How to Know You are Ready for a Threesome – The Ultimate Guide

How to Know You are Ready

The conversations seem endless teetering on pointless. Topics have been covered and gone over to the point as though you are feelings as though you are in a holding pattern. Along the way there have been a few meltdowns and now the agony of wanting to know if a threesome will happen. Now a quandary, pushing the subject may mean the planned threesome fails or it could mean the mind-blowing threesome you always wanted may finally happen. The one topic that is holding you back is knowing if you, as a couple, ready for a threesome?

1) Check your emotions

When thinking about a threesome, how do you feel? Do you feel anger or jealousy when thinking about having a threesome? Maybe you envision a relationship Armageddon filled with conflict, depression, and eventual loss of your spouse because of the threesome? However if you are feel secure with the idea then it is a sign that you are ready.

2) Will your needs be met

We all have needs that make us feel secure and those needs cannot be discounted. Nonetheless in order for a threesome to occur defining needs as either ‘must have’ or ‘negotiable’ must occur. When we give up our ‘must have’ needs then we risk feeling the threesome was a mistake and make the threesome vulnerable to failure. Therefore before having a threesome it is important needs are communicated and agreed.

3) Safety

Safety comes in two forms, personal and physical. Without feeling protected in a threesome it is impossible to feel the thrill a threesome can provide. Being able to feel protected in a threesome means considering topics such as safe-sex and location of the threesome.

4) Self-Confidence

Being confident is vital. It is something miraculously that others almost instantly notice and respond. Without feeling you can conquer any hang-up you may have about:

• body size / body shape
• penis size
• labia shape / size
• looks
• breast shape / size
• personality
• your interests
• sexual ability to please

Then it is likely others will feel the same. Therefore it is vital to feel confident about the decision, about yourself, and about your partner / spouse.

5) Boundaries

From my own experience, boundaries do not need to be complex but they are necessary. They provide the spine for the threesome along with providing the joy and excitement for it. Boundaries help minimize the chance of a bloodbath because assumptions were made based on previous behavior or because they were ill-defined. Also definable boundaries help in taking ownership of the decision thereby implying people care enough about the threesome by taking the time to define the limits.

6) Threesome dynamics

In its most rudimentary form having a threesome is about having sex without emotional attachment. By defining a threesome this way it removes much of the dance that occurs when a new relationship forms. Nonetheless it still requires there is, at least, a physical attraction amongst the threesome and it requires all three can work as a team. This means each person must be agreeable to the other and no covert hang-ups must exist.

Finally

There is no formula, no checklist, and no perfect time to have a threesome. The best you can do is weigh the image of the threesome you want against what you presently know. If you can feel secure in the decision to have a threesome, it does not elicit negative feelings such as anger, and feel as though the choices you have made are right then it is probably the time to move have the threesome.

I wish you the best on your choice and hope your threesome is enjoyable as mine.

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Photo Credit – FeeDigitalPhoto.net by Anusorn P nachol

How to get your spouse comfortable with the idea of sleeping with someone else without them knowing

Becoming comfortable with the idea is a first step

Imagine for a moment your spouse having sex with someone else while you watch. The idea can be arousing but how do you get to that point? If the conversation about having a threesome has started then a part of the process of introducing the idea of having a threesome involve helping your spouse become comfortable with the idea.

The journey from internally considering the idea to actually having a threesome include finding a way of becoming comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else. In my opinion, becoming comfortable with the idea is probably a major hurdle that need overcoming if a threesome will occur.

Overcoming this hurdle will involve resolving the message about monogamy and it involve becoming comfortable with the idea. So, how do you help your spouse become comfortable with the idea of having a threesome?

1)  Share the fantasy

Sharing a fantasy is a good way to build trust and in a very broad way ‘to test the water’ regarding the idea. By sharing the fantasy, building on it, and letting your spouse know it is something that interest you builds a foundation for a later discussion. Also, by sharing a threesome fantasy it help move the idea from the shroud of secrecy into the light of discussion

Finally, it is important understanding that an interest during foreplay in the fantasy does not necessarily mean an interest in having a threesome. Instead sharing the fantasy help build the foundation for a later discussion.

2)  Watch porn together

Watching porn together can help facilitate later discussion and it can help bring down a barrier. It may help show the practice is acceptable and help remove it from being seen as taboo.

3)  Visit web sites on the topic together

There are many threesome web sites, like this one, on the internet and there are more hard-core web sites too. Sometime reading a question from another couple regarding having a threesome is less threatening than watching porn together.

4)  Introduce the idea during conversation

Find a way of introducing having a threesome into the general conversation. It can be subtle, such as asking your spouse if they find “X” attractive. If your spouse can see such a question is not threatening then it can help them become comfortable with the idea.

5)  Reinforce the idea

If your spouse shows interest in the topic then reward them for bringing it up. The reward does not have to be overtly obvious and instead it can be very subtle, such as smile. Maybe the subtle reward can be warm reply or a “thank you,” for sharing your thoughts. Positive reinforcement done in the right way and done at the right time can have profound impact.

6)  Role play the idea

Role playing can be very basic or it can be very elaborate. In my experience role playing the idea should happen after some discussion or sharing the fantasy. By role playing after introducing the idea and incorporating some of the ideas can make for a very powerful experience.

7)  Communicate

Talk about the idea and as the conversation progresses talk about the barriers preventing having a threesome. Being able to talk about the idea can communicate a level of acceptance of the idea. By being accepting of the idea it can help your partner become comfortable with the idea.

8)  Remove barriers

Even if you do not specifically talk about barriers there are things you can do to remove potential barriers, such as:

• avoiding conflict by talking through the issue
• making time for your partner
• letting them know how much you care for them
• being supportive
• taking steps to improve yourself

9)  Hall Pass

A ‘Hall Pass’ gives your partner permission to have sex with someone else without being seen as cheating. The advantage of using it as a way of helping your partner feel comfortable it show you can be comfortable with the idea without becoming jealous. However, it should only be suggested after some discussion about the idea and your spouse show an interest in the idea of having a threesome. Also, it should only be used if you are comfortable with the idea, understand the risks, and are willing to accept the consequences.

10) Work on yourself

There are always things we can do to improve ourselves thereby increasing the chance of having a threesome. This can include:

• working on how we communicate
• becoming less jealous
• giving our partner more freedom
• making time for our partner
• being open about what we are doing on Facebook, twitter, and other social media.

Conclusion

There are positive steps we can take to support our partner while they explore the idea of being with someone else. A part of them becoming comfortable depend on us but there other part require them to become comfortable too. The latter is not always possible and in the end we need to love our spouse for who they are not what they can give us.

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

My First Male/Female/Male Threesome

I have read this and it is a good threesome story. The strength of this article is its realism and depth. It show a threesome can happen unexpectedly and it can occur amongst friends. This is a great article for anyone wanting insight into having a threesome or for someone who is looking for a good story to read. Finally, I hope you take the time to read this story from a very talented writer.

 

My First Male/Female/Male Threesome.

via My First Male/Female/Male Threesome.

Minimalist guide to threesome planning (it is okay to have doubts)

100% Commitment is not possible

“Hun, have you considered what it might be like to be with another man?” Or “Dear, have you ever wanted to be with two women at once?” May be the way the wanton conversation start about having a threesome.

Likewise she cums, he cums and a few minutes later he pulls out of her. Then for the next few minutes all of three of you bask in the afterglow of some great sex. However, what happen when the initial conversation ends and the thrill of having a threesome is gone ?

From experience, once the initial thrill of knowing a threesome / cuckold will occur or the thrill of having a threesome is gone the question become, what next? It is at this point, where doubt and insecurity creep into our mind, where sending our partner ‘mix message‘ about wanting a threesome start.

I can recall my initial discussion, “How would you like to invite Fred for a threesome?” was the question Brittany ask me.  For me it was a flood of excitement then feelings of insecurity. For a few moments I thought, “Why is she bringing this up?” “Does she still have feelings for him?” “What about us?” Even though we were talking about having a threesome the question was unexpected. In about 1 minute I went from being excited about having a threesome to utter fear.

So how did I resolve this internal conflict? The answer, discussing boundaries. Taking the time to discuss with Brittany my concern and what I need from the experience to feel secure about our relationship. From that discussion the planned threesome took shape and the experience became an experience that was very much enjoyable.

In conclusion, it is important to remember when working toward having a threesome there will be a moment where there is doubt but to get through it require talking about it then using that discussion to shape the threesome. It is impossible to be 100% committed to the 100% of the time. However, when in doubt communicate with your partner and work through the issue. Being happy and having a loving relationship is more important than having a threesome. If done right it is possible to have a loving relationship and a threesome / cuckold.

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Universal boundaries

What are the rules, boundaries, for a threesome? How do I set boundaries for a threesome? Is best not to have boundaries for a threesome and allow my partner to enjoy themselves? All of these are common questions regarding boundaries for a threesome. Boundaries, by definition, are the rules that are implied or agreed that provide the limits for a threesome. It is these limits that allow trust to be formed in order to have a threesome and serve as a way of communicating expectations for the threesome. Without them a threesome would, possibly, descend into chaos and for the couple it could lead to conflict.

Since trust and boundaries are linked it means having a universal set of boundaries is not possible and it means boundaries are couple specific. Does this mean there are no underlying boundaries that most threesomes have? Not necessarily, this author believes there are some boundaries that are necessary to allow other boundaries to be agreed. Implied boundaries are the unspoken boundaries. These are the “rules” the couple develops their time together such as not going to bed angry or talking to each other before a decision is made. Without implied boundaries a relationship would be paralyzed since the simplest of discussions would become protracted discussions and by having implied boundaries a relationship can operate. However, implied boundaries are easily misunderstood since it requires both individuals in the relationship to understand them along with their limits and if an implied boundary is misunderstood then it leads to misunderstanding.

Are there any implied boundaries for a threesome? Yes, such as the decision to have a threesome is a mutual decision made equally by both partners.  Another implied boundary is the responsibility for planning the threesome is shared. However, how the boundaries operate and the extent to which they operate is dependent on the couple defining them. Therefore, a couple should never assume their partner has the same understanding of an implied boundary and they should discuss with their partner on a regular basis their implied boundaries.

This leads this author to the next questions, what about the agreed boundaries? For a threesome to occur this author believes there are a few boundaries that need to be in place for a threesome to occur.  These boundaries either facilitate the discussion or are needed to minimize the risk of conflict afterwards. However, they are not the boundaries that define the limits of the threesome and they are not boundaries that define how the threesome will operate. Typical boundaries to allow the discussion to occur or to minimize conflict afterwards include:

• Not using the threesome against the other
• If necessary, agreeing the threesome is a mutual decision
• Agreeing to discuss the threesome after it occurs and to work through any issues that may have risen.
• No means no
• Each person, at any time, has the right to say no to the threesome or any aspect of the threesome.
• The threesome will not happen until each person is ready and they will go as fast as the person least comfortable with the idea.

Obviously there are more boundaries that a couple can include but they are dependent on their needs along with the type of threesome being planned. In answer to the above questions, the answer depends on the couple, the type of threesome they are planning, and their limits of comfort. Any universal that may exist is only meant to facilitate the discussion regarding having a threesome or to minimize the chance of conflict afterwards.