Can a threesome help a relationship?


Imagine this scenario, a couple finds sex is becoming mundane and predictable considers having a threesome in order to add “spice” to their sex life. Likewise another couple  finds sex between them is electrifying and wanting to explore their boundaries. Which one, do you feel is like to have an enjoyable threesome experience that can help their relation? The answer might surprise you.

In order to answer that question it is important to define the word help. Help in this context means either fixing a relationship or improving it. It does not mean being therapeutic nor doe it mean providing a path to find an answer. This means having a threesome as a way for fixing a relationship poses some challenges and risks. Usually if there is a problem in a relationship it means there is a corresponding issue regarding communication. If there is a problem with communication then the likelihood that an important topic is missed regarding having a threesome increase and thereby means having problems due to having a threesome increases.   By having a threesome it can bring up underlying issues that the couple was not prepared to address. Without having the necessary tools, such as communication, in addressing underling issues then there is a high probability that the relationship will suffer. Does this mean the relationship is doomed to fail? No,  but it does mean the couple will likely face challenges that they will need to be prepared to address and without being able to successfully address them then it is likely the relationship will fail.

Does this then mean a couple that finds sex electrifying will be without issues? Again the answer is no. However, it does mean the couple is approaching a threesome from a position of strength thereby decreasing the chance that a threesome will go wrong. If a couple is finding sex electrifying between the two of them, for example, then it indicates they are doing something right. Most likely, though not guaranteed, communication exists and they, most likely, have the right relationship dynamic for a threesome. Nonetheless, there are no guarantees and there still remains a chance that an issue will develop that the couple did not consider. Such issues can include lack of clarity on boundaries and misunderstanding boundaries. Feelings beginning to develop for the third person and underlying relationship issues brought forward. Anytime a couple considers having a threesome they need to do it cautiously and be prepared for any issue that may arise.

Does this mean a threesome cannot help a relationship? No, but it does mean a threesome can weaken a poor relationship and it could help a strong relationship by allowing further development of communication between the couple. Therefore any couple thinking about a threesome need to work through any relationship issue before having a threesome in order to mitigate any issue that could hurt their relationship. If a couple is able to communicate and work through their problems then having a threesome may be something that could help them.

The basics of threeosme safety


 

Introduction

What do you think when you hear the word safety? Safety conjures up an image of an activity being sucked of its fun or Health and Safety Laws in the UK that have gone too far. Nonetheless safety has an important part of having a threesome and it is the part that ensures that the threesome remains enjoyable while protecting those involved.

Sexual Safety:

 

This is the easiest point to start the discussion since it is a topic people are familiar with at some level. Sexual safety means more than practicing safe-sex, it means avoiding unnecessary risks that can damage your sexual health. It also means looking at the details of what is being planned and ensuring that what is being planned will not have an impact on anyone’s health at a later date. Examples include properly cleaning “toys” before using them, not going bareback with someone, not using lubricants that can breakdown a condom, informing your partner if you believe you have been exposed to a STI, allowing a chance to bathe, and changing condoms when switching between anal and vaginal penetration. Essentially sexual safety means respecting everyone enough that extra measures are considered and communicating additional information so that sexual health is not put at risk.

Personal Safety:

 

Personal safety and emotional safety has some overlap. Since there is some overlap this section will focus more on the physical aspects of personal safety and to some extent address the issue of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person. It is impossible to speak about every possible risk to personal safety that might theoretically arise in a threesome situation and this section will take a broad brush stroke over the topic.

Overview

Stating point regarding personal safety is our “inner voice.” All of us have an “inner voice” that tells us if something is not right. Choosing to listen our inner voice is our choice. However in a threesome situation if it does not feel right, if you feel there is something not right about the situation, or the situation make you feel uncomfortable then it is best not to ignore that “inner voice.” Most likely your “inner voice” is warning you about a potential injury to your well-being.

Another point regarding personal safety is not to put yourself in a situation where your safety becomes at risk. There are some who feel to “get in the mood” they need to drink or use drugs. There is nothing wrong with a social drink in order to get the conversation flowing and to relax everyone. However the issue becomes when having more than a social drink or using drugs can lead to fuelling emotions such as, when are watching your partner having sex with someone else in front of you and such activities makes it more likely that the individual will participate in risky behavior that they would not normally do when sober. Undertaking risky behavior can result in boundaries being broken, unnecessary exposure to STDs / STIs, and in some cases risk of pregnancy. It is therefore better to be in control of the situation and to make appropriate decisions then to make a decision based on the “heat of the moment” only to regret it later.

Final point, which ties in to the next part of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person, is examining the planned threesome from a personal safety perspective. It means examining the planned threesome and then trying to identify where potential safety issues may exist. From there then determining the likelihood of it happening, and asking if it did happen why would be impact of the outcome? Purpose of this exercise, essentially is to make sure what is being planned addresses the issues of safety.

Meeting the Third Person

 

Meeting the third person covers a very broad spectrum from placing an ad on the internet to physically meeting them. While it is impossible to cover every conceivable situation a few general principles do apply. First principle is creating an alias. An alias is essential because it helps to protect your identity from family, friends, employers, if you have children in the home it will protect them, and anyone else that you may come in contact with. It goes without saying, there is nothing wrong with having a threesome but if someone does know your identity then it could have some consequences for you, especially if you have a job where you are dealing with the public. In order to protect yourself, your family and your job creating an alias becomes a part of planning for safety.

The question now becomes what is an alias? An alias sanitizes your key information so that is not easily traced to you. This means when creating an alias, you remove any information that can personally identify you and restate it in such a way that protects you. So if you are John (age 42) & Jane (age 38) residing in Northbrook, Illinois then your alias may become Mark (age 40) and Sarah (age 35) in Chicago. As a part of this process any pictures you might use would not have pictures of your children, other family members, or anything that would identify you. Instead they might be either neck down pictures or pictures showing you from a distance, so that facial features become less distinct while still showing a generalized body shape.

Remember your alias will be the first thing people who read your ad on the internet, you contact, or meet will know about you. Therefore it becomes important that your alias is something that is manageable and easy for you to remember. If not, it may make developing trust more difficult thereby loosing potential third persons.

Final question is how far do you take the alias? Personally my recommendation would be taking it far enough that any person you come in contact with regarding a threesome cannot identify where you work, do not know where you live if you have children, and they do not know your contact information. This may mean getting a pay-as-you-go cellular / mobile phone or buying a separate cellular / mobile phone for this activity. By getting a mobile / cellular phone dedicated to this activity it keeps your own phone number hidden and it also allow you to know anyone who is contacting you their call somehow relates to a threesome. Likewise establishing a dedicated email address for this activity will help to protect you from SPAM emails and it makes it easier to manage. Thirdly this means not taking the third person to your house if you have children around and if you do bring them making sure any sensitive information (e.g. bank, credit card information, and family photos) is secured. Fourthly avoid giving any career information that might identify your employer or may damage your reputation. Finally an alias may sound as though you are lying or intentionally being deceptive. This author feels as long as you are honest to questions being asked, that does not relate to your identity, and your present yourself in a truthful manner then creating an alias for protecting your protection is justifiable.

After speaking with them online and there seems to be an interest in meeting to see if things develop for a threesome to happen, the question becomes how to handle it? There is no right way to handle it but, this author feels, is for someone starting out with having a threesome then the first meeting should be a “meet & greet” in a public place. This means the first meeting involves no sex occurring and the purpose of the meeting is find out if all three of you are compatible. Before meeting them it may be worth your time to bring a cellular phone  / mobile phone for an emergency, let someone know that as a couple you are going out that night, and consider other safety measures. Then after the meeting having the time to talk to each other about it and then determine if that person is someone you want to have a threesome with.

Emotional Safety:

 

Emotional safety essentially means ensuring that you maintain the same positive perspective of having a threesome, from beginning to well after the threesome occurs, and immediately addressing any issues that interferes with that perspective. This means, this author feels, that each person participating in the threesome needs to have the proper positive perspective. Having a positive perspective does not necessary mean being 100% enthused about the idea 100% of the time. Instead it means viewing having a threesome as something positive and enjoyable in which each person has decided to participate. Without viewing a threesome as a choice and a decision to participate in it freely leaves allot of room for feeling bad about it.

So how do you achieve a balance to view the threesome positively as a choice? This author believes that being assertive as a large role in it. Being assertive means making your needs known in a manner that is not confrontation and as long as it is not a need that needs to be met in order to have the threesome (e.g. safe-sex practices), then try to find a way to reach a compromise. Without being assertive to make you needs known and to protect those needs that you feel are absolutely necessary to have a threesome.

Conclusion

 

This chapter briefly touched on the issue of safety from a sexual, personal, and emotional perspective. However due to the breadth of this subject it was not possible to cover all aspects of it and the purpose of this section was to introduce the idea as some something that needs to be considered when planning a threesome. If there were four points from this section to remember they would be, first do not discount any feeling of uneasiness because it could be a warning that something is not right. Second it is important to be assertive, to deal with issues as they come up, and not to give up on your core feelings in order to please someone else so that a threesome can happen. Third creating an alias can help in protecting yourself, your career, and family from the possible negative consequences of having a threesome. Finally it is important to review the planned threesome, from time to time, in order to ensure issues of safety are being addressed and that as a couple you are not putting your safety at unnecessary risk. By considering and planning for your safety in a threesome situation it will go along way to ensure that your threesome is enjoyable.

 

Etiquette for placing and responding to an ad for a threesome


Introduction: How do you let others know you are interested in having a threesome? In the internet age ads are an avenue whereby an individual or a couple can attract others for a threesome.  It is in essence a calling card letting people, with similar interests, know you are interested in having a threesome and decisions are made based on the information you provide.

When placing an ad or responding to an ad for a threesome, have you ever considered the rules? If you have not then you are not alone, since most of us have not. Hopefully this article, along with future articles, will help you consider the points needed when placing or responding to an ad.

Ad Placer: The ad is piece of information that attracts readers and says to them why they should pick you over the others. It needs to keep the reader’s interest and should reflect your personality.  At a minimum the ad needs to include:

  • Your boundaries
  • Your sexual interests including anything you might be willing to try.
  • The type of person / couple you are searching for
  • The type of threesome you are wanting

At this point there may be a temptation be very general in order to get as many replies as possible. The problem with this approach is you will receive many replies that do not meet your requirements and will lead to a lot of time being wasted. Instead, being specific in an ad, maybe feel counter-intuitive but it helps to limit the replies from people that do not meet your criteria.

This now raises the question, how do you write the ad in order to protect your identity? Best way is by creating an alias that provides personal information without identifying you. For example if you are a Bob (44) & Jo (38) a married couple in Northbrook, Il. You can become John (42) & Melanie (35) from Chicago. Protecting your identity online takes precedence over providing too much information that can put you at risk.

Next question, how do you write an ad that people will read and will keep their attention?. The ad should be well-written free of spelling mistakes, free of slang, and grammatically correct. Also it should be written at the level of the type of person you are trying to attract and should avoid trying to offend anyone. Finally the proper etiquette for receiving a reply to an ad is to respond to the reply even if it is, “Thank you for your interest but regret to inform you we have decided at this time to consider other replies that closer meet our ad.”

After writing the ad and editing it another question arises, what about the use of photos? There is debate about the use of pictures in an ad and the type of picture to be used. This author is ambivalent about using pictures, due to the fact they can be photo shopped or be copied from someone-else photos, thereby not being the couple / individual who placed the ad; nonetheless photos do remain a way of showing legitimacy and way of building trust. Furthermore photos show viewers that you have an interest in the activity and give any potential playmate a first impression of who are.

So what type of photo should you use? There are some who will say face shots are necessary in order to determine attraction and know what the person looks like if they meet. Reality remains most photos are either genital shots or shots of the individual in some form of sexual act. This is due to the poster of the photo not wanting to “out” themselves and to protect their identity by not showing their face.

What is the proper etiquette for photos in a threesome ad? Personally, I do not see anything wrong with genital shots in an ad. Since, it is probably the only type of photo that someone who is not open with friends and family about their activity is comfortable providing. Moreover, I would recommend the ad contain a body shot, without the face (neck down), or a shot of the individual / couple fully clothed from a distance. However, pictures of faces that have been edited to hide their face (e.g. pixilated or black line through the face) or pictures of the individual / couple that have people around them removed.

Next, this leads to the question what should be left out of the ad? Any personal information must remain out of the ad, such as: address, phone number, real names, place of employment, number of children, any family information, or anything that can identify you.  Likewise, anything that does not directly relate to the reason for the ad can be kept out. For example you might want to include a bit of non-sexual information such as movie likes to attract a certain type of person to your ad but discussing your political views, for example, in an ad for a threesome has no place.

Finally this brings up the question, what is the etiquette for responding to an ad? Even if you are not interested then from an etiquette stand point you should respond with a simple, “thanks for taking the time to respond but we have decided to pursue other replies,” and if they ask for a reason then you can either ignore them or simply reinforce, you have chosen to pursue other replies without going into any more detail. However, if you find a reply you like then from an etiquette standpoint you should respond as quickly as possible and should try to build rapport with the replier by asking questions. At this point you probably should not ask for pictures or contact details until you have communicated enough with them to believe meeting is a strong possibility.

Responding to an ad:

Finding an individual or a couple that shares similar ideas can be quite exciting and being excited, can lead to loss of rationale when responding to an ad. It is possible to get “tunnel-vision,” by believing you are the only one responding or believing that the couple is going to chose you when the reality is, especially for couples looking for an mfm, they receive literally 100s of replies.

The starting point is finding a way to make your reply stand-out and be chosen for consideration. This means reading the ad in its entirety and responding to it directly. Think about why you are responding to their ad and what made it stand-out for you. Also consider the points about the type of person they want to meet and how you meet it. Your response does not need to be academic and it is important to let your personality show in your reply. However, remember your audience and remember the need to be respectful. If it is a couple you need to realize that male half, at some point will most likely read your reply.  This means providing a generic response, a mass reply response, or being overtly sexual in your first contact with the ad placer is unacceptable.

What happens if you do not meet all of their requirements but want to respond? The starting point, be realistic about your chances and accept the less you meet their requirements the less likely you will receive a favorable. Nonetheless take time to highlight how you meet the requirements while not emphasizing how you do not meet their requirements. If you receive a “thanks for responding but we are not interested,” reply then accept it.

This leads to the question what else should not be included in a reply? If the ad does not ask for a photo then do not send one since they will most likely check out your profile. Also do not send your phone number or contact details unless it is requested by them after communicating with you. Finally do not go into detail about your life or give information not being sought.

Last point, if you do not receive a response back then do not push for a decision and if the response is a ‘no’ then continue your search. The worst thing you can do in this situation is continue replying to the ad or trying to debate with the ad placer why they were wrong in not choosing you. At a minimum they will block you and at worse your account will be suspended. Therefore it is not worth the time looking for an explanation or trying to convince them why they made the wrong decision.

Conclusion: Being honest and being specific are two essential elements for etiquette when responding to an ad for a threesome. It is the foundation that allows trust to build and allows for the threesome to occur. Furthermore protecting your identity is paramount and nothing should put your identity at risk. Anyone who requests too much personal information should be avoided. Lastly it is important when responding to any ad that the reply directly relates to the ad placed.

A basic introduction understanding threesome risk


Introduction:

Risk is something that gets talked about a lot but few truly understand the term. From the moment we wake up in the morning, to the time we go work, and even when we sleep we face uncountable number of risks. If we took the time to plan for every conceivable risk and then thought about how we could mitigate them we would spend our lives preparing for events that may never happen. It would create a life full of anxiety about worrying about might happened instead of being able to live our lives. Through our learning experiences we have developed mechanisms that allow us to filter out inconceivable risks in order for us to lead productive lives while still being aware of possible risks. This process exists for threesomes but instead of using the autopilot to sort through the risks in daily life, it becomes necessary to sort through them on a more detailed level. Without having some understanding of risk, planning a threesome becomes more difficult. The purpose of this article is to briefly look at the issue of risk by examining a hypothetical situation and then showing how examining the threesome for risks works.

Risk – defined

When discussing threesomes, risk can be simply thought of as the chance that an event will occur that will results in some damage being done to the relationship. Essentially risk is the element that makes each threesome unique from similar threesomes that other couples may have and it is the one thing that prevents providing generic advice almost impossible since it requires knowing about the couple. For planning a threesome the couple also needs to consider the impact of that the risk would have on their safety and relationship. Along with considering the expected damage to be done the couple also needs to consider the likelihood, chance, that the expected event will occur. This means risk runs the full spectrum from events that are likely to occur with minimal impact to the relationship to events that are very unlikely to occur but if they did occur would have a devastating impact on the relationship.

Risk – applied

Hypothetically let us assume John & Jane have been married for 10 years and Jane has suggested to John that she would like to have a threesome with a former boyfriend. There are several risk issues here and for the sake of the discussion only a few of the risks will be examined for this discussion:

  • Former boyfriend tells friends that he had a threesome with Jane & her husband (discretion / privacy risk).
  • Jane becomes pregnant by former boyfriend
  • Relationship is adversely impacted

Analysis

1)       Former boyfriend tells friends that he had a threesome with Jane & her husband

Impact:  Impact will vary greatly depending on their life circumstances and how open they are about this activity. For example, If Jane does not keep in contact with their previous friends that her former boyfriend & she kept or John & Jane have a different group of friends then impact might be low. However Jane & her former boyfriend met via a business contact then their job and customers might be impacted.

Chance of Occurring: This depends on to a large extent the former boyfriend and his ability to understand the need for discretion. Without further information this author would have to say chance is low since the former boyfriend will be outing himself too.

Way to mitigate: Generally speaking if the need for privacy and discretion is communicated to the third it is usually not an issue.

2)       Jane becomes pregnant by former boyfriend

Impact:  If Jane became pregnant the impact most likely would be devastating on the relationship with John.

Chance of Occurring: A function of several factors such as if Jane is pre-menopausal and if so when the threesome occurs in relationship to her menstrual cycle. Also it depends on what form of contraception is being used, if it is used as described, and if either of them has been sterilized. This means the chance of occurrence can be high.

Way to mitigate: Use of contraception, especially condom

3)       Relationship is adversely impacted

Impact:  If relationship is adversely impacted by having a threesome then it can have devastating consequences. The fact a former boyfriend has been invited greatly increases the risk. Risk rises further in this situation, if they have been sexually intimate or been a couple for a period of time, greater than 1 year. Therefore it is likely the impact is likely to be high.

Chance of Occurring: Chance of occurring is dependent on several factors, such as how much Jane told John about the relationship with the boyfriend, including any residual feelings for him. In addition the chance that this will adversely impact their relationship rises further if John is uncomfortable with this planned threesome and he is afraid to discuss this with Jane for fear of letting her down. Chance of this occurring is a function of how much communication has occurred and how comfortable John is with this situation.

Way to mitigate: Relationship between Jane & John is such that John is comfortable enough with Jane that he feels as though he can immediately discuss any concerns with her and she is willing to work with John to work through them. Also keeping the planned threesome to a one off whereby John is a full participant will help to lower the risk.

4)       Overall risk

There are potential for some very risky activities that could adversely impact the relationship, especially using a former boyfriend and the risk of pregnancy. Preserving the relationship and looking out for each other’s safety to be paramount when planning a threesome. It is possible with this planned threesome that the couple could lower their risk by finding ways to mitigate it.

Conclusion

The concept of risk is an involved topic that requires examining all aspects of a planned threesome. Reason for talking about risk, albeit briefly, is to get a couple planning a threesome to understand that a threesome carries risk, that the risk can be reduced though not completely eliminated, and the need to think about what is being planned. In addition this chapter brief introduced how to look at risk in a threesome situation. However a real threesome situation is more involved than this because it is unique to the couple and it is this author’s hope that this introduces the couple to the need to examine risks.

 

What next? What is the minimum discussion we need to have before having a threesome?


What next? Is the question that gets asked when you decide to bring up the discussion about having a threesome and before finding the third person. It is a time of uncertainty, insecurity, and facing challenges to the relationship. During this time is about reflection and deciding what needs to be discussed before each of you are comfortable with the idea of having a threesome. Also, it is during this time questions such as what if… happens, potential boundaries are discussed, identifying any activities that need to be reserved for the two of you, and coming together as couple in understanding how a threesome will benefit your relationship. None of these discussions will be easy, there will be disagreements, feelings, and may take time to reach a consensus on them. However the exercise is important as it will foster further communication between the two of you, begin developing your problem solving skills as a couple, and begin to work through any underlying issues that these discussions may identify.

What if…happens discussion is probably one of the most important discussions that the two of you will have. This discussion is essentially identifying any risks to the relationship, discussing its impact, and how the two of you will cope with it. Typical what if topics include:

  • Pregnancy
  • STDs, HIV / AIDs
  • Developing feelings for the third person
  • Mind changes
  • Cannot agree on a third person
  • Variations to plan (e.g. cuckold, wanting to have sex alone with the person, and enjoying it too much)
  • Issues with the third person such as: what if they want me to keep … secret from you.
  • Discover they are bisexual
  • Relationship issues
  • One member of the couple wants to continue wanting to have a threesome while the other does not

Plus there are many more what if… happens topics that each couple can come up with. This discussion should be exhaustive as possible to work through all potential issues along the way and identify how they are going to be handled.

As you work through the what if…happens and develop strategies for dealing with them the need for developing boundaries will begin to occur. Boundaries can be split into at least two categories, relationship and threesome. The relationship boundaries address issues regarding the relationship and topics may include:

  • How to handle issues in the relationship after the threesome occurs
  • Agreeing that the threesome was a mutual decision
  • Agreeing not to use having the threesome against the other
  • Agreeing to not to go to bed mad
  • Agreeing to talk about having the threesome without judgement
  • Realizing each person has a veto and they can exercise it at anytime
  • Only to move as fast as the person least comfortable with having a threesome.
  • The threesome will only occur if both partners are agreeable on the third
  • Communication with the third will be transparent. Meaning no communication occurs without the others knowledge and what is discussed is made known so that there are no surprises.

Threesome boundaries are the boundaries that most people think of when boundaries are mentioned in regards to a threesome. They might include:

  • One off situation
  • No anal sex
  • Both will be present at all times with the third person
  • Condoms / safe sex will be used
  • No watersports, role playing, BDSM, anything that involves pain, or humiliation.

Regardless of the boundaries, boundaries need to be viewed on a periodic basis for relevancy, clarity, and if they need to be changed. It is anticipated that as a couple becomes more experienced with threesomes their boundaries will naturally change.

As boundaries begin to be discussed along with what if…happens, another area begins to become apparent. This area is sometimes referred to as keeping certain activities between ourselves. It means that there are certain activities such as:

  • Kissing
  • Giving oral sex to the male
  • Swallowing cum
  • Anal sex
  • Activities that are special to the couple

Remain with the couple. The general rule is if you will not do it with your partner then you should not do it in a threesome situation.

Keeping certain activities exclusive to the couple can help the couple separate their relationship from having threesomes, help to maintain their relationship, and help build trust in their relationship. Some couples may find that this helps them start out and once they get comfortable they may decide certain activities can be allowed. However it is very much dependent on them.

As these discussions occur it should become apparent the underlying reason for wanting a threesome. There is no one correct reason for having a threesome. However if the reason is:

  • Adding spice to the relationship
  • Fixing the relationship
  • Relationship is getting stale
  • Relationship is under a period of stress / conflict
  • Manipulation or one member of the couple is feeling forced
  • One partner desires the experience much more than the other

Or any other reason that is based on power, control, conflict, stress that could damage the relationship then the threesome should not be done.

There should be an equal desire along with the ability to work through any issue before a threesome is under taken.

Threesomes work the best when the relationship is stable, there is an equal desire, and the couple has the ability to negotiate a solution. If it comes as the result of conflict, unequal desire, manipulation, or relationship stress then there is a good chance that the threesome will be destructive.

In any event the couple is the final deciding factor on that decision based on their discussions and needs at the time.

Basic etiquette for a male wanting mmf threesome


Remember they are a couple

 

You may be thinking that having a threesome is a quick way to get laid without having the complication of a relationship. Unfortunately this is not the case and you will have to form a relationship that is similar to a working relationship with them. During your communications with them if you only focus on the woman, getting laid, or your “assets,” there is a good chance you will not be considered. This is due to the fact that he male half of the couple normally acts as a gatekeeper and you won’t get past him if you ignore him. Best bet is to include both in your communications, let him know you respect him, you respect her, and you respect them as a couple. This does not mean you have to give the male half equal attention. Instead it means you need to recognize her partner enters into the equation and by ignoring him you are most likely killing your chances of being considered for a threesome with them.

 

In any communication be courteous and genuine.

 

Courtesy, honesty, and genuineness goes a long way with a couple. Trying to be someone who you are not, lying about yourself, or being rude will not get you far. Swearing, using colloquialisms, and being too casual is likely to work to your detriment. If a couple suspects that you are lying, not who you say you are, or disrespectful trust will not be developed. Without developing a level of trust with the couple there is no chance that a threesome will occur.

 

When responding to online ads respond to the information in the ad

 

This means read the ad and respond to the ad itself instead of sending them a template response. It also means letting them know how you meet their stated requirements. A generic, template, response or someone who did not read the ad is easy to identify. Most likely this will result in your reply being rejected. If the ad or their reply does not ask for contact information such as contact number or email address then do not provide it.

 

Be prompt, on time, and let them immediately know if you cannot show

 

Nothing speaks poorly about your character if you are late or you are no show without letting them. It is not a good idea to be fashionably late as most couples will not wait much beyond their stated meeting time for you to show and most likely will not give you another chance if you do not show. So, it is important that you remain in communication with them before meeting them and let them promptly know of anything that may delay you showing up.

 

Be clean and smartly dressed

 

As the cliché goes, you only have one chance to make a good impression. Meeting a couple without bathing and poor hygiene will not impress them. Take the time on your appearance and dress for the environment you will be meeting them. Even if you are going to their home for drinks to see where things go, dress smart for them.

 

Understand your role

 

Your role in a two male threesome is to support the husband in providing his wife with a sexual experience that cannot be provided in a monogamous relationship. This means having sex with two guys at once and it is not due to the fact that there is something in the relationship that he cannot provide. In essence you are a ‘toy’ for them and not a replacement.

 

Follow their lead

 

This experience is primarily for them and you are there as an added benefit. There may be a time where you may want to help them progress from discussion to the act or enhance the overall experience. In most cases provided you stick within their boundaries you will be alright but it is a good idea to ask before taking a leap.

 

Ask  

 

If you are unsure about their boundaries, their boundaries appear contradictory, or there is anything else that you have a question about them then make sure to ask. It is better to ask than making the wrong assumption.

 

Don’t rush

 

There is a tendency if a couple shows an interest to push the couple towards the act. Let the couple dictate the speed from contact to the act and if they are moving too slow for you then they are not the couple for you.

 

Don’t be afraid to say no

 

Remember having a threesome is a two way street. Granted the couple may have most of the control over the situation. However if you are not in agreement or the couple does not meet you needs then you are well within your rights to say no. It might mean that you loose the invite but it will prevent a bad experience.

Is choosing an ex for a threesome a good idea?


 

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

 

Choosing an ex for a threesome might seem like a tempting idea but the choice is full of risks for the relationship. In most cases it is better to avoid choosing an ex for the third person in a threesome. Nonetheless, there might be a few exceptions and this article will briefly examine the problem and the possible exceptions to the rule of no ex for a threesome.

 

1)      Feelings can be rekindled 

 

There is a difference between a threesome and a dating relationship. A threesome requires a level of emotional detachment thereby allowing the ability to separate the physical act of sex from the emotional aspect. Having had a previous relationship with the individual makes it difficult to separate feelings from sex and greatly increases the risk of feelings being formed.

 

2)      The previous relationship may begin again

 

 

 

The cliché that time heals all wound. Meaning the further you get from the relationship ending the more likely you remember the good things about it and minimize the bad. For the person considering a threesome with their ex it means they are more likely to remember the good things about the relationship while minimizing the reason the relationship ended. This means they might be susceptible to any influence that their ex may have on them because most of their memories will be positive and will view their ex more positively.

 

3)      Drama and conflict

 

The relationship ended for a reason. Bringing an ex into a threesome situation may rekindle feelings and lead to previous conflicts in the relationship. These conflicts have the potential of spiralling out of control and negative impacting the current relationship.

 

4)      Risk of cheating and breakdown in communication

 

If there were strong feelings for the ex there is a chance that these may be rekindled. By introducing an ex into a threesome situation there is a possibility that cheating may occur. Plus there may be a temptation to hide or down play any communication that they may have had with their ex. This may fuel conflicts in the relationship.

 

5)      Risk of pregnancy

 

If pregnancy resulted from the threesome with an ex then the pregnancy would bind the two. The resulting pregnancy would have a detrimental effect on the current relationship and if the relationship remained it would put a strain on it.

 

      6)   Test / Minimizing the risk of cheating

 

There are some who believe by having a threesome with an ex it is a way to test if their partner still has feelings for the ex and by having a threesome with them it is a way to minimize cheating later. This is a fallacy and having a threesome for this reason, with an ex, is a poor decision that should be avoided at all costs.

 

 

 

Reasons for selecting an ex for a threesome

 

Before deciding to select or not to select a former ex for a threesome a relationship risk analysis needs to be conducted with the previous relationship being examined.

 

Assessing the Risk

 

 

 

The risk of an adverse impact on the current relationship depends to a large extent on the previous relationship with the ex. If the relationship with the ex included any of the following:

 

  • Involved sexual intercourse
  • Lasted for more than a few months
  • They were either engaged or married
  • Involved children
  • Relationship ended less than 5 years ago
  • Remain in regular contact even though there are no children
  • Relationship was turbulent

 

The more conditions above that are met the more likely that selecting an ex for a threesome will adversely impact the couple’s current relationship. However with enough discussion, problem solving, and trust inviting an ex may work for the couple. Some reasons for selecting an ex includes

 

1)      Convenience

 

They are readily available and if the relationship ended amicably approachable. There is already a relationship to draw from and makes the process easier.

 

2)      Resolution of issues

 

Especially if sex did not occur by inviting an ex may help by allowing the relationship to end. In a way, inviting the ex to a threesome may help in resolving any unfinished business in the relationship and allow it to end for both that were involved in it.

 

3)      Fulfilment of a fantasy

 

Sometimes having a threesome with your ex and current partner is a fantasy. By having this type of threesome will allow this fantasy to be fulfilled.

 

Minimizing the Risk

 

 

 

For this type of situation to be successful it requires a lot of communication, preparation, discussion, boundaries, negotiation, and trust. The partner who is inviting their ex needs to honest about their relationship talking about their feelings regarding their ex, what caused the relationship to end, and any unresolved issues with them. This needs to be talked through and discussed before any agreement is made.

 

The couple also needs to do a relationship assessment too in an effort to determine what impact this unique situation could have on their relationship and how to overcome any adverse effect that this type of threesome would have.

 

It is only after careful consideration, lengthy discussions, and assessment of the situation should this type of threesome being agreed.