Erika Foxx Interview


Introduction

I want to take the time to thank Erika Foxx for taking the time in answering my questions. Also, I hope you will find her interview interesting and finally hope this interview will introduce you to a new erotic author that is worth following.

Meet Erika Foxx

My favorite stories are always the ones that have characters that I can relate to, and they’re in some situation that makes them believable people that somehow tests their love, or causes them to fall in love. And then hopefully along the way they end up having passionate, hot sex! And those are the kinds of books I like to write, too!

I remember the first time I realized that my mind was such a powerful source of arousal. I was sitting in the grass studying during my first year of college with a girl that was taking the same class. She kept pointing out the hot, shirtless guys walking by, muttering things that I thought “good” girls would never say! And then she said something that has stuck with me to this day…”He’s my fantasy for tonight, Erika.” I must have looked like she was speaking in a foreign language and she asked, “Don’t you ever fantasize about hot guys like that?” I felt my cheeks flush and I shook my head ‘no’ because I really never HAD fantasized like that…yet 😉

After that day, I began to think about guys and sex in ways I never had done before. Since then, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had a lot of “fantasy” nights with some of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. But nothing ever can take the place of a warm body 😉

Fortunately for me, my high school sweetheart came back into my life about this time. I not only got to fantasize about him before we eventually got married, but now I get to fantasize WITH him, too! We are madly in love, and he is so supportive of my writing. And over time, I found my muse for writing erotica. And she’s a very naughty, slutty woman!

In our free time we love spending time together outdoors hiking and camping and bike riding, and we enjoy spoiling our two Yorkies.

Briefly tell us about your childhood? Where did you grow? Was there an inspirational adult figure when growing up?

I was just a typical, boring middle class kid growing up. I grew up in the upper Midwest in the U.S. in a very small town. My grandparents were very inspirational to me growing up. They always encouraged me in everything I did.

What is a happy memory from childhood?

Christmas time gave me some of my favorite memories, mostly from family and friends getting together to play games, talk and just enjoy spending time together.

What was school like for you? How far did you go in your education?

I was quite the little nerd in school, and I loved being one of the smartest kids in the school. I was always the good kid, never getting in trouble for anything.

I continued on with my education after high school, ultimately through graduate school.

Tell us something that we may not know about you?

It might surprise you given my avocation in writing erotica, but I was a virgin until my wedding night. That’s not to say I hadn’t participated in some other forms of sex play, though!

Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who? Tells us about it? Did it change you?

I’ve never met anyone famous ;( …yet!

Who, either living or dead, inspires you?

It’s not one single person really, more of a ‘class’ of people.   Anyone that goes after their dreams and never lets anything stop them is always inspirational.

Has a book ever impacted you? If so, what book? How did it impact you? What did you do differently after reading it?

Yes, most definitely! Believe it or not, it was Steven King’s book On Writing. I had read a few of his books, and I marvelled at how good a story teller he is. Whether you like his genre or not, the man knows how to weave a great tale! So when I read On Writing, I was taken with his thought on how stories are like archaeological digs, and that a writer’s job is to excavate the story and put flesh on the buried bones. After reading that, I paid much more attention to my characters and I “unearthed” their stories instead of trying to impose on them what I thought they should be doing or saying. In other words, I followed them around and started writing down what they did.

The other thing I learned from that book was the idea that I needed to find my muse. And I’ve discovered that mine is a pretty naughty girl…really a slut, to be honest. I fought her for a long time, being the “good” girl. But she wouldn’t stop making my character want to do dirty things to each other, and that bothered me for a long time. I couldn’t make sense of where it was coming from. When I read that book, I realized that I should start using her as an asset instead of a liability! When I let her loose, boy did my stories take a decidedly erotic turn!

Are you currently writing anything? Can you share an overview of the story? Do you have a target release date?

Yes, I’m currently working on the first book of what I hope to expand into a series. It’s a story of a young Victorian-era maid that has been released from her duties, and she is being secreted away to the employ of another, more demanding lord because of an unseemly ‘incident’. The story is my first in the BDSM realm, and I plan to publish the first book sometime in January 2015.

How long have you been writing?

Since high school. I got started when I took a class in creative writing, and I was hooked. I wrote a lot of romantic stuff, and it was fun but it was pretty bad, to be honest.

How often do you write? How long do you write?

My goal is to always write something every day, but to be honest I really end up writing in fits and starts. I’ve found that if I sit down to write every day, and my muse is being the slutty bitch she can be, I’ll just write garbage because I’m writing for the sake of writing and not for unearthing the story. If the characters don’t want me to follow them, it’s kind of hard to do that!

So, when those moments come around, I’ll spend time writing tweets for my followers on Twitter and spend some time researching what I’m writing at the time. Right now, it’s BDSM and I’m finding it both arousing and interesting. I’m not sure if it’s something I’d like to try personally, but you never know!

As far as how long I write, it depends. If the characters are demanding me to follow them, I’ll write until they stop leading me around. The longest session I can remember was about twelve hours.

How did you start out in writing?

As I mentioned earlier, I took a creative writing course in high school—the first of many! But just over a year ago, I decided to try publishing some of my stories on Amazon.

Where do you find your inspiration for writing?

I get inspiration in some of the strangest situations. I might be shopping and see an attractive couple arm-in-arm, and BOOM! My muse throws this vision of the couple into my mind, and they’re now naked and she’s leading him along by his huge, erect cock. That might become a scene later on in a story.

Sometimes it’s a photo, or a movie, or even a book. When I really find myself needing inspiration, or if I’m stuck with something and I really feel the urge to write something erotic, I’ll find some random porn clip online and write a description of the sex I’m watching. It feels like priming a pump, and then things start to flow. It’s also a good way to find new ways of describing sex.

How do you come up with your stories?

I’m also a reader of erotica, romance novels and all kinds of other good fiction, and that feeds my imagination and story ideas. I don’t know how it happens, but an idea will just seem to form in my mind. It’s usually a character that starts telling me a story, and it just seems to flow from that. I keep a journal for writing down plot and story ideas, just so I don’t forget them.

How much time a week or a month do you spend writing?

I try to write a minimum of four to six hours per week, with my goal being at least an hour every day. Maybe I’m not as anal about that as I should be, but I like writing to be organic for me.

All of the books you have written, which one is your favorite? Why?

My favorite is “A Taste for Kylie.” I loved writing her, probably because she’s a lot like me. She’s got a prim and proper side, but deep down she’s hiding a strong sexual urge. And she’s got a deep love for her husband and her marriage, and will do anything to keep that love and romance alive.

Your books seem to touch on the subject of making fantasies come true, have you ever have a fantasy come true?

I have, yes. I had always wanted to make love outdoors, and one weekend while hiking I finally convinced my hubby to give it a try! It took some convincing with my tongue, but he gave in and we had some of the best sex we’ve ever had!

Your books seem to touch on the subject of doing something taboo. Have you ever done anything taboo?

I’ve never done anything in reality that would be considered taboo, but I’ve done some pretty raunchy things in my mind that might land me in jail if I ever really did them!

What is the easiest part of writing for you?

It didn’t start out that way, but writing dialog is the easiest for me. I just listen to the characters and write down what they say! It’s usually how I start a story, with the dialog. I find it easier to add the rest after I know what they’ve said.

What is the most difficult part of writing?

Facing a blank screen. When your characters stop talking or doing anything, it’s the most lonely and frustrating feeling in the world.

What is the biggest writing challenge you have faced?

For me, it’s making the time to write. Perhaps someday if I decide to pursue being published by a publisher, it’d be deadlines.

How do you come up with your characters?

Honestly, I don’t know how they suddenly form in my head, but that’s how it happens. It’s almost like watching a fog start to materialize into a human form in my mind, complete with facial features and body type and hair and eyes and personality. Sometimes it happens instantly, and sometimes it can take days.

If there is one character you can choose to say is your favorite who would you choose? Why?

Again, my favorite character to date is Kylie McCann from my interracial ménage series, but I’m really starting to like a character I’m writing now for the Victorian-era BDSM series I’m writing. She’s also a lot like me in some ways.

What character has been the most difficult to develop, write? Why?

It’s one I’m writing about now for my new series. He’s the lord of the new manor that my maid character has been sent to, and he’s dark and brooding and won’t let me get inside his head very easily. But I’m working him!

Do you try to put a message in your books? If so, what do you believe it is? How would the reader know the message?

The only strong message I have how the power of a strong relationship is very erotic. When people are hopelessly in love and would do anything to give pleasure to each other, in whatever form, I think that’s so sexy. And I try to incorporate that in some way in the stories I write. In my short-short series “The Erotic Adventures of Dex and Tasia,” the two of them are madly in love with each other, but they find such erotic joy in making the other happy. Even when Tasia wants Dex to have sex with another man, he obliges because he knows it’s going to make her happy. That kind of love makes me melt!

Do you have a recurring symbolism or a motif?

No symbolism, but I do like building sexual tension between the characters in the stories I write. I guess that would qualify as a motif!

How do you use conflict in telling the story?

For my short-shorts, the only conflict is that the characters want to come, period. I wrote them as quickies for readers that want something short and sweet and arousing to read.

But for my other stories, definitely. Let’s face it, nobody wants to read a book about characters that are perfect and never have any problems in life or obstacles to overcome. So I try to use conflict when it seems like things are going to smoothly in my stories. Sometimes I’ll go back after I’ve written for a while and realize I’m reading a fairy tale. In that case, I’ll try to find a wedge point that I can stick in some kind of trouble or problem, or another character even. Something to upset the apple cart.

As a writer, it’s fun to add those conflicts and see how the characters react.

I did that in my recent book, “Behind Him All The Way.” A happily married couple has been having a pre-arranged “fun night” of sexual exploration to keep their sex life hot. The wife is conflicted about the suggestion by her girlfriend to try pegging her husband, and there’s some wonderful conflict and tension between the husband and wife when he’s confronted by his beautiful wife adorned with a huge rubber strap-on cock.

Advice

Can you share any advice for anyone considering self-publishing?

Sure, and remember that this is coming from someone that’s only been self-publishing for about a year. I’m still learning more every day!

It’s really quite easy today for anyone to write anything and sell it on Amazon or Smashwords or Barnes & Noble. In fact it’s downright simple, and you can even pay people to get everything formatted and ready for a very small fee. If all you want to do is say you’ve got a book for sale on Amazon, no problem.

But if you want to earn a living as a self-published writer, be ready to spend some significant time and money in advertising and marketing on social media, book marketing services, etc. And make sure that you’re marketing a book that people want to read. A slick media campaign selling a poorly written book will fail just as badly as a well-written book not marketed at all. In other words, have your writing edited. First by you, and then by a reputable editor. It makes all the difference in the world.

Last, make sure that you have a website where you can begin to build a loyal readership by offering an opt-in and other freebies. On ErikaFoxxBooks.com, I offer a free ebook in exchange for an email address, as well as some free erotica I’ve written. Once you have a list of loyal readers, you can market your future writing to them and continue to build your audience.

Do you have a passage (no more than 1 page) that you want to share?

Sure! It’s from “A Taste for Four” from my Seductive Couples: Interracial Menage series. In this third book, Kylie and Jackson McCann have each had the pleasure of having sex with a black partner…Kylie with Tristan, a Jamaican bartender, and Jackson with Summer, Tristan’s head chef at his restaurant. Now, Tristan and Summer are seducing the McCanns!

Excerpt

An Excerpt from “A Taste For Four” by Erika Foxx…

“You know, we don’t need them.” Summer said suggestively. She lay down and poured a bit of wine into her navel. “What do you think?” Kylie lapped the wine gently with her tongue, then took the bottle from Summer. She dripped the wine over her breasts, into Summer’s waiting mouth. Before Kylie knew what was happening, Summer’s head had disappeared between her legs. Kylie felt the woman’s mouth explore her pussy; it felt better than any oral sex Kylie had ever had. Summer did exactly what Kylie would have done if she could pleasure herself.

Jackson and Tristan watched the scene before them with amazement. The sight of the two women got them both hard again, but neither wanted to interrupt the action.

“Put your legs over my head.” Kylie moaned. She felt as if she was having a soft, constant orgasm and she wanted to return the favor. Kylie licked Summer tentatively, surprised at the way she tasted. Unlike Kylie’s juices, Summer’s had a sweet, apple like flavor. Kylie dove in enthusiastically, mimicking the movements of Summer’s mouth with her own. The soft, constant waves of pleasure running through Kylie’s body intensified, and soon she was writhing in ecstasy. As Kylie erupted, Summer’s climax filled her mouth. Summer turned herself upright and rested her head next to Kylie’s.

The women curled together to relax, but the men had something different in mind. The show had left them both longing for a second release. Tristan kneeled next to Kylie, his erection bobbing above her face. Jackson did the same next to Summer.

“That was quite a show you two put on.” Jackson complimented the women.

“Yeah, I think we need some oral action after watching that.” Tristan agreed.

“What do you think Summer? Should we give them what they want?” Kylie teased.

“I don’t know… do you think they can handle something new?” Summer’s eyes darted from Jackson’s cock to Tristan’s hand. Kylie instantly understood the suggestion.

“It’s a night of trying new things.” Kylie smiled. The women rose to their knees and sat the men next to each other on the floor. Summer gripped Jackson’s cock with her right hand, and guided Tristan’s hand over with her left. Kylie did the same in reverse. The men each instinctively pulled away when they realized what the women had planned.

“Now, now,” Summer scolded playfully, “you two got a show. Now we want one.”

“Just use your hands. Summer and I will take care of the rest, if you cooperate.” Kylie promised suggestively. Both men exhaled deeply before gripping the other’s shaft. Jackson had to admit that the sensation felt nice. It became even better when Summer began flicking her tongue against the head of his cock. Each woman bobbed up and down on their partner’s cock, using one free hand to direct the movement of the men’s hands.

 

Do you have anything you want to add?

I’d just like to thank you for the opportunity to tell you and your readers a little about myself. I encourage your readers to visit my website, read my blog stories, check out some of my favorite sites, grab a free ebook and follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Stay in love and lust, and thank you again!

Follow Erika

Facebook: http://facebook.com/ErikaFoxxErotica

Twitter: http://twitter.com/ErikaFoxxBooks

Website: ErikaFoxxBooks.com

Amazon Book link(s):

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Series (BWWM BMWW)

A Taste for Kylie

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXXI2/

A Taste for Jackson

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXVS4/

A Taste for Four

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTS6ZWK/

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Boxed Set

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KZYVMXU

Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures Series

Waking Up

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975B6O

Watching You Watching Me

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975DUI

Helping Mia

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N96QP3S

Interrupted

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N9I9WTU

Single Books

Behind Him All The Way

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ND8MJPA

Amazon Author Page: http://amazon.com/author/erikafoxx

20 tweeters to follow


twitter listI find I can get news faster on twitter than watching television and I can get it from various sources that present the same story from a different angle. Also I am find a lot of my daily information comes from twitter.

After a while, interest in twitter starts to wain because the information has the feel of a dependable worn shoe. The type of shoe for running outside in the rain to get the mail or buying a quart of milk for the morning cup of coffee at the corner shop after discovering the milk in the fridge has chunks.It is great because it is dependable but deep down it is understood more is needed.

We all hit a time where we are looking for someone new to follow on twitter. Sometimes it is to increase followers or learn something new. I find I can get news faster on twitter than watching television and I am find a lot of my daily information comes from twitter.

Nonetheless, from time to time, we all need a bit of a help in finding new, relevant, and interesting material. Below is a small list to get you started on your search. The list covers a variety of active tweeters on twitter with the vast majority covering erotica, threesomes, and cuckolding.

As a result many of them are nsfw (not suitable for work and meant for over 18). This means some of their content in their tweets may be suitable for work. However they may contain links, videos, or pictures that may be questionable for work.  In my opinion @JohnnyLavish1, @ErikaFooxBooks, and @FredChukkawakka are probably the only three that are possibly suitable for work.

Please check back periodically as the list may be expanded or updated. If you feel I have missed a tweeter please let me know by completing the below contact form.

  1. @ErikaFoxxBooks
  2. @VirtuousPervert
  3. @JohnnyLavish1
  4. @swingerswebsite
  5. @thecuckplace
  6. @splooshcpl
  7. @AskAprilcom
  8. @hotwives
  9. @mywifescuckold
  10. @Bmore_horny
  11. @thecuckoldsite
  12. @Cosmopolitan
  13. @paigen
  14. @AdultMatchMaker
  15. @Dalecuck
  16. @YoungCouple
  17. @FredChukkawakka

Related Articles

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Couple’s Cuckolding

Why couples choose cuckolding?

Characteristics of successful couples

Easing into cuckolding

Cuckolding web sites

Threesome web sites

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: After Yes Now What?


First Date questionIntroduction

The time between agreeing to try cuckolding and her first date is an important time. It is a time if handled wrong it can mean relationship issues that can destroy the relationship. Also, it can mean a breakdown in communication and it can mean putting her safety at risk once the first date occurs. This guide will share relationship secrets and planning secrets to make her first cuckolding date enjoyable.

Defining Cuckolding

What is cuckolding?

Before discussing cuckolding it is important to ask yourself what does cuckolding mean to you? Is it a hot wife that has many male lovers outside of her loving relationship with her husband? Maybe it is dominating wife who humiliates her husband by taking on another lover because he has a small penis? Perhaps it is a wife who wants to know what it is like to have sex with someone outside of their relationship and experience another penis.

The answer to the question, there is no  universal definition and everyone has there own definition of cuckolding. This means, cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions an unifying theme. All definitions include a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship that is done with his knowledge and consent.

For some it raises the question is cuckolding cheating? The answer is perceptional and outside of the scope for this article.

BDSM and Couples

Arguably anytime a couple involves a third person in their relationship it can be cuckolding but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms. I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Type of Cuckolding and Planning your first date

Understanding the two different forms of cuckolding is important because it will help guide the couple on the type of experience they want. By defining the type of experience, it will help them communicate and help find a man that is likely to support the experience they wish.

Couples Cuckolding

If she is leaning towards a couples cuckolding experience then experience is short-term and probable will not need her husband’s / boyfriend’s involvement in choosing the other male. The focus here is on short-term physical enjoyment. It is possible the first date may be meeting for sex instead of drinks.

BDSM

This may take her longer to find and may require more involvement, if asked. Since this type of arrangement may be for the long-term she may ask her husband / boyfriend to come with for input. Alternatively she may keep him updated regarding the progress of the date. Planning may become more intricate and finding a male who is willing to accept such an arrangement make take longer. The date in this type of situation may resemble a couple meeting for the first time and may involve several meets before any sexual activity occurs. As a couple working out safety and boundaries becomes paramount to protect the relationship.

After Yes What Next?

She agrees to try cuckolding but what next? Being a couple with that look like ‘deer in a headlight’ is not an option. After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date there is a period between agreeing and the first date. During this period the couple goes through some drastic changes. These changes range from emotional withdrawal, to fear, and to sheer excitement. Some describe the experience as a roller coaster of emotions.

Where do you look?

The first step involves finding a suitable male. Finding a suitable male for cuckolding is nerve-racking since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her. This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

In the digital age there are many ways to search from:

  • using the internet
  • talking to friends
  • using apps on your phone
  • striking up conversations
  • letting it happen naturally by giving her a ‘hall pass.’
  • vising a swingers club or social

Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome. Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how the relate to the invited male. When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding. As a result many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple. Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male. This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

She is Shy Introverted

The Issue

For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming. It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience. It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience. Alternatively she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience. So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

Before searching it is important to talk about her reluctance  if she is normally outgoing. Without talking discussing her reluctance it can open the door to relationship issues that can have a far-reaching effect long after the experience is over. Furthermore it can impact her ability to effectively communicate her comfort, it can impact her enjoyment, and impact her feeling of security because she is not meeting a need.

Does this mean she should not try cuckolding? No, being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience nor does it mean she should not have the experience. Instead it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

Overcoming the Hurdle of being Shy Introverted

Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible; however, it can pose a hurdle. Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources. The difference lies in the process for finding a suitable male. Typically searching for a cuckolding is an individual experiences whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.  Since she is shy it may mean, as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her. This may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange you for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

Setting Basic Boundaries

One of the big differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries. Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust, and providing for a sense of well-being by ensuring needs are met. Cuckolding boundaries are different. The focus for cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

Choosing the ‘Bull’ Other Male

Cuckolding normally requires choosing the other male is her choice but she may ask for husband / boyfriend for their advice. Depending on the cuckolding experience she is seeking it will decide the male she chooses. If she is shy then she may ask her boyfriend / husband to help. His involvement should be agreed before  any searching occurs and should be limited.

Finally

Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins. Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives. Without taking time to talk through the issues and set basic boundaries the risk to her is high.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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Your threesome journey must start with an internal debate


beachYou must convince yourself you want a threesome before persuading your partner to have a threesome

“How would you feel if I fucked George (not his real name)?” I can still remember that discussion about a cuckold and how it made me feel. I knew from an earlier discussion with my wife that conversation will occur and I was able to read the sign my relationship is heading in that direction. So, how did I did I prepare for the conversation?

To begin with, my preparation is not unlike someone who ask, how do I move my spouse / partner towards having a threesome? What can I do that subtle and does not put pressure on them? In preparing for that conversation, I believe that is the wrong question. I believe the question should be, what do I want from a threesome? Simply put, if you do not know what you want from a threesome then how can you expect to communicate it to your partner / spouse?

Having an enjoyable and successful threesome is dependent on each person’s ability to effectively communicate their need. Need in a threesome is very encompassing that can cover:

  • comfort level
  • what feels good
  • what does not feel good
  • feeling uncomfortable
  • a feeling
  • emotional security
  • physical security
  • trust
  • violation of trust
  • expectation
  • boundary / limit

without the ability to effectively communicate a need and understand what it can mean for you it is wrong to expect someone else to know.

In preparation for the conversation, I knew I had to think about topics such as:

  • What is my comfort limit?
  • Can I accept my decision to allow her to have sex with George?
  • What will it mean for my relationship?
  • Will I be able to grow from the experience or will it devastate me?
  • If it happens what will I need to feel secure?
  • How do I ensure her safety?

As I thought about the I soon discovered I was alright about the idea. Once the conversation began I stated I was happy with it provided:

  • It was a one-off situation
  • She did not stay over-night
  • Safe-sex was practiced
  • She told me what occurred

Now as I look back to that experience, I realize being able to communicate my need to her and the ability to have a loving relationship after 20+ years resided in my ability to understand my need before communicating it to her. Without examining the idea and debating it with myself I do not believe the experience would be as enjoyable as it was for me. Therefore, I believe before you can discuss the idea of having a threesome you need to understand what it means for you.

 

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