Enjoyable threesome just does not happen. It takes planning, preparation, and communication. Along with a relationship that is solid and making the right choices. This article will examine the requirements for having an enjoyable threesome and also include some pointers on what not to include. Like with any article found on this site it is opinion based on experience and each couple needs to consider the information in light of their situation. As always, remember even the best planned out threesomes can be a disaster so balance the risks of having against any perceived benefit before deciding to have one.
The title of this section is probably causing a few of you to scratch your head and wonder why we need to market ourselves. For some, the idea may sound seedy but it is not. Marketing yourself will help ensure that you attract the type of person that you are most interested in joining the two of you thereby having an enjoyable threesome. Essentially it means letting others know that you are looking for a threesome.
To begin with each of us markets ourselves without realizing it. We do it when meeting someone new, attending a job interview, introducing an idea, and even how your present yourself on a daily basis. Marketing lets people know who you are by tailoring your message to those whom you are most interesting meeting. It means letting people know what you are about, and what you are interested in doing by providing information about yourself. The information ranges from the words that you use, to the clothes that you wear, the interests that you state, your manners, and social skills.
In order for you to be successful at marketing yourself you need to do some research regarding the type of people you are interested in attracting. Using websites to do your research is a good starting point but not always the most reliable source of information. Nonetheless using websites will put you in touch with other people who share similar interests and help you identify sites that cater to your interests in a threesome. Another possible source of information is attending munches, off-premise swingers clubs, or meet & greets to meet other people who share similar interests. Finally you can dive into the deep end by placing an ad for a threesome and then tailoring the ad based on the replies you received.
What to avoid: Be conscious of what you are saying and doing will attract a certain type of person. If for example you are looking for someone that is educated and more refined. It will mean targeting web sites that tend to attract this type of individual; along with ensuring any ad placed would have to be grammatically correct along with no spelling errors and avoiding colloquialisms. Once you meet them it means you would have to be neat in appearance, along with good social skills, and the ability to talk about a variety of subjects other than sex. Do not rush to have a threesome just because you found someone that is interested in meeting you. Instead take the time to decide if they are compatible with you and if they meet your requirements.
Boundaries: Boundaries act as a safety net to ensure the threesome operates within agreed parameters. Unfortunately there is no universal set of boundaries for a threesome and boundaries depend on the needs of the threesome. For couples starting out, boundaries may sound as though it is an unnecessary restriction on their fun. However, an event may occur such as kissing, whereby if a boundary regarding the activity is in place then hurt feelings could have been avoided.
Choosing the third person
Choosing the third person is a critical choice that will influence to a great extent everyone’s enjoyment. There are some out there who feel that if the opportunity presents itself then it must be taken. However that belief has a fallacy. If you are not ready to have a threesome then it is better to wait. Plus if the person is not compatible with the both of you then it is better to say ‘no’ then it is to rush into it.
Before selecting the third person as a couple both of you need to agree on the characteristics of that person and then abide by the decision. Granted there will not always be the opportunity to get the ideal person and sometimes the ideal person may not be suitable. In any event it is important to separate the ‘must have’ characteristics from the ‘nice to have’ characteristics as it is important to develop an image of the type of person you are seeking.
Once you have found that person it becomes even more important that both of you are in agreement on the choice and neither one of you ‘takes one for the team’. Simply put, not agreeing to someone that makes you uncomfortable but agreeing to them in order to make your partner happy. After you have reached your decision it becomes important to let the third person know of the boundaries for the threesome.
What not to do: Do not rush in to having a threesome without first talking about your selection as it can be quite embarrassing if there is confusion over any issue. Also keep your partner informed of any communication that you may have had regarding the threesome, surprise or unexpected threesomes rarely work.
Venue and planning
Take some time to work through where the threesome will happen and put the appropriate planning into place. Make sure you consider issues such as personal safety, room temperature, enough room for three adults, any refreshments, and being in a ‘kid-free’ area. Essentially, you need to have a place for the threesome to happen that will allow it to happen as naturally as possible without any distractions. Deciding where to have the threesome and planning for it can be as important as choosing the third person.
This also means taking the necessary time to talk through all issues that relate either directly or indirectly to the two of you having a threesome. It is important any unresolved feelings and issues are addressed. Otherwise the threesome may bring them up and make dealing with the effect much more difficult.
What not to do: Do not decide to have a threesome unless you are sure about where. Make sure some effort has been put into planning and planning for the unexpected. If not, what might have been an enjoyable encounter will be filled with issues that need to be resolved. This can lead to lack of interest and the threesome never getting the momentum that is needed for everyone to enjoy themselves.
Another thing to avoid is drama before, during, or immediately after the threesome. It is important that all issues are resolved before having a threesome, each person is in agreement with it happening, and no coercion is used to gain your partner’s agreement. If there are unresolved issues or coercion has been used the third person will pick up on it. This will most likely lead to an unsatisfactory threesome.
Before having your threesome make sure it is discussed what sexual activities will be acceptable and what sexual activities are not acceptable. Also take time to talk through any feeling that either you may have about having sex with someone else or watching your partner having sex with someone else. Finally make sure to practice safe sex and that condoms are readily available.
What no to do: Do not perform a sexual activity that has not been agreed or that you are not comfortable performing. Threesomes are about enjoying yourself and not being some sex athlete. It is better to say no then having to deal with issues that it may bring up later.
Having a threesome is meant to be enjoyable. Take your time, work through the issues, decide on the type of person you want to invite, and take the time to market yourself to the right group of individuals.