Why do we choose full-swap threesomes?


Dessins de Martin van Maele.

Threesomes and group sex have been around since the beginning of time. During the Dark Ages the liberal attitude towards sex was replaced with a drive towards monogamy. Arguably a part of the drive towards monogamy was ensuring the survival of the human race by limiting the number of females that could be impregnated by the same male. Thereby limiting the effects of genetic mutations in the gene pool and providing an increase in gene pool diversity. That drive to keep monogamous practices continues today and makes the world of non-monogamous practices misunderstood. However during WWII things began to change and by the late 60s threesomes along with other group sex practices began attracting attention. It was not until recently television shows and movies are now willing to tackle the topic of threesomes in a more balanced approached. Threesomes are growing in popularity and it brings up the question why do some people migrate towards threesomes?

Before going on it is important to define full-swap threesome. For this article threesome and full-swap threesome means the same. It means three people come together for enjoying the physical aspects of sex and without the emotional attachments that go with it. This means other practices such as cuckolding, open relationships, and soft-swinging are not included as a part of the discussion.

It is this author’s opinion for couple’s the answer can be summed up in one word, relationship. A couple may see a threesome as a way to cure their relationship by adding ‘spice’ to it and ending the mere existence each feel. By adding ‘spice’ some couples feel they will learn to appreciate each other again and rediscover their reason for loving each other. While others feel by adding some ‘spice’ it will keep their partner monogamous and show their partner that they can be sexually adventurous.

Another reason a couple may migrate towards a threesome is based on power in the relationship. In some relationships the power may be held by one person and they may use it to bring about a threesome through pressure, manipulation, or coercion.  Likewise the person who may not hold the power may suggest it as a way to appease their partner or suggest it as way to validate themselves through another person.

Third reason stems from growing the relationship. This may occur in one of two ways. First way it is something the couple may want to do as a way to explore their boundaries.  Essentially, wanting a threesome comes from an organic growth within the relationship whereby trust and communication flourish. Such conditions may lead some couples to push the limits of their relationship to explore other possibility while feeling secure in their relationship. If done successfully it may bring a couple closer together.

Second possible reason, it may be a strategy to strengthen the relationship the long-term by allowing the occasional threesome. Such a strategy allows the couple to invite a third person to enjoy while keeping their relationship intact. In this situation the relationship is maintained by sharing something together.

This brings the author to the side other of the discussion, the single person. For the single person, especially a man, unless their partner is into having a threesome then maintaining a relationship while having a threesome does not typically work. This means there may be other reasons such as the ability to have sex without the issues that goes along with having a relationship. While for others it could be fulfilling a fantasy or being able to have intimacy with individuals of both genders. Moreover this can mean a single person migrates towards having a threesome because it fulfills some need in their life.

When the couple meets the single person it means they are approaching the threesome from two different perspectives, relationship versus need. By having two different perspectives it means information can be lost and misunderstanding can occur. If the threesome will happen then both need to find a common ground in order to meet their competing needs.

Lastly, I am interested in knowing your feelings why people choose full-swap threesomes? Maybe you have ideas as to why threesomes appear being more mainstream?

Understanding the basic difference between wife swapping and threesome


One of the illustrations of Gamiani, or Two Ni...

 

Deciding to have a group sex experience is a lot being an older child in a toy store. Being older the toy store is still exciting and you want to explore everything. However, at this age there is a realization that some toys are not appropriate for you and other toys you have no interest. So, choosing involves an elimination process that ultimately results in you buying a toy that meets your needs. Choosing between having a threesome or a wife swapping experience involves the same type of elimination process in order to find the group situation that meets your needs as a couple.

 

The starting point for each type of group sex experience starts out the same. Both involve having the initial discussion, setting boundaries, and spending time getting to know each other. Then as everyone begins knowing each other the decision is made, either have the experience or remain being friends. However the difference lies in the dynamics each presents.

 

Wife-swapping, or sometimes known as a foursome, typically involves two couples that have an open swap or a closed swap. An open swap means sex occurs in the same room. This can be a combination of all four interacting with each other or some form of pairing off occurring in the room. When the word foursome or wife-swapping is mentioned open swap is typically the image that is generated.

 

Open swap provides each couple a chance to still be with each other, provides a level of safety, and to say something if they become uncomfortable with situation. Also an open swap allows for the possibility several different sexual activities to occur including bisexual activity and voyeur activity too. Finally it allows each couple to remain together.

 

Whereas a closed swap means there is some type of pairing off and sex occurs in different rooms. This tends to border more on an open relationship, especially if the foursome is ongoing. Also, in this author’s opinion, it means a high-level of trust, communication, and respect must exist.

 

In comparison a full-swap threesome will involve the couple and the invited third person being in the same room.  For the couple it is about sharing the experience and being a team. Likewise for the invited third person it is having the experience.

 

The question arises, what is the best choice for a couple looking to have their first group sex experience? Answer comes down to what the couple wants and what they feel is in their best interest. A threesome, from a relationship dynamic standpoint, is easier due to less people involved and less communication that needs to occur. This means, in theory, it is easier to manage. Also, if it is a mfm threesome then it is most likely easier to arrange and will take to less time to arrange.

 

In contrast, an open swap foursome offers more variations than a full-swap threesome. Though, it can be more emotionally intense since there are more people involved. However, it can take longer to meet a compatible couple. Whereas a closed swap is in contrast to a threesome or an open swap since sex between the paired off couples occurs in different rooms, quite possibly different locations (e.g. different hotel rooms). This means there is a loss of variety but it does open up the opportunity to be less inhibited due to your partner not being in the same room. Also it means having sex can be more intimate and a chance to do some exploring.  Finally in a closed swap it means the experience becomes less of a team experience and more of an individual experience.

 

This means in answer to the question, the couple needs to make several determinations for themselves such as team experience versus individual and variety versus intimate. Only be exploring their needs on an individual and exploring their needs on a couple’s basis will they be able to determine which experience will fit them the best.

 

 

 

A must see movie about swinging


 

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

 

Before this continues it is important for any reader of the blog to know this blog is this author’s opinion.  In no way has this author been asked to write this blog for the movie mentioned and this author has not been paid to write it.

 

Group sex has been activity that has been around for thousands of years but it has been an activity that has been taboo, not discussed. Without an open public discussion it has left many to venture into the form of sexual activity unaware of what to expect and left those who participated in the activity to learn about it through the mistakes they made. After Word War II the media began taking an interest in ‘wife swapping’ and up until now the media tended to portray wife swapping from a one dimensional perspective in order to generate profit. This has led to an increase in interest in this type of activity while at the same time creating a misconception of the activity. It appears there has been an attempt to portray ‘wife swapping,’ in a wider perspective group sex, in a more balanced light, and this author’s feeling, ‘Swinging with the Finkels,’ is that attempt.

 

For those who have not seen ‘Swinging with the Finkels,’ it is a light-hearted comedy that shows the a fictitious couple trying closed swapping, ‘wife swapping where each ‘couple’ has sex in separate rooms, in order to add spice to their relationship that has become mundane after other attempts to revive it fail and to prevent cheating. The strength of the movie lies in it attempt to show how the fictitious couple, the Finkels, arrive at deciding to try wife swapping and the after effects of the decision. Another strength of the movie is its’ ability to show the impact of not talking, in detail, about the decision to have a threesome and its impact on the relationship. The last strength of the movie is its ability to show the effort involved in finding a suitable couple.

 

With that said there are a few areas where the movie seemed to stumble. Probably the biggest area is its failure to draw on a potential strength, American couples living in London and drawing on the awakening many American couples go through once they are exposed to the European attitude towards sex. This author feels, had the movie’s director drawn upon that, it would have made the movie more cohesive and made the movie stronger. The author area where the movie seemed to stumble is that it reinforced current politically correct value and this occurs when the couple discovers they remained monogamous to each other. For this author, if the movie took the next step whereby the couple talked about the experience, accepted that it occurred and then moved on then it would have been a more enjoyable movie. Finally this author can understand why the term swinging was used in the title but this author feels since the wife swapping was a one-off experience it was not swinging.

 

Overall ‘Swinging with the Finkels,’ is a good attempt to provide wife swapping with a balanced viewpoint. The biggest drawback to the movie is that it still reinforces politically correct view about monogamy and it fails to draw upon strength of the movie the awakening of an American couple regarding a different viewpoint about sex. Nonetheless anyone who wants to watch a light-hearted comedy about group sex will not be disappointed with this movie.

 

 

 

Defining threesome, swinging, and open relationship


The Purple Mobius symbol for Polyamory, non-mo...

Does having a threesome mean the relationship is an open relationship?

Introduction

Threesomes, swinging, and open relationships are terms that are used interchangeably but each term has a specific meaning. Without understanding the meaning of each term it leads to confusion and misunderstanding.

Threesome

We all know threesome is a broad term meaning three people having sex together and it is used to cover a variety of situations. What many people do not realize is the term implies an encounter whereby the couple remains emotionally monogamous to each other but brings in a third person in order to enhance their sexual enjoyment of each other.  This means the term is used ind describing a couple that occasionally participates in the activity and for the most part, has a close relationship.

Swinging

Swinging is a term, this author feels, is over-used and it has almost become meaningless. The term dates back WWII and it described the practice of fighter pilots who shared their wives due to the high mortality rate but the practice itself dates back to biblical times.

Today, swinging implies a lifestyle choice. This means a couple that participates in having threesomes does so on a regular basis and the practice has become a part of their life. This means the difference between the term swinging and threesome implies the degree to which the practice is a part of the couple’s life.

Open Relationship

An open relationship can take on many forms, such as cuckolding / cuckqueaning, menage da trios, friends with benefits, or polyamory. The defining feature of an open relationship versus a threesome or swinging is the couple, in an open relationship, forms a secondary sexual relationship with someone outside of their primary relationship. This means each individual in the relationship, can choose, to have a relationship with someone else.  It also means the difference between an open relationship, swinging and a threesome is in an open relationship emotional monogamy is lost.

Defining the difference

This brings up the question, is all swinging and threesomes an open relationship? In this author’s opinion the answer is no. First in a swinging or threesome situation the activity is done together in an effort to maintain emotional monogamy. Second, an open relationship tends to involve relationship formation whereas the others focus on sexual enjoyment instead of forming a relationship. Such a difference means there is a different relationship dynamic at play.

Next, it brings up the question what about a couple that swings or has a threesome but one of the plays alone on occasion. The answer comes down to the reason for playing alone and the frequency. If it is something that is done on a rare occasion and it done for heightening sexual enjoyment then the answer would be it is not an open relationship.

Finally is it possible to have an open relationship while maintaining some form of monogamy? This author believes cuckolding / cuckqueaning is an example where the submissive member remains monogamous and receives sexual enjoyment from their partner’s sexual encounter. The other example is a friend with benefits. A friend with benefits relationship implies there is no monogamy and it is a choice.  This means the friends can, if they are not already in a relationship with someone else, choose to remain monogamous to each other.

Conclusion

The terms threesome, swinging, and open relationship describe a relationship based on the frequency of group sex and the extent to which the couple remains emotionally monogamous to each other. Even though each term describes these characteristics, it still means there is some interpretation that must occur. Hopefully by discussing these terms in more detail it will help the reader understand the differences between them.

Debunking cuckold myths


It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves...

Introduction

Cuckolding is slowly entering the mainstream, as an accepted sexual practice, and it is gaining media attention. As it gains attention, the media will focus on the more titillating aspects with the hopes of driving ratings and attracting viewers. Such decisions present a biased view. leading couples to make decisions based on a particular viewpoint. It is important any couple seeking to try a cuckold has all the information. This article will explore some of the more common myths.

Cuckolding is a fetish

This author is aware of many people will argue cuckolding is a fetish but this author disagrees with them. A fetish by definition refers to an item or body part that is needed for inducing sexual arousal.  Since cuckolding is a sexual act and the majority of those into cuckolding can get aroused without being in a cuckold relationship it implies it not a fetish. Even taking a very liberal interpretation of the definition, whereby participating in a cuckold is needed for arousal the definition of fetish still does not apply.

Viewing cuckolding as a fetish, from the perspective of the couple, implies there is dysfunction in the marriage because the woman needs to have sex outside of the relationship for them to become aroused. Also, it implies the couple has to incorporate a third person into the relationship in order for both of them to be happy. For the bull, the male that is outside of the relationship, it implies he is only able to relate, sexually, to someone that is involved in a relationship and it suggests that he is not able to have a relationship with a woman himself.

In this author opinion equating cuckold with a fetish is wrong since it implies the primary relationship is somehow dysfunctional. and creates the wrong image for cuckolding.

Cuckolding is BDSM

While this author feels there is a strand of cuckolding that falls under BDSM. The particular strand that falls under BDSM this author believes is cuckolding that involves:

  • Humiliation due to small penis size
  • Using sex with someone else as a punishment / reward
  • Using sex with someone else as humiliation
  • Using male chastity device to deprive the male of having sex  or intentionally withholding sex while having sex with someone else

It is important to note, any BDSM activity is done with their partner’s knowledge and consent.

This author believes not all cuckolding is BDSM. Instead this author believes there is another form called couple cuckolding. Couple cuckolding differs from cuckolding that traditionally falls under the BDSM definition in three respects. First, the woman once she returns from her encounter shares her sexual experience with the other male with her partner and second, the man in the primary relationship is not submissive. Finally the person she chooses does not necessarily have to be male.

Couples who practice cuckolding cannot accept their marriage is over

It is true cuckolding can destroy a relationship but it is not always true that couples who take part in cuckolding see it as a way to keep a failed relationship together. Cuckolding if done right can enrich a relationship and fulfill it too.

Cuckolding can fix a relationship

Relationships can get stale and a stale relationship can lead a person to look outside of the relationship for a sexual partner. Feeling, as though a relationship is stale, indicates there is an unresolved issue (e.g. busy work schedules, communication issue, etc) that needs addressing. Cuckolding or any other group sex experience should not be sought as a ‘fix’ for a relationship.

Cuckolding is something a couple without any ‘group sex’ experience can do

A couple of legal age and who are capable of giving legal consent can do anything legal they choose, including cuckolding. Since cuckolding involves one member of the couple having sex alone with someone else, it means the person not participating will not be present. This provides unique challenges which requires a high level of trust and the ability to effectively communicate. However, without some form of ‘group sex’ experience (e.g. threesome, wife swapping or soft-swinging), a couple may find they are unprepared for the unexpected challenges cuckolding brings.

Cuckolding is only about sex

Sex is one aspect of cuckolding. However, depending on how long the couple pursues cuckolding, it is possible that emotional bond forms with the bull, thereby forming a secondary relationship with them. A couple considering the idea need to take forming an emotional bond with the third person seriously and they need to have boundaries in place to deal with the issue.

Cuckolding is a better choice since I do not have to watch my partner having sex with someone else

Many times cuckolding is done without primary male being present. Nonetheless, watching your partner having sex with someone else is not easy but it can be quite erotic. If you are uncomfortable with watching your partner having sex with someone else and / or discussing it then it might be a sign you are not comfortable with any type of ‘group sex’ activity. Should this be the situation then it may be worth your time to explore if cuckolding is in your best interest.

Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario


Heterosexual-flag-idea

Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.