Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario


Heterosexual-flag-idea

Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.

Threesome myths


Fendi06

Introduction

During ratings sweep it is possible to see a tantalizing article about couples who take part in threesomes and it is fairly easy to find a talk show, covering the topic in some form.  From watching the news, news programs and talk shows it is easy to form an opinion of having a threesome. However do we ask, is this an accurate portrayal or is a perspective being given to get ratings? This author will take a look at some of the perceptions of threesomes and will try to expose some of the myths around them.

Since the couple does not have an open relationship there is no risk to the relationship

Porn movies are notorious for portraying a threesome as a way to have sex without the consequences and no opening up the relationship probably carries less risk. Nonetheless, the reality is any decision, including the decision to have a threesome, carries consequences and having a threesome can impact a couple’s relationship.  The fact that the relationship is no open does not mean residual feelings from having the threesome or by having a threesome it brings up underlying issues. Since there is no guarantee a threesome will work, the best advice is to talk through having a threesome and continue to talk about it to address any feelings that may linger afterwards.

Every man wants fmf threesome

Every man does not want a two woman threesome. A man is person who has feelings, beliefs and experiences. This means not every man wants a fmf threesome because it goes against their beliefs or from their experiences they feel a threesome is not in their best interest.  Those who do have a threesome, most, will have a two male threesome. This is not because they are bisexual or gay; instead it is because a single man is more likely to take part in a threesome than a single woman.

Best choice for a threesome is a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover

While a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover may work as a choice for a threesome in some limited circumstances. The reality is each one provides their own issues and risks that make choosing them a risky choice. It is this author’s feeling anyone considering a threesome, especially if discretion and privacy is a concern, to look for someone they do not know well.

Having a threesome will add ‘spice’ to the relationship and fix relationship problems such as, stopping my partner / spouse from cheating

Threesomes cannot fix relationship or add spice to a relationship that has become stagnant.  This author feels a threesome can bring issues forward issues that exist in the relationship and weaken a relationship that is struggling. Therefore, this author feels, the best approach is to solve the underling issues and work at developing the relationship before considering a threesome.  Essentially this means a threesome should not be considered as a solution to a relationship issue but as a way to potentially grow the relationship.

During foreplay or during ‘pillow talk’ my partner / spouse express a wish to have a threesome

If you partner / spouse express an interest in having a threesome during foreplay or ‘pillow talk’ then it is a good idea to speak to them outside of the bedroom to clarify their feelings. Just because during arousal or in the afterglow they express these feelings, it does not mean the interest continues. Without talking about the idea during the day it is difficult to know their true feelings and acting on such a statement without understanding their feelings may result in problems for the relationship later.

I am not the jealous type and I do not see having a threesome as being a problem

Until a threesome occurs it is impossible to know your reaction. Having a threesome can elicit a roller-coaster of emotions and even though who do not believe they are jealous may feel jealous once they see their partner / spouse having sex with someone else.

I am the jealous type and should not have a threesome

In most cases being jealous will make having a threesome difficult but it does not mean it will be impossible. If it is possible to talk through the feelings before hand, set a signal to let your partner / spouse know you are becoming uncomfortable or if you can view having a threesome being about physical pleasure instead of emotional bonding then it is possible that having a threesome is not out of reach.  However, if jealousy leads to anger, violent reactions, or conflict then it is advisable to work on the issue of jealousy before having a threesome.

Boundaries are not needed since I want my partner / spouse to experience everything

A couple cannot expect every possible scenario for a threesome and their possible reaction. Having boundaries define the limits of a threesome and give a safety-net for the threesome. It allows each participant to understand what behavior is acceptable and the personal limits each person has.  Even though boundaries will not prevent every possible issue from surfacing; it helps the couple to mitigate any potential conflict, build trust, and be pro-active in preventing possible conflict.

Having a threesome is cheating

In this author’s opinion, having a threesome is not cheating provided the boundaries are not intentionally or recklessly violated. This means as long as the couple is agreement and they adhere to their boundaries, then this author feels no cheating has occurred.

I do not want to have a threesome but my partner / spouse does,  I should agree to have a threesome in order to make them happy.

Having a threesome can bring up powerful feelings and can involve a complex web of emotions. Deciding to have threesome to make someone happy may seem like a caring act in order to strengthen a relationship. However must be asked, what about your feelings? If you find you are opposed to a threesome then it is possible it may bring up other feelings (e.g. feeling of losing self in the relationship, your needs not getting met, etc.) these feelings may have an adverse impact on your perception of the threesome and adversely impact your relationship. Therefore it is important to balance your needs against the need to have a threesome for your partner.

If my partner is agreeable then a threesome should happen fairly quickly

Planning and finding someone that is compatible can take time, especially if it is a fmf. The first step in having a threesome is discussing the idea; however, it can take weeks, months, year, or it may never happen. A part of the length is based on the type of threesome being planned, the issues that need resolving, and finding someone who is compatible.

Guidance for couples – writing an ad for a threesome


Intro

It is 3:00 in morning, the house is quiet and the two of you want to write an ad for a threesome, how do you it? Hopefully by this point the enough of a discussion has occurred that will allow the ad to be written without further discussions. The ad should reflect your personality as a couple, some very non-specific information about the two of you, along with covering your boundaries and the type of person you want to meet as a third. Essentially you are using words in painting a picture, as a couple, you want from a threesome.

Think before leaping

Writing an ad can elicit many feelings from fear of rejection to sure excitement. It is important before writing the ad some time is given thinking about the type of threesome, the type of person you are trying to attract, and also what each of you brings to the threesome. By thinking through the idea it will help to write the ad, along with increasing the chance that the threesome will be successful and increase the chance of finding a person that is suitable.

Using words to reflect your personality

Very few of us are masters of the written word but when placing an ad being an accomplished writer is not necessary. However, your style and the way you write will attract some people while turning away others. Therefore, the words you choose say something about who you are and it is important that the right image is created. This means taking the time to edit, spell check your ad, and taking a few moments to grammar check it too. Choppy sentences, run on sentences, and sentences with misspelled words can discourage potential candidates from responding. Before writing the ad it might be worth reading through other ads to get an idea of style of writing and what others include in their ad.

Also, it means do not write the ad as though you just took a creative writing class or swallowed a dictionary. Furthermore an ad does not read as though it was written by a well known author from the romantic period in literature nor does it need creative words to be effective. Instead write the ad as though you were confidently talking to someone about having a threesome with the two of you, what would say? How would you say it? What element of your personality would come through to them? How would they describe you as a couple?

Finally as you proofread your ad think as though you were responding to it. read What would you think? What image does it create in your mind about the couple? Is this a couple you would want to meet? If not, then it is a sign more editing is needed.

Non-specific information about the two of you as a couple

This ties with the first part and it is not as essential as the other parts. The purpose here is to provide a reader of the ad insight into the couple and to attract people with similar interests. It is also used to make the author of the ad sound more personable, what you like to do as couple, and approachable.  For example it could be, “… Fred likes to sing and Missy likes to run in marathons,” or might be something like, “… as a couple we like watching movies.” It is important to remember, the information here should not identify you, it should be short, and it should be very generic.

Boundaries

This is a key element to the ad and boundaries need to be included. Providing a laundry list of boundaries or going into details about your boundaries is not necessary at this point. Only a few key boundaries or a very general summary should be included. An example might be, “… Mary enjoys most things but is not into giving oral.” Another example, “We are looking for a male to join us for a straight threesome since Fred has no interest in male on male contact.” Final example, “We are middle the road couple who enjoys most sexual things except anything extreme, which includes water-sports and Roman showers.” Once you get a reply and begin discussing the idea with someone then you can go into more details about your boundaries.

Type of person you want to meet

If the two of you have not discussed this in much detail you may struggle with it. This is the section that will let the reader know the type of person you want to meet and the type person you do not want to invite. Essentially this should work as a filter to help you sort through those you are most likely to be interested in meeting and those you are most likely not interested in meeting. Characteristics you may want to consider:

  • age / age range
  • relationship status (married, committed relationship or single)
  • sexuality (straight, bi, gay)
  • gender / sex
  • someone who is looking for a one off situation or an ongoing situation
  • someone who is able to accommodate or someone who is not able to accommodate
  • body build
  • sexual interests (dp, bondage, any other legal sexual interests)

Summary

Placing an ad for a threesome does not need to be a tumultuous experience. Instead an ad is a summary of your interests in having a threesome along with your limits. It should try to reflect the type of couple you are and the type of person you want to meet. A well written ad  will go a long way in meeting the need and it can provide dividends for the couple by providing them with quality responses to their ad.

MFM Threesome FAQs for single males


triple red tulipaFAQs for single men interested in a mfm threesome

If a couple responds to my email or ad then they are interested in me?

There is a difference between a genuine interest meeting for a threesome and obtaining enough information to make an informed decision. Any reply means you have an opportunity to make yourself stand-out and impress the couple.

Couples looking for a two male, mfm, threesome are looking for another male to join them because the primary male cannot meet the female’s sexual needs?

This is a logical fallacy that many single men believe. Most couples looking for a second male have stable relationships and have a threesome because it is their choice. As a result of their decision you are being invited to join them because they are looking to explore their sexuality and not because there is an underlying issue in their relationship.

When meeting or communicating with a couple I should be speaking to the woman?

Depending on the situation this can be a fatal mistake. While it is true most mmf threesomes are straight, the reality is it takes two people to make a couple. This means even though you will be engaging sexually with her you cannot forget her partner / husband. In many situations he takes on a gatekeeper role, which means, if you cannot win his trust and confidence then it is unlikely the threesome will occur. Best piece of advice is to make sure you include him in any conversations, speak to him about her interests, and a build a rapport with him. By doing this you will gain his trust and increase the chance the threesome will occur.

When replying to an ad I should include my email address, contact phone number, and a photo of my genitals?

Most ads will not ask contact details or photos of genitals to be sent with a reply. By sending any of this with your reply, when it is not requested, most likely will be seen as aggressive and will cause the couple to longer consider you. It is best to read the ad carefully about what the couple is wanting and only send the requested information.

If I am in a committed relationship or married and the couple is requesting a single male then I am considered single?

Many couples tend to prefer single men since they come with less risk and keep the threesome as discreet as possible. If you are married or in a committed relationship and the couple request a single male then you need to be upfront with the couple about your relationship status.

If I am single and interested in having a threesome then I should approach a married couple that I know?

If you ask a friend for a threesome then that relationship will forever change and you might bring to an end that friendship. Before asking you will need to consider:

  • If you are willing to risk the friendship
  • How the friendship will return once the threesome ends
  • How you will deal with issues such as rejection if your idea is rejected
  • How you will mitigate feelings developing
  • Your reasons for selecting a friend instead of someone else

How do I ask a couple for a threesome?

A lot depends on the context of the situation, if you are using a website dedicated to this activity or at a swinger club (on or off premise) then wanting a threesome is implied. The focus in these situations is determining if enough attraction exists to allow a threesome to occur.

If it the asking is done when the couple may not expect it then using a direct approach that is open and honest is necessary. This means avoiding euphemisms, talking around the subject, or alluding to the idea.  Instead you have to be honest with the couple and tell them what you are proposing.  In some situations, there already may be sexual tension that all recognizes and talking about it will help bring up the subject. If this is the situation then talk about your plan, how you see the friendship continuing, and why you feel it is necessary to have the threesome. However in other situations the idea may be a shock to them and it is best to be ready for it.

If I have a threesome with a couple is it assumed that I will ‘cum’ in her, especially if I use a condom?

No, it is bad etiquette to make this assumption. When it comes to this issue the woman may have a strong preference and it is courteous to ask beforehand.

If I am participating in a threesome with another man does it mean he is bisexual or gay?

No, it does not. The most common type of threesome is the two men and one woman threesome.

How do I handle incidental touching in a two man threesome?

Ideally before the threesome you should discuss with the couple your boundaries, including being intentionally touched by the other male. With that said, during ‘the heat of the moment,’ sometimes incidental touching does occur. This can occur for several reason like positioning, initial indications that you are open to the idea, or misunderstanding about boundaries. If it does happen and if feels good then allow the touching to continue until you begin feeling uncomfortable. However if it is something that makes you feel uncomfortable then try showing your discomfort non-verbally by changing position or gently moving the body part that is touching you. Should it not be possible or it is not working then politely and in a non-confrontation way say something. Finally if the thought of being touched by the other male induces levels of anxiety, anger, or it is something that upsets you then, in this author’s opinion, you should reconsider the idea of having a two male threesome.

MFM threesome FAQs


English: Variable Damselfly threesome: mating ...

If we have a two male, mfm, threesome will there be male on male contact?

In most cases, no, since most mfm are straight (no male on male contact). However, if it something, as a couple, you are looking for then it is possible to find a bi male but be safe in regards to STDs / STIs.

Couples looking for a two male, mfm, threesomes are looking for another male to join them because the primary male cannot meet the female’s sexual needs?

Most couples that look for a second male have stable relationships and have a threesome because it is their choice. This means you are being invited to join them because they are looking to explore their sexuality and not because there is an underlying issue in their relationship.

What types of risk exist with having a mfm threesome?

The biggest risks includes, though not limited to:

  • pregnancy
  •  STDs / STIs
  • misunderstanding boundaries / miscommunication
  • conflict during or after the threesome
  • ending of the relationship

My husband / partner wants a mfm threesome, does it mean he is gay?

Most likely no, most threesomes are two male threesomes that are straight.  Very few two male threesomes involve male on male activity due to risk of STDs / STIs. Even if there is some male-on-male contact it does not mean he is gay. A threesome situation can be quite arousing and allowing opportunity for exploration whereby some same-sex contact does occur. Then after the experience there is no further interest in the same-sex. However, if you are in doubt then it is important that you speak to them about your concerns.

Where are some places we can meet men interested in having a threesome?

There are many places you can search and you may find someone interested in places that you may not expect to look.  Nonetheless there are a few places you can try but remember to do it safely:

  • Internet threesomes, dating, and swinging web sites.
  • Swingers clubs on premise
  • Off premise swingers clubs, munches, and meet & greets
  • Swingers Parties
  • Dogging locations

However there a few choices to avoid such as:

  • bars
  • co-workers
  • ex boyfriend / girlfriend or ex spouse

Are there any bad reasons to have a threesome?

Yes they are and they include:

  • Feeling pressured
  • Doing it to please your partner
  • Being coerced or manipulated
  • Using it as a way of preventing cheating
  • Getting drunk and / or high to have a threesome

Will getting high or drunk increase my enjoyment of having a threesome?

Getting high and / or drunk is very bad idea when having a threesome. Reason being you need to be in full control of your decisions and keep up your boundaries. Without being in control of your decisions you put your safety and health at risk. Simply put if you need to get high and /or drunk to have a threesome then you need to reconsider the idea.

What positions can you do in a threesome?

Any position works in a threesome but there are two other positions, split roast and dp.

I am a female who will be having a two male threesome, how do I divide my attention including who do I have sex with first?

You will be the center of the male’s attention. Nonetheless, how you focus your attention may have a significant impact on your relationship. The best advice is to speak with your partner before the threesome and then communicate it to the invited male.

Having two men will mean the female will have sex multiple times?

It is possible that she may have sex more than once. However that will depend on the planned threesome structure, expectations, and if any of the men of suffering from performance anxiety (e.g. inability to get an erection, inability to support an erection, premature ejaculation).

 

The basics of threeosme safety


 

Introduction

What do you think when you hear the word safety? Safety conjures up an image of an activity being sucked of its fun or Health and Safety Laws in the UK that have gone too far. Nonetheless safety has an important part of having a threesome and it is the part that ensures that the threesome remains enjoyable while protecting those involved.

Sexual Safety:

 

This is the easiest point to start the discussion since it is a topic people are familiar with at some level. Sexual safety means more than practicing safe-sex, it means avoiding unnecessary risks that can damage your sexual health. It also means looking at the details of what is being planned and ensuring that what is being planned will not have an impact on anyone’s health at a later date. Examples include properly cleaning “toys” before using them, not going bareback with someone, not using lubricants that can breakdown a condom, informing your partner if you believe you have been exposed to a STI, allowing a chance to bathe, and changing condoms when switching between anal and vaginal penetration. Essentially sexual safety means respecting everyone enough that extra measures are considered and communicating additional information so that sexual health is not put at risk.

Personal Safety:

 

Personal safety and emotional safety has some overlap. Since there is some overlap this section will focus more on the physical aspects of personal safety and to some extent address the issue of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person. It is impossible to speak about every possible risk to personal safety that might theoretically arise in a threesome situation and this section will take a broad brush stroke over the topic.

Overview

Stating point regarding personal safety is our “inner voice.” All of us have an “inner voice” that tells us if something is not right. Choosing to listen our inner voice is our choice. However in a threesome situation if it does not feel right, if you feel there is something not right about the situation, or the situation make you feel uncomfortable then it is best not to ignore that “inner voice.” Most likely your “inner voice” is warning you about a potential injury to your well-being.

Another point regarding personal safety is not to put yourself in a situation where your safety becomes at risk. There are some who feel to “get in the mood” they need to drink or use drugs. There is nothing wrong with a social drink in order to get the conversation flowing and to relax everyone. However the issue becomes when having more than a social drink or using drugs can lead to fuelling emotions such as, when are watching your partner having sex with someone else in front of you and such activities makes it more likely that the individual will participate in risky behavior that they would not normally do when sober. Undertaking risky behavior can result in boundaries being broken, unnecessary exposure to STDs / STIs, and in some cases risk of pregnancy. It is therefore better to be in control of the situation and to make appropriate decisions then to make a decision based on the “heat of the moment” only to regret it later.

Final point, which ties in to the next part of personal safety as it relates to meeting the third person, is examining the planned threesome from a personal safety perspective. It means examining the planned threesome and then trying to identify where potential safety issues may exist. From there then determining the likelihood of it happening, and asking if it did happen why would be impact of the outcome? Purpose of this exercise, essentially is to make sure what is being planned addresses the issues of safety.

Meeting the Third Person

 

Meeting the third person covers a very broad spectrum from placing an ad on the internet to physically meeting them. While it is impossible to cover every conceivable situation a few general principles do apply. First principle is creating an alias. An alias is essential because it helps to protect your identity from family, friends, employers, if you have children in the home it will protect them, and anyone else that you may come in contact with. It goes without saying, there is nothing wrong with having a threesome but if someone does know your identity then it could have some consequences for you, especially if you have a job where you are dealing with the public. In order to protect yourself, your family and your job creating an alias becomes a part of planning for safety.

The question now becomes what is an alias? An alias sanitizes your key information so that is not easily traced to you. This means when creating an alias, you remove any information that can personally identify you and restate it in such a way that protects you. So if you are John (age 42) & Jane (age 38) residing in Northbrook, Illinois then your alias may become Mark (age 40) and Sarah (age 35) in Chicago. As a part of this process any pictures you might use would not have pictures of your children, other family members, or anything that would identify you. Instead they might be either neck down pictures or pictures showing you from a distance, so that facial features become less distinct while still showing a generalized body shape.

Remember your alias will be the first thing people who read your ad on the internet, you contact, or meet will know about you. Therefore it becomes important that your alias is something that is manageable and easy for you to remember. If not, it may make developing trust more difficult thereby loosing potential third persons.

Final question is how far do you take the alias? Personally my recommendation would be taking it far enough that any person you come in contact with regarding a threesome cannot identify where you work, do not know where you live if you have children, and they do not know your contact information. This may mean getting a pay-as-you-go cellular / mobile phone or buying a separate cellular / mobile phone for this activity. By getting a mobile / cellular phone dedicated to this activity it keeps your own phone number hidden and it also allow you to know anyone who is contacting you their call somehow relates to a threesome. Likewise establishing a dedicated email address for this activity will help to protect you from SPAM emails and it makes it easier to manage. Thirdly this means not taking the third person to your house if you have children around and if you do bring them making sure any sensitive information (e.g. bank, credit card information, and family photos) is secured. Fourthly avoid giving any career information that might identify your employer or may damage your reputation. Finally an alias may sound as though you are lying or intentionally being deceptive. This author feels as long as you are honest to questions being asked, that does not relate to your identity, and your present yourself in a truthful manner then creating an alias for protecting your protection is justifiable.

After speaking with them online and there seems to be an interest in meeting to see if things develop for a threesome to happen, the question becomes how to handle it? There is no right way to handle it but, this author feels, is for someone starting out with having a threesome then the first meeting should be a “meet & greet” in a public place. This means the first meeting involves no sex occurring and the purpose of the meeting is find out if all three of you are compatible. Before meeting them it may be worth your time to bring a cellular phone  / mobile phone for an emergency, let someone know that as a couple you are going out that night, and consider other safety measures. Then after the meeting having the time to talk to each other about it and then determine if that person is someone you want to have a threesome with.

Emotional Safety:

 

Emotional safety essentially means ensuring that you maintain the same positive perspective of having a threesome, from beginning to well after the threesome occurs, and immediately addressing any issues that interferes with that perspective. This means, this author feels, that each person participating in the threesome needs to have the proper positive perspective. Having a positive perspective does not necessary mean being 100% enthused about the idea 100% of the time. Instead it means viewing having a threesome as something positive and enjoyable in which each person has decided to participate. Without viewing a threesome as a choice and a decision to participate in it freely leaves allot of room for feeling bad about it.

So how do you achieve a balance to view the threesome positively as a choice? This author believes that being assertive as a large role in it. Being assertive means making your needs known in a manner that is not confrontation and as long as it is not a need that needs to be met in order to have the threesome (e.g. safe-sex practices), then try to find a way to reach a compromise. Without being assertive to make you needs known and to protect those needs that you feel are absolutely necessary to have a threesome.

Conclusion

 

This chapter briefly touched on the issue of safety from a sexual, personal, and emotional perspective. However due to the breadth of this subject it was not possible to cover all aspects of it and the purpose of this section was to introduce the idea as some something that needs to be considered when planning a threesome. If there were four points from this section to remember they would be, first do not discount any feeling of uneasiness because it could be a warning that something is not right. Second it is important to be assertive, to deal with issues as they come up, and not to give up on your core feelings in order to please someone else so that a threesome can happen. Third creating an alias can help in protecting yourself, your career, and family from the possible negative consequences of having a threesome. Finally it is important to review the planned threesome, from time to time, in order to ensure issues of safety are being addressed and that as a couple you are not putting your safety at unnecessary risk. By considering and planning for your safety in a threesome situation it will go along way to ensure that your threesome is enjoyable.

 

Does a male agreeing to mmf indicates he is bisexual?


Fresco erótico de Pompeya from the Thermae

Does a male who wants a mfm means he is bisexual?

The journey towards having a threesome is lined with detours and delays due to questions that need answering. There is no formula in having a successful threesome nor is there the correct answer to any question being asked. One question that is asked is my husband / boyfriend bisexual if they ask for a two man threesome.

Before proceeding it is important to define three terms: straight, bisexual, and homosexuality. Straight for the most part means a preference for someone of a different gender and the ability to form lasting relationships with them. This definition does not exclude limited same sex encounters, provided no lasting relationship forms.

Next, bisexuality is difficult to define as a sexual preference since it is controversial.  The controversy stems from the debate if someone can be bisexual instead of gay or straight. In this article bisexuality is defined someone who has had sex with both genders along with the ability to form relationships with both genders. Furthermore, the degree to which or the frequency of those relationships are not at issue. Therefore this definition excludes someone who is exploring their sexuality or someone who is for the most part gay.

Finally homosexual, unlike someone who is either straight or bisexual, shows a preference for someone who is of the same gender. Essentially this means they show very little sexual desire for sex with someone who is not the same gender as themselves. Also, it means very few threesomes with a heterosexual couple will involve homosexual activity.

This leads to the questions if a male suggests a two male threesome does it mean they are bisexual or homosexual? Examining the limited research that has been done this topic, the majority of threesome encounters is a two male threesome with either no or limited male on male activity. This is due to the fact that male bisexuality is not readily tolerated in most threesomes and it is an activity that is typically discouraged. It is this author’s belief the reason that male bisexuality is not well tolerated is due to the higher incidence of HIV / AIDs being associated with certain male on male activity and the community, as a whole, discouraging high risk behavior.

Now, if he suggests a two male threesome that could allow some bi activity between the other male and him this could show that he has some bi-curious interest and that he would like to explore this side of his sexuality. Bi-curious means there is an interest but it has not been sufficiently explored to allow him to reach a decision. The reason for wanting to explore is infinite. A possible reason may be the activity is strongly discouraged by religion and being discouraged may peak his curiosity to understand.  Another reason, as he ages he is finding he has an interest in men some men and wants to understand it. Nonetheless, it is not a definitive indication that he is gay or bi. It is a decision that the two of you will have to make in regards to male on male activity in a threesome and the limits of it.

On the other hand if you begin noticing other signs, such as:

• Visitation to gay sites

• Decrease in sexual activity

• Feeling that of distance between the two of you

• Defensiveness when confronted about concerns

• Text messages, photos, unfamiliar names, or new mobile / cellular phone indicating this type of behavior

• Emails that show plans for meeting or expressing desire in activity

• Recent change in behavior and / or attitudes towards male bisexuality / homosexuality

• Unexplained purchases being made

• Unexpected travel

• Unexplained or unexpected changes in time leaving or returning from work

• Attempts to cover up activities

Your next step should be to discuss with him what you know including what you have observed and what you suspect. This should be at a time when there are minimal distractions and conducive to a discussion of this type. Allow him the opportunity to respond, listen to his response and take the necessary time to consider his response before taking any further actions. Therefore to answer the question, a suggestion of a two male threesome is not, in and of itself, clear sign that your husband is bisexual or gay. Nonetheless it could show it if there are more signs.

In contrast, what if it not him suggesting having a mmf threesome. It may mean he is a realist whereby he realizes that statistically if he wants a threesome then having a mmf threesome is much more likely to occur than a fmf threesome. If wanting a threesome, regardless of the type, then the motivating factor for him his wish to have a threesome.

Nonetheless for some it leaves the question, if he is straight then why would he agree to have a mfm threesome? The answer, this author feels, lies in the act itself. A fmf tends to be fundamentally different than a mmf threesome. From a psycho-biology perspective sex for a woman is about producing an offspring and finding a male that is going to be a good provider. Once she finds him she will invest the time to keep him. This means she can become protective of her relationship and will fight off anyone that is a threat to her relationship with him. For a threesome to occur, the invited woman must not be perceived as being a threat to her. This implies there is at least a physical attraction between the two and implies the second woman, if the threesome is to be successful, is more sexually submissive. It also implies in a fmf threesome female on female contact is more likely to occur due to the attraction .

Whereas for a two male threesome the issue becomes the second male’s compatibility with the couple. This implies the second male, unlike the second female in a fmf, has a role and not a social order. His role is to enhance the enjoyment of sex for both and in particular the female. Unlike a fmf a mmf is more likely not to involve male-on-male contact. This is in part because male-on-male activity is socially discouraged and this author believes, a male can see another male as a team-member and not a threat to the relationship. Hence, a two male threesome focus can become providing the female with sexual pleasure than an underlying attraction, at some level, for each male.

In this situation, it is possible the male wants the threesome to offer sexual enjoyment for his partner and to be the one who provides it for her. This means his agreement to have a two male threesome is not based on his attraction to the male but the want to make his female partner happy. Therefore a male agreeing to have a mmf threesome does not necessarily mean he is bisexual but is considering the happiness of his partner.