How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #6 – its the relationship


how do you enjoy herIntroduction

Building a house requires a solid foundation. Otherwise the house will collapse in a very short time. Having a threesome is like building a house. A good relationship with them is needed otherwise any threesome is at risk of collapsing.

Begin with the basics

Time together

The foundation to any relationship is the amount of time together and the more time the relationship is in place the more the couple becomes committed to each other. Time together and commitment do not necessarily correlate. Nonetheless the more time a couple is together the more they have invested in the relationship and the more likely they are willing to work through the issue. Also, the more time a couple is together before having a threesome the more they understand their partner’s idiosyncratic behaviors and understand their partner thereby being less likely to misunderstand their intention.

By being together for some time before having a threesome will help a couple to minimize some of the uncertainty of the outcome a threesome can bring and it gives the couple a better understanding the risk they are undertaking.

So what is a minimum time a couple should be together? While it is possible a couple that has been together for a few weeks can have an enjoyable and successful threesome, time together may become a factor for them the more they have a threesome. In my opinion I believe two to five years is a good starting point.

Communication

For any successful threesome communication is key. Communication is more than talking about where to order pizza or what movie to see. Having a threesome requires a more developed style of communication since it requires discussing subjects that more couples, who do not have threesomes, rarely discuss. This means being comfortable with any subject and being able to react rationally. Without solid communication being able to a threesome that is enjoyable is more difficult and more likely to lead to problems.

Invest time into the relationship

Avoid relationship apathy

The longer a couple is together, I believe, the more likely they are to take each other for granted. I do not believe it is intentional but I do believe with time, a routine develops. This routine leads to a level of predictably and security, which is fine. However, at some point the security that predictability provides becomes replaced with boredom. It is at this point when an affair happens.

Invest in the relationship

I believe, by investing time into the relationship it helps keep the ‘spark’ that binds the couple together and it builds long-term security for the relationship.  So what is investing in the relationship? It is anything that shows the relationship is important. This can include, though not limited to:

  • Date night
  • Making time for your spouse / partner
  • Listening to your spouse / partner
  • Saying positive things about your spouse / partner
  • Saying reaffirming things
  • Doing things to let them know they are special
  • Looking for solutions instead of always trying to compete

By taking the time to show your spouse / partner they matter to you it increases the chances that the relationship can survive having a threesome and increase the chance it can be a positive experience.

Threesome perspective

There are no secrets to convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome. A lot comes down to what they want and if they are comfortable with the idea. This means being prepared to love them for who they are an not what they are able to give you. Having a good relationship that is full of love and respect will go a long-way in trying to convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome. However it is not the ‘holy grail.’ The best you can do is love them, be patient, listen, and by showing them respect may bear the fruit you want.

Other articles of interest

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint


IMG_8802Introduction

Imagine an event that brought a lot of possibilities, such as a job interview. The thoughts of a better life because of the experience and being able to join the company made you believe you could join a select group.  However one thing stood in the way, achieving the goal. Realizing the event is still a dream brought another feeling that felt like carrying a 50lb weight while trying to sprint to the finish line. Knowing a well deserved reward was within reach, nothing else mattered,except experiencing the joy that comes with such an event.

In many ways, having a threesome can bring wonderment and possibilities. It is very easy to focus on the finish-line, having a threesome instead of focusing on the road ahead.

Give it time

Bringing up the idea of having a threesome can be met with a variety of reactions from ending the relationship to a mutual agreement to have a threesome. Preparation for the discussion and projecting confidence in desiring a threesome are essential for the discussion.  Approaching the conversation should not be done a sprint, whereby agreement is made to have a threesome followed by a drive down to the bar to find someone. Instead of reacting to the ‘heat of the moment,’ thought should be given planning the threesome and ensure everyone has a common understanding. This usually means there is a pause in the conversation.

Allowing a pause, as it relates to the discussion of a threesomes, we are always learning from our experiences and as we have more experiences our views of the world change. This does not always means an initial ‘no’ will automatically change to a ‘yes.’ Instead it means giving time to process the suggestion and giving them time to view the suggestion in context of new experiences. This may lead to softening of their position and it can mean the subject can be re-approached.

Exercise to try

To see the impact a pause can have, including yourself. The next time you are having a casual conversation, pause and do not say a word. Alternatively if you are not comfortable trying this then try to think of a time when you had a conversation and there was a pause? What is your feeling? Do you feel, as though you have to say something? What about the other person? Do they feel uncomfortable with it? How does it resolve itself?

A pause in a conversation can be awkward leaving us to find a way to restart the conversation and get beyond that awkward feeling without realizing the pause may be beneficial. This is true with any conversation regardless if the pause is a few seconds or a few years. By understanding how a pause can effect you can help in handling the discussion of a threesome and possibly persuade them to have a threesome.

Conclusion

Pause in a conversation is natural but is can be unnerving. When it does it occur it is important to let the conversation begin naturally instead of trying to restart it because it feels unnatural to keep the pause. Discussing a threesome should be seen as a marathon instead of sprint. By allowing the conversation to begin naturally it signifies thought has been given to the topic of having a threesome and it can mean it reaching an agreement might be easier. Should the outcome be there is no agreement on having a threesome then it is best to let the pause return and love your partner / spouse for who they are instead of what they can give you.

 

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have


Searching for the answerIntroduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and  integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

  • Having the threesome as a one-off
  • Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
  • Being present
  • Seeing communication
  • Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

  • Kissing
  • Bareback
  • Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating  the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 3 June 2014


 

IMG_6924Intro

This week is unique. So far my weekly list has included a mixture of authors who publish regularly, multiple articles from the same author, and articles from newly discovered authors. Also each week had a dominating theme such as polyamory or cuckolding.  This week we see Polysingleish return and Boy.Lu5t; however the remaining eight are new authors.  As for themes I do not believe there is a strong prevalent theme this week and if I were to choose a theme for the week it would be communication.

Overview

Lessons of Loneliness an extremely well-written article from a personal perspective. In this article the author faces a five week break from the poly lifestyle while visiting family. She discovers that loneliness can be a powerful teacher  and discovers that loneliness is perceptual that is defined by something we miss in our life.

*Tap Tap* Is This Thing On? After about a month break Filled and Fooled announces her return. We look forward to reading more from you and welcome back.

Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex a relatively unique article that examine a personal experience of discussing the idea of having a threesome at a dinner party.

1) Lessons of Loneliness by Polysingleish

2) *tap tap* is this thing on? by Filled and Fooled

3) Keeping Marriage Alive with Affairs, Asexuality, Polyamory and Living Apart as posted by Boy.Lu5t

4) Nope, Definitely Not a Lesbian by Pull It Together Karen

5) Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex by Chef EdieM

6) Threesome by bedroomtobedroom

7) Sex Confession The Threesome John, Becky, Rocco by Altanticcitystripperssextalk

8) Refuse My Threesome Invitation and I Will Stab You in the Eye by The Dirty Turban

9) Rough Gets Rougher by Nighttime Adventure

10) More on Cheating by Free Love Academic

 

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

Week of 26 May 2014

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

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Chapter 2 Michelle’s journey of becoming a hot wife


IMG_8709 updatedChapter 2

After four hours on the road and sex we are exhausted. We did not want the chaos, noise and screaming children that comes with a buffet. In some ways a buffet restaurant is like a war zone navigating children running in the restaurant, screaming children sounding like incoming bombs, and customers that will take your life in order to get the last homemade bun on the island. Instead we chose a nice quaint and quiet restaurant in the hotel that afforded us a level of privacy.

Quietly while looking into Michelle’s eyes, “I am beginning to have doubts about your plan… I mean it made me really horny but I do not know if I can go through with it.” In the dimly lit room I can see her smile fade and her jaw drop.

Taking a drink from her water glass she holds it in her hand while trying to keep her voice low but sounding upset, “I am not doing this for you! I am doing it for me!” slamming the glass on the table. Yelling very quietly, “Do you think it is enjoyable to have the same cock in for all these years? Do you think maybe… just maybe I want more?”

Looking around it does not appear anyone heard her. Feeling as though my life is imploding I look at her seeing her angry and hurt face. In an attempt to bring enjoyment back to our vacation, “Look I am not saying I am against it. All I am saying I am having my doubts. It is not a slam against you. Like anyone who is facing the spouse having sex with someone else, there always will be doubts.”

“I have not had a lot experience with other men and sometimes I question if I should have a few more experiences before marrying. Now, we are in Vegas and I want to let my hair down. It is nothing personal against you. It is something that I am going to do and I ask you support me.”

Not much else was said during supper and as we are finishing our dessert Michelle looks at me, “I am going for a walk alone after supper. Keep your phone on.”

She left. I sat there ordering a glass of red wine and as I sipped on the wine I feel my phone vibrating. Taking the phone out of my pocket I see I have a text from here, “Guess what I am doing?”

My heart races, experiencing sheer joy to anger before questioning how to respond. I know, deep-down, what she is doing but the question is how do I approach it. If I come across uninterested it will upset her and if I am playful then I will get hundreds of text messages from her. It is all a part of her game.

So I decide to respond, “I am sitting in the restaurant having a glass of wine. What are you doing?”

“Do not wait up for me, I am sitting here with Robert and a few of his friends.”

“Have fun” I text back to her.

After another glass of wine I head back to the room. I am in the room for about an hour and have not heard anything from Michelle. Then I hear my phone receiving texts from Michelle. Looking at the phone I see are a few texts with photos in them. The first says, “I hope you enjoy” followed by several photos of her with guys in various states of being undressed. One shows her topless kneeling in front of a guy pulling off his pants. Another one show her laying naked on a table with three naked guys standing around her. Final photo shows a guy fucking her while she is sucking another guy and her stroking an erect cock of a third. After receiving the last photo text the message said “see you soon.”

When I first saw them I felt emotionally number, not knowing how to respond. Then my heart began racing, my penis became quite erect, and I could barely contain myself. A few moments ago I felt tired but now I am quite awake. It was about another 15 minutes before Michelle walk through the door looking disheveled.

“Do you want to know what happened?”

“Yes, I am quite horny and want to hear about your night.”

Walking to the bathroom she being undressing and fills the bath. “After leaving the restaurant I went to the casino playing the slots. Robert sits next to me talking me up. I enjoy it and talk some more. Then he mentions a few of his friends are having a party in his room and if I would like to join them. ”

Pausing to test the water of bath she adjusts it a bit to make it warmer. At that point I can smell sex on her. It is a very musky smell combining with a smell of rotting cheese. “We are in the room and they give me a glass of wine. We are all talking and laughing. Then one of them asks me if I would give him a blow job. I am not sure. However we are all having a good time and I figure why not. So I take my top off, kneel in front of him, pulling down his pants. It is a big cock, about 9″ and I start sucking him.

The other guys start undressing and they undress me too. Soon we are all naked. At that point seeing all of the naked men around me and getting horny at the site of me, I feel as though I want to fuck them all. So I crawl on to the table letting him one have their turn with me. It was incredible.”

Hearing her describe the scene to me even made me more horny. “Are you mad?” asking with a sullen tone in her voice and sadness across her face.

“No, I want to fuck you when you are done with your bath.”

Series

Chapter 1

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed for the week of 5 May 2014


Intro

This week has been slow, with only a few pieces being published. Hopefully I have chosen a good cross-section that everyone can find something they enjoy.

Highlights

So What Are You Doing Friday Night? While I believe a bit more editing would have helped, nonetheless this article is a thought provoking article examining men responding to a woman who is the one pursuing them for sex.

Infidelity Fantasies a great short piece talking about the fantasy many men have but do not mention, being aroused by their wives cheating on them.

1) How I Seduced My Friend’s Wife by sexualimaginist

2) Jake’s Story (Chapter 2) by Tales of a Slut Wife

3) So What Are You Doing Friday Night? by Pyx

4) Infidelity Fantasies by Boy Lust

5) Caution! Tipsy Post by Krystalla

6)  5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries by Threesomes and Variations

7) 13 Things Porn Teaches Kids That Schools Does Not by Beyond The Tabloids

8) Surprise by Smarlene

9) Is Swinging Coming Out of the Closet by A Walk in the Snow

10) A Visit from a Friend by Sissymaid Diaries

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

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How to separate love from sex


londonSeven Steps to Minimize the Chance Feelings Will Develop for the Third Person

Intro

The backbone of every successful threesome is the ability putting aside feelings for the third person in order to have an enjoyable threesome. It would be remiss of me ignoring that sex is a very intimate act whereby a bond is created with those is participate and putting aside all feelings is necessary. Instead putting aside feelings mean keeping enough of an emotional distance from the invited third person that allows the marital relationship or committed relationship to continue while still being able to have a threesome.

Putting aside feelings sounds easy; however, many of buy the relationship warranty that sex must equal love or at least, sex can only occur with someone we share an emotional bond. By buying a relationship warranty means we are buying the idea that sex is about caring and that for sex to occur we first must build a relationship with them. While buying the relationship warranty is necessary for marriage or a long-term relationship, buying the relationship warranty for a full threesome can produce catastrophic results.

So, how can you have a threesome and keep feelings out of it? Below, I will give you seven points that can help you avoid buying the relationship warranty for having a threesome.

1) Limit the amount of contact with the third person

The more time all three of you spend together the more likely feelings will develop. This is a result of proximity or simply put, a result of having repeated contact with the same person.

In order to limit the chance feelings develop due to amount of time spent together, it is ideal trying to make a decision about having a threesome based on attraction instead of attempting to develop a relationship with the third person.

Also limiting the number of threesomes, such as one-off, can help reduce this risk too.

2) Limit Rewarding Behavior

Having a full threesome is more about having sex then forming an emotional attachment with the third person. This means the information being shared should be information that is necessary for a threesome to occur and not be information that allows the development of feelings.

Also, this includes limiting any rewarding behavior that encourages development of feelings. Rewarding behavior can be anything from looks, statements, or behavior that encourages the formation of feelings. Limiting rewarding behavior may sound as though the threesome is quite academic, sterile and void of any enjoyment. Instead limiting reward behavior mean finding a balance between letting the third person know you enjoy their company and creating a situation whereby ‘crossing the line’ happens the threesome becomes something more.

3) Having a History Together

Having a history together is vital. The longer a couple has been together, understand each other, and choose having a threesome as an extension of their relationship then the less likely they are developing feelings for someone else. Also having a relationship history is vital in understanding your partner, communicating with them and being able to work with them through any tough time.

4) Avoid Having a Threesome During a Period of Major Stress Relationship Stress

Stress and poor decision making are synonymous but deciding a threesome is a good choice during a major life change may be the decision that topples the relationship. Likewise avoid having a threesome during a time when the relationship is under stress since the may lead to the wrong decision being made.

5) Choose Your Third Person Carefully

Choosing the third person is vital for a successful threesome. Ideally the third person should temporarily fit into the relationship. Fitting into the relationship means:

  • Each person, as a couple, agrees to them
  • There is either a physical or intellectual attraction to the third person
  • The third person does not leave one member of the couple feeling excluded, jealous, or angry
  • They were not chosen because they can provide something that is missing in the relationship
  • The third person respect the boundaries
  • The third person respect the couple’s relationship, is not disruptive, and is not demanding.
  • The third person understand their role in the threesome and does not try to dominate

6) Communicating  Debriefing

It goes without saying communicating and debriefing are essential to keep a relationship healthy, including minimizing the chance feelings can develop for the third person. Without communication and discussing feelings it is likely a having a threesome will devastate a relationship.

7) It Starts with You

The type of threesome you want lies with you. This means the decision

  • What happens in the threesome
  • Boundaries
  • Regarding the third person
  • How you perceive perceive the threesome
  • How you perceive the third person
  • How you react to the threesome
  • How you react to the third person
  • How you react to your spouse / ‘significant other’
  • Your feelings before the threesome, during the threesome, and after the threesome

are all within your control.

Finally

Nothing in life is easy, especially having a threesome. However having an enjoyable threesome that is not disruptive to the relationship is possible but it will require work. Taking time discussing the threesome, potential choices, and its possible impact will go a long way in reducing the chance feeling for the third person will develop. Also, take time to plan it and choosing when to have it will also help. Finally all of the reading on the topic will not guarantee feeling for the third person will not develop and the responsibility for ensuring it will not happen lies solely with the couple.