After reading this article I began thinking. At first it confirmed a lot, what I believed, about the route to a threesomes. However, the more I thought about it I began realising there is another step before starting the journey of having a threesome and it is the journey to arrive at having a threesome. As I thought about it, I realized two important points. First point, I believe, there are common drivers that brings a couple or individual to have a threesome. Second point, I believe, the rate each person progresses from having thinking about the idea to actually having one is different. Then as I began writing this article, I realised, the length of the journey each is influenced by their driving influence for the journey. In this article I will explore each of these points.
Journey’s First Steps
Each journey begins with a reason to start. For each couple or individual the reason may appear unique to them; however, I believe, there are some common reasons that I will explore in this section. Each section contains a description of the length of journey. This refers to how long the interest in having a threesome lasts once the first threesome occurs and this means it does not mean how long it takes from initial discussion to have a threesome.
Different / Curiosity (Journey length: short)
Curiosity is a good driver for a journey but it is not always a solid guide. Sometimes friends share their threesome experience, we read about a threesome experience that gets us aroused, or the idea intrigues us. Regardless of the reason, we are all intrigued by things that things that spark our interest that make us want to explore and with threesomes getting more positive media attention, it is no wonder more interest is sparked. However, having an interest does not mean you have a map and it may mean driving in the dark. This can lead to unnecessary detours, collisions, and wrong-turns along the way. For some they may get lost along away and others may lose interest, especially if they do not have clear directions or some other reason to continue on their journey. At least for me I see a couple / individual under this heading as having it on their bucket list of to do and unless there is a strong interest to continue, once the novelty wears off then it is likely the couple / individual will stop having a threesome.
Meets a need (Journey length: can be either short or long)
For this article I am not going to get into the discussion if humans are meant to be monogamous. Instead this means, everyone of us has a need and sometime having a threesome can meet that need. In this situation, I am not talking about using a threesome to prevent cheating or using a threesome to fix something in the relationship. .Need, in this context, means a sexual need that one person cannot fulfil. Such situations can include a busy individual who does not have time for a relationship due to commitments, someone who has had previous open relationships, or someone who is in relationship that is either bisexual or gay. This means having a threesome has some function in the relationship in order to maintain it and to allow it to grow.
Organic Growth / Relationship Development (Journey length: can be short or long)
This is different than curiosity in the sense that curiosity has an element of randomness, impulsivity, and uncertainty. Whereas organic growth implies a threesome that comes about due to the relationship developing and it being the next step in the relationship. Normally, I feel, this tends to be seen in couples that have been around a while and have been building up to this point through their exploration together.
Pressure / Coercion / Manipulation (Couples only – Journey length: typically short)
Generally speaking a threesome should only happen, this author believes, where there is an equal distribution of power in the relationship and the relationship is stable. Under this heading the threesome journey comes about due to balance in the relationship favouring one person over another to the point where they can exert influence to produce the result that they want. Usually these threesomes tend to be short term due to problems in the relationship.
Misunderstanding / Fallacy (Journey length: typically short)
This is a catch-all category for those who believe that by having a threesome it will solve a problem, such as lack of interest, or it is a quick way to get ‘laid.’ In this situation the individual or couple will approach the threesome based on that fallacy only to discover it is not the panacea that they were expecting.
Impulsivity (Journey length: typically short)
This is another catch-all category for decision made while drunk, high, or made on the spur of the moment. Impulsivity happens when a decision to have a threesome is made very quickly, without allot of information, and it can be a risky situation.
Infidelity (Couples only – Journey length short or long)
After an act of infidelity occurs sometimes a couple will choose to have a threesome. The reason for wanting a threesome may be the result, after some healing, a realization a need was not being met, the idea of their partner being with someone else is arousing to them, or it could a way of healing by coming to terms with what happened.
This section may be a bit misleading since it refers to the route that is taken in having a threesome rather than the time it takes from initial to discussion to actually having the threesome.
Baby steps refers to talking small calculated steps in having a threesome. A route could be discussion > role playing > soft-swinging > threesome. It may be taken by couple / individual that needs to get comfortable with the idea and takes gradual step in order to reach their goal of having a threesome.
A lot of discussions about the subject occurs before any definitive steps are taken.
‘Diving into the Deep End’
Very little discussion occurs before the threesome happens.
- What does having a threesome involve from a couple’s perspective (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Evolution of a threesome relationship to an open relaitonship: Relationship structure, Multi-partner relationships, and Communication (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why does my husband or boyfriend want a fmf but not mfm? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Fantasy versus Reality of Having a threesome: Chapter 4 Resolving the Dilemma of Privacy versus Having a Threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- How To Have Bisexual Threesomes (mademan.com)
- How To Get Lesbian Beauties To Have Threesome (mademan.com)
- Why does my spouse / girlfriend want a mfm instead of fmf? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Study on long-term gay open relationships (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Canadian study on sex and threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)