Defining Monogamy – A Barrier or a Natural Limit?


profileIntro

Imagine standing at the departure gate, at an airport, and looking out. On the other side of the glass are planes taxing for take-off to distant destinations and as plane take off other planes are landing. Further in the distance there are building, roads, and a line of traffic. Behind you are people all flying off to another destination sitting on chairs, shops, and walls. Monogamy is like being at an airport, surrounded with boundaries but within those boundaries are choices that can take you to other destinations.

Defining Monogamy

Why is defining monogamy important? Monogamy is society’s ideal definition of a relationship. It define how a couple should act, what is acceptable, and it place a limit on behavior. Essentially monogamy is the standard by which a relationship is judged. A couple that momentarily entertain the idea of breaching the ideal standard will face an internal struggle and if discovered breaking the ideal standard will most likely face scorning. It is is the brick wall that will keep a couple from trying a threesome and acting in a socially acceptable way.

What is monogamy? From a relationship perspective it is a consenting adult relationship that is exclusive. Using this definition a couple does not engage in having a relationship or sex with anyone else beside their chosen partner. Even with today’s enlightened sexual attitude towards gay marriage and televisions shows dealing with polygamy, monogamy is still the strongly preferred relationship structure.

History of Monogamy – a brief introduction

Defining monogamy from a historical perspective is much more difficult since monogamy is not a natural evolutionary choice to provide a diverse gene pool but a choice imposed by the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire. The definition of adultery prior the imposition of monogamy is very different than what we know today. Adultery was regarded a married man having sex with a married woman, who was not his wife. This meant a married man could be married and have sex with a woman who was single. The reason, during this era, marriage was seen as a property transaction between the husband and the wife’s father. It was not until suffrage and civil rights movement of the mid-20th century when women began achieving equal rights as men.

As for other nonmonogamous practices polygamy existed during biblical times but it was not until the rise of Catholicism in the Roman Empire and priests attempt to control sex did monogamy become the legal requirement for a couple. There is a suggestion that wife-swapping occurred in ancient Britain and continued into the modern era. Wife-swapping as it is known today started in WWII.

Therefore, when discussing monogamy it is important to determine if it relates to biblical times or modern times since the biblical times definition is incompatible with today’s definition because a married man was permitted to have sex outside of his marriage with an unmarried woman.  Whereas today’s definition is gender neutral forbidding any sex outside of the primary relationship.

Types of Monogamy

So, what makes a relationship exclusive? Putting aside the definition of monogamy. I believe there are two parts to exclusivity, emotional and physical.

Emotional

When monogamy is discussed, it is my feeling, monogamy is being equated with emotional monogamy and I believe, the presence of emotional monogamy separates having a threesome from other non monogamous activities such as cuckolding. Emotional monogamy is the emotional bond that binds and keeps a couple together. It is the unspoken bond that pulls a couple through a difficult time and it is the unspoken bond that motivate to provide for their partner’s well-being. It is the intangible bond that define a relationship.

Physical Monogamy

Unlike emotional monogamy physical monogamy is very easily seen and experienced, simply put physical monogamy is sex. If a couple participates in any threesome activity, with the possible exception of soft-swinging, then physical monogamy is lost.

Monogamy and threesomes – Overcoming the Monogamous hurdle

So, how does a couple get over the monogamy hurdle to have an enjoyable threesome? For any couple just beginning to explore this idea the hurdle can be epic because it involves going against everything that has been taught regarding a relationship and the expectation that goes with it. From my experience, it involves changing perspective. Instead of trying to be same as every other couple and believing the same thing as them, try being a leader. View monogamy as a choice, instead of viewing monogamy as an absolute must have for the relationship. By this I mean, think about 10% – 25% of couples that have tried having a threesome and are still together. It is important to remember having a threesome is not a mathematical formula of: loss of relationship = threesome – monogamy. Another possible way, if monogamy is important to the relationship is viewing having a threesome as the loss of physical monogamy while maintaining emotional monogamy. This means viewing the act as a physical act whereby feelings for your partner is maintained.

Conclusion

Monogamy and polygamy have been around since the dawn of ‘man.’ It was not until the rise of the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire that nonomongamy practices became shunned. Even during the time nonmonogamy fell out of favor it still survived being reborn during WWII. Whilst I do not believe monogamy is the right choice for every couple. Monogamy still remain a driving force in shaping a relationship. If couple wishes to try having a threesome but feels monogamy is an issue then there are two methods they can try. First is viewing monogamy as a choice instead of an absolute the other method is viewing having a threesome as a physical act where feelings for each other will remain in tact. In answer to the question, is monogamy a barrier? That is a question each couple will have to answer based on their situation. Whatever choice a couple will make the choice must be in their best interest.  

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 26 May 2014


IMG_8082Intro

A bountiful selection of good blogs this week and it made choosing 10 to include very difficult.

I believe you will enjoy all of them.

Highlights

Why I Love Big Pussy Sex is an interesting article that examines the idea of a ‘stretched’ vagina and experiencing it from a ‘male’ perspective. The reason why I find it interesting because it is an attempt to capture both the physical and emotional experience from a ‘male’ perspective that has a small penis.

Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values examines the idea of boundaries, how they evolve, and subtly the author talks about some of the boundaries they have used. It is an excellent article for anyone wanting to understand the need for boundaries or is looking for a fresh idea of how to introduce boundaries without killing the ‘experience.’

Be Careful for What you Wish for is a blog that I debated about adding since the author appears to have flooded the ‘cuckold’ tag section with a lot of their writing. While I am not opposed to writing a lot. What I have to question is the need to post 14+ blogs in a one week period instead of spacing them out over a few weeks. In this situation, I feel the author’s message is weakened and missed because of too many posts. From my perspective I do not want to read of them because of the volume and I have to question if they are all good quality posts worth reading? My instincts tells me it is not worth my time reading them all. Nonetheless, since I have strive to have authors that write on different parts of the threesome spectrum and because I try to strive to include a variety of authors, I have decided to include this one.

1) Just…there by Krystalla

2) 2nd Honeymoon by Krystalla

3) Why I Love Big Pussy Sex by Love Small Penis

4) Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values by Loving Without Boundaries

5) Why I’ve Never Been Interested in a Threesome by Adventures in Randomness

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cumminsgirl

7) The Unicorn is Getting Restless by Good Clean Fun

8) Be Careful for What you Wish for by Sexual Maniacs Anonymous

9) Cuckolding from MD by mdsh143

10) Sex Tips for Group Activities by FriendsshipFunandMaybeaBlog

 

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

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Chapter 2 Michelle’s journey of becoming a hot wife


IMG_8709 updatedChapter 2

After four hours on the road and sex we are exhausted. We did not want the chaos, noise and screaming children that comes with a buffet. In some ways a buffet restaurant is like a war zone navigating children running in the restaurant, screaming children sounding like incoming bombs, and customers that will take your life in order to get the last homemade bun on the island. Instead we chose a nice quaint and quiet restaurant in the hotel that afforded us a level of privacy.

Quietly while looking into Michelle’s eyes, “I am beginning to have doubts about your plan… I mean it made me really horny but I do not know if I can go through with it.” In the dimly lit room I can see her smile fade and her jaw drop.

Taking a drink from her water glass she holds it in her hand while trying to keep her voice low but sounding upset, “I am not doing this for you! I am doing it for me!” slamming the glass on the table. Yelling very quietly, “Do you think it is enjoyable to have the same cock in for all these years? Do you think maybe… just maybe I want more?”

Looking around it does not appear anyone heard her. Feeling as though my life is imploding I look at her seeing her angry and hurt face. In an attempt to bring enjoyment back to our vacation, “Look I am not saying I am against it. All I am saying I am having my doubts. It is not a slam against you. Like anyone who is facing the spouse having sex with someone else, there always will be doubts.”

“I have not had a lot experience with other men and sometimes I question if I should have a few more experiences before marrying. Now, we are in Vegas and I want to let my hair down. It is nothing personal against you. It is something that I am going to do and I ask you support me.”

Not much else was said during supper and as we are finishing our dessert Michelle looks at me, “I am going for a walk alone after supper. Keep your phone on.”

She left. I sat there ordering a glass of red wine and as I sipped on the wine I feel my phone vibrating. Taking the phone out of my pocket I see I have a text from here, “Guess what I am doing?”

My heart races, experiencing sheer joy to anger before questioning how to respond. I know, deep-down, what she is doing but the question is how do I approach it. If I come across uninterested it will upset her and if I am playful then I will get hundreds of text messages from her. It is all a part of her game.

So I decide to respond, “I am sitting in the restaurant having a glass of wine. What are you doing?”

“Do not wait up for me, I am sitting here with Robert and a few of his friends.”

“Have fun” I text back to her.

After another glass of wine I head back to the room. I am in the room for about an hour and have not heard anything from Michelle. Then I hear my phone receiving texts from Michelle. Looking at the phone I see are a few texts with photos in them. The first says, “I hope you enjoy” followed by several photos of her with guys in various states of being undressed. One shows her topless kneeling in front of a guy pulling off his pants. Another one show her laying naked on a table with three naked guys standing around her. Final photo shows a guy fucking her while she is sucking another guy and her stroking an erect cock of a third. After receiving the last photo text the message said “see you soon.”

When I first saw them I felt emotionally number, not knowing how to respond. Then my heart began racing, my penis became quite erect, and I could barely contain myself. A few moments ago I felt tired but now I am quite awake. It was about another 15 minutes before Michelle walk through the door looking disheveled.

“Do you want to know what happened?”

“Yes, I am quite horny and want to hear about your night.”

Walking to the bathroom she being undressing and fills the bath. “After leaving the restaurant I went to the casino playing the slots. Robert sits next to me talking me up. I enjoy it and talk some more. Then he mentions a few of his friends are having a party in his room and if I would like to join them. ”

Pausing to test the water of bath she adjusts it a bit to make it warmer. At that point I can smell sex on her. It is a very musky smell combining with a smell of rotting cheese. “We are in the room and they give me a glass of wine. We are all talking and laughing. Then one of them asks me if I would give him a blow job. I am not sure. However we are all having a good time and I figure why not. So I take my top off, kneel in front of him, pulling down his pants. It is a big cock, about 9″ and I start sucking him.

The other guys start undressing and they undress me too. Soon we are all naked. At that point seeing all of the naked men around me and getting horny at the site of me, I feel as though I want to fuck them all. So I crawl on to the table letting him one have their turn with me. It was incredible.”

Hearing her describe the scene to me even made me more horny. “Are you mad?” asking with a sullen tone in her voice and sadness across her face.

“No, I want to fuck you when you are done with your bath.”

Series

Chapter 1

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Chapter 1 Michelle’s journey of becoming a hot wife


londonStart of our vacation

Michelle’s summer 2009 vacation with me brings many fond memories. We were ‘on the top of the world’ with Michelle’s promotion and my successful business. As a way to celebrate our new success we decided to drive four hours to Las Vegas for a week-long getaway and at the time I did not know what would transpire.

We left on 15 July and that day is permanently etched in my mind. It was a hot sunny day without a cloud in the sky. The type of day when being out side in the sun for more 10 minutes mean you are dripping with sweat and the anything that can cool you down is a very cold beer. Because it was so hot outside we decided to take our BMW with it rag-top roof so we can drive with it down.

About an hour after leaving Michelle turns to me with her long black her blowing in the, and her sunglasses covering her blue eyes and her oval face with perfectly flawless skin. As we travel 70 mph down the interstate, she grabs my arm in order to grab my attention. Looking down and away from me she sounds nervous when she says, “I have something to ask and I am not sure what you are going to say.”

At that moment my heart begins racing and stricken with fear, “What can she be wanting?” I know we have been busy and for the last two years our careers took precedent over our relationship. Not sure I knew what she was going to say, I acted as though I was focusing on the road even though there was not another car for at least a mile.

Then there was a bit of playfulness in her voice as her fingers walked up my arm and she lightly grabbed my forearm as she pulled herself into me. Her touch was very welcoming it made me feel close to her and for the first time I in about two years work was the further things from my mind. “I have been thinking maybe this week I could be naughty for you.”

I became hard, my breathing increased, and my mind started rushing with many possibilities. It became difficult to concentrate and luckily we were the only car on the road or there might have been an accident. “What do you mean?” Sounding surprised and nervous.

“Well,” pausing for a moment, “I have not been completely honest with you.”

“How, so?”

“I know how you fantasize about me fucking another man for you in a threesome and I have resisted the idea. Well, lately I have been thinking how great it would feel to have another cock in mean and feel him exploding deep inside me.”

If it was not so hot and if I was not driving, I probably would have had an instant orgasm that would made me cum inside of my pants. For the next three hours that is all I could think about happening on our vacation.

Vegas

 

It was mid-afternoon during the hottest part of the day when we arrived at our mid-strip hotel. We entered our hotel and Michelle immediately wanted to shower. After her proclamation in the car I knew I wanted to fuck her right now. “You can shower once I am done with you.”

Throwing her to the bed, I unbutton her white silky blouse and quickly unhooking her bra, exposing her 36 B breasts. The right breast is slightly smaller but when she is aroused her nipples get very erect. As I begin undressing her I notice how smooth her skin feels. It feels delicate and smooth as a rose petal. Too rough it would destroy it. Moving down her abdomen towards her thighs, kissing every inch, I begin sliding her pants off exposing her hairy mound.

Each time I touch it she quivers and gasps for air. I do not move immediately for her pussy. Instead I tease her a bit by kissing and caressing her inner thigh. Watching her tremble each time I touch her.

Once I have thoroughly aroused her, I begin stroking the side of her clit and I see it is quite enlarged. Then I use the tip of my tongue to stroke her clit as I begin to finger her wet moist pussy. The tightness and warmth of it is quite inviting. As I pull my two fingers out her moisture drips from my finger.

By this point I am quite hard and cannot wait no longer. Slowly entering her I can feel her vagina envelope my hard penis. At first I move slow, wanting to savor the image of another guy inside of her and her pussy grasping his shaft as he goes deep in her. Then I envision him uncontrollably thrusting his cock deep in her and her screaming in pleasure. Soon the picture is too much and I explode in her, filling her up with cum.

Other Chapters in this series

Chapter 2

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15 WordPress articles you may have missed during the week of 22 April 2014


Here is another installment of good WordPress articles that have been published over the last week that you may have missed.

In case you are wondering how I select the articles to list. I have read all of them list and feel there is a great quality about them. Great quality means the author has something useful to say that relates to the topics my followers enjoy reading.

Each article relates to sex, threesomes, or a similar topic such as relationships. Generally I tend to pick well written articles in English that are at least a few hundred words in length, ideally a minimum of 5oo words but I will pick an article that has less, and provides my followers with some insight on a subject that interests them.

This week it seems as though Kirstalla’s Blog along with Sex and Regex are batting 1000 with two very well written articles this week.

I hope you take a few minutes to read them. If you like them show the author your support by liking it and leaving a positive comment.

1) TMI Tuesday –  Arousing by Filled and Fooled

2) Threesome #2 by Sex and Regex

3) Threesome Insecurities Followup by Sex and Regex

4) Surprise Party by Sexxxy Milf

5) How We Opened Up and Beyond by Krystalla‘s Blog

6) Deep Desires by Krystalla’s Blog

7) The First Mistake by Swingertopoly

8) My First Date in 8 Years by Poly Pocket of Love

9) Ethical Non-monogamy: Can Sharing Lovers Work for You? by The Wilson Report

10) We Just had an Orgy by Camgirl Sex Stories

11) Pussy Eating Treasure by Janes Illustrated Erotic Sex Blog

12) Curious Mom from the Burbs by Janes illustrated Erotic Sex Blog

13) Finding the balance: Progressing the discussion of having a threesome without collapsing the discussion by 3somes and variations

14) Fantasizing about my Cheating Wife by Cuckold Confession

15) Three by All of my Filthy Little Secrets

 Last Week’s list

Week of 15 April 2015

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Finding the balance: Progressing the discussion of having a threesome without collapsing the discussion


donkey zooIntro

Imagine for a moment having an amazing heart-to-heart conversation about having a threesome but no decision has been made about the next step. Maybe the conversation did not go as expected, a few months have elapsed, and it is time to ‘test the water.’ The challenge is finding the balance between discussing the idea and not causing a complete collapse of the idea.

Start with yourself

In previous articles the importance of understanding your needs and how you envision the threesome is discussed. This means doing some introspection, thinking about possible scenarios, and thinking about your needs. Also it requires thinking about the relationship, the risks you are willing to take, and how you may react. Finally it involves doing some research into the topic. Without having a vision of a possible threesome, revising it, and thinking about it it is nearly impossible to communicate it to your partner.

Having a history together

History regarding a threesome means being together long-enough where each person in the relationship understands how each other responds to a situation, having a communication style that is unique to the couple, and having been together long enough the couple has been able to work through a few difficult situations. Essentially, history means know what makes your significant other operate and knowing how they are likely to respond. Without understanding your ‘significant other’ the chance of catastrophic failure, when trying to progress the discussion of having a threesome, is high.

Confront Challenge

Academic textbooks are written on confronting and challenging; however for this article a brief explanation will be given. Confronting someone, sometimes referred to challenging, can provide an opportunity to persuade them by opening them up to another perspective by confronting / challenging the flaws in their belief.

Successfully challenging / confronting a belief requires a clear understanding of the direction you want to take with the discussion and enough knowledge about the topic any resistance can be met. The goal is not to start a fight to the death over having a threesome. Instead, if done correctly, the technique can be used in regular conversation and help progress the conversation by alleviating any outstanding fear / anxiety over the idea.

Time

Being human mean we change and being human mean we are not the same person we were yesterday. So what allows us to change? Our experiences, our challenges to our beliefs, and events in our lives. As a result, we learn and make the necessary changes. Regarding discussing a threesome, it can mean resistance to the idea has changed and there might be a willingness to discuss it.

So how much time is needed? My feeling if a relationship is new then at least two years before discussing the topic. This will give time to build the foundation of the relationship along with having an opportunity to work through any crisis and develop a sense of security.

Regarding how long the idea should be dropped before picking up the conversation again? There are some who feel if your ‘significant other’ says no to the idea then the topic is dead unless your ‘significant other’ bring up the idea. I disagree with it because I do not feel it is communication because a need is not getting met in the relationship. My feeling six months minimum but ideally a year. This will give your ‘significant other’ a change to think about the topic and a chance to ask any question they might have.

Relationship

Without feeling secure in the relationship  any discussion regarding having a threesome will fail. This means the first step in striking a balance require that security and trust are present.

Conclusion

Answering the question where does the limit exist for discussing a threesome when there is resistance to the idea or the direction is not clear? The answer is dependent on the situation and the couple. This means history together, the depth of feeling secure, and the ability to communicate are essential if the discussion is to progress. Without feeling this and without feeling confident about discussing the topic then it is likely this issue remain unresolved.

Other articles you might enjoy

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/family-message-about-sex-and-impact-on-wanting-a-threesome/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/working-through-the-tough-times/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/12/08/what-makes-a-couple-successful/

https://3somes.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/perception-and-cheating/

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10 Threesome WordPress Artilces you may have missed


Below are some great articles that you may have missed this week on Word Press and I hope you take the time to read some.

The Zen of Making a Threesome Liberating by Threesomes and Variations

The Power of Threesomes by Dancetinyfox

How to Have a MFM Threesome Without Being Bisexual by Threesomes and Variations

On Being a Part of a Triad by anitrafigueroa

Being in Control Doggy Position by janeseroticblog

Today She Admitted Her Preference for Her Lover  by hercuckhubby

My Out of Control Horny by Monkey in a Cage

The First Mistake by Swinger to Poly

Do You Fantasize about Your Wife Having Big Cock Sex by Love Small Penis

The Worst Sex Face Ever by The Shit Show That is My Life

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