Does a male who wants a mfm means he is bisexual?
The journey towards having a threesome is lined with detours and delays due to questions that need answering. There is no formula in having a successful threesome nor is there the correct answer to any question being asked. One question that is asked is my husband / boyfriend bisexual if they ask for a two man threesome.
Before proceeding it is important to define three terms: straight, bisexual, and homosexuality. Straight for the most part means a preference for someone of a different gender and the ability to form lasting relationships with them. This definition does not exclude limited same sex encounters, provided no lasting relationship forms.
Next, bisexuality is difficult to define as a sexual preference since it is controversial. The controversy stems from the debate if someone can be bisexual instead of gay or straight. In this article bisexuality is defined someone who has had sex with both genders along with the ability to form relationships with both genders. Furthermore, the degree to which or the frequency of those relationships are not at issue. Therefore this definition excludes someone who is exploring their sexuality or someone who is for the most part gay.
Finally homosexual, unlike someone who is either straight or bisexual, shows a preference for someone who is of the same gender. Essentially this means they show very little sexual desire for sex with someone who is not the same gender as themselves. Also, it means very few threesomes with a heterosexual couple will involve homosexual activity.
This leads to the questions if a male suggests a two male threesome does it mean they are bisexual or homosexual? Examining the limited research that has been done this topic, the majority of threesome encounters is a two male threesome with either no or limited male on male activity. This is due to the fact that male bisexuality is not readily tolerated in most threesomes and it is an activity that is typically discouraged. It is this author’s belief the reason that male bisexuality is not well tolerated is due to the higher incidence of HIV / AIDs being associated with certain male on male activity and the community, as a whole, discouraging high risk behavior.
Now, if he suggests a two male threesome that could allow some bi activity between the other male and him this could show that he has some bi-curious interest and that he would like to explore this side of his sexuality. Bi-curious means there is an interest but it has not been sufficiently explored to allow him to reach a decision. The reason for wanting to explore is infinite. A possible reason may be the activity is strongly discouraged by religion and being discouraged may peak his curiosity to understand. Another reason, as he ages he is finding he has an interest in men some men and wants to understand it. Nonetheless, it is not a definitive indication that he is gay or bi. It is a decision that the two of you will have to make in regards to male on male activity in a threesome and the limits of it.
On the other hand if you begin noticing other signs, such as:
• Visitation to gay sites
• Decrease in sexual activity
• Feeling that of distance between the two of you
• Defensiveness when confronted about concerns
• Text messages, photos, unfamiliar names, or new mobile / cellular phone indicating this type of behavior
• Emails that show plans for meeting or expressing desire in activity
• Recent change in behavior and / or attitudes towards male bisexuality / homosexuality
• Unexplained purchases being made
• Unexpected travel
• Unexplained or unexpected changes in time leaving or returning from work
• Attempts to cover up activities
Your next step should be to discuss with him what you know including what you have observed and what you suspect. This should be at a time when there are minimal distractions and conducive to a discussion of this type. Allow him the opportunity to respond, listen to his response and take the necessary time to consider his response before taking any further actions. Therefore to answer the question, a suggestion of a two male threesome is not, in and of itself, clear sign that your husband is bisexual or gay. Nonetheless it could show it if there are more signs.
In contrast, what if it not him suggesting having a mmf threesome. It may mean he is a realist whereby he realizes that statistically if he wants a threesome then having a mmf threesome is much more likely to occur than a fmf threesome. If wanting a threesome, regardless of the type, then the motivating factor for him his wish to have a threesome.
Nonetheless for some it leaves the question, if he is straight then why would he agree to have a mfm threesome? The answer, this author feels, lies in the act itself. A fmf tends to be fundamentally different than a mmf threesome. From a psycho-biology perspective sex for a woman is about producing an offspring and finding a male that is going to be a good provider. Once she finds him she will invest the time to keep him. This means she can become protective of her relationship and will fight off anyone that is a threat to her relationship with him. For a threesome to occur, the invited woman must not be perceived as being a threat to her. This implies there is at least a physical attraction between the two and implies the second woman, if the threesome is to be successful, is more sexually submissive. It also implies in a fmf threesome female on female contact is more likely to occur due to the attraction .
Whereas for a two male threesome the issue becomes the second male’s compatibility with the couple. This implies the second male, unlike the second female in a fmf, has a role and not a social order. His role is to enhance the enjoyment of sex for both and in particular the female. Unlike a fmf a mmf is more likely not to involve male-on-male contact. This is in part because male-on-male activity is socially discouraged and this author believes, a male can see another male as a team-member and not a threat to the relationship. Hence, a two male threesome focus can become providing the female with sexual pleasure than an underlying attraction, at some level, for each male.
In this situation, it is possible the male wants the threesome to offer sexual enjoyment for his partner and to be the one who provides it for her. This means his agreement to have a two male threesome is not based on his attraction to the male but the want to make his female partner happy. Therefore a male agreeing to have a mmf threesome does not necessarily mean he is bisexual but is considering the happiness of his partner.