give further ideas, and add a few sparks back. If you are going to do the above then ensure the whole process is transparent (e.g. user name, password, and all information is accessible) and boundaries are agreed about how far the experience will go. It is easy to to get ‘taken-away’ by the moment and go further then you might be willing to go.
Some may remember when web cams first came out, the issues with video streaming and having the computer recognize the camera. With web cams becoming inexpensive, high speed broadband, and faster processors the problems with web cams have been resolved. For a couple that wants the experience of having a threesome without the STD / STI then “camming” provides an alternative. Probably the biggest drawback, in this author’s opinion, for “camming” is the risk of being discovered or your computer being hit by a virus. The latter can be reduced by using good internet security software, using reputable sites, and practicing safe internet surfing habits.
The above does show there is a way a couple, who may want a threesome but is reluctant to have a full-swap, can explore their interest without actually having a threesome. Each option has its advantages, disadvantage, and risks; however, it is up to each couple to decide which one(s) suits them the best.
- How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs – Finding a third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Suggesting a threesome – What does it mean? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Reconnecting afer a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Questions for a couple to ask the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Understanding the basic difference between wife swapping and threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why some couples choose full threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Defining threesome, swinging, and open relationship (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
If we have a two male, mfm, threesome will there be male on male contact?
In most cases, no, since most mfm are straight (no male on male contact). However, if it something, as a couple, you are looking for then it is possible to find a bi male but be safe in regards to STDs / STIs.
Couples looking for a two male, mfm, threesomes are looking for another male to join them because the primary male cannot meet the female’s sexual needs?
Most couples that look for a second male have stable relationships and have a threesome because it is their choice. This means you are being invited to join them because they are looking to explore their sexuality and not because there is an underlying issue in their relationship.
What types of risk exist with having a mfm threesome?
The biggest risks includes, though not limited to:
- STDs / STIs
- misunderstanding boundaries / miscommunication
- conflict during or after the threesome
- ending of the relationship
My husband / partner wants a mfm threesome, does it mean he is gay?
Most likely no, most threesomes are two male threesomes that are straight. Very few two male threesomes involve male on male activity due to risk of STDs / STIs. Even if there is some male-on-male contact it does not mean he is gay. A threesome situation can be quite arousing and allowing opportunity for exploration whereby some same-sex contact does occur. Then after the experience there is no further interest in the same-sex. However, if you are in doubt then it is important that you speak to them about your concerns.
Where are some places we can meet men interested in having a threesome?
There are many places you can search and you may find someone interested in places that you may not expect to look. Nonetheless there are a few places you can try but remember to do it safely:
- Internet threesomes, dating, and swinging web sites.
- Swingers clubs on premise
- Off premise swingers clubs, munches, and meet & greets
- Swingers Parties
- Dogging locations
However there a few choices to avoid such as:
- ex boyfriend / girlfriend or ex spouse
Are there any bad reasons to have a threesome?
Yes they are and they include:
- Feeling pressured
- Doing it to please your partner
- Being coerced or manipulated
- Using it as a way of preventing cheating
- Getting drunk and / or high to have a threesome
Will getting high or drunk increase my enjoyment of having a threesome?
Getting high and / or drunk is very bad idea when having a threesome. Reason being you need to be in full control of your decisions and keep up your boundaries. Without being in control of your decisions you put your safety and health at risk. Simply put if you need to get high and /or drunk to have a threesome then you need to reconsider the idea.
What positions can you do in a threesome?
Any position works in a threesome but there are two other positions, split roast and dp.
I am a female who will be having a two male threesome, how do I divide my attention including who do I have sex with first?
You will be the center of the male’s attention. Nonetheless, how you focus your attention may have a significant impact on your relationship. The best advice is to speak with your partner before the threesome and then communicate it to the invited male.
Having two men will mean the female will have sex multiple times?
It is possible that she may have sex more than once. However that will depend on the planned threesome structure, expectations, and if any of the men of suffering from performance anxiety (e.g. inability to get an erection, inability to support an erection, premature ejaculation).