Mixed Signals – What do they mean?

The lights are low, your partner is in the mood and then you bring up your fantasy of having a threesome. Shockingly, your partner is receptive to the idea of having a threesome and they are getting quite aroused by the idea. By seeing them aroused, you begin believing your fantasy is about to come true. However, they cum and fall asleep then the next morning you attempt to plan the threesome only to find they no longer want to go through with it. What has happened in less than 24 hours? Does this sound familiar?

Most likely the above situation, at a minimum, leads to confusion and at worst leads to conflict in the relationship. Mixed signals, as it is sometimes termed, can be confusing for those wanting to have a threesome a threesome but lack the understanding of the process. This type of situation is common when there is, typically at some level, an interest in having a threesome but the individual is conflicted about having a threesome. The conflict stems, this author believes, from resolving the desire to have a threesome against various other sources such as personal beliefs, society’s expectations, religious beliefs, and the individual’s previous experience with the topic. It does not mean, at their core they want to have a threesome and looking for approval to have one. Instead it means there is openness to the subject but the person’s beliefs is preventing them from embracing the idea. Essentially this means they find the fantasy of having a threesome arousing but when confronted with the realities of having a threesome; it means there is some reservation about going through with it.

This leads to another topic, understanding the difference between fantasy and the reality of having a threesome. In the fantasy threesome you are the director, the actor, the writer, and have control over the scene. It means you can control the outcome, the reactions, and how it sets up. However, in reality you are one of three individuals in the threesome and you are the one who has control over your reactions. By being responsible for your reactions, it means you are not in control of the other two.

Is there a way to overcome their resistance? Personal beliefs are very difficult to overcome since it forms the person’s personality and it is based on a lifetime of learning. Instead the best way to handle this situation is not to pressure, manipulate, coerce, or get the person high / drink to get your threesome. Instead it is best to leave the subject alone for a period of time, working on building your relationship with them, and work at making them feel secure in their relationship with you.  Then after a period of at least year, coming back to the subject and seeing if there is a change and if there is a change then it may mean they have had time to process the idea. However, if they are still resistant to it then it may be something that does not materialize or it may mean it may take years before they are ready.

Having a threesome is not a sprint but more like a marathon. It is important to pace yourself, to plan it out, and to give it time without pressure. Also it is important to remember, there is no fixed time for a threesome to happen and each threesome happens on their own time. If it does not happen then it is important to remember to love your partner / spouse for who they are and not for what they can give you.  If you can do that then you will be happy whatever they outcome maybe.

Threesome Variations

Introduction

To many, defining the different types of threesomes is arbitrary and is nothing more than an academic exercise Nonetheless, defining types of threesomes is important because it helps in ensuring everyone has the same understanding thereby making communicating easier. Also, it helps to ensure those participating in the threesome understand the implied expectations.

A part of my hope in writing this couples who are considering threesomes will use this as a guide in determining what type of threesome might be suited for them. Therefore, I would not necessary expect this to be read like a story and instead I would expect it to be used as a reference.

Next, this author mentions friend with benefit since it is this author’s feeling friend with benefit fits under the heading of a secondary open relationship and it shares characteristics with a threesome.

Finally, in this article, I will do a basic overview but before beginning my discussion, I do need to define the term monogamy since it is integral to the topic of threesomes.

Monogamy Definition

Defining monogamy is important because it will help a couple define how far they are willing to go with having a threesome and it will help the reader understand how the threesomes differ in their practices. In addition, it will make it easier for the rest of this article if there is a common definition of monogamy. Essentially monogamy can be broken down into two parts, physical and emotional.

Physical Monogamy

Physical monogamy is what most couples think of when they hear the word monogamy essentially means sexual contact is exclusive to the couple. This means the couple does not have sexual contact with people outside of their relationship.

Emotional Monomgamy

Whereas neglecting emotional monogamy from the discussion regarding monogamy is common but it is essential for understanding threesomes. Emotional monogamy means the couple maintains an exclusive emotional bond that they do not share with anyone else and if they have a threesome the type of activity they seek out is an activity that focuses on the physical aspect of sex. This means the couple will work at keeping themselves emotionally detached from the invited third person and work at maintaining that bond. At this point if you are a bit confused, do not worry, as it will become more apparent as you further read.

Traditional Threesome

Non-penetrative Threesomes

Role Playing

Role-playing by definition is acting out a scene that involves a third person joining the couple for sex and the defining characteristic of role-playing is the idea of having a threesome remains a fantasy.  Even though it remains a fantasy, it does not mean the couple cannot incorporate some realistic. It mean for a couple that wants to test their level of comfort with the idea may go as far as going into public where one member of the couple interacts with someone in public and then discuss their level of comfort after it happens in order to determine what their next step may be. Such a test may give a couple a general idea of how they would feel seeing their partner becoming intimate with someone else, in their presence, but it is not an absolute indicator. In comparison, some couples may take a more conservative approach by designing their scene in the bedroom and using toys as a way of simulating the third person.

monogamy and Soft-swinging

Definition of soft swinging has many variations. Some definitions are very restrictive that does not involve activity beyond a voyeur for the invited third person and some definitions are quite liberal that will include oral sex. At least for me, regardless of the definition the key element of soft swinging is no penetration with the invited person. This could mean in a two women threesome the women perform oral on each other but it becomes questionable if some form of penetration occurs. In addition, it means in a two-woman threesome that there is no sex occurring between the male and the invited woman and likewise in a two male threesome the invited male does not have sex with either member of the couple. Therefore, physical and emotional monogamy is possible in this type of threesome.

Penetration

Full-swap

Characteristics

Regardless of the form, the threesome takes there are two features that define it. First characteristic is this type of threesome is short-term. Short-term means from an one-off situation to a threesome with the same group for a period of no more than two years but in most cases the threesome ends much sooner than that. This means that the couple and the invited third person maintain a boundary that keeps the couple from incorporating the third person into the couple’s relationship and allows the couple to maintain an emotional distance from third person. By keeping an emotional distance, it allows the couple to maintain their emotional monogamy and enjoy the physical aspects that the threesome provides them. It also means the attraction by couple does not need to be a complete physically, emotionally, and intellectually attraction to the third person. Their attraction only needs to be to the level where the decision about having sex with the third person and this means they will have a greater choice of people to choose from since for this type of a threesome the attraction does not need to be complete.  Because of the incomplete attraction, developing friendships that goes beyond the threesome does not normally happen and means the decision time about having a threesome with that person is shorter. Typically, the relationship will end because the threesome with the third person is no longer useful, it was a one-off situation, or feelings were developing thereby causing the threesome to end. Essentially this means, for lack of a better word, the third person becomes a tool for the couple to enhance their pleasure.

Second characteristic is that both members of the couple are equally involved in the threesome. This does not mean that each individual in the couple has equal time in the threesome. Instead, it means both members of the couple are involved in the threesome and share the responsibility for having it.

Traditional threesome

This is the very traditional threesome whereby sex will occur between the invited person and the couple. However, the couple remains emotionally monogamous to each other.  There is a full spectrum of activity. It can mean one member of the couple takes on a voyeur role, watching, to full participation. It could also mean that one member of the couple leaves the room while their partner and the invited third person has sex.

Cuckold

Grouping cuckold under traditional threesomes instead of open relationships because a cuckold I feel a cuckold has more in common with the traditional threesome than an open relationship. A cuckold takes, takes one of two forms. One form is a part of BDSM play that involves humiliation, typically female domination and involves an open relationship, which the one who is being cuckold remains monogamous. For me this is out of the scope of this piece and I will not discuss here. Second form resembles more of the traditional type of threesome or an open relationship. Under the more traditional threesome, the cuckold occurs as either a one-off or very limited time meeting. This type of threesome occurs as a shared experience whereby one member of the couple goes off to have sex with someone else and then shares the experience with their partner.

Dogging

This is a threesome variation that is common in Britain and there are sites dedicated to this activity in Britain. Dogging basically involves going to a known dogging location and meeting strangers for sex. Typically it is a couple that drives to a dogging location and invites another / others to either watch or participate. From a safety standpoint this practice does pose a risk to personal safety and it can involve a risk to privacy especially if an arrest is made.

Friends with Benefits

Arguably, this is not a form of a threesome, nonetheless it does share characteristics of a threesome. The defining feature of a friend with benefits is a secondary open non-monogamous relationship and the focus is sex instead of forming a relationship. It means both individuals in the relationship are either involved with someone else in a primary relationship or have the option of being involved with someone else.

Poly / Ménage a Trios

Typically the term manage a trios is interchangeably used with threesomes. Nonetheless, a ménage a trio is a specific type of threesome. It is situation where all are in the relationship and all are equals in the relationship. This means that a ménage a trios relationship is unlike a traditional threesome in the sense that a relationship is formed with the third person. In addition, a ménage a trios relationship is unlike an open relationship because there is not a distinction between primary and secondary relationships. Essentially this means the third person, in theory has an equal say in the relationship but from a practical standpoint in order for this type of relationship to survive, this author feels there has to be some type of hierarchical order. Hierarchical order generally means invited third is a more submissive thereby understanding their role in the relationship and not being a threat to the other member of the same gender.

Open Relationship

One of the confusions regarding threesomes, I believe, is equating threesomes with open relationships. My feeling they share similar characteristics and there is some overlap. However, I do feel there is a distinction between threesomes and open relationships.  Open relationship is unique in the sense that it allows the formation of multiple relationships with various levels of emotional involvement with each partner. This means that they can be one-night stand, short-term relationships, or a relationship that is ongoing that lasts for years. For an open relationship to exist it does not mean both partners have to form another relationship outside of their relationship. Instead, it could mean that one partner forms a relationship with someone outside of their relationship and the other person remains physically monogamous.

The defining feature of an open relationship that separates it from ménage a trios is the formation of primary and secondary relationships. Primary relationship is arguably the couple’s relationship that takes priority over any relationship formed outside of the relationship, secondary relationship. This means unlike a poly / ménage a trios relationship there is less involvement of other half of the couple and a lot of the activity may be done without much knowledge. It also means another defining feature of an open relationship versus ménage a trios is the focus on individual involvement and knowledge versus couple.

It does not mean that the couple maintains the relationship for appearances sake and they are two individuals living together. Instead, it means, based on the boundaries established regarding this activity, the information regarding their partner’s activity is much more limited and other factors such as allegiance to their lover can factor more heavily in deciding what information to share. Essentially an open relationship can mean knowing less detail about what is occurring but it means more work by the couple to keep their relationship together.

Planning a threesome – In detail.

Introduction

What do you think of when you hear the words, planning a threesome? It can invoke an image of an erotic experience being deprived of the emotional complications that come from being in a relationship. A threesome, at it simplest element,  physical enjoyment.  For others the image of threesome planning  may invoke a feeling it is for anal-retentive couples who have to plan every detail of their lives and planning a threesome is waste of time because it detracts from the excitement of having a threesome. Whatever image it conjures for you, planning a threesome should not be seen as a negative event. Instead it should be seen as an activity that is shared together bringing the relationship closer together. It should also be seen as a way to help the relationship relationship survive by mitigating the risk a threesome can bring to the relationship.

Defining Planning & Overview of this opinion piece

In order to prevent confusion regarding what is mean by planning a threesome, in this article planning a threesome means examining the idea of having a threesome from various angles in order to reach an agreement, understanding what is going to happen, finding a way to work through any unresolved issues and to cover any issue that may get overlooked. Essentially, planning a threesome is the process brings together any concern, highlights any expectation and outputs a plan to ensure that each person’s interest is addressed. Also it is the map of the journey in having a threesome and how to get there. Therefore, while there is no one way to examine the issue of planning threesome, this article will provide an opinion of a way addressing it by examining a few of the core elements this author feels that needs to be included. Finally it should be noted, this article is not meant to be an exhaustive treatise on the subject and is only meant to provide a rudimentary template for couples to adapt to their situation.

The Basics & Assumptions

By now the initial discussion has happened and there is, at some level, an agreement to explore how a potential threesome might operate. At this stage in this journey, there may be a flurry of emotion ranging from panic due to not knowing what to expect to excitement of seeing your partner having sex with someone else or excitement arising from being able to have sex with someone else. Nonetheless, tempering excitement occurs because the uncertainty that a threesome brings and the beginning realization that if the threesome turns bad then the relationship may end. Such a realization produces mixed feelings and uncertainty, in which taking some time to plan could possibly resolve.

To begin with, before embarking on this activity the couple needs to make their decision based on the right reasons and this will be discussed more in a few moments, see Example #3.  Planning a threesome in a very broad sense is an agreement that dictates how the threesome will operate, how the third person will be selected, and how potential issues will be addressed. It draws on each others limitations, each others expectations, each others concerns, each others desires and fuses them into a plan. Essentially, it provides a framework that the couple can use and it can provide a sense of security since it defines the limits. Second, the plan is something that is adaptable, meaning the plan is flexible so that it can change as more information becomes available. Third, the plan cannot be vague and it needs to have some detail to it. Level of detail needs to be at a level that there is no confusion about what has been agreed. Without having some detail to the plan the risk increases that a misunderstanding will occur. Fourth, it needs to cover the essential aspects of the threesome, the aspects of having a threesome that would create problems if it was not clarified.  Finally any plan must have participants who freely choose to participate without coercion, pressure, or manipulation. It also means that the couple has taken time to consider the risks, included in their plan ways to address the risks, and are nonetheless willing to take them.

360 ° Overview of Planning a Threesome

1)      Fantasy versus Reality and knowing the difference

Planning a threesome in many ways is like being a child in a toy store, there are so many options and decisions to make that it can be overwhelming. At the start of the threesome journey many possibilities can be envisioned with many possible routes there is pressure to do as many possible. By planning the threesome it helps to map-out the route to be taken and what will be selected from the many shelves in the store. This will help the couple manage their expectations and help them have more realistic expectations about the threesome. Below are four examples of how this topic can influence planning a threesome.

Example # 1: One example is the desire to perform DP on the female half of the couple. From a logistical standpoint DP can be very difficult to do and for males it can call into question their sexuality. For a couple just starting out not knowing their limits doing DP might not be the best choice and it may be something that requires a level of trust that needs to be built with the third person in order to allow it to happen. This is example demonstrates DP might be a better choice if the couple decides to return to the store.

Example #2: A couple may have a porn movie image of a threesome whereby it happens naturally and it is a completely erotic experience whereby guys have permanent erection that can hold off hours before they cum and women get instantly aroused when they see more than one erect “cock”.  If this is the image a couple has then their question should be, how realistic is it? This example demonstrates the need to do some research on the subject. By researching the subject it can remove some of the misheld beliefs about threesomes and set realistic expectations about having one.

Example #3: Reasons for having a threesome – Is it the right reason?

While writing this piece where to place was a big struggle for me and ultimately I decided to place here. My reason for placing it here with a title is because this topic falls under the definition of fantasy versus reality. In this sense the fantasy of having a threesome is rooted in the magical thinking that having a threesome is a panacea for all problems in a relationship while ignoring the problems that it can create for a relationship. Furthermore it challenges those planning a threesome to think about the reason for wanting to have a threesome before embarking on the journey to plan the threesome and while planning their threesome each individual should ask them what the reason for wanting to have a threesome is? If the reason is to prevent cheating, add spice to the relationship, feeling pressure to have one, to fix a troubled relationship, wanting to have one because it is a quick way to get “laid, it looks fun in the movies, or being coerced into having one then this author feels the reason to have a threesome may be wrong due to the reason for wanting to have a threesome is based more in fantasy thinking than the realities of having a threesome.

Example #4: Boundaries are not needed and told my partner they can do anything they want in the threesome because I want them to be able to experience a threesome without restrictions:

In this author’s opinion this belief is reminiscent of humanistic ideas like unconditional love. Granted in most cases a parent’s love is unconditional. Nonetheless what happens if the child announces they are gay or is arrested for selling drugs because they are a part of a gang. For some parents there is a limit, even temporary, to their unconditional love. Likewise when it comes to planning a threesome there needs to be some discussion, especially if you are starting out. To say there are no boundaries says, in this author’s opinion, that having a threesome takes priority  quite magical thinking for someone starting out and it demonstrates the lack of understanding of what is involved in a threesome. It ignores that everyone has a limit and this author feels it demonstrates that there is a lack of communication that exists with the couple.

2)      What will a threesome mean for the relationship?

For a couple wanting to have a threesome, maintaining the relationship after the threesome happens and minimizing the negative impact of the threesome is necessary to preserve their relationship. This means asking the above question will help a couple begin to identify areas that they need to examine and it is a question that needs to be asked regularly, as they plan their threesome. By asking this question on a regular basis and asking it as it relates to each part of their plan it can to help identify those areas that may cause problems if not addressed in more detail. Plus by asking this question it will help ensure that both continue wanting to have a threesome and that both are willing to undertake the risk, thereby helping to ensure that this is a mutual decision.

3)      Boundaries

Talking about boundaries for some can be depressing because it means the discussion will slow down the pace in having a threesome and it acknowledges that a threesome can adversely impact a relationship. Starting point for the discussion of boundaries lies in the recognition that having a threesome is a mutual decision in which all share an equal responsibility for it happening. This means that each person is responsible for their decisions, they are responsible for what happens to them, and they are responsible for their feelings.

Also, it is important to remember that boundaries act as a safety net by defining the limits of the threesome, address concerns in order to allow a threesome to happen, and even though there may be some implied boundaries, such as ‘no means no,’ boundaries for the most part boundaries are unique to the couple. Moreover, it is important to remember that agreeing to boundaries is only ½ of the process the other half involves stating your boundaries to the third person. In a two male threesome the invited male can share their expectations / boundaries but with the couple having a plethora choices for potential male invites, if he gets to be too pushy then the couple can easily choose someone else. Unfortunately when it comes to a two woman situation the couple needs to be open about negotiating their boundaries if they want to make it happen and if they do not then they may find that they have a long search. This does not mean that a couple should give up a “must have” boundary for a two female threesome but instead it means they need to understand the less they are willing to negotiate on boundaries then the longer it may take them.

 

4)      Activities in a threesome

Determining what activities can occur in a threesome sounds a lot like planning a trip to a distant exotic country where there is a lot do and experience. When planning an exotic trip some of the excitement becomes tempered when confronted with issues like cost, time, and distance to travel. Like planning a trip to an exotic country, the tempering of the excitement for a threesome occurs when discussing what can occur in a threesome and realizing there are competing demands such as personal comfort limits. This means in order for threesome to work individuals needs to be in tune with their limits, be able to discuss them openly, and being willing to listen to other people’s limits thereby being able to reach a compromise that works for all.

With that said, the best advice for couples that are just beginning exploring threesomes is to keep it simple, do not trying anything too extreme their first time, and stay within their comfort limits. After having a few threesomes a couple will get beyond the thrill of having one and begin to understand where their limits currently exist. If they push their limits too much the individual may find that they are left feeling bad about the experience or may burnout too quickly. For couples who are want to progress slowly or not 100% sure that having a full threesome is for them then they may want to consider a “soft-swing” situation where the invited person participates but no intercourse happens between the couple and the invited third person. By considering soft-swinging it will allow the couple to progress slowly and discover where their limits lie.

5)      Selecting a third person

This has been covered to some extent in a previous article and the same information will not be repeated here. Nonetheless, it is important that the couple begins discussing the type of person that they want to invite and understand, a bit, of the reasoning for it. Talking about the type of person to invite and agreeing to the broad characteristics that the person needs will serve as a template from which the couple will make their decision and it will serve as a boundary from which they will not exceed.  Without including the discussion of what type of person to invite it leaves open the possibility that the wrong person may be selected and by talking about the type of person to invite it reduces the chance that the wrong decisions regarding selection will be made.

6)      Safe word or Signals

Safe word means a word that they couple recognizes but the selected third person does not recognize. Unlike the term safe word when used in a BDSM context to mean a word that cannot be confused with the scene that brings the action to a stop without question or retribution due to a level discomfort. In this situation, a safe word is a word where the couple knows the meaning and the meaning is meant to be a signal. Likewise, instead of using a word to signal something the couple could opt to use a gesture or a behavior to serve the same purpose. The signal could be approval, disapproval, or anything else the couple feels as though they need to communicate to each other. Problem here is if too many words are being used, complex signals, or too many signs then it can create confusion. Therefore it is best to have a very limited number of words or signals.

7)      To accommodate or travel?

The idea of accommodating someone or traveling to have a threesome can invoke different feelings. It can seem natural for some as an extension of being social in order to have a threesome and for others it can invoke a strong reaction of saying ‘no.’ Furthermore, for couples that live in rural areas or are struggling to find a third person to invite this maybe the only solution, other than waiting longer to find someone. Accommodating takes on different meaning for different people and each couple has their own feeling on this subject. In this article, accommodating means having the invited individual spend the night with the couple at their request at either their home or staying in the same hotel room. Whereas traveling refers to traveling a significant distance, greater than 50 miles in order to meet.

The starting point for consideration this author feels is examining the distance traveled to meet, the time expected for the threesome to end, and time demands on all participants immediately after the threesome. Consider such issues include does one of them have to work shortly after the threesome. Will there be guests or children coming to visit? What time the threesome might end or did end?

Another point to consider is what space is available and where they would stay. A logical conclusion would be that they would stay in the bed with the couple. However, the couple may want time afterward to connect, reinforce the idea that they are a couple or that they want to keep an emotional distance from the invited third person. In such a case then having them stay in the bed afterwards is not a good idea. This brings up the idea of having them stay in another bedroom, hotel room, or if sharing a hotel room then having them sleep in a separate bed. Final point would be other ancillary issues like how long would they stay, how would it be signaled that it was time for them to leave, and what items would be available for them to use.

Finally, at least from this author’s perspective accommodating should not occur especially if the invited third person lives either in the same town or within a short-distance, such as 50 miles. Regarding traveling, traveling needs to be done by the invited person unless the distance is great or they do not drive. In a situation where there is a large distance between the couple and the third person then finding somewhere about halfway that is agreeable to both should occur. Additionally this author feels that accommodating is something that should not necessarily be done by couples just starting out because it can pose some issues for them, such as developing feelings for the invited third person.

8) Risks

In a previous article this author addressed the topic of risk and will not restate it. Instead this section will briefly discuss how risk and boundaries relate. It goes without saying that having a threesome, regardless of how well it is planned out or how stable a couple’s relationship is, will undertake some type of risk. This risk can be pregnancy, risk to safety, risk of STD / STI, or risk to their relationship to name a few. Since each couple and each threesome is different it is impossible to develop a universal set of risks for a threesome and how to address them. Instead each couple needs to communicate what they feel are the risks, how they can be address and how they can be either eliminated or significantly reduced. From those discussions the couple can have a plan on how to deal with risks that come up and how to address risk as they happen. This type of communication will underpin and shape how the boundaries develop. Without taking time to discuss risk and understand the type of risks that will be faced leaves, this author feels, the couple vulnerable due to a large area this is missing from the discussion.

9) Writing down the plan or remember it?

Granted the idea of writing down the plan for a threesome, outstanding issues, and points that need to be followed up reads as though the last few pieces of enjoying a threesome is being sucked out. However writing it down helps to avoid confusion, ensures that outstanding points gets addressed and everyone can remember what has been discussed. At least from this author’s perspective writing down the plan and making notes about what has been discussed will help to ensure that everyone is “on the same page” regarding the threesome.

11) Environment

The environment of where a threesome happens is something that can easily get overlooked and where the threesome occurs can have a big impact on its enjoyment. Without having an area where you can have it without being distracted, without being interrupted, and being a place where you feel secure, it will mean that the threesome is not as enjoyable as you expected.  For a couple with children it means that any threesome should not happen in the home when they are there. Beyond the potential safety issue and potential awkwardness it may create for you should your child begin to ask questions, the other issue is that children can become a distraction especially if they are desiring your attention while the third person is present for the threesome.

Along with the logistical concerns other facts such as lighting, color, comfort, and the mood that the room sets all can play a factor. This means taking time to consider issues like temperature and how the room makes you feel.  Another consideration is where it will be happening. This means taking into consideration what is being planned, the size of the area, the size of the bed(s), and any other features that may need to be considered. The area has to be large enough to allow three people to change, interact, clean-up, and have a bit of personal space. Also it means the area has to be large enough so that everyone is not fumbling over the others.

12) Emotional Monogamy / Physical Monogamy

In essence this relates to the type of threesome being planned and the extent to which the couple wants to remain monogamous to each other. Emotional monogamy relates to the level of emotional involvement with the third person or simply put the extent to which a long-lasting deep emotional relationship is formed them them.  This is akin to an open relationship or polyamory. Whereas is Physical Monogamy involves the level of physical involvement with the the third person in the threesome.

12) Debriefing

Debriefing is simply talking through the experience in order to work through any issues, to address any concerns, review the plan, make any changes, and decide the next step for the couple. Essentially debriefing is the final step in which the couple try to resolve any issues that may have come up, decide what worked, and decide what their next step will be. It is important, this author feels, that debriefing happens right after the threesome ends and as a part of the plan the couple needs to consider how close to the ending of the threesome this will occur.

12) Miscellaneous Topics

If you have made it this far, we are almost done with this subject but there are a few loose ends that need to be tied together. One loose end is the question, how long do you need to plan? Each couple is different with different needs, different concerns, and varying levels of familiarity with each other. Planning can be fairly quick if there is broad agreement and the only thing that is needed is clarifying a few points. However if each person has a different idea about how the threesome will look then it may take some time before a common understanding that leads to agreement will occur.

Second loose end is how often does this plan need to be reviewed? Again it depends on the couple and the level of detail. At a minimum there should be three points. One point is before discussing the plan, whereby each individual states their preference. Then work out the plan keep track of what has been agreed and before the threesome happens taking the plan out to go through it in order to see if it is workable based on what has been discussed. Third point would be after having a threesome then reviewing to see what worked and what needs to be improved.

Third loose end regards the level of detail that is needed. Detail helps to minimize any misunderstanding and cuts down on possible confusion. However it is possible to get too fixated on the details where the plan becomes unmanageable and difficult to understand. Therefore there has to be a balance between detail and simplicity.

Fourth before looking for a third person does the plan need to be completed? Answer is ‘no’ but a framework should be in place. At a minimum some boundaries and the type of person to choose should be agreed before any searching happens. Plus as things become more certain then the plan can be modified to reflect any changes.

Fifth is there anytime when the plan should not be changed? This author feels the closer you get meeting the third person for a threesome the plan should not be changed unless it relates to safety or a risk that could have a negative impact.  Reason for stating this is because emotions, not logic, may begin to influence decisions and the wrong decision may be made. However if there is a safety issue or a risk was identified that could cause problems if it did happen then that should not stop the change from being made.  If it does not relate to risk or safety then in most cases it should be left until debriefing to discuss.

Sixth how do you plan for safety? Having a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this document. Safety, from a threesome perspective, covers at least three areas: personal / emotional, environment, and sexual health. The key is to examine your plan and think about the issues of regarding safety. This could be creating an online alias, insisting on safe-sex, and not giving out contact details until you are confident that a meeting will take place. Also it could be developing a safe-word to let your partner know that you are not comfortable, letting someone know you are going to be out for the evening, or not having sex on your first meet with someone new.

Conclusion & Putting Plan into Action

Planning for a threesome means examining the planned threesome from all possible angles to determine its strengths, it weaknesses, and how to address the needs of those involved. By having, a plan that can be easily adapted to any change will help make a threesome successful. In addition, it means having a plan that is easy to understand will minimize any possible confusion about the plan for the threesome. This means a workable plan will provide a framework for the threesome and help everyone understand the expectations. Nonetheless it will not eliminate all risk of having a threesome nor will it guarantee that there will not be any problems. However it will go a long way to help to protect the relationship and help minimize any problems that may happen. Without a plan that will guide the couple on their journey it will leave them in the dark about each others needs and concerns thereby increasing the chance for misunderstanding. Therefore, a plan can be said is a way for the couple to ensure their needs are met and minimize the chance that it will be misunderstood.

Related articles

• Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Where do negative feelings after a threesome come from & how to address them (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Perils of using a friend or co-worker for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Why some couples choose full threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Threesome myths (3somes.wordpress.com)
• FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Overcoming resistance to the idea of a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)

Threesome Safety – An Overview

 

 

Introduction

 

Up to now the topics regarding threesomes has looked at a threesome from various perspectives while alluding to safety. Considering safety does not mean taking the fun out of having a threesome; instead it means creating an environment where everyone feels they are able to enjoy themselves because they do not have to worry about potential injury. This means safety is an intangible aspect of having a threesome that underpins much of the process and requires consideration of many intrinsic factors. Without planning for safety it may mean an essential part of having a threesome is being overlooked and may put the couple’s relationship, physical safety, and sexual health at risk. Finally is important to remember this is not an exhaustive treaty on the subject and it is done as a brief overview in order to give couples a foundation for further discussions as they plan their threesome.

 

Sexual Safety:

 

 

 

This is the easiest point to start the discussion since it is a topic people are familiar with at some level. Sexual safety means more than practicing safe-sex, it means avoiding unnecessary risks that can damage your sexual health. It means looking at the details of what is being planned and ensuring that what is being planned will not have an impact on anyone’s health at a later date. Examples include properly cleaning “toys” before using them, not going bareback with someone, not using lubricants that can breakdown a condom, informing your partner if you believe you have been exposed to a STI, allowing a chance to bathe, and changing condoms when switching between anal and vaginal penetration. Essentially sexual safety means respecting everyone enough that extra measures are considered and communicating additional information so that sexual health is not put at risk.

 

Personal Safety:

 

 

 

Personal safety and emotional safety has some overlap. Since there is some overlap this section will focus more on the physical aspects of personal safety and to some extent address the issue of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person. It is impossible to speak about every possible risk to personal safety that might theoretically arise in a threesome situation and this section will take a broad brush stroke over the topic.

 

Overview

 

Stating point regarding personal safety is our “inner voice.” All of us have an “inner voice” that tells us if something is not right. However in a threesome situation if it does not feel right, if you feel there is something not right about the situation, or the situation make you feel uncomfortable then it is best not to ignore that “inner voice.” Most likely the “inner voice” is warning you about a risk to your personal safety.

 

Another point regarding personal safety is not to put yourself in a situation where your safety becomes at risk. There are some who feel to “get in the mood” they need to drink or use drugs. There is nothing wrong with a social drink in order to get the conversation flowing and to relax everyone. However the issue becomes when having more than a social drink or using drugs can lead to fuelling emotions such as, when are watching your partner having sex with someone else in front of you and such activities makes it more likely that the individual will participate in risky behavior that they would not normally do when sober. Undertaking risky behavior can result in boundaries being broken, unnecessary exposure to STDs / STIs, and in some cases risk of pregnancy. It is therefore better to be in control of the situation and to make appropriate decisions then to make a decision based on the “heat of the moment” only to regret it later.

 

Final point, which ties in to the next part of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person, is examining the planned threesome from a personal safety perspective. It means examining the planned threesome and then trying to identify where potential safety issues may exist. From there then determining the likelihood of it happening, and asking if it did happen why would be impact of the outcome? Purpose of this exercise, essentially is to make sure what is being planned addresses the issues of safety.

 

Meeting the Third Person

 

 

 

Meeting the third person covers a very broad spectrum from placing an ad on the internet to physically meeting them. While it is impossible to cover every conceivable situation a few general principles do apply. First principle is creating an alias. An alias is essential because it helps to protect your identity from family, friends, employers, if you have children in the home it will protect them, and anyone else that you may come in contact with. It goes without saying, there is nothing wrong with having a threesome but if someone does know your identity then it could have some consequences for you, especially if you have a job where you are dealing with the public. In order to protect yourself, your family and your job creating an alias becomes a part of planning for safety.

 

The question now becomes what is an alias? An alias sanitizes your key information so that is not easily traced to you. This means when creating an alias, you remove any information that can personally identify you and restate it in such a way that protects you. So if you are John (age 42) & Jane (age 38) residing in Northbrook, Illinois then your alias may become Mark (age 40) and Sarah (age 35) in Chicago. As a part of this process any pictures you might use would not have pictures of your children, other family members, or anything that would identify you. Instead they might be either neck down pictures or pictures showing you from a distance, so that facial features become less distinct while still showing a generalized body shape.

 

Remember your alias will be the first thing people who read your ad on the internet, you contact, or meet will know about you. Therefore it becomes important that your alias is something that is manageable and easy for you to remember. If not, it may make developing trust more difficult thereby loosing potential third persons.

 

After the initial contact with the third person and there seems to be an interest in meeting to see if things develop to allow a threesome to happen the question becomes how to handle it? There is no right way to handle it but my feeling is for someone starting out the first meeting should be a “meet & greet” in a public place. This means the first meeting no sex occurs and the purpose of the meeting is find out if the person is compatible with the two of you. Before meeting them it may be worth your time to bring a cellular phone for an emergency, let someone know that as a couple you are going out that night, and consider other safety measures. Then after the meeting having the time to talk to each other about it and then determine if that person is someone you want to have a threesome with.

 

Final question is how far do you take the alias? Personally my recommendation would be taking it far enough that any person you come in contact with regarding a threesome cannot identify where you work, do not know where you live if you have children, and they do not know your contact information. This may mean getting a pay-as-you-go cellular / mobile phone or buying a separate cellular / mobile phone for this activity. By getting a mobile / cellular phone dedicated to this activity it keeps your own phone number hidden and it also allow you to know anyone who is contacting you their call somehow relates to a threesome. Likewise establishing a dedicated email address for this activity will help to protect you from SPAM emails and it makes it easier to manage. Thirdly this means not taking the third person to your house if you have children around and if you do bring them making sure any sensitive information (e.g. bank, credit card information, and family photos) is secured. Fourthly avoid giving any career information that might identify your employer or may damage your reputation. Finally an alias may sound as though you are lying or intentionally being deceptive. This author feels as long as you are honest to questions being asked, that does not relate to your identity, and your present yourself in a truthful manner then creating an alias for protecting your protection is justifiable.

 

Emotional Safety:

 

 

 

Emotional safety essentially means ensuring that you maintain the same positive perspective of having a threesome, from beginning to well after the threesome occurs, and immediately addressing any issues that interferes with that perspective. This means, this author feels, that each person participating in the threesome needs to have the proper positive perspective. Having a positive perspective does not necessary mean being 100% enthused about the idea 100% of the time. Instead it means viewing having a threesome as something positive and enjoyable in which each person has decided to participate. Without viewing a threesome as a choice and a decision to participate in it freely leaves allot of room for feeling bad about it.

 

So how do you achieve a balance to view the threesome positively as a choice? This author believes that being assertive as a large role in it. Being assertive means making your needs known in a manner that is not confrontation and as long as it is not a need that needs to be met in order to have the threesome (e.g. safe-sex practices), then try to find a way to reach a compromise. Without being assertive to make you needs known and to protect those needs that you feel are absolutely necessary to have a threesome.

 

Conclusion

 

 

 

This chapter briefly touched on the issue of safety from a sexual, personal, and emotional perspective. However due to the breadth of this subject it was not possible to cover all aspects of it and the purpose of this section was to introduce the idea as some something that needs to be considered when planning a threesome. If there were four points from this section to remember they would be, first do not discount any feeling of uneasiness because it could be a warning that something is not right. Second it is important to be assertive, to deal with issues as they come up, and not to give up on your core feelings in order to please someone else so that a threesome can happen. Third creating an alias can help in protecting yourself, your career, and family from the possible negative consequences of having a threesome. Finally it is important to review the planned threesome, from time to time, in order to ensure issues of safety are being addressed and that as a couple you are not putting your safety at unnecessary risk. By considering and planning for your safety in a threesome situation it will go along way to ensure that your threesome is enjoyable.

 

Related articles

 

• How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Where do negative feelings after a threesome come from & how to address them (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Having an uncomplicated threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• FAQs – Finding a third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Threesome myths (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Why some couples choose full threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)

 

Basic Threesome FAQ

Basic threesome information for the novice

Will a threesome destroy our relationship?

This author believes a threesome will not necessarily destroy a relationship but this author believes, a threesome can act as a catalyst bringing up underlying relationship issues to the surface faster.

Can a threesome fix a troubled relationship or add spice to it?

A threesome cannot fix a trouble relationship or relationship that has become stagnant. In this type of situation it is likely the threesome will make the relationship worse, not better.

Is inviting an ex or a co-worker a good idea to a threesome?

While a few threesomes might work using an ex or a co-worker, most likely this is an ill-advised choice. This is due to the potential risks they pose to the couple. Typical risks for inviting a co-worker include sexual harassment claims, loss of job, loss of privacy, problems at work, and a greater chance cheating might occur. For an ex the biggest risk is the relationship might restart again leading to cheating or the relationship ending.

My partner becomes quite aroused of the idea of having a threesome during foreplay is it advisable to arrange one and then surprise them with it?

No. There is a difference between fantasy and reality, especially when it comes to threesomes. If your partner has expressed an interest in having a threesome then it is best to speak to them outside of the bedroom and at a time when there is no distractions.

My partner has expressed an interest in having a threesome, have they stopped loving me? Do they want a divorce?

You will need to speak to them if you are concerned. However, in most cases it can be a compliment because they feel secure enough in the relationship and want to explore their boundaries with you. Therefore, it is likely the answer to this question is no.

What is soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging has a variety of definitions but at the core of the definition it means no penetration (oral, vaginal, or anal) by the invited third person.

What are the different types of threesomes?

• Soft-swinging
• Full threesome
• Cuckolding
• Ménage a trios
• Polyamory: couple with an invited third
• Open relationship
• Fantasy Play / Role Playing
• Dogging
• Friends with Benefits (can be)

My husband / partner wants a mfm threesome, does it mean he is gay?

Most likely no, most threesomes are two male threesomes that are straight.  Very few two male threesomes involve male on male activity due to risk of STDs / STIs. If you are in doubt then speak to them about it.

After bringing up the idea, how long does it take before we are ready to have a threesome?

It can take any where from a few weeks to a few years depending on the couple. There are some couples that may ultimately decide a threesome is not for them.

My husband and I want a fmf threesome, is it true that it is difficult to find a single woman to join us?

Reality is very few single women are interested in having a fmf threesome with a couple and those who those that are interested are in very high demand. This means a single woman can be selective in the couple she chooses and it means the couple can spend well over a year searching. Best advice would be to search for another couple that is willing to share the female with you but be ready that they will expect that you reciprocate.

Where can we find a threesome?

There are many places to look for a threesome and many opportunities that happen can lead to a threesome. The challenge is knowing which ones will be fruitful versus being a waste of time. Below are a few suggestions:

• Online dating and threesomes sites.
• There are a few smart phone apps being produced for this type of search and are beginning making it into the market.
• Swingers club (not recommended for those just starting out)
• Swingers party (not recommended for those just starting out)
• Friends (risky and requires a lot of thought)

The cuckold experience

thiswifesturn

 

(click title for original source)

Anyone who’s ever been in one of these relationships will tell you that they’re emotionally complex, physical stimulating, extremely passionate, and intensely erotic. Men and women who’ve been in these types of relationships often become captivated by their unique intensity. Multiple studies demonstrate that the emotional impact of these relationships on their participants is so profound that it can permanently alter brain chemistry levels in both men and women. They become addicted to the thrilling surges of adrenalin (power) and dopamine (pleasure) associated with these activities.

For men, the phrase “once a cuckold, always a cuckold” speaks to this powerful desire and effect. Despite the conflicting emotional turmoil experienced by men in these relationships… often referred to as “cuckold angst”, described as the most intensely erotic roller coaster ride a man will ever experience… men find it highly addictive…

View original post 1,330 more words

The basics of threeosme safety

 

Introduction

What do you think when you hear the word safety? Safety conjures up an image of an activity being sucked of its fun or Health and Safety Laws in the UK that have gone too far. Nonetheless safety has an important part of having a threesome and it is the part that ensures that the threesome remains enjoyable while protecting those involved.

Sexual Safety:

 

This is the easiest point to start the discussion since it is a topic people are familiar with at some level. Sexual safety means more than practicing safe-sex, it means avoiding unnecessary risks that can damage your sexual health. It also means looking at the details of what is being planned and ensuring that what is being planned will not have an impact on anyone’s health at a later date. Examples include properly cleaning “toys” before using them, not going bareback with someone, not using lubricants that can breakdown a condom, informing your partner if you believe you have been exposed to a STI, allowing a chance to bathe, and changing condoms when switching between anal and vaginal penetration. Essentially sexual safety means respecting everyone enough that extra measures are considered and communicating additional information so that sexual health is not put at risk.

Personal Safety:

 

Personal safety and emotional safety has some overlap. Since there is some overlap this section will focus more on the physical aspects of personal safety and to some extent address the issue of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person. It is impossible to speak about every possible risk to personal safety that might theoretically arise in a threesome situation and this section will take a broad brush stroke over the topic.

Overview

Stating point regarding personal safety is our “inner voice.” All of us have an “inner voice” that tells us if something is not right. Choosing to listen our inner voice is our choice. However in a threesome situation if it does not feel right, if you feel there is something not right about the situation, or the situation make you feel uncomfortable then it is best not to ignore that “inner voice.” Most likely your “inner voice” is warning you about a potential injury to your well-being.

Another point regarding personal safety is not to put yourself in a situation where your safety becomes at risk. There are some who feel to “get in the mood” they need to drink or use drugs. There is nothing wrong with a social drink in order to get the conversation flowing and to relax everyone. However the issue becomes when having more than a social drink or using drugs can lead to fuelling emotions such as, when are watching your partner having sex with someone else in front of you and such activities makes it more likely that the individual will participate in risky behavior that they would not normally do when sober. Undertaking risky behavior can result in boundaries being broken, unnecessary exposure to STDs / STIs, and in some cases risk of pregnancy. It is therefore better to be in control of the situation and to make appropriate decisions then to make a decision based on the “heat of the moment” only to regret it later.

Final point, which ties in to the next part of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person, is examining the planned threesome from a personal safety perspective. It means examining the planned threesome and then trying to identify where potential safety issues may exist. From there then determining the likelihood of it happening, and asking if it did happen why would be impact of the outcome? Purpose of this exercise, essentially is to make sure what is being planned addresses the issues of safety.

Meeting the Third Person

 

Meeting the third person covers a very broad spectrum from placing an ad on the internet to physically meeting them. While it is impossible to cover every conceivable situation a few general principles do apply. First principle is creating an alias. An alias is essential because it helps to protect your identity from family, friends, employers, if you have children in the home it will protect them, and anyone else that you may come in contact with. It goes without saying, there is nothing wrong with having a threesome but if someone does know your identity then it could have some consequences for you, especially if you have a job where you are dealing with the public. In order to protect yourself, your family and your job creating an alias becomes a part of planning for safety.

The question now becomes what is an alias? An alias sanitizes your key information so that is not easily traced to you. This means when creating an alias, you remove any information that can personally identify you and restate it in such a way that protects you. So if you are John (age 42) & Jane (age 38) residing in Northbrook, Illinois then your alias may become Mark (age 40) and Sarah (age 35) in Chicago. As a part of this process any pictures you might use would not have pictures of your children, other family members, or anything that would identify you. Instead they might be either neck down pictures or pictures showing you from a distance, so that facial features become less distinct while still showing a generalized body shape.

Remember your alias will be the first thing people who read your ad on the internet, you contact, or meet will know about you. Therefore it becomes important that your alias is something that is manageable and easy for you to remember. If not, it may make developing trust more difficult thereby loosing potential third persons.

Final question is how far do you take the alias? Personally my recommendation would be taking it far enough that any person you come in contact with regarding a threesome cannot identify where you work, do not know where you live if you have children, and they do not know your contact information. This may mean getting a pay-as-you-go cellular / mobile phone or buying a separate cellular / mobile phone for this activity. By getting a mobile / cellular phone dedicated to this activity it keeps your own phone number hidden and it also allow you to know anyone who is contacting you their call somehow relates to a threesome. Likewise establishing a dedicated email address for this activity will help to protect you from SPAM emails and it makes it easier to manage. Thirdly this means not taking the third person to your house if you have children around and if you do bring them making sure any sensitive information (e.g. bank, credit card information, and family photos) is secured. Fourthly avoid giving any career information that might identify your employer or may damage your reputation. Finally an alias may sound as though you are lying or intentionally being deceptive. This author feels as long as you are honest to questions being asked, that does not relate to your identity, and your present yourself in a truthful manner then creating an alias for protecting your protection is justifiable.

After speaking with them online and there seems to be an interest in meeting to see if things develop for a threesome to happen, the question becomes how to handle it? There is no right way to handle it but, this author feels, is for someone starting out with having a threesome then the first meeting should be a “meet & greet” in a public place. This means the first meeting involves no sex occurring and the purpose of the meeting is find out if all three of you are compatible. Before meeting them it may be worth your time to bring a cellular phone  / mobile phone for an emergency, let someone know that as a couple you are going out that night, and consider other safety measures. Then after the meeting having the time to talk to each other about it and then determine if that person is someone you want to have a threesome with.

Emotional Safety:

 

Emotional safety essentially means ensuring that you maintain the same positive perspective of having a threesome, from beginning to well after the threesome occurs, and immediately addressing any issues that interferes with that perspective. This means, this author feels, that each person participating in the threesome needs to have the proper positive perspective. Having a positive perspective does not necessary mean being 100% enthused about the idea 100% of the time. Instead it means viewing having a threesome as something positive and enjoyable in which each person has decided to participate. Without viewing a threesome as a choice and a decision to participate in it freely leaves allot of room for feeling bad about it.

So how do you achieve a balance to view the threesome positively as a choice? This author believes that being assertive as a large role in it. Being assertive means making your needs known in a manner that is not confrontation and as long as it is not a need that needs to be met in order to have the threesome (e.g. safe-sex practices), then try to find a way to reach a compromise. Without being assertive to make you needs known and to protect those needs that you feel are absolutely necessary to have a threesome.

Conclusion

 

This chapter briefly touched on the issue of safety from a sexual, personal, and emotional perspective. However due to the breadth of this subject it was not possible to cover all aspects of it and the purpose of this section was to introduce the idea as some something that needs to be considered when planning a threesome. If there were four points from this section to remember they would be, first do not discount any feeling of uneasiness because it could be a warning that something is not right. Second it is important to be assertive, to deal with issues as they come up, and not to give up on your core feelings in order to please someone else so that a threesome can happen. Third creating an alias can help in protecting yourself, your career, and family from the possible negative consequences of having a threesome. Finally it is important to review the planned threesome, from time to time, in order to ensure issues of safety are being addressed and that as a couple you are not putting your safety at unnecessary risk. By considering and planning for your safety in a threesome situation it will go along way to ensure that your threesome is enjoyable.

 

Submitting to my neighbor a story of a hotwife: Chapter 2 Reliving his hot wife’s adventures

After disembarking from the boat we toured Amsterdam like students on their summer break exploring a new destination and we explored Amsterdam with a joyous glee that comes when exploring something new for the first time. Amsterdam has always been a destination for us to visit but we always had an excuse not to go.  In my ways, this excursion felt as though Michelle and I was a new couple who were just beginning to date.  I suspect that this feeling came about because it is something we talked about doing but never did, like many other things in our lives. Our day in Amsterdam was not hampered from the cold winds blowing off of the North Sea and the wind, as I look back, symbolizes the changes that were to come.

While in the city we went into the Right Light District that is not far from the train station where the ferry transport takes you for the day and it is an easy walk. As a part of our day out in the Red Light District we went into sex shop and rented a two male threesome video to watch in a booth. The booth had a curtain with a chair and it was about the size of a photo booth.  Watching a porno movie in a porno theater booth was something neither of us has tried and we were like two clumsy teenagers in the back seat of a car not knowing what to do. The movie made us both horny and as we were beginning to get into it we heard a knock from the booth next to us. Being new to the experience, at first we thought they wanted us to quiet down because we were giggling but moments later, the guy next to us slid his cock through the glory hole that was between us. We continued giggling to ourselves due to situation then Michelle looked at me for approval and I said, “It is up to my love.” After sliding his cock through the hole, she began to suck him and moments later we could see him shooting is load. We then heard him leave and we could see legs passing by our booth and at that point we decided to leave. This provided us with the high-point to our journey.

Arriving back from Amsterdam things began returning but it returned to a different normality. Prior to Amsterdam, Michelle was quite sexually passive but now she is more involved, sexually. Before, we would have sex, at best, once at week whereby I had to be the one that initiated it and now she is initiating. The new normality filled one void in our lives, the rocky relationship before we left for Amsterdam but I sensed that it created another, Michelle’s desire for having another cock in her. She did not tell me directly but I could tell because there was a feeling that something was missing that was not discussed. It felt similar to the time between our last encounter before our relationship closed and before John. During this time she was happy but it showed through her reluctance not have sex. It was not as though I did not please her because I knew I did please her. Instead I believed it was because she liked a variety of men fucking her and that is something that cannot be given in a relationship without opening it up.

Michelle coming from a proper traditional background had problems stating her desires because she always wanted to please others before her. For her, it meant denying herself the pleasures she wants in order to allow others to be happy and it left her angry, frustrated. She tried not to show it but it came out in order ways, particularly sex. Being with her for twenty years I knew this is what she was wanting and I knew the relationship had to be open again. In order to open up the relationship again, I knew Michelle would have to want to it too. We have gone through our periods of opening it up and then closing it, only to create more problems for us. Sensing her need to have another cock in her, I said to her, “You know it is okay if you want to fuck another guy again.”

“I know, but I don’t want to. We have kids, a family, and life together. I am happy and I do not want to change it”

“How come?”

“You are all that I want right now and I am not interested in it.”

“I get the feeling that you do but you are not comfortable saying it to me?”

“No, I have done it before for our enjoyment and if I change my mind you will be the first to know.”

“During the time of John, George, and Amsterdam you seemed the happiest in a long-time. It is like when we had open up our relationship and you could have other relationships with other men. I feel, as though this is something you need to be happy and I do not like seeing you miserable.”

“Maybe you are right in some respects, but this is not the time.”

With that said I left it, after being married over twenty years you learn there is a context to the message and I understood the context without asking further questions. It was about a month later I started noticing changes in her behavior. The changes when examined in isolation do not mean much but when examined in its entirety it suggests she might be having sex with someone else.  First was taking a volunteer job at the local food bank and the increasing hours she volunteered. Volunteering, in my opinion, means taking a few hours one or days a week to support a cause you like; it does not mean the time devoted becomes almost like a second job. Next were the calls. A call would come in and Michelle would immediately hang-up the once she saw. I could not always hear the conversations but what I did hear was sexually suggestive. However, when I checked her text messages on her phone, I could not find anything incriminating. Then probably the biggest clue that really began to get me questioning what is occurring. That was when I noticed her panties were sticky with a rotting fish smell. I decided to confront her by asking, “Do you have a yeast infection? Are you ill?”

“No silly, why?”

“Because, I have noticed your panties have a noxious smell to them with some type of discharge.”

” I think it might be either from me ovulating or sweating. It is nothing to worry about. ”

Her explanation was lacking but I was not going to push the confrontation because I need to have more information. Then a few days later I found more evidence the beginning of her taking showers after returning for her volunteer job, at that point I decided to confront her about, “You known hun you have been acting a bit strange since taking that volunteer job.”

“Strange, what do you mean?”

“The increasing hours, strange smelling panties, secretive calls, and now taking a shower. If I did not know better I would say you were fucking another guy and not discussing it with me.”

“Sometimes things are best left unsaid, for now.”

“What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it means, you are an adult and you can figure it out for yourself.”

The fact she did not categorically deny my suspicions left me to wonder if she was having another cock and not telling me. Her elusiveness to the question aroused me and made me want to know more. Wanting to know literally became an obsession with me, I had to know. This time I decided to hire a private investigator to follow her to her volunteer job and to report back to me on what she is doing. I figured, it would be less risky if I hired someone and the fact she works in a seedy part of the city would not put my safety at risk. It took me a while before hiring Mark a private investigator works from his home and felt he would be a good choice since operating from his will keep Michelle from suspecting anything by giving me some cover while he investigated.

“What are you wanting to hire me for?” asked Mark.

“I am suspicious about my wife and think that she might be having sex with other men.”

“What have noticed so far?”

“There are suspicious calls, frequent showering, longer hours volunteering, and panties that appear to be cum stained.”

“It does sound as though something is occurring.”

“Is it only with this volunteer job or do you notice more?”

“Only with the volunteering job.”

“Where does she volunteer?”

“She works for a food back in the downtown area in a rougher neighborhood,   that is why I called you instead of investigating it myself. To be perfectly honest with you I am not so bother if she is fucking other men; however, the fact she is being elusive about it bother me.”

“Okay, give me a few weeks and I will come back to you. Whatever you do under no circumstances are you to tell her you hired a private investigator and try to keep things as normal as you can with her. The less she suspects the easier it will be for me and the more information I can collect.”

“Not a problem, how much will this cost me? Once I am done we will work out a price together.”

I left Mark to do his investigating and I tried to get the thought of Michelle out of my head. All was going fine until Michelle said, “I had an interesting day volunteering an older gentleman, scruffy looking, and living by himself came in for some help.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he seemed pathetic but at the same time he did not seem like the others that come through the place.”

“How so?”

“Even though he looked scruffy he really did not seem typical and in some way he was attractive.”

“Attractive enough for you to fuck?”

“I don’t know, maybe.” Michelle paused a few moments before she continued, “I thought I would speak to you and see what you thought. As you know the kids are getting older and will ask questions. So I need to be discreet and the less you know the better for all involved.”

“I can understand what you are saying.”

“In the past, I used to tell you about my experiences and if I go ahead with this one, I won’t. The less you know the less likely the kids will start guessing and it minimizes the chance that questions will be asked.”

“Do what you feel you need to do. However, I do ask once this ends you tell me the details when we have some time alone.”

“Alright, agreed.”

After that conversation with Michelle it left me to question, do I still need Mark since she has indirectly confirmed my suspicions? Regardless of her wanting to keep this quiet in order to insulate the children I want to know what is happening and with that, I decided I will let Mark continue his investigation. A few days later, I received an email from Mark:

Dear Andy:

I am continuing my investigation into your wife’s activities and I have come across some information you might be interested in knowing.

Can you give me a call?

Warmest Regards,

Mark

The email from Mark suggested to me that there was something going on and I could not wait to find out. I called Mark, “Hi Andy.”

“I received your email, what information do you have?”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“I will send you a detailed report with photographs and video. In the meantime I can tell you, your suspicions about your wife are correct.”

“Go on.”

“Well in order to investigate, I decided to go undercover playing the role of someone who ran out of food and feeling sorry for myself. Usually, in the past eliciting a sympathetic response from a woman seemed a way to gain their trust.”

“How did it go?”

“Well, let me tell you about what happened, she if a bit of a sexual freak.”

“I already know that.”

“I came into to the office close to closing time, looking un-kept, hair messy, poor hygiene, and dirty clothes with a hard luck story. My expectation was I would get some food and then sent away.”

“Michelle said they provide more than just food, I thought it was some religious nonsense where they cram religion down you in order to give you hope when you do not have. A lot of nonsense if you ask  me, anyhow my apologies for digressing.”

“Quite alright, she told me to stay after they closed with the other guys that were waiting. She told me if I did then I would receive something special.”

“Did she say it suggestively? I know when she says something special in a suggestive way it is something more than a present, it is something sexual.”

“She told the other woman that she was working with that she will close and the other woman could go. The other woman was a bit hesitant to leave her alone with about five men but for some reason the other woman left.”

“What did you all do?”

“The office is quite small with a desk, an overhead florescent light and a few plastic chairs. Once the other woman left Michelle stripped for us, exposing for us her perfectly shaped breasts and her perfectly shaped body, in my opinion she looked heaven-sent.”

“You were working for me, what did you do?”

“That left me in a quandary, if I blew my cover it would ruin everything and I would not be able to report back to you. Based on my discussion with you, I chose to keep my cover and not to say anything.”

“Good.”

“She then laid on top of the desk spreading her legs for us and then I saw her glistening wetness and I became instantly hard.” At that point I could see Mark’s face becoming flushed and his speech started showing signs of a tension whereby he was not sure if he should continue.

“Michelle and I have had an open relationship where she had a few lovers and a few lasting more than a year. Nothing you say will shock me. Go, on what happened.” A few moments later it became apparent that Mark started to relax and he continue with what happened.

“She pulls open the top desk drawer pulling out a few vegetables, telling us that sometimes foolish people send them with their donations and because they perish very quickly that they cannot use them. She then tells us she hates to see food spoil and instructs them to use them on her.”

“I know she does have a thing for food play but we never really got into it.”

“She then tells us she wants to be fucked with the food but we cannot fuck her. If we want to cum, she tells, that we have to cum on her.”

“Did any of you participate or did it freak everyone out?”

“The food part of was a bit too much for me, I played with myself as others shoved carrots, horseradish, and cucumbers in her. I was the first one to shoot my load on her. Others caressed her, sucked on her breast, and she even sucked on a few cocks.”

“How long did it last?”

“It lasted about two hours. After we all came on her the first time we heard the keys in the office door and we began to panic.”

“What happened?”

“The other woman that was working with Michelle came back because she left her purse. She saw Michelle naked on the desk and all of us men naked too. We sat there embarrassed for a few minutes”

“Is she going to turn her in?” I asked Mark.

“No, strangely she undressed herself exposing her mature breasts and well toned figure for someone in their early 50s. I suspect it was due to seeing all of us naked and it turning her on.”

“Did any of the guys fuck her?”

“As the guys were re-cooperating she walks over to Michelle and starts passionately kissing her on the lips. Not losing a beat, Michelle kisses her back. A few moment later she works her way down her Michelle’s breast sucking them before eating out Michelle.”

“Did Michelle enjoy it?”

“She did not resist her advances if that is what you are asking. Then unexpectedly she climbs on top of Michelle and they are in a 69 position both of them eating each other out. Seeing that got all of us hard.”

“Did you guys just watch?”

“Fuck no, a few of us fucked Michelle and the other fucked her co-worker. It was quite hot.”

“Thanks for that, it explains a lot. How much do I owe you?”

“No charge that experience was well worth my time.”

I heard the door opening, “Hello, I am home.”

Hearing Michelle’s voice I knew I needed to hang-up quickly, “Send me everything, I gotta go.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Just a friend.”

“Oh, just a friend. Huh?”

“Yes.”

“You remember when we discussed me fucking other guys again and I said I need to keep things quiet in order not to tip-off the kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I would like to share an experience that I had.”

Hearing this from Michelle was unexpected and I paused before responding. I thought should I mention I know about her bukkake experience or do I stay quiet. Also, did she know who I was talking to on the phone? Does she know she was being followed by a private investigator? At least for the moment, I decided I will keep that quiet and wait to see where her experience goes, especially since what I heard from Mark made me hard and this might push me to the brink of cumming.

Nervously and slowly Michelle begins speaking as she does I can see the tension in her eyes, “As you are aware I have been coming home late from my volunteer job and there is a reason for it.”

“Let me guess, you have been fucking someone?”

“Well not exactly, it has been two and at one point it was five.”

“Five?”

“The five just came over me and I sucked a few cocks short of cumming, nothing more.  In my opinion, that really does not count as being fucked.”

“Did they just cum on you or did they play with you too?”

“I did let them use vegetables on me to shove in my pussy. It felt weird but pleasurable. Actually having a cucumber in me made me cum but I would not want to relive that again. Anyhow, I really did not want to share that experience.”

I could feel my heart racing, my mind beginning to race, and I started getting rock hard feeling a bit of pre-cum dripping from my cock in anticipating of what she was going to say next.

“The experience I am going to share I am sure will make you want to cum instantly.”

“Really? Do tell”

“Remember when you asked me about my panties?”

“Yes.”

“I could tell by the way you were asking the question you knew and I felt bad for not telling. However, I could hear the kids in the house and I had to make something up in order to keep this part of my life away from them.”

“I kinda thought that.”

“When you volunteer in a place like I do you can become emotionally attached to people and even though they are going through some tough times you develop an attraction for them. During my time there I develop an attraction for two guys.”

“I never saw you as someone who would fuck two guys without having me there or being attracted to destitute men.”

“Well neither did I, until it happened. One of them came in at about 13:00 that afternoon and he had been regularly hitting-on me as I was walking to my car in the dark at 17:00.”

“Hey, has been a while since I have fucked a great pussy like yours,” he would say to me as I left.

“I would ignore him as I went to my car. Then he started getting a bit more aggressive towards me and would push me against the car. However, once I try to leave he would allow me and since I was free to go I never reported it.”

“Come on baby, let me have a feel, all I am asking for is a feel. I am not asking to fuck you.” he would say.

“Then he got even more aggressive, by taking a beer bottle shoving me up my dress and trying to shove it into my pussy. The cold air on my exposed pussy lips did nothing to arouse me and made me want to fight back.”

“Again, I said no to him but having the bottle being shoved in to my pussy frightened me. However, it did kind of aroused me, too. It make me horny but I did not like his aggressive nature so I told him no.”

“How come you did not report him to the police or ask for protection when you left?”

“I did not see him as a threat. His desperation for a fuck was a compliment and I wanted the attention. The night before I fucked him he tried again, pinning me against the car but this time he fingered me. When his worn fingers entered my pussy it brought me to an instant orgasm.”

“You liked?” he asked me.

“Yes very much so, come in tomorrow afternoon and I will have a surprise for you.”

“I come in around 1PM.”

“He came in at 1PM, went through the process in order not to attract attention, and then asked me he could take me out afterwards. With others around I said no but I winked to him to let him know that I was only teasing. I then told him not to be too down; if he could stay he might be surprised.”

“So what happened?”

“Don’t rush me.”

I could see Michelle’s nipples beginning poke through her top and I know that this story must arose her. “It was about two hours later when another gentlemen walk through the door. Now, he was attractive very well kept, nice fit body, and well groomed.”

“I thought they were all messy and dirty?”

“Not this one, anyhow I asked him to stay too since I was the one there and I would be closing. After closing time I closed the office, I started kissing the first one, and began undressing the better kept guy.”

“What happened next?” At this point I can see Michelle’s eyes light up and I can tell retelling the story is arousing her too.

“Then I lay on the desk spreading my legs telling both of them to do what they want with me.”

“So did they?”

“There more scruffy guy began eating me out as I began sucking the other guy’s cock. It tasted heavenly. By then I was getting lost in the moment and not really aware of what is happening around me. The scruffy guy begins stretching out my pussy before he buries he whole fist deep into my pussy.”

“Did it make you cum?”

“It made me cum repeatedly. Then he shoved his cock deep into my pussy. I could feel it grasping like a tiger grasping its dead prey as it devours it, his cock in me fed a part of me making me cum repeatedly. I felt him explode in me and as he finished shooting his load I pulled the other guy to fuck me.”

“How did he feel? Was he any better?”

“He entered my leaking and stretched pussy. However I could not feel him. I rolled on my stomach telling him to fuck me in my ass.”

“Did he?” At this point I could not contain myself, Michelle’s story was getting me hard and I could feel the urge to cum pushing up from my balls. I knew I have to hold off and I knew I wanted to hear the rest of this story. So I paused, allowing my desire to cum subside before asking, “What did he do next?”

“He licked my ass and applied a bit of spit to his cock before slowly entering me. I could feel his cock grow in my and I could feel it feel it filling my ass. ”

“Did it hurt without using a lot of lubrication?”

“Surprisingly no, he started moving faster I started cumming again and it was not long before he shot his load deep into my ass before it leaked out.”

“Was that the end? Did you leave?”

“No we did not leave. We were all still horny and I told the both of them I want both of them to fuck me at the same time. Neither needed any help getting hard again. The scruffy guy fucked me in my pussy again while the other guy fucked me in my ass. This time it was incredible.”

After Michelle shared that story we both were quite horny. I had not problem sliding into Michelle wet and hot pussy. She came several times before I finally shot my load deep into her. It was not longer after her telling me that story that she resigned her volunteering job. Even though Michelle had sex with several guys at the same time and she did not fully explain the secretive calls it has brought us together. I do not believe her fucking other men then coming home to tell me about it is the reason we are closer. Instead I believe it is the choice she has, how she exercises that choice, and the communication that we have that makes this such an enjoyable experience for the both of us

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