The conversations seem endless teetering on pointless. Topics have been covered and gone over to the point as though you are feelings as though you are in a holding pattern. Along the way there have been a few meltdowns and now the agony of wanting to know if a threesome will happen. Now a quandary, pushing the subject may mean the planned threesome fails or it could mean the mind-blowing threesome you always wanted may finally happen. The one topic that is holding you back is knowing if you, as a couple, ready for a threesome?
1) Check your emotions
When thinking about a threesome, how do you feel? Do you feel anger or jealousy when thinking about having a threesome? Maybe you envision a relationship Armageddon filled with conflict, depression, and eventual loss of your spouse because of the threesome? However if you are feel secure with the idea then it is a sign that you are ready.
2) Will your needs be met
We all have needs that make us feel secure and those needs cannot be discounted. Nonetheless in order for a threesome to occur defining needs as either ‘must have’ or ‘negotiable’ must occur. When we give up our ‘must have’ needs then we risk feeling the threesome was a mistake and make the threesome vulnerable to failure. Therefore before having a threesome it is important needs are communicated and agreed.
Safety comes in two forms, personal and physical. Without feeling protected in a threesome it is impossible to feel the thrill a threesome can provide. Being able to feel protected in a threesome means considering topics such as safe-sex and location of the threesome.
Being confident is vital. It is something miraculously that others almost instantly notice and respond. Without feeling you can conquer any hang-up you may have about:
- body size / body shape
- penis size
- labia shape / size
- breast shape / size
- your interests
- sexual ability to please
Then it is likely others will feel the same. Therefore it is vital to feel confident about the decision, about yourself, and about your partner / spouse.
From my own experience, boundaries do not need to be complex but they are necessary. They provide the spine for the threesome along with providing the joy and excitement for it. Boundaries help minimize the chance of a bloodbath because assumptions were made based on previous behavior or because they were ill-defined. Also definable boundaries help in taking ownership of the decision thereby implying people care enough about the threesome by taking the time to define the limits.
6) Threesome dynamics
In its most rudimentary form having a threesome is about having sex without emotional attachment. By defining a threesome this way it removes much of the dance that occurs when a new relationship forms. Nonetheless it still requires there is, at least, a physical attraction amongst the threesome and it requires all three can work as a team. This means each person must be agreeable to the other and no covert hang-ups must exist.
There is no formula, no checklist, and no perfect time to have a threesome. The best you can do is weigh the image of the threesome you want against what you presently know. If you can feel secure in the decision to have a threesome, it does not elicit negative feelings such as anger, and feel as though the choices you have made are right then it is probably the time to move have the threesome.
I wish you the best on your choice and hope your threesome is enjoyable as mine.
Photo Credit – FeeDigitalPhoto.net by Anusorn P nachol