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FAQs regarding soft-swinging

Posted in FAQ, Types of threesomes by

masturbation b

What is soft-swinging?

The term soft-swinging implies that the couple involves someone else with them when sex occurs between them. However the involvement of the third person is limited to no oral or penetrative sex. This means in most situations woman on woman activity is not included in the definition and the role of the third person includes a voyeuristic element to it.

Does the definition include all male on male activities?

The definition does allow for mutual male masturbation and incidental contact between the males, provided no oral or penetrative sex occurs in the threesome.

What female on female activity does the definition include?

The definition includes kissing, touching, caressing, breast play, mutual masturbation and not involving toys or a strap-on.

How come you have excluded most female on female activity from the definition?

This author believes a strong argument can be made that female on female activity by definition is soft-swinging since it is impossible for penetrative sex without the aid of a toy. However, this author goes beyond the mechanics and looks at the broader picture. If penetration is occurring, regardless if it is a toy or a penis, then it is sex.

Are there any advantages of soft-swinging over a full swap?

The term advantage is perceptual and depends on the planned situation and definition of soft-swinging being used. Arguably soft-swinging may offer a lower risk of STD / STI, may offer a lower risk of pregnancy by the third person, preserves monogamy, and it can give the couple a group sex experience without having sex with the third person.

 Are there any disadvantages to soft-swinging?

Again the response depends on the definition of soft-swinging and the planned situation. Some possible disadvantages may include feeling sexually frustrated due to sex with the third person did not occur, feeling pressure to have a full-swap, and inviting a third person to participate in sex brings up further issues.

Does safe-sex need to be practiced in a soft-swing situation?  

Yes, since safe-sex is more about protection from STDs /STIs than pregnancy. For example, herpes and HIV / AIDs do not require intercourse or oral sex to be transmitted. Instead it requires a person come into contact with the infection and the infection to be transmitted through an unprotected barrier.

What positions work in a soft-swing situation?

Since the third person does not have sex with the couple and only take on a voyeur role, when it comes to sex, then question applies to couple. Generally speaking any position works. However, if the goal is ‘give a show’ for the third person then doggie-style, big dipper, or fusion may be positions to consider.

How can we incorporate the third person?

The response depends, to a large extent, on the needs of the couple and their limits. Inviting someone to watch can be quite erotic. However, if you are looking to incorporate them then there a lot of options:

Two Males

  • Mutual masturbation in order to arouse the woman, to arouse each other, and to provide a sexual release for the third person.
  • Invited male caressing the woman and / or giving her a message
  • Invited male caressing her breasts, sucking and playing with her nipples.
  • Invited male kissing the woman
  • Woman masturbating her partner in front of the third person
  • Woman masturbating the invited male
  • Woman having sex with her male partner in front of the invited third person

Two Women

  • Invited woman masturbating the male
  • Invited woman kissing, caressing, and touching the male or woman
  • Two women physically interacting, short of penetration, in order to arouse the male and them.
  • The couple having sex in front of the invited woman

What advice can you give to single males regarding soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging means you will not be having sex with the couple and there will be a voyeur aspect to the role. Nonetheless, it does mean some male on male contact is possible, such as touching or mutual masturbation. Also, it means that some physical contact with the woman is possible. Next it means if a couple opts for soft-swinging it does not necessarily mean at a later date they will be open to a full-swap. Some couples enjoy soft-swinging and it maybe as far as it progresses with them. This means for you, do not agree to a soft-swinging situation with the expectation that a full swap will occur at a later date. Lastly, it means it can be a situation that leaves you feeling sexually frustrated afterwards. Therefore, the choice is yours; it is important to remember in this situation you need to communicate your needs and your desired activities to the couple.

If we have an open relationship is soft-swinging a good way to have an intimate encounter with my partner / spouse and my lover?

A lot depends on the boundaries that have been agreed and it also depends if all three of you can be comfortable in the situation. If all three of you can be comfortable and it will not destroy the relationship(s) that have been developed then it is something worth exploring the idea. Should all three of you agree it is workable and all three of you feel that you can work through the feelings then it is something to try. It maybe all three of you find it leads to a very erotic experience.

If we have an open relationship and want to try soft-swinging then who does not participate and takes on the voyeur role?

It depends on how you define open relationship and the type of open relationship you have. If it is not a polyamorous or ménage da trios then it is this author’s feeling it should be the individual with whom the secondary relationship is formed. However, if you are in a polyamorous or menage da trios relationship, then this author feels this open to negotiation among the three of you.

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An introduction to anal sex

Posted in Techniques / Positions, Threesomes by

Anal Sex Diptych

Introduction

Have you ever tried anal sex but found it did not work because it caused pain or discomfort? Maybe you tried it and found it was like trying to nail gelatine to a wall? Anal sex is a lot like a fine wine, to be appreciated, it needs to be savored over time, it needs to be understood, nurtured, and allowed to develop.  It is something that a couple can share or be shared it in a threesome. Once it has, it is ready to be picked for enjoyment and the fruits that it can bear can be quite intoxicating.  If you are ready to learn how to grow and enjoy anal sex this guide will help you.

Anal Sex – Techniqe

If you have medical problems that involve the colon, rectum, vagina, or anus then medical advice should be sought before trying anal sex. Also, it goes without saying anal sex involves penis, a dildo, or a strap-on.

The starting point is finding the time when you are not looking for a “quickie” and there is time to devote to foreplay. Foreplay is essential for enjoyable anal sex as it provides proper arousal and by being properly aroused it helps to limit any discomfort / pain. Also it allows excitement to build and builds a bond that can bring closeness.

Once your partner is properly aroused then next step involves stimulating the anus. This should be done using a water based lubricant and it should be liberally applied. It should first be applied to the outside of the anus and your index finger. If the person who will be receiving anal sex is inexperienced then it is a good idea to us your index finger to stimulate the area around the anus before trying to insert it.

As you stimulate the outside of the anus you may feel it relax, which is good and if you do, you can try slowly inserting your finger.  Even if the anus does not relax, if it is lubricated, then you try slowing inserting your lubricated index finger. If you meet a lot of physical resistance, as you try to insert your finger, then stop and have your partner take a deep breath then slowly exhale, have them repeat it if necessary. This should help them relax the anus if you continue to get a lot of resistance then pull out your finger followed by lubricating the area again. Now try reinserting your finger again. For those just starting out this may be as far as you get the first time. If it is do not worry since it is not an issue and the next time might be easier.

If you are able to get your finger inserted, move it around. Hopefully you should feel an anus relax and become more pliable. As it becomes more pliable you should lubricate your middle finger too and insert it. Also this will be a good time to apply more lubrication to the anus. Again, if it causes discomfort then have your partner take a deep breath followed by them slowly exhaling, having them repeat if necessary. Once your partner’s anus is pliable with two fingers in it then it is most likely ready for penetration.

There are two good positions that this author believes works well for anal sex. First position is doggie style with the hips aligned for anal penetration. Second is missionary with the hips pushed forward or raised for anal sex. Other positions like cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, this author feel does not work, for anal sex since penetration is not as controlled.

Once you have chosen the position the male should put a condom on and use a water based lubricant. The condom is not prevent pregnancy since the risk is quite low; instead it is to protect against UTIs and STDs. After the condom has been put on then he needs to enter very slowly and if his partner complains of discomfort then he needs to stop. If the discomfort continues his partner should try the deep breathing, mentioned earlier in this article, and once the discomfort passes then he should continue to enter slowly, stopping when required. Then once he is as deep as he can go then he should begin to move slowly. As he moves he should be synchronized with his partner’s comfort level and if his partner appears comfortable then he can try to move faster. However he should not go too fast because of the risk of discomfort and it should be measure to give the level of enjoyment needed.

Conclusion

Anal sex is a technique if done properly can bring a lot of pleasure to all. It is something that needs to done when there is time available and may take a few attempts before it works, thereby implying patience is needed. The more a couple or a threesome can communicate about comfort levels the more likely it will work.

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