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Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario

Posted in Cuckolding, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

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Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.

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Having an uncomplicated threesome

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

 

Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril: two men and a...

Introduction

Couples are repeatedly told feelings have no place in a threesome where the goal of the encounter is not a long-term relationship (e.g. cuckolding, menage da trios, or polyamory. At first the advice sounds practical, and realistic. However after reflecting more the realization sex and feelings are interlinked is apparent.  This realization makes planning a threesome difficult for those who want to minimize any emotional involvement with the invited third person. In many ways it is similar to a ‘friend with benefits’ relationship. So, how do you have a threesome or a soft-swinging experience without becoming emotionally attached to the third person?

Basics

For starters having a threesome is counterintuitive for most people that require unlearning or modifying some of the ‘rules’ regarding sex. There are some who will say this is easier for men since men can keep emotions from sex but it is not as easy for women to do. However, when it comes to a threesome both men and women are equally prone to the influence of feelings after having a threesome.  A part of this has to do with sex being and intimate experience that creates a temporary bond with the third person and women, generally speaking look for form relationships. This means men tend to look to sex as an act whereas a women look to sex as a way of forming a relationship. In any event, learning how to keep manage feelings after a threesome is crucial if the object is to minimize emotional attachments afterwards.

Bonding

In order for a bond to occur, this author feel, there must be at least a physical attraction and for an attraction to occur there must be some similarity, common interest between three people. The greater the common interests the greater the chance the bond will be strong.

Regarding the threesome, this author feels, the strength of the bond is proportional to the amount of time taken communicating before the threesome occurs and the degree to which all three share common interests.

Strategies – Structural

Strength of Relationship

The starting point of ensuring a threesome does not adversely impact a couple’s relationship is the strength of their relationship. A couple that has a strong relationship, this author feels, has a better chance of a successful threesome than a couple that has a relationship that is struggling. By having a strong relationship, this author feels, a couple can work through any issue that comes up and be more likely not to be influenced by the third person.

Communication with the third person

Having a full threesome or soft-swinging is about sex. This means getting to know the third person is not like dating, it is not about developing a friendship and it is not about knowing their whole life-story. Instead it is getting enough information from the third person to assess their risk to you and to know if there is enough of an attraction to have a threesome. This means communicating with the third person is more detached, in order to protect the couple from becoming emotionally involved with the third person.  Without such an approach, this author feels, the risk of becoming emotionally attached to the third person greatly increases.

Strategies – Boundaries

One Off

One strategy a couple can employ as a part of their boundaries for a threesome is limiting the threesome to a one-time, one-off, with the third person and once the threesome is over then having no further communication with them.

Vacation / Holiday

Another boundary a couple can employ is having their threesome while on holiday/ vacation. This provides the couple a chance to have it and a good chance they will not see the person again thereby limiting any bond with the third person. Again, couple should not maintain communication with the third person after they finish their vacation / holiday.

Distance to travel

Finding someone a significant distance from where you live is another strategy / boundary a couple can employ. Finding someone who is, for example, 50 or 100+ miles away makes it difficult to remain in contact. It also means traveling to them or them traveling to you is an expense and making any meetings less frequent than if they were nearby.

Stranger

A reason for using a stranger instead of a friend, co-worker, or an ex is due to the fact there is not an emotional bond that exists. Choosing a stranger means the ‘relationship’ is new and it can be defined on the basis of the threesome. Then once the threesome is over, the purpose of the ‘relationship’ has been met and it can come to an end. This means from a theoretical perspective choosing a stranger offers the flexibility of developing and maintaining a ‘relationship’ based on the physical enjoyment of sex rather than forming a ‘relationship’ based on feelings.

Third person selection

Instinctively we choose people that are similar to us and share similar interests. Having a threesome means departing from that instinct and focusing on choosing someone based on their fit in the threesome. In this case it means choosing someone who is somewhat dissimilar to us while at the same time choosing someone similar enough where we can have at least a physical attraction to them.  If you were to put this in the context of a dating situation, this author feels, it would be a situation where someone is physically appealing but you do not make an emotional connection due to too much dissimilarity.

Conclusion

Essentially, being able to keep feelings developing for the third person comes down to keeping an emotional distance from them and not developing a friendship with them. This is not as easy as it sounds. However by employing strategies that minimizes bonding and limit the time taken in getting to know the third person, can increase the chance that having that having a threesome without the emotional complications can occur. Likewise, choosing the third person based on physical attraction instead of shared common interests can go a long way in preventing feelings from developing. Keeping feelings out of having a threesome can go a long way in ensuring the couple’s relationship remains intact and provide a low stress environment for the threesome.

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Managing feelings after a threesome

Posted in Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by

Intro:

Imagine for a moment, planning a threesome and discovering the communicating bringing you together. Next, recall the time spent searching for someone, rejecting some and being stood up by time-wasters.  After searching for a while becoming frustrated that you were not going to find someone that was compatible but after a bit more searching, you meet right person to join you for your threesome.

The threesome was emotionally intense watching your partner having sex with someone else. Heart was racing, sweat covered your body, and in a constant state of readiness. It brought up a lot of conflicting emotions that went from loss of your partner to sheer arousal. Each moment you could not decide if this was the most erotic experience you ever had or if you should leave the room. However the sight of your partner sexually enjoying themselves kept you there.

After the threesome a lot was going through you mind after the “thrill” of the experience ended. It started to raise questions about what occurred and left you feeling confused about your relationship. The scene of the threesome still arouses you but at the same time it angers you. Nonetheless, the above scene does raise the question, how do you deal with feelings after a threesome? Also, how do you plan a threesome in order to protect your relationship from the damage a threesome can cause? This article will examine the question from three perspectives: debriefing after wards, managing feelings, and suggested steps for dealing with feelings.

Debriefing:

Having a threesome is an emotionally intense experience and it can bring about an altered perception of reality. It is important in the minutes and days that follow to be careful about impulsively reacting to the threesome instead of discussing it. Debriefing means taking the time to talk through the threesome, including:

  • What went well
  • What did not go well
  • Feelings it brought up
  • Concerns that it raised
  • Boundaries that may have been violated
  • Boundaries that may need to be changed or removed
  • Next steps

It also means talking about the threesome as long as necessary in order to resolve the issues that it has brought up. This means instead of replaying the threesome over in your mind, like a DVD, and reacting to what you believed happen, you are taking the time to speak with your partner about the aspects of the threesome that are causing some issues for you. Also it means, debriefing is a process that allows for discussion of threesome in a calms rational way that may help to de-escalate issues thereby helping to preserve the relationship.

Finally debriefing should occur as soon after the threesome as possible. Ideally the discussion should start right after the third person leaves in order to work through any feelings the threesome created and begin dealing with the feelings instead of trying to avoid the subject.

Managing Feelings / Emotions:

Managing feelings essentially means, being able to separate sex from love and it means, being able to enjoy the physical aspects of sex without developing the emotional attachments that come with sex. On the surface this sounds fairly straightforward. However, having sex with someone is an emotionally intense experience that leads to some emotional bonding afterwards and being able to separate the two is not easy. There are two predictors this author feels that will determine a couple’s ability to do this.

First is the strength of the couple’s relationship, and by strength this author means how well the couple is bonded. Bonding is a complex discussion that is beyond the scope of this article and for this discussion means, the extent to which a couple to maintain their relationship with facing an outside threat. In this case the outside threat is the invited third person for the threesome. A couple that is emotionally attached, that has a history together of working through issues successfully, and effectively communicates is in a better position to deal with any threat a threesome may pose. This also means they are in a better position to plan their threesome and put in boundaries that will minimize a threat to their relationship from the third person.

Second is the individual’s ability to keep the threesome in perspective. This means the individual is able to realize a threesome is about sex, not emotions, and is able to keep the two separate. Also, it means the individual is able to effectively communicate this need and is able to take the appropriate steps once they realize they are becoming emotionally attached to the third person.

In order to manage feelings, this author feels, each person needs to understand themselves and how they operate as a couple. Without having some awareness of this, it means being able to manage their feelings becomes difficult since the appropriate boundaries and structure cannot be added to the threesome.

Suggested Steps:

This raises the question, what can a couple do to manage emotions of a threesome and manage feelings after a threesome? The starting point is having a secure and stable relationship. This means no using coercion, pressure or manipulation to have a threesome. It also means not using drugs or alcohol to facilitate having a threesome. By using emotional pressure or mind altering substances to have a threesome it make managing feelings difficult. Finally it means having an open enough communication whereby any topic can be discussed.

Next it means taking a look at the planned threesome and deciding if there is enough protection for the relationship. This could mean looking at having the threesome as a one-off situation. Also, it could mean looking at the selection of the third person, such as not choosing a friend or co-worker. Next, it may mean looking at the time spent building up to the threesome. It means minimizing the building of a friendship with them and having the threesome shortly after meeting them.

Thirdly it means adding structure to the threesome. Structure and boundaries are similar the difference lie in the detail. Boundaries set the limits of the threesome and the structure is how the threesome operates. Essentially this means the structure of the threesome flows from the boundaries. For example Couple A may have a boundary that oral sex is acceptable. However they may have discussed if oral sex is to occur then the wife would perform oral sex on her husband before performing it on the invited male. By having this rule it adds structure to the threesome that if oral sex is going to happen it is to be done on the husband first. Likewise a Couple B may have a boundary not to have threesome with anyone they know and not to invite the person back. This may mean having they have threesome while on vacation, thereby minimizing the risk of being found out and adding structure to their threesome.

Finally it means reviewing the boundaries. This means taking a look to see if any of the boundaries include relationship boundaries, such as not using the threesome against the other or having scheduled time to debrief about having the threesome? In addition it means taking a look at the boundaries and determining if they are realistic and practical? Boundaries may sound good on paper but their usefulness may not. This can lead to problems later and increase the chance of conflict.

Conclusion:

Being able to manage feelings after a threesome is paramount for the relationship to continue and to preserve the couple’s relationship. Debriefing and setting appropriate boundaries are necessary if a relationship is to survive a threesome. Without considering how to manage feelings by putting in place the appropriate boundaries and by having a relationship whereby communication is open, can lead to problems after a threesome. Therefore, it is this author’s feeling, considering feelings and how to manage them is paramount to the success of a threesome and the emotional well-being of those involved

Related Articles:

Remorse Threesomes Cuckold: How to get over the feeling and start living again

Where do negative feelings come from after a threesome?

10 Things You Should Know about having a Threesome but Were Afraid to Ask

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Guide: Power of Sloppy Seconds

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