How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo


IMG_8722 updated 20140816Introduction

Think of a situation where facing an unknown outcome, such as a job interview. Searching for a job is a journey that requires being able to influence. Preparing for a job interview requires doing research about the company, maybe researching something about the interviewers, and anticipating possible questions that might be asked all help in preparing. Other factors such as knowing the company’s pay tolerance for negotiating pay, contractual working conditions, and selling your skills in the interview to receive an offer becomes a combination of experience weaved with a degree of speculation. Being successful on this journey requires being able to influence the interviewer that you are right for the job and being able to demonstrate you are able to be firm while having a flexible attitude.

Most likely somewhere along the journey using quid pro quo was used or was considered being used. An example, “I am willing to undertake more traveling for a pay rise.” For those not familiar with the term quid pro quo, it means something for something or sometimes it is called a “win-win” situation. Whilst I am not a fan of quid and I try using it as much as possible, nonetheless pro quo t forms the basis for our lives from work to grocery shopping, and to a large extent how we relate to other people. In a more global sense quid pro quo underlies our free-market economy. So, it is logical to incorporate the principle in planning a threesome.

Preserving the relationship means avoiding quid pro quo

In a previous article in this series, I spoke about defining nice to have verses the must have for a threesome. There is a temptation in approaching the planning of  threesome as buying a corporation by employing a quid pro quo approach. An discussion might include a willingness to have a mfm threesome in exchange for agreeing to have a fmf threesome.

On the surface, this appears fair but it is not. Quid pro quo in planning a threesome does not take into account emotions and the outcome of the first threesome. Couples gravitate towards one type of threesome over another for a variety of reasons that includes factors such as:

  • managing issues of jealousy
  • preference
  • compatibility
  • sexual identity
  • availability
  • their location

Also, the outcome of the first threesome cannot be known and trying to plan a second threesome until the first one is known is not possible. by agreeing to have two separate threesomes it opens up the possibility of later conflict due to not wanting to have the second threesome.

Persuading without quid pro quo

Avoiding using quid pro quo is not easy since it can be instinctual but it can be done. In the previous article I talk about viewing a threesome as a marathon and using time as an advantage. The same principle applies here, instead of time it is breaking journey from discussing the idea through to the threesome into manageable steps. This means, planning out the steps that need to occur, identifying any possible issues, and it means clarifying for yourself what is negotiable. After developing a plan, it is time to try it, regularly review it and make changes where needed.

Related Articles

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring?


Interesting article that focuses on approaching a friend and stranger for a threesome. While I would not describe having a threesome as polyamory, as this author does, nonetheless I quite enjoyed this author’s writing style to discuss the subject. It is a great article well worth the time to read.

Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring?.

via Two-fer Tuesday: Threesome Etiquette PLUS What Should I do with My Wedding Ring?.

Asking a couple for a threesome


 

 

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How do I ask a couple to join them for a threesome?

 

 

 

If you are single and you have friends that are married it is easy to think about having a threesome with them. This is especially true if you find that you get a long with them and the three of you have a good time together. Nonetheless, unless you are at a swinger’s club where it is implied that you are interested in having a threesome then it is very easy to misinterpret behavioral cues from a couple. This is true especially if the couple is sociable or there is an attraction between the three of you. However before approaching a couple about having a threesome it is important that you weigh the benefit of having a threesome with them, consider alternative explanations for their behavior, and weigh it against the risk. Since it would be you approaching them and not them approaching you are suggestion may be perceived as being unwelcome.

 

In the event you decide to suggest this idea to a couple it is important that it is done without using drugs including cannabis and done with no alcohol. Reason for this is that you want their decision to be made without influence, you do not want the couple being upset because they did something that they did not want to do, nor do you want the couple making a criminal complaint such as rape. The best way to ask in this type of situation is to be direct with them, honest about your intentions, and mention some of your observations that lead you to your decision. Also mention how you see your relationship with them being handled after the threesome and how you feel the threesome will impact your relationship with them. Once the suggestion is made your relationship with the couple will forever change and it is something you will need to accept. After suggesting the idea it is best to remember that the couple is control and by pressuring for a decision most likely lead to a negative result for you. This may mean you need to give them time to consider the idea or it may mean they will say ‘no.’ In either case accepting their decision will decide the next step for your relationship with them.