Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality is a great source of research regarding sexual behavior and it is a good source for understanding the research surrounding sexual behavior. Recently a 16 June 2013 article talk about the role of family messaging about sex and its impact.
The sample was college / university students who receive extra credit and it raises questions about it application to adults older than 30. Also using a survey does raise questions about how the students responded. Nonetheless it does provide insight on how an individual’s family can shape a individual’s attitude about having a threesome. This can have a prolific impact on bringing up the idea, the response received, and attitude towards the threesome after it happens.
It is a good article for understanding how previous messages about sex can shape the experience and by understanding the article, it can help with discussing the topic. Therefore I encourage anyone wanting more understanding to read the article and think about how the message about sex impacts us all.
Is it better to work through the issue or end the relationship?
This time of year makes me reflective and think about the past. When I was younger, my view was very much ‘black & white,’ but through the years my views have become ‘it depends,’ or waiting to see the outcome. Even if I wait to see the outcome, it means I have to be patient and the result may not be clear since it is evolving. Lately, I started asking myself how does apply to relationships and threesomes?
To begin with, good and bad are not absolutes. Instead they are perceptual definitions that are defined by experiences and the context of the situation. A situation we initially perceive as bad may in a matter of weeks or months be seen as good. Likewise, a situation that we feel is bad but give it a bit more time may turn out to be good.
I believe how we perceive a situation influences how we relate to others, how we respond to them, and how we try to manage the ‘stress’ in our lives. For those who have had a bad threesome experience may find in a few months or years that they no longer see it as such. Instead they may view it as either indifferent to it (e.g. something they can tick off their sexual bucket list but will never do again) or maybe it is something they may want to pursue. This means, we should not have a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to a situation whereby we try to minimize the anxiety, ‘stress’ from it but try to work through each situation in order to find a solution.
Also, I believe how we perceive a situation depends on how much responsibility we are willing to accept. In my opinion, we see a situation as bad when we are not willing to accept responsibility for the situation and we try to assign blame to someone else. By doing this it leads to ‘stress’ and conflict which only makes things worse. I believe, by accepting responsibility for our choices then many of the bad situations are perceived as not being as bad.
Therefore, we have a lot of control over how we react, relate to others, and how we view the world. By understanding this, taking responsibility for our actions, and how we chose to perceive things influences our relationship. My advice, is to look for solutions and work through the issue instead of finding the quickest way to lower the anxiety that a situation creates. If we are able to do this then, I believe, we will take more pleasure from the things around us and be more open to the opportunities.