Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Surviving the First Date

Surviving the first dateIntroduction

The cuckolding fantasy give a safe place to view the experience and have the ideal outcome.  Once the first date approaches the fantasy metamorphosis into a storm at sea with the flurry of emotions, the fear, and panic before being replaced with excite the first date brings. It is not until she arrives home and discussing the experience does the storm finally subside. So, how do you survive the storm that comes with the first date?


Starting point is establishing basic boundaries. Cuckolding is not a threesome and will need very different boundaries. A boundary for a threesome might be no kissing, one-off, or no anal sex. This is because having a threesome is a team activity whereby each person can verify the other is following each boundary and as a couple become comfortable with having a threesome their need for specific boundaries begin the wane. Therefore, a boundary in a threesome situation is more about comfort and providing a degree of emotional safety to make sure the threesome does not go beyond a certain points.

However, in a cuckold having a boundary is more about physical safety or relationship safety than emotional safety. Examples of boundaries may include:

  • No staying overnight
  • Call / text to give update about the date is progressing
  • Number of times in a month she meets the other man
  • Amount and type of communication that can occur
  • Degree to which the discussing the events of her being intimate with someone else
  • Meeting the other male and being to ‘veto’ him if not acceptable.

It can be said, having a cuckold requires a higher degree of trust and a deeper understanding of what cuckolding involves to make sure safety.

Build up the relationship

Building up the relationship  prior to the first date is vital for ensuring a positive cuckolding experience and ensuring the relationship can survive the experience. This means any relationship issue that can cause a problem is resolved before the first date and it means finding a way to connect at an emotional level to bond.

Next building up the relationship can also mean changing your communication style whereby the focus changes from superficial discussions to problem resolution. Such a change may involve talking about feelings, needs, and then working towards an agreeable solution.

Finally, building up the relationship means supporting her through the experience in order for it to be a positive experience for her. It may need helping her prepare for the first day and making herself look attractive. This may mean putting aside your feelings to help her feel confident that this is the right decision.

Relationship Changes

As the first date gets closer there may be noticeable relationship changes:

  • She may become emotionally distant
  • She may want more time to herself
  • Sex may decrease or stop
  • Anxiety and fear about the relationship may become more common
  • Arguments may increase
  • Premature ejaculation or inability to become erect
  • She may become more focused on appearance

It is important to view them as normal but after the first date, they can be a sign of an issue that needs discussing.


The first time can be quite unnerving. She is gone, hopefully enjoying herself with someone else while you are left alone. It is a time when fear and anxiety build that can lead to a hasty decision being made. It is important while she is out a distraction is found that does not involve using drugs, does not involve using alcohol and does not shopping. From my experience, if you are at home, cleaning is a good distraction. Likewise going to a movie or going out also serves as distinction.

Post Date Relationship Changes

Cuckolding will forever change your relationship and each encounter makes it more difficult for the relationship to return to an exclusive relationship.  It is important to expect change and the degree, to which, the change will occur will depend on how the experience impacts each of you.


Until the first date cuckolding is only a fantasy. However, as the first date approaches the relationship will under go temporary changes that may involve creating an emotional distance to prepare for the cuckolding experience along with the male noticing sexual changes. After the date it is likely there will be changes to the relationship and to make sure the experience is positive the couple will need to make sure they continue to communicate. The first date can be a positive experience if you plan for it, communicate, and view any change positively.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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The Cuckolding Fetish: When Your Wife’s Cheating Turns You On

A very well written poignant piece regarding cuckolding and relationships.

Nonetheless the author makes two points that I do not completely agree with. First point, is the implied link between cuckolding and cheating. I understand the author is addressing how cheating can be arousing and the spark the reignites a relationship. Nonetheless, I do not believe cuckolding is cheating and I believe they are two entirely separate activities.

Second point is linking cuckolding with BDSM. Regular followers will know, I do accept some cuckolding does fall under the BDSM banner but I do believe there is a second form of cukolding, ‘couples cuckolding,’ that falls outside of the traditional definition of cuckolding.

Anyone who is wanting more information on cuckolding or wanting another perspective on relationships will not be disappointed reading this article.


The Cuckolding Fetish: When Your Wife’s Cheating Turns You On.

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

IMG_8722 updated 20140816Introduction

Think of a situation where facing an unknown outcome, such as a job interview. Searching for a job is a journey that requires being able to influence. Preparing for a job interview requires doing research about the company, maybe researching something about the interviewers, and anticipating possible questions that might be asked all help in preparing. Other factors such as knowing the company’s pay tolerance for negotiating pay, contractual working conditions, and selling your skills in the interview to receive an offer becomes a combination of experience weaved with a degree of speculation. Being successful on this journey requires being able to influence the interviewer that you are right for the job and being able to demonstrate you are able to be firm while having a flexible attitude.

Most likely somewhere along the journey using quid pro quo was used or was considered being used. An example, “I am willing to undertake more traveling for a pay rise.” For those not familiar with the term quid pro quo, it means something for something or sometimes it is called a “win-win” situation. Whilst I am not a fan of quid and I try using it as much as possible, nonetheless pro quo t forms the basis for our lives from work to grocery shopping, and to a large extent how we relate to other people. In a more global sense quid pro quo underlies our free-market economy. So, it is logical to incorporate the principle in planning a threesome.

Preserving the relationship means avoiding quid pro quo

In a previous article in this series, I spoke about defining nice to have verses the must have for a threesome. There is a temptation in approaching the planning of  threesome as buying a corporation by employing a quid pro quo approach. An discussion might include a willingness to have a mfm threesome in exchange for agreeing to have a fmf threesome.

On the surface, this appears fair but it is not. Quid pro quo in planning a threesome does not take into account emotions and the outcome of the first threesome. Couples gravitate towards one type of threesome over another for a variety of reasons that includes factors such as:

  • managing issues of jealousy
  • preference
  • compatibility
  • sexual identity
  • availability
  • their location

Also, the outcome of the first threesome cannot be known and trying to plan a second threesome until the first one is known is not possible. by agreeing to have two separate threesomes it opens up the possibility of later conflict due to not wanting to have the second threesome.

Persuading without quid pro quo

Avoiding using quid pro quo is not easy since it can be instinctual but it can be done. In the previous article I talk about viewing a threesome as a marathon and using time as an advantage. The same principle applies here, instead of time it is breaking journey from discussing the idea through to the threesome into manageable steps. This means, planning out the steps that need to occur, identifying any possible issues, and it means clarifying for yourself what is negotiable. After developing a plan, it is time to try it, regularly review it and make changes where needed.

Related Articles

Separating Sex from Love


Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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