Tag Archives: initial discussion

Threesome signs

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions by

Do non-verbal signs show interest in a threesome?

A-IMG_8560Are you considering discussing the idea of having a threesome for the first time? If so then this article may help you. Think back to when you met your spouse and the discussion you have about your sexual past. Was there anything unique? Did anything make you think they might interested in a threesome? Now, think about the time from that discussion up about a year ago? How do you feel they changed? Are they more sexually liberal or less sexually liberal? How has your relationship with them changed? Finally think about your history with them from the discussion to now.

A sign, simply put, is an indication of their willingness to have a threesome. Many times the signs are subtle such as attitude, beliefs, or changes in behavior. If you answered the questions above, I hope the result shows there can be signs that your partner / SO is open to a threesome but a lot depends on your relationship with them instead of their past.  Does this means there is a complete disconnect between their history and their willingness to have a threesome? I do not believe there is a complete disconnect but I do believe there are subtle signs that can show their interest. It is important to remember indicating interest and actually going through with a threesome are entirely different. A sign can be used when judging if the subject of having a threesome is worth discussing but it is not a guarantee of agreement nor is it an indicator that a threesome will happen. Simply put a sign is something you can use in your assessment about your partner’s receptiveness to the idea.

Attitude

There are some who believe having a liberal view is an indication there is potential interest in having a threesome. Whilst I believe someone who has liberal views, especially about sex, can show their interest in a threesome. Nonetheless, I also believe those who hold more traditional views about relationships and marriage is for a lifetime can show they are willing to work through the tough times if a planned threesome goes wrong.

Another important attitude is an attitude that lacks jealousy and control. It is not possible to be from jealousy all the time but being jealous can be problematic in a threesome. Likewise the need to control everything can be good, especially if you are a manager but in a threesome everyone has some control while submitting control to the other two people in the threesome.

Final attitude sign is outgoing. Being outgoing in a threesome is necessary and without being outgoing having a threesome becomes difficult.

Beliefs

Attitudes in beliefs are very similar with the difference being an attitude is how you approach something and it is something that most people will see. Whereas a belief is something more personal and it is something that is rarely shared. At a deeper level an attitude is the expression of a belief. At some point in a relationship the discussion about beliefs happens. This can be a good, though not perfect, indicator of your partner’s interest in a threesome.

In my opinion a good sign of the possibility of having an interest in a threesome is having a healthy attitude about sex. This means each person is able to use the sexually proper words and euphemisms or colloquial terms are avoided. Likewise sex is dealt with from mature adult perspective. Meaning there is not a lot of control, jealousy, and a true wish to support a relationship.

Behavior

Behavior is probably the easiest to misread and misunderstand. It is my belief behavior must be understood in the context of the person’s beliefs, the environment where it occurs, and relationship history.  The below is a possible list of behaviors that may show an interest in a threesome and by no means is it an exhaustive list. Likewise the list can show other issues and it is important before making any assumptions your observations are discussed with your partner.

  • Expressing an interest in having sex with someone else
  • Stating they find someone attractive
  • Discussing the idea of having a threesome
  • Dressing more sexy / provocative
  • Role playing a threesome / interest in threesome porn  or websites / sharing fantasy of having a threesome
  • Wanting to put nude / semi nude photos on an amateur porn site.
  • Asking about your attitude towards threesomes, cheating, and group sex
  • Previous threesome experience whereby the do not frame it as being a bad experience
  • Willingness to try / explore new sexual things
  • Healthy curiosity about sex

Conclusion

A sign can show an interest in having a threesome when taken in context of relationship history and the condition in which it occurred. If a sign indicates that a person might have an interest in a threesome it does not mean they have it nor does it mean a threesome will occur. All it means there is a chance they might be receptive to the discussion and from there anything is possible. If you believe your spouse is interested in having a threesome then it is best to speak with them outside of the bedroom.  Finally if you have signs that you believe can show an interest in a threesome please add it by responding to this blog.

 

Jealousy and threesomes

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships by

English: The Jealousy of Darnley

Jealousy and Cheating: Monogamy versus Non-Monogamous Relationships

After the give and take involved in agreeing to explore the idea of having a threesome the real work begins. Discussing the idea in detail gives birth to the reality of having a threesome. At some during the discussion two issues are likely to comes up.

Jealousy

First is the issue is jealousy. This author believes jealousy, in the narrow context of a threesome, results from feeling the relationship is under threat and the need to protect it. Jealousy can be a warning mechanism alerting the individual that something needs to be done or it can be something that destroys a relationship if the treat is imaginary. Being able to differentiate between a real threat to the relationship, a perceived threat, or an imaginary threat is not always easy due to the emotions involved.

Fear of Cheating

Second issue involves the topic of cheating and how the couple defines the term in the context of considering a threesome. Being able to define cheating for a couple’s relationship is paramount to a workable threesome.

In answer to the above issue, there is a good general article on jealousy and cheating. This article presents research into the topic of swinging, jealousy, and cheating. However, it does not provide a model on how to address the issues and instead examines the issues from a topical perspective.

This is a great article for anyone who enjoys reading research into the topic and it is written at a very easy to read level. Therefore, I will encourage everyone to read this article and learn more about these topics.

Regarding cheating in open, non-monogamous, relationships. This is something that is defined by the boundaries the couple has established and for the most part the issue of cheating has been eliminated by opening up the relationship. However, the issue of jealousy still remains. Jealousy happens in many forms such as feeling as though not enough time is being spent together, not being special, or having to deal with someone else in the relationship. In this author’s opinion, jealousy in open relationships, not the type of relationship, is a major cause for open relationships not working.

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Having the initial discussion

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by

Deveria16Bringing up the idea of having a threesome

How do I bring up the idea of having a threesome? What do I need to discuss when I bring up the idea? If my partner says “no,” how do I convince them to have a threesome? These are all common questions when considering bringing up the idea of having a threesome and this article will explore beginning the discussion of having a threesome.

To begin with, there is no way you can convince your partner / spouse to have a threesome. The best you can do is communicate you are open to the idea, communicate the boundaries for the experience, and you will support your partner / spouse if this agree to explore the idea.

So how do you bring up the idea? This is author feels there is only one way to bring up the idea, it is by being direct about the idea outside of the bedroom and done when nothing sexual is occurring. Being direct means not using euphemisms, not using innuendos, and not alluding to the idea. It means speaking confidently about the idea and being able to articulate the type of threesome you want. Being able to do this means, taking the time to consider the idea and feeling secure in the decision. Also it means not pressuring your partner into having a threesome and listening to their concerns. Finally it means understanding your partner well enough to know how to approach them and how to discuss the idea with them.

How do become confident enough to discuss it? A part of it involves being someone who is confident and without being confident then your partner is less likely to feel confident it is the right decision for them. Another part involves understanding the type of threesome you are wanting. Without understanding the type of threesome you are wanting, the risks, and without understanding what a threesome may mean for your relationship then it is unlikely an open discussion about having a threesome can occur.

This brings up the question, what happens if you feel confident about discussing the idea but your partner resists the idea? If you feel your partner will discuss the idea with you then there are two routes to consider. First route is taking small incremental steps, outside of the bedroom, in discussing the idea. There are many ways to do this such as asking about people your partner finds attractive, talking about subjects that indirectly relate to a threesome, or talking about their beliefs about relationships. Then begin building on the discussions. The advantage to this approach, it provides some insight about potential feelings about a threesome and if done correctly it allow for the opportunity to abort the discussion should it become clear a threesome will not occur. A disadvantage to this approach, especially if too long or wrong, your partner may become defensive and not be willing to discuss the subject with you.

The other approach involves foreplay. Foreplay is a way to introduce the idea of having a threesome through discussion of a fantasy or role-playing a third person joining the two of you. However, this approach works well for introducing the idea in a non-threatening way but it is a lousy indicator about the receptiveness of your partner to the idea.

In conclusion, introducing the idea of having a threesome involves understanding threesome and coming to terms with the impact a threesome may have on your relationship. After feeling confident in the idea the next step is to introduce the idea in a direct way outside of the bedroom. However, in some instances, it may mean building up to the conversation. This can involve trying to break-down the discussion into smaller parts by discussing aspects that relate to a threesome. The other approach involves bringing up the idea through role-playing or foreplay. In all cases there is no guarantee of success and if done correctly, it may open communication. Finally even though bringing up the idea of having a threesome maybe met with a lot of resistance and the answer may ultimately be “no,” we do not know what the future holds for us. Lovingly accept the answer but be ready the answer may unexpectedly change.

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