Tag Archives: LGBT

12 points for single men and women to consider before having a threesome

Posted in Threesome opinions by

IMG_80821) Can I emotionally handle having a threesome?

Having a threesome requires an emotional investment that will ultimately lead to the relationship with the couple ending.

2) What impact will having a threesome have on my current relationship?

Unless you have an open relationship having a threesome can be devastating for a relationship.

3) What impact will having a threesome with a couple have on them?

A single individual needs to understand not all couples have threesomes because it is a mutual decision. Sometimes couples have a threesome because there is an underlying issue that is not always noticeable to them. If it appears the couple has relationship issues then it is better to say ‘no’ and avoid the drama then becoming sucked into the relationship vortex.

4) What are my needs?

Especially for single males, finding a couple that is interested in them takes priority over communicating needs. It is important that you understand your needs and find a compatible couple that meets your needs.

5) Can I communicate my needs?

Having a threesome is more than sex. From my experience, I believe, having a threesome is the summit in communication. Having a threesome that works requires a lot of work in communicating, understanding your needs, and being able to compromise in order to make everyone happy. Without the ability to communicate, negotiate, and compromise then having an enjoyable threesome is very difficult.

6) What do I feel is my role in a threesome?

This goes inline with communication and need. Finding a threesome that will work means understanding they type of role you want in a threesome. Do you want a voyeur / soft-swinging, same-sex contact, or straight?

7) Will I be able to emotionally detach from the couple?

Unless the threesome involves an open relationship / polyamory then being able to keep an emotional distance will be necessary. Having a threesome means being able to separate sex from emotion and without that ability you will find you will struggle with it.

8) Can I cope with rejection?

Searching for a threesome will mean having to face rejection, especially if you are man. Without being to cope with rejection then you will find finding a threesome to be frustrating.

9) Am I willing to make having a threesome a priority?

Having a threesome, especially if you are man, will mean investment in time. If you cannot commit the time and make having a threesome a priority then you may find you struggle with finding a threesome.

10) Am I outgoing / extrovert?

Previously mentioned having a threesome is the summit of communication. Likewise having a threesome is a very social and very intimate experience. A couple is inviting you to a very intimate experience with them and getting past the ‘hurdles’ requires the ability to convince the couple you are the right choice for them. This is accomplished by speaking with both of them and not sitting like a log. If you cannot become outgoing in this type of situation then chance of success diminishes.

11) Same-sex contact, bi-curious, or straight?

In order to clarify the type of threesome you are wanting it is important to decide the limit, if any, on same-sex contact in the threesome. This will determine the type of couples that will contact you and what couples expect from you.

12) Can you see the couple as a couple instead of NSA sex?

Couples have a threesome for a plethora of reasons and it is important that you see the couple as a couple. Showing the couple respect for their relationship will help you convince them you are the right choice more than seeing a threesome as a chance for NSA sex.

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Threesome and bisexuality

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions by

English: Illustration of the double moon symbo...

A part of the function of this site is to cover the spectrum of threesomes and to offer an opinion on the issues that can arise from having a threesome. By my estimates, roughly 25% – 50% of those who visit this site are bisexual and one of the issues being faced regards addressing the issue of bisexuality while being in a heterosexual relationship. Sometimes the discovery happens after being in the relationship for a while other times the discovery happens before the relationship or the desire to be with the same sex intensifies in the relationship. The challenge, this author feels, lies in addressing the issue with your partner.

This author feels, one of the first solutions sought includes having a threesome with your partner; however, this may not always be the best solution. Other times, for whatever reason, having them there is not practical. This means other solutions need to be found such as opening up the relationship and in the worst case scenario it means ending the relationship. Since each relationship is different, this author believes there is not one magical solution that will work for every situation but a solution that works for each couple.

This author feels many marriage therapists, councillors, therapists, licensed social workers, psychiatrists, and psychologists are not adequately trained to address the issue of alternative lifestyles to be much use. Instead, this author believe, looking towards the LGBT community in their area for support may help. They might be able to recommend someone who is alternative lifestyle friendly and / or provide support in addressing the issue in the relationship.

Below is a list of web sites that may be a potential resource for information regarding support about dealing with the issue of bisexuality in a heterosexual relationship. Most sites are from the US while a few are UK based.

Please be aware all sites listed are independent of this site; therefore, we are not responsible for their content. Since the sites listed are independent of this site we cannot attest to their legitimacy. This means if you attempt to contact them, you will are assuming the risk and we recommend that you use due diligence in researching the organization / site before providing any information about yourself to them.

Finally if you are aware of a good organization or web site not listed, please contact us to have it added.

http://www.thefullwiki.org/List_of_LGBT-related_organizations

http://www.pacehealth.org.uk/

http://www.thefullwiki.org/Seattle_Sex_Positive_Community_Center

http://bisexual-support.meetup.com/

http://www.lavendervisions.com/resources.php

http://marriedgay.org/

http://www.gendernetwork.com/lgbtsupport.html

http://www.gaycenter.org/

http://www.pflagnyc.org/support/meetings

http://lgbtfriends.meetup.com/cities/us/il/chicago/

http://www.outfront.org/resources/organizations

http://lgbtfriends.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/los_angeles/

http://laglc.convio.net/site/PageServer

http://www.sfcenter.org/

http://lgbt-social-group.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/san_francisco/

http://www.polyamory.org.uk/

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Does a male agreeing to mmf indicates he is bisexual?

Posted in Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Fresco erótico de Pompeya from the Thermae

Does a male who wants a mfm means he is bisexual?

The journey towards having a threesome is lined with detours and delays due to questions that need answering. There is no formula in having a successful threesome nor is there the correct answer to any question being asked. One question that is asked is my husband / boyfriend bisexual if they ask for a two man threesome.

Before proceeding it is important to define three terms: straight, bisexual, and homosexuality. Straight for the most part means a preference for someone of a different gender and the ability to form lasting relationships with them. This definition does not exclude limited same sex encounters, provided no lasting relationship forms.

Next, bisexuality is difficult to define as a sexual preference since it is controversial.  The controversy stems from the debate if someone can be bisexual instead of gay or straight. In this article bisexuality is defined someone who has had sex with both genders along with the ability to form relationships with both genders. Furthermore, the degree to which or the frequency of those relationships are not at issue. Therefore this definition excludes someone who is exploring their sexuality or someone who is for the most part gay.

Finally homosexual, unlike someone who is either straight or bisexual, shows a preference for someone who is of the same gender. Essentially this means they show very little sexual desire for sex with someone who is not the same gender as themselves. Also, it means very few threesomes with a heterosexual couple will involve homosexual activity.

This leads to the questions if a male suggests a two male threesome does it mean they are bisexual or homosexual? Examining the limited research that has been done this topic, the majority of threesome encounters is a two male threesome with either no or limited male on male activity. This is due to the fact that male bisexuality is not readily tolerated in most threesomes and it is an activity that is typically discouraged. It is this author’s belief the reason that male bisexuality is not well tolerated is due to the higher incidence of HIV / AIDs being associated with certain male on male activity and the community, as a whole, discouraging high risk behavior.

Now, if he suggests a two male threesome that could allow some bi activity between the other male and him this could show that he has some bi-curious interest and that he would like to explore this side of his sexuality. Bi-curious means there is an interest but it has not been sufficiently explored to allow him to reach a decision. The reason for wanting to explore is infinite. A possible reason may be the activity is strongly discouraged by religion and being discouraged may peak his curiosity to understand.  Another reason, as he ages he is finding he has an interest in men some men and wants to understand it. Nonetheless, it is not a definitive indication that he is gay or bi. It is a decision that the two of you will have to make in regards to male on male activity in a threesome and the limits of it.

On the other hand if you begin noticing other signs, such as:

• Visitation to gay sites

• Decrease in sexual activity

• Feeling that of distance between the two of you

• Defensiveness when confronted about concerns

• Text messages, photos, unfamiliar names, or new mobile / cellular phone indicating this type of behavior

• Emails that show plans for meeting or expressing desire in activity

• Recent change in behavior and / or attitudes towards male bisexuality / homosexuality

• Unexplained purchases being made

• Unexpected travel

• Unexplained or unexpected changes in time leaving or returning from work

• Attempts to cover up activities

Your next step should be to discuss with him what you know including what you have observed and what you suspect. This should be at a time when there are minimal distractions and conducive to a discussion of this type. Allow him the opportunity to respond, listen to his response and take the necessary time to consider his response before taking any further actions. Therefore to answer the question, a suggestion of a two male threesome is not, in and of itself, clear sign that your husband is bisexual or gay. Nonetheless it could show it if there are more signs.

In contrast, what if it not him suggesting having a mmf threesome. It may mean he is a realist whereby he realizes that statistically if he wants a threesome then having a mmf threesome is much more likely to occur than a fmf threesome. If wanting a threesome, regardless of the type, then the motivating factor for him his wish to have a threesome.

Nonetheless for some it leaves the question, if he is straight then why would he agree to have a mfm threesome? The answer, this author feels, lies in the act itself. A fmf tends to be fundamentally different than a mmf threesome. From a psycho-biology perspective sex for a woman is about producing an offspring and finding a male that is going to be a good provider. Once she finds him she will invest the time to keep him. This means she can become protective of her relationship and will fight off anyone that is a threat to her relationship with him. For a threesome to occur, the invited woman must not be perceived as being a threat to her. This implies there is at least a physical attraction between the two and implies the second woman, if the threesome is to be successful, is more sexually submissive. It also implies in a fmf threesome female on female contact is more likely to occur due to the attraction .

Whereas for a two male threesome the issue becomes the second male’s compatibility with the couple. This implies the second male, unlike the second female in a fmf, has a role and not a social order. His role is to enhance the enjoyment of sex for both and in particular the female. Unlike a fmf a mmf is more likely not to involve male-on-male contact. This is in part because male-on-male activity is socially discouraged and this author believes, a male can see another male as a team-member and not a threat to the relationship. Hence, a two male threesome focus can become providing the female with sexual pleasure than an underlying attraction, at some level, for each male.

In this situation, it is possible the male wants the threesome to offer sexual enjoyment for his partner and to be the one who provides it for her. This means his agreement to have a two male threesome is not based on his attraction to the male but the want to make his female partner happy. Therefore a male agreeing to have a mmf threesome does not necessarily mean he is bisexual but is considering the happiness of his partner.

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