“How would you feel if I fucked George (not his real name)?” I can still remember that discussion about a cuckold and how it made me feel. I knew from an earlier discussion with my wife that conversation will occur and I was able to read the sign my relationship is heading in that direction. So, how did I did I prepare for the conversation?
To begin with, my preparation is not unlike someone who ask, how do I move my spouse / partner towards having a threesome? What can I do that subtle and does not put pressure on them? In preparing for that conversation, I believe that is the wrong question. I believe the question should be, what do I want from a threesome? Simply put, if you do not know what you want from a threesome then how can you expect to communicate it to your partner / spouse?
Having an enjoyable and successful threesome is dependent on each person’s ability to effectively communicate their need. Need in a threesome is very encompassing that can cover:
- comfort level
- what feels good
- what does not feel good
- feeling uncomfortable
- a feeling
- emotional security
- physical security
- violation of trust
- boundary / limit
without the ability to effectively communicate a need and understand what it can mean for you it is wrong to expect someone else to know.
In preparation for the conversation, I knew I had to think about topics such as:
- What is my comfort limit?
- Can I accept my decision to allow her to have sex with George?
- What will it mean for my relationship?
- Will I be able to grow from the experience or will it devastate me?
- If it happens what will I need to feel secure?
- How do I ensure her safety?
As I thought about the I soon discovered I was alright about the idea. Once the conversation began I stated I was happy with it provided:
- It was a one-off situation
- She did not stay over-night
- Safe-sex was practiced
- She told me what occurred
Now as I look back to that experience, I realize being able to communicate my need to her and the ability to have a loving relationship after 20+ years resided in my ability to understand my need before communicating it to her. Without examining the idea and debating it with myself I do not believe the experience would be as enjoyable as it was for me. Therefore, I believe before you can discuss the idea of having a threesome you need to understand what it means for you.