8 cuckolding secrets every new couple should know


ready for cuckoldingCuckolding Secrets

We see our wife or girlfriend flirting with another guy and it gets us thinking maybe letting her fuck him would be quite sensual. Maybe there is a ‘hot’ co-worker that you want to fuck but not sure how to approach your husband or spouse. Unfortunately there are very few objective sources of information on how to plan something like this. Instead we are left with imagery of a forbidden act that is rarely publicly discussed and now in this article, some of the mystery is removed by exposing some of the cuckolding secrets

1) Cuckolding can be liberating

Confidentially cuckolding is a very eye-opening experience. I remember my first experience with Brittany. We started talking about the idea and I was fine with it. Then once she went ahead with it, I remember the near crippling fear it created for me and the panic worrying about her. I remember pacing through the house  going through a lot of feelings very quickly. One moment I am frantic worrying about the relationship and what it will mean for us. Then the next moment I envisioning her having mind-blowing sex with the other guy and I remember how the image of her having sex with someone else aroused me. After coming home and sharing the experience with me, it was stunning how liberating the experience was for me.

2) Cuckolding is not like porn or web sites

Insiders know cuckolding is very different that how it gets portrayed. Cuckolding is a forbidden activity that is not mentioned on television, the movies, or in the print media. The vacuum that is created is filled by porn and cuckolding web sites that can paint a biased picture of experience. Reddit,I believe, does a good job at providing a balanced image of cuckolding but it does not provide a lot of information regarding relationships.

Having a cuckold will forever change your relationship. It can be the poison that plummets the relationship into turmoil before finally killing it. Alternatively it can be a sensual wonderful experience that transform the relationship for the better.

3) Cuckolding comes in many forms

I believe it is preposterous believing cuckolding is strictly a fetish or it is strictly a BDSM activity. Instead cuckolding is a very sensual experience that has many forms. It can be:

  • An open-relationship whereby the man remains monogamous and the woman enter in a long-term emotional relationship with another man while preserving her primary relationship
  • A BDSM activity where Domination (e.g. woman taking on another lover) and Submission (e.g. male agreeing and not having sex with her prior to her being with her male lover) is a part of the experience. There can be a lot of variation and depth to the experience. A lot depends on the boundary of the couple.
  • One off experience whereby the woman has sex with another man with her partner’s full knowledge and consent.

4) Cuckolding is not about penis size

I believe it is arrogant to assume small penis size = cuckolding. There is a lot of research that contradicts this argument and I believe cuckolding is a lot deeper than a one-dimensional element, penis size.

5) Communication

Cuckolding is not a threesome and it is more similar to an open relationship where one person remain monogamous. As a result the need for clear concise communication is essential. If cuckolding is going to work then as a couple need communicating and working through any issue that may arise, such as jealousy, is vital.

6) Relationship must come first

Relationship coming first is one rule I quickly learned and practice. Cuckolding maybe the steamy and tawdry experience the two of you believe you want.  However, your relationship with your spouse must take priority. Losing sight of your relationship can put your relationship into a tailspin that smashes and delivers the deathblow to it. Finding a way to maintain the relationship while cuckolding will probably the biggest challenge.

7) Cuckolding can secure a relationship

Cuckolding, I do not believe, can fix a poor relationship and I believe, if couple chooses cuckolding as a way for fix their relationship then it is likely the relationship will take a pummeling resulting in the death of the relationship. Nonetheless I do believe, if a couple has a good relationship then it is possible the result will be a securer relationship.

8) Cuckolding is about trust, power, communication

When you peel back all the layers of cuckolding the core of cuckolding I believe cuckolding is about is trust, power, and communication.

a) Trust

Without trust cuckolding, I believe, is cheating. Cuckolding requires:

  • boundaries are followed
  • cuckolding relationship will not bleed into the relationship
  • relationship will continue

This means level of trust must be there allowing each person feeling secure in their relationship with the other.

b) Power

This will not be a treatises on the discuss of power in the relationship.

In the United States the issue of relationship power is prevalent but oddly, it is not a big topic in Europe. Nonetheless relationship power means who drives the relationship in specific area (e.g. money) and there is a constant struggle for power.

Regarding cuckolding there is a transfer of power to the woman by the man. Arguably it can be said the male is the true holder of the power in a cuckolding relationship but for this article I will keep it simple by saying the woman has the power.

Why? He is agreeing to let her have sex with another of her choice for something in return. She then takes that power to decide who she will pick and how she will allow the other man to fuck her. Essentially he is submitting to her will. Depending on the dynamics of their relationship, power in the relationship may be very one-sided or it maybe more egalitarian.

c) Communication

Communication has already been addressed and I will not regurgitate it here. Instead I will state at is core cuckolding communication can be the drive that improves the relationship by forcing the couple to rethink how they communicate with each other. Cuckolding will fundamentally force changing their communication style in order to accommodate the additional demands cuckolding will place on them. If done right the changes made by a couple regarding communication maybe the behind the scenes reason they appear happy to other couples.

Finally – the secret is

Cuckolding is seen by many as a forbidden activity because of its mystery and potential risk to a relationship. Nonetheless there is nothing to fear if the secrets of this forbidden activity is understood. The key in having a thrilling cuckolding experience is communicating and respecting boundaries.  If you can respect each other and communicate then I can almost guarantee that you will have an enjoyable cuckolding experience.

 

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How to Know You are Ready for a Threesome – The Ultimate Guide


Calendar - Free Digital Photos.netHow to Know You are Ready

The conversations seem endless teetering on pointless. Topics have been covered and gone over to the point as though you are feelings as though you are in a holding pattern. Along the way there have been a few meltdowns and now the agony of wanting to know if a threesome will happen. Now a quandary, pushing the subject may mean the planned threesome fails or it could mean the mind-blowing threesome you always wanted may finally happen. The one topic that is holding you back is knowing if you, as a couple, ready for a threesome?

1) Check your emotions

When thinking about a threesome, how do you feel? Do you feel anger or jealousy when thinking about having a threesome? Maybe you envision a relationship Armageddon filled with conflict, depression, and eventual loss of your spouse because of the threesome? However if you are feel secure with the idea then it is a sign that you are ready.

2) Will your needs be met

We all have needs that make us feel secure and those needs cannot be discounted. Nonetheless in order for a threesome to occur defining needs as either ‘must have’ or ‘negotiable’ must occur. When we give up our ‘must have’ needs then we risk feeling the threesome was a mistake and make the threesome vulnerable to failure. Therefore before having a threesome it is important needs are communicated and agreed.

3) Safety

Safety comes in two forms, personal and physical. Without feeling protected in a threesome it is impossible to feel the thrill a threesome can provide. Being able to feel protected in a threesome means considering topics such as safe-sex and location of the threesome.

4) Self-Confidence

Being confident is vital. It is something miraculously that others almost instantly notice and respond. Without feeling you can conquer any hang-up you may have about:

  • body size / body shape
  • penis size
  • labia shape / size
  • looks
  • breast shape / size
  • personality
  • your interests
  • sexual ability to please

Then it is likely others will feel the same. Therefore it is vital to feel confident about the decision, about yourself, and about your partner / spouse.

5) Boundaries

From my own experience, boundaries do not need to be complex but they are necessary. They provide the spine for the threesome along with providing the joy and excitement for it. Boundaries help minimize the chance of a bloodbath because assumptions were made based on previous behavior or because they were ill-defined. Also definable boundaries help in taking ownership of the decision thereby implying people care enough about the threesome by taking the time to define the limits.

6) Threesome dynamics

In its most rudimentary form having a threesome is about having sex without emotional attachment. By defining a threesome this way it removes much of the dance that occurs when a new relationship forms. Nonetheless it still requires there is, at least, a physical attraction amongst the threesome and it requires all three can work as a team. This means each person must be agreeable to the other and no covert hang-ups must exist.

Finally

There is no formula, no checklist, and no perfect time to have a threesome. The best you can do is weigh the image of the threesome you want against what you presently know. If you can feel secure in the decision to have a threesome, it does not elicit negative feelings such as anger, and feel as though the choices you have made are right then it is probably the time to move have the threesome.

I wish you the best on your choice and hope your threesome is enjoyable as mine.

 

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Photo Credit – FeeDigitalPhoto.net by Anusorn P nachol

Minimalist guide to threesome planning (it is okay to have doubts)


100% Commitment is not possibleIMG_8802

“Hun, have you considered what it might be like to be with another man?” Or “Dear, have you ever wanted to be with two women at once?” May be the way the wanton conversation start about having a threesome.

Likewise she cums, he cums and a few minutes later he pulls out of her. Then for the next few minutes all of three of you bask in the afterglow of some great sex. However, what happen when the initial conversation ends and the thrill of having a threesome is gone ?

From experience, once the initial thrill of knowing a threesome / cuckold will occur or the thrill of having a threesome is gone the question become, what next? It is at this point, where doubt and insecurity creep into our mind, where sending our partner ‘mix message‘ about wanting a threesome start.

I can recall my initial discussion, “How would you like to invite Fred for a threesome?” was the question Brittany ask me.  For me it was a flood of excitement then feelings of insecurity. For a few moments I thought, “Why is she bringing this up?” “Does she still have feelings for him?” “What about us?” Even though we were talking about having a threesome the question was unexpected. In about 1 minute I went from being excited about having a threesome to utter fear.

So how did I resolve this internal conflict? The answer, discussing boundaries. Taking the time to discuss with Brittany my concern and what I need from the experience to feel secure about our relationship. From that discussion the planned threesome took shape and the experience became an experience that was very much enjoyable.

In conclusion, it is important to remember when working toward having a threesome there will be a moment where there is doubt but to get through it require talking about it then using that discussion to shape the threesome. It is impossible to be 100% committed to the 100% of the time. However, when in doubt communicate with your partner and work through the issue. Being happy and having a loving relationship is more important than having a threesome. If done right it is possible to have a loving relationship and a threesome / cuckold.

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7 steps of easing her into swinging or cuckolding


hotwifeHow can I convince her?

The Fantasy

What is attractive about the idea of her being with someone else? Is it being able to share her with someone else and watching her enjoy herself? Maybe it is having too small of penis to properly please her and having someone that is larger do something you are not able to do? Finally it might be the freedom of giving her a variety of lovers that fulfills her in different ways and ultimately improves your relationship with her. Regardless of the reason moving from fantasy to reality is never easy.

Step 1: Begins with you

Before bringing up the idea of cuckolding or having a threesome it is important to think through the idea and consider the consequences and the possible outcomes from the experience. Without thinking about it, discussing the idea will be difficult because you will not understand what you want from the experience.

Think for a moment what type of experience do you want?

Also think about the limits and boundaries you need to feel comfortable. For some just starting out there is a feeling having no boundaries is the best route since it allows for total exploration and I disagree with that approach. Each of us has limits that allows us to feel secure and without some basic boundaries, it opens the possibility of feelings being hurt.

Finally take a close look at your relationship and what a threesome will mean. Think about things such as:

  • Can you cope with seeing her being pleasured by someone else?
  • Can you cope with knowing she has been with someone else?
  • What feelings does envisioning her with someone else elicit?
  • What impact will it have on the relationship?
  • What are the possible outcomes from having a threesome or a cuckold?
  • If you are looking at something long-term, how will the relationship handle the various feelings that may arise?

Step 2: Introducing the idea in the bedroom

Talking about sharing your girlfriend or wife with someone else is never easy and it can elicit strong feelings. Sometimes it is better to start the discussion while it it abstract and done in a non-threatening way. Since you have thought about the idea and hopefully done some research, introducing the idea as a part of foreplay should be easy. Speaking from experience the role play does not have to elaborate. In my opinion, it is best to start slow and maybe ask her about her fantasies. Many women will stay they do not have one and I find this true. If she state she does not have fantasy then share your fantasy with her. Then slowly, in a calculated way, build on to the fantasy. If she begins showing an interest in the fantasy, it is important to remember there is a difference between the fantasy and reality.

Step 3: Securing the relationship

Preparing for a threesome or a cuckold will mean ensuring the relationship is strong enough to withstand the challenges it can bring. This means making a change to the relationship along with how you relate to her. A lot will depend on making her feel secure in the relationship and eliminating potential conflict that an experience such as cuckolding can bring.

Step 4: The Discussion

I found a good YouTube video on the topic and it might be worth watching.

By introducing the fantasy the discussion may happen organically but if it does not then, I believe after allowing the fantasy to develop, as a part of foreplay, being direct  is the best route. Reason, why I believe being direct is the best route. At this point she suspect you may want the fantasy and being subtle about it will only make her suspicious.  The discussion need to occur outside of the bedroom and when there is minimal distraction. It does not need to be long but it needs to be from the ‘heart.’ Also it needs to be done in a way that is reassuring and does not make her feel threatened. Be prepared for her being upset and be prepared that it will be a journey. Finally be prepared to negotiate and compromise.

Step 5: After the discussion

It is important that you are emotionally available to answer any questions that she may have and not to damage the discussion by negatively reacting to any outburst she may have from the discussion. It is important to recognize that this part may take months or even years before it resolves itself. Also it is important no to pressure her and give her ample time to process the information. It is possible you may get close to the threesome or cuckold then find her changing her mind. Allow it to happen and be supportive. Most likely it is a sign she is struggling with it and trying to work through it.

Step 6: Seek out opportunities

By now the fantasy is moving to a possibility. Seeking opportunities involves gauging where your spouse / girlfriend is at with the idea. If the appear hesitant but open to the idea then easing them into it might help Easing them is offering opportunities to do things that might help progress the idea without seeming threatening to them such as:

  • flirting with another man  / woman
  • wearing no panties under her skirt
  • going to a strip club  or lap dancing club together
  • watching threesome or cuckolding porn together
  • attend a swingers club to watch
  • giving a ‘hall pass’ or permission

Step 7: Resolution

At this point it either will happen or not. There is no way to convince someone to have a threesome or cuckold. The best that can be done is provide the opportunity and a supporting environment for it to happen. Then result will depend on our ability to community, negotiate, and to love her for who she is not what she can give to us.

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25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)


IMG_8709 updatedAre we ready for our first threesome?

Below is a guide that covers 25 points couples should consider before having their first threesome. It not comprehensive and it may not cover every situation. Instead it is meant to cover topics that a couple may encounter from initial discussion through debriefing. This means the below list is meant to be a guide covering topics couples should consider before having their first threesome.

  1. There is no perfect threesome and each threesome is unique
  2. We have discussed the idea, worked through the issues, and feel we have a shared understanding of our planned threesome.
  3. We understand our feelings, understanding, and desire to have a threesome may change. Therefore, we have agreed to periodically review our planned threesome.
  4. We understand having a threesome will change our relationship and we accept that it will change
  5. If we invite a co-worker, a friend, or someone from a former relationship it will bring additional risks for us. These risks can include an increase loss of our current relationship, loss of friendship or loss of job. Therefore we need to scrutinize our choice before inviting someone close to us.
  6. Inviting someone we do not know means there are risks too. These risks can include risk to personal safety.
  7. Inviting someone we do not know may mean a few discussions with them over a period of time before a threesome may happen.
  8. During the threesome our perception of reality will be challenged. Therefore better not to act on impulse during the threesome but to wait until we have time to ourselves to discuss anything that came up.
  9. Communication is vital for an enjoyable threesome and we need to communicate about the threesome until all issues are resolved.
  10. We have been open with each other regarding our communication with the third person
  11. We have, to each of our satisfaction, discussed having a threesome including: boundaries, what it will mean for our relationship, and our feelings regarding having it.
  12. If either of us are prone to jealousy or anger then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the best for us.
  13. Any changes to our boundaries need to be made prior well in advance of the threesome.
  14. Our boundaries are clear and understandable. We both understand our expectations and we have communicated them / will communicate them to our invited third person.
  15. We do not have too many boundaries and the few that we do have do not contradict other boundaries.
  16. Our definition of cheating excludes threesomes.
  17. We have agreed having a threesome is a mutual decision and we accept responsibility for making the decision.
  18. Each of us has a ‘veto,’ meaning if we are not comfortable with the perspective third person, then we can communicate it and the threesome will not happen.
  19. If either of us decides to exercise our ‘veto’ then it will be accepted and discussed.
  20. Neither of us feels pressured, manipulated, or coerced into having a threesome.
  21. Our planned threesome is not occurring shortly after a major life event (e.g. death, marriage, job loss, major move, etc).
  22. If we have children in the home, we have made suitable arrangements for them while we have our threesome.
  23. We have taken reasonable steps to protect our privacy and to protect our safety
  24. We have discussed and agreed about safe-sex practices
  25. We have agreed having a threesome must be enjoyable for all.

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Cuckolding relationship


IMG_8709 updatedUniqueness of a cuckolding relationship

Imagine for a moment a relationship where each of you can have your fantasy fulfilled. Further imagine a relationship where you can change the momentum of the relationship for a period of time to fulfill each others fantasy. Next imagine a relationship where trust is the central characteristic. Finally imagine a relationship that requires each of you agreeing to continue an aspect of the relationship. Does this sound like an unattainable relationship or an ideal relationship? Actually this is a description of a cuckolding relationship.

Cuckolding can offer a couple an unique opportunity to fulfill each others fantasy while building trust in the relationship. For someone that is new to the idea of cuckolding maybe asking how does trust fit into cuckolding since it involves a third person in the relationship? Trust stems from keeping the boundaries and the communication that occurs. In order for cuckolding to work trust must exist and it must be able to grow over time, otherwise the relationship will cease to exist.

This brings up the next question, if the woman is sleeping with another man how is each person’s fantasy being fulfilled? For the man in the relationship normally he has a fantasy of his wife being with another man. It may seem counter-intuitive that such a fantasy can be arousing but for some, it can be very powerful, especially if he views his penis size is hampering her enjoyment of sex. Her fantasy can vary a bit. It can stem from having power in the relationship and control over her husband. Alternatively it can be having two concurrent lovers or it can be the experience of being with someone else.

So how does a cuckolding relationship change? One of the biggest issues is dealing with the issue of jealousy. Jealousy can be problematic especially in the beginning but with more experience the issue should resolve itself; however, if it does not then the cuckolding aspect should end. Another change is communication. Clear concise information needs to be communicated. Any ambiguity can lead to misunderstanding and conflict. Third change is a shift in power in the relationship. This change is arguable since the argument can be made for the man or the woman holding the power. In my opinion, the shift of power is to the woman since she is the one who decides who she has sex with, how often, and when. Final change is trust. Trust is very fragile and if not treated correctly it can be destroyed. By communicating and changing the power structure in the relationship trust changes. If the change in trust can be harnessed for changing the relationship for the better then it can have very positive impact on the relationship.

Would I recommend a cuckolding relationship to everyone? No, I would not since each relationship is different with different needs. However, I would recommend a couple consider evaluate the idea if they have been together for a period of time and have had at least one threesome / foursome experience. At least by having some type of group sex experience the couple can begin to understand the challenges they can expect to face and how their relationship might change. Therefore, cuckolding should not be discouraged but understood. By understanding cuckolding it can provide a couple with more options for their relationship and for some it can help them enhance their relationship.

Part 7: Coping with having a threesome a.k.a facing the realities of having a threesome


IMG_8702How do I handle having a threesome?

Porn movies leave us believing beautiful people just rip-off their clothes and a threesome just happens without impunity. Whereas talks shows and news programs during sweep week wants us believing having a threesome will lead to some cataclysmic catastrophe. Since the topic of having a threesome is not openly discussed and not much honest information is available, what we believe about having a threesome is not always true. Somewhere between the two extremes is where 99.9999% of all threesomes occur. This article will explore the remaining 99.9999% by talking about the issues and what you can do in order to get through it.

Being a part of a threesome

Up to that point a threesome remains somewhat abstract and it can be difficult to understand what it means to have a threesome. Having a threesome means having sex with someone else whereby you watch, you have sex with the third person or a combination of the two. This means at some point, as a couple, one of you will be having sex with someone other than significant other while the other watches. If it is your first time it can be quite erotic or it can be very brutal. Also, it means what you are feeling versus what you are witnessing can be quite different.

In my honest opinion there is no way to completely prepare for it beyond discussing it along with discussing your feelings. Then after the threesome talk about the experience and anything it made you feel. In addition, I believe that if you get jealous, angry, or easily upset then having a threesome may not be the best choice for you.

A threesome cannot be undone

As a threesome approaches it is possible that you may look towards it with a child-like glee and there is nothing wrong with that. It protects from over analyzing it and keeps us from worrying too much about small details. The problem is up to the the point of undressing and penetration a threesome can be stopped. However once intercourse starts there is no way to stop it and the only thing that can be done is viewing the experience differently. It is therefore better to make the decision slowly with much thought then rush into whereby you regret it later.

Feelings for the invited third person can develop

It is easy to say it is important to keep feelings separate from having sex. No matter how much we try to rationalize sex, the reality remains sex is a very intimate act and when intimacy is involved it is likely there will be some emotional attachment.

How do you minimize or prevent feelings from developing is not easy but there are few suggestions worth considering. The below are suggestions and each couple will need to consider them in light of their situation:

  1. Avoid choosing friends: A relationship and feelings already exist. Having a threesome can bring these feelings to light and make a threesome very complicated.
  2. Do not make getting to know the third person a very drawn out situation: If your goal is not a ‘poly’ / open relationship threesome then taking a lot of time in getting to know the third person is not needed. Instead when contacting the third person the contact should be limited in collecting enough information to make an informed decision about having a threesome with them. This means once the question, “Am I comfortable enough with them to have sex with them?,” can be answered then proceeding with the decision should occur. Simply put having a threesome is about sex over a short-period of time and not developing a long-lasting emotional relationship with the third person.
  3. Limit involving the third person: Because the act is intimate there maybe a desire to invite the third person to social events and / or treat them like a friend. The more they are involved the greater the chance feelings might develop.
  4. Keep an emotional distance from them: This restates number 2 and 3. Also it means avoiding questions or behaviors that will elicit feelings developing for them. The best thing the contact with the potential third person should be kept to an absolute minimum.
  5. Limit the number of times with the same person: The more you have a threesome with them the more likely feelings will develop.
  6. Develop a network of threesome friends: Having a network of friends that you have threesomes with and share an interest in threesomes with will help to reduce the chance that feelings for an individual will develop.
  7. Look at putting boundaries in place to protect the relationship and limit feelings from developing. You know yourself the best and if there are certain actions / behaviors that might lead to develop feelings then putting in place boundaries to prevent it will help.

As a couple the two of you will have different experiences

Even though the two of you are in the same room and experiencing it together your reactions may be remarkably different. It is possible one of you may enjoy it while the other may be indifferent. Likewise one may enjoy it while the other absolutely hates it. It is important that your threesome planning take this possibility into account.

In my opinion, we are all different and experience things differently. I believe threesomes are about enjoyment and pleasure instead of trying to have the same viewpoint about a threesome. The best way, I believe, to prepare for this is being ready to accept each of us are different and react differently. Also I believe, trust and knowledge about your spouse / partner factors into this. If you can trust your partner and you know your partner then it will go a long way in making a threesome a positive experience.

You are in this together

As adults we make adult decisions that requires us to make a decision where the outcome is not known. This means the decision to have a threesome is a decision that is made together and made with the understanding that each individual participating share the responsibility for its success / failure. Also it means, throughout the threesome process taking a ‘team approach,’ I believe is much better than approaching it as, ‘how can I get my needs met?’ Moreover during the threesome, applying the ‘team approach,’ means focusing on your partner and their needs to ensure they are being met instead of the third person’s needs.  At first the idea of focusing on your partner may sound counter-intuitive but if you apply the ‘team approach’ idea, it means working together ensuring each of you are happy in the threesome. Then, if you continue with having a threesome, focusing more on the third possible becomes more of a possibility.

So, how do you approach a threesome as a team and then transition focusing on the third person? The best way is communicating about your needs and expectations. Then discussing them with the third person and set their expectations. By continuously communicating about having the threesome, your needs, and its impact on you then as a team the two of you can work together in ensuring each individual need is met.