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FAQs regarding soft-swinging

Posted in FAQ, Types of threesomes by

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What is soft-swinging?

The term soft-swinging implies that the couple involves someone else with them when sex occurs between them. However the involvement of the third person is limited to no oral or penetrative sex. This means in most situations woman on woman activity is not included in the definition and the role of the third person includes a voyeuristic element to it.

Does the definition include all male on male activities?

The definition does allow for mutual male masturbation and incidental contact between the males, provided no oral or penetrative sex occurs in the threesome.

What female on female activity does the definition include?

The definition includes kissing, touching, caressing, breast play, mutual masturbation and not involving toys or a strap-on.

How come you have excluded most female on female activity from the definition?

This author believes a strong argument can be made that female on female activity by definition is soft-swinging since it is impossible for penetrative sex without the aid of a toy. However, this author goes beyond the mechanics and looks at the broader picture. If penetration is occurring, regardless if it is a toy or a penis, then it is sex.

Are there any advantages of soft-swinging over a full swap?

The term advantage is perceptual and depends on the planned situation and definition of soft-swinging being used. Arguably soft-swinging may offer a lower risk of STD / STI, may offer a lower risk of pregnancy by the third person, preserves monogamy, and it can give the couple a group sex experience without having sex with the third person.

 Are there any disadvantages to soft-swinging?

Again the response depends on the definition of soft-swinging and the planned situation. Some possible disadvantages may include feeling sexually frustrated due to sex with the third person did not occur, feeling pressure to have a full-swap, and inviting a third person to participate in sex brings up further issues.

Does safe-sex need to be practiced in a soft-swing situation?  

Yes, since safe-sex is more about protection from STDs /STIs than pregnancy. For example, herpes and HIV / AIDs do not require intercourse or oral sex to be transmitted. Instead it requires a person come into contact with the infection and the infection to be transmitted through an unprotected barrier.

What positions work in a soft-swing situation?

Since the third person does not have sex with the couple and only take on a voyeur role, when it comes to sex, then question applies to couple. Generally speaking any position works. However, if the goal is ‘give a show’ for the third person then doggie-style, big dipper, or fusion may be positions to consider.

How can we incorporate the third person?

The response depends, to a large extent, on the needs of the couple and their limits. Inviting someone to watch can be quite erotic. However, if you are looking to incorporate them then there a lot of options:

Two Males

  • Mutual masturbation in order to arouse the woman, to arouse each other, and to provide a sexual release for the third person.
  • Invited male caressing the woman and / or giving her a message
  • Invited male caressing her breasts, sucking and playing with her nipples.
  • Invited male kissing the woman
  • Woman masturbating her partner in front of the third person
  • Woman masturbating the invited male
  • Woman having sex with her male partner in front of the invited third person

Two Women

  • Invited woman masturbating the male
  • Invited woman kissing, caressing, and touching the male or woman
  • Two women physically interacting, short of penetration, in order to arouse the male and them.
  • The couple having sex in front of the invited woman

What advice can you give to single males regarding soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging means you will not be having sex with the couple and there will be a voyeur aspect to the role. Nonetheless, it does mean some male on male contact is possible, such as touching or mutual masturbation. Also, it means that some physical contact with the woman is possible. Next it means if a couple opts for soft-swinging it does not necessarily mean at a later date they will be open to a full-swap. Some couples enjoy soft-swinging and it maybe as far as it progresses with them. This means for you, do not agree to a soft-swinging situation with the expectation that a full swap will occur at a later date. Lastly, it means it can be a situation that leaves you feeling sexually frustrated afterwards. Therefore, the choice is yours; it is important to remember in this situation you need to communicate your needs and your desired activities to the couple.

If we have an open relationship is soft-swinging a good way to have an intimate encounter with my partner / spouse and my lover?

A lot depends on the boundaries that have been agreed and it also depends if all three of you can be comfortable in the situation. If all three of you can be comfortable and it will not destroy the relationship(s) that have been developed then it is something worth exploring the idea. Should all three of you agree it is workable and all three of you feel that you can work through the feelings then it is something to try. It maybe all three of you find it leads to a very erotic experience.

If we have an open relationship and want to try soft-swinging then who does not participate and takes on the voyeur role?

It depends on how you define open relationship and the type of open relationship you have. If it is not a polyamorous or ménage da trios then it is this author’s feeling it should be the individual with whom the secondary relationship is formed. However, if you are in a polyamorous or menage da trios relationship, then this author feels this open to negotiation among the three of you.

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Why couples choose full threesomes

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

pregnancy test Introduction Previously this author talks about life being a journey and how cuckolding can be a part of that journey. Not everyone on life’s journey considers cuckolding and for others their journey leads them to a full-threesome. Why do some couples choose having a full-threesome over cuckolding? The answers are infinite but this author will explore three of them.

Defining Full Threesome

In order to discuss this topic it is important to define a full threesome. A full threesome is not soft-swinging and it involves maintaining emotional monogamy, which means the couple maintains an exclusive emotional bond even though the physical bond may be broken by having sex with someone else. Typically this is the type of threesome that is thought of when the word is discussed and it means all three are together with some interacting among them occurring. The interacting may not, necessarily be sexual and it involves all three being physically present.

Loosing the fear of pregnancy and solidifying the relationship

Anyone who has ever done any searching online for a threesome may notice there are two vague age groups. The first age group being early 20s and someone in their early 20s tends to be someone seeking a long-term relationship. Also, at this point, women become the dominant gender and means they out number their male counterpart leading to a surplus of men. From a social-biological standpoint, having a threesome can be a strategy employed by the female in order to keep the male interested. By having a threesome it shows to the male she is someone who is not jealous and is someone who is opened mind. Typically the number of times the threesome occurs is limited and the couple moves on to being monogamous. Another potential explanation at this age there is still a willingness to explore and take risks. This means, at this age, the individual(s) may not have had much long-term relationship experience and may be oblivious to the risks involved leading them to participate in a threesome without fully considering the risk. Even if they have some long-term relationship experience they may discount the risk and proceed anyway. The potential result being a successful threesome or damage to the relationship. The second age group tends to be late 30s – 50s. During this time two events occur. First event involves the woman entering menopause.   Some will argue increase influence of testosterone increases the woman’s sex drive and increases her interest in having a threesome. Second event during this time, any children in the home is most likely able to stay in the home unsupervised for a period of time and in some cases, may have already left the home. For a couple at this stage, it means there is less stress about worrying about child-care arrangements thereby allowing them to explore this part of their relationship. With that said another event tends to flow from these two life changing events, the lessening or removal of the fear of pregnancy. By middle-age family size has stabilized and most couples will have employed some strategy to limit the size of their (e.g. sterilization, long-term birth control such as NorPlant). Also, entering menopause means the risk of pregnancy decreases until menopause begins when pregnancy is no longer possible. Since the fear of pregnancy is reduced it allows the couple the opportunity to explore alternative sexual practices with lowered chance of pregnancy.

Relationship fixes

For some couples after a few years, the relationship becomes predictable and the reason why they became a couple is lost. This means a couple may turn to have a threesome to rekindle something that they feel has been lost. Unfortunately, a predictable relationship may be a sign of a deeper underlying problem, lack of communication. This author feels, the best way to fix this is to find a way of reconnecting instead of turning to a threesome. Sometimes other things occur in the relationship and the couple seeks a threesome to address the change. For example one member of the couple may discover they are bisexual or feel an open relationship might be right. Depending on the circumstances a threesome might be a realistic solution.

Fantasy

For some couples the idea of a threesome starts off as a fantasy and as the fantasy develops it becomes a focus for them until it happens. Fantasy does not mean talking about the idea, as a fantasy, during foreplay. It also includes watching porn or abstractly talking about the idea. The advantage here is the couple can use the fantasy to communicate their feelings about a threesome and it provides an avenue for discussion. However, the fantasy may lead the couple to believe the threesome will happen as they envision it without considering the threesome may not happen as expected. This could lead to unrealistic expectations about it and it may lead the couple to be unprepared for possible eventualities.

Conclusion

The reason a couple chooses a threesome depends to a large extent on their situation. However, a reason does seem to be a threesome may occur to solidify a relationship or something happens in the relationship that brings the idea to fruition. How the idea evolves and the reason for it will decide, this author feels, the extent to which a threesome will be successful.

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