The purpose of this article is providing some guidance regarding the progression that the discussion about a threesome can occur. It is not a definitive guide and is only meant as a basic resource. Also this guide meant to be a basic resource documenting the threesome process between couples. It is important to note not all couples will go through all stages, some may go through them faster and some may go through them in a different order. Finally by using this guide it can help a couple determine where they are at in the threesome process and if they feel they have missed a stage then it might be a sign they have omitted something that needs to happen. If a couple feels they have missed something then it could indicate a potential problem might occur and before proceeding to have a threesome then the couple should determine what else needs to occur before the threesome happens.
Pre-meeting is the point at which the idea of having a threesome remains aloof and abstract. It is the point where the couple explores the idea with no formal contact is made with a potential third person.
At this stage the idea of having a threesome is theoretical and abstract. This means the idea is explored globally in a non-threatening way, such as sharing a fantasy during foreplay and the specifics about having a threesome evades the couple. Below are two possible strategies employed to test the idea of having a threesome is seen as something that will happen in the distant future. Essentially this stage is where the couple tries getting comfortable enough with the idea by exploring the idea as a theoretical idea before moving to discuss the idea as a possibility.
Foreplay / Bedroom
This is where the idea can be informally introduced as a part of “pillow talk” or introduced as a part of foreplay. Introducing the idea of having a threesome through foreplay or “pillow-talk” does not always happen first and sometimes it might happen later in the process. The purpose here, this author feels, is to gage their partner’s reaction to the idea and present it in a non-threatening way. Furthermore this stage differs from using fantasy as a role-playing tool since the idea of having a threesome is still foreign to the couple and the fantasy is very intangible that is missing a lot of the elements that are required for role-playing.
At this point, it is impossible to plan a threesome since the discussions is about the fantasy of having a threesome rather than the reality of it thereby being impossible to know what each person feels about the idea of having a threesome.
Discretely Testing the Idea
The idea maybe tested before talking about the idea. Typically this could involve talking about topics relating to threesomes such as cheating, what makes a relationship last, or media topics relating to threesomes. Alternatively this may show up in other ways such as watching threesome porn or talking about celebrities or people they find attractive. This approach is very broad gauge that may not always be accurate, about general attitudes towards threesomes and how their partner might respond to the suggestion of having a threesome.
Up until now the idea of having a threesome remained abstract and theoretical. During this stage the idea begins moving from being something intangible to something more tangible. Planning means, initial steps are taken planning the threesome and if this stage is successful then steps are taken to find a third person. Normally the planning stage will occur first and once enough discussion has occurred here and an understanding regarding the structure of the threesome is agreed then meeting the third person occurs. Once the couple meets the third person this stage then occurs simultaneously with the meeting stage, as the couple further review, modifies, and make any changes to their initial plan.
There is some indication, either through fantasy exploration or desire to have a threesome that a conversation regarding having a threesome occurs outside of the bedroom. At this stage, the idea of having a threesome becomes tangible. Discussing what it might like to have a threesome, the potential impact, and issues may occur on a global scale. However the specifics of the threesome, the timing of it, and if it is going to happen still remain somewhat intangible. Many couples do not get beyond this stage due to personal beliefs or the threesome being proposed is not the type of threesome they want; however those who can get beyond this stage will begin further discussions regarding having a threesome.
This may occur shortly after the initial discussion or a significant time after the initial discussion. These discussions regard more specific aspects of having a threesome, such as boundaries, the type of person to invite, and where to have it. The timing of this stage may take anywhere from a very short amount of time to a few years to complete.
Simulating / Testing the Idea
This is an optional stage where the couple may find ways of getting comfortable with the idea of having a threesome or understanding how they might react. At this stage the couple may try role playing the idea, going to a lap dance club, posting photos on the internet, or other ways of testing their level of comfort with the idea. In many ways this optional stage is meant to give the couple an opportunity to take “baby steps” towards having a threesome. It does not mean they will have one but it serves as a way of preparing to have one.
At this point enough communication has occurred that indicates there is an interest in having a threesome either by agreement to begin the search or behavior indicating an interest exists. Once searching begins it is usually done in conjunction with the further discussion stage to ensure the threesome is being handled correctly.
At this stage, based on the couple’s discussion during the planning phase, the couple has begun searching for a third person to join them in a threesome.
Depending on the strategy used the initial contact can be either via email or in person. During this stage the couple and the third person discover more about each other.
Meeting the Third Person (Optional)
If the initial conversations occurred via email then a meeting is arranged. All three meet and if the agreement is made there is enough common interest for a threesome to occur then it will occur. The threesome might occur immediately after or it might occur shortly thereafter if the meeting was a meet and greet.
At this stage the threesome occurs as planned
5) Post Threesome
Couple talks through the threesome and finds a way to reconnect afterwards. This does not necessarily need to be a long drawn out process and can be done fairly quickly.
After the threesome has occurred the couple decides if they will continue with having another threesome of if they are going to take a break.
- Simulating a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Suggesting a threesome – What does it mean? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Reconnecting afer a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome myths (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Relationship requirements for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Understanding the basic difference between wife swapping and threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Etiquette of accommodating (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)