Are we ready for our first threesome?
Below is a guide that covers 25 points couples should consider before having their first threesome. It not comprehensive and it may not cover every situation. Instead it is meant to cover topics that a couple may encounter from initial discussion through debriefing. This means the below list is meant to be a guide covering topics couples should consider before having their first threesome.
- There is no perfect threesome and each threesome is unique
- We have discussed the idea, worked through the issues, and feel we have a shared understanding of our planned threesome.
- We understand our feelings, understanding, and desire to have a threesome may change. Therefore, we have agreed to periodically review our planned threesome.
- We understand having a threesome will change our relationship and we accept that it will change
- If we invite a co-worker, a friend, or someone from a former relationship it will bring additional risks for us. These risks can include an increase loss of our current relationship, loss of friendship or loss of job. Therefore we need to scrutinize our choice before inviting someone close to us.
- Inviting someone we do not know means there are risks too. These risks can include risk to personal safety.
- Inviting someone we do not know may mean a few discussions with them over a period of time before a threesome may happen.
- During the threesome our perception of reality will be challenged. Therefore better not to act on impulse during the threesome but to wait until we have time to ourselves to discuss anything that came up.
- Communication is vital for an enjoyable threesome and we need to communicate about the threesome until all issues are resolved.
- We have been open with each other regarding our communication with the third person
- We have, to each of our satisfaction, discussed having a threesome including: boundaries, what it will mean for our relationship, and our feelings regarding having it.
- If either of us are prone to jealousy or anger then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the best for us.
- Any changes to our boundaries need to be made prior well in advance of the threesome.
- Our boundaries are clear and understandable. We both understand our expectations and we have communicated them / will communicate them to our invited third person.
- We do not have too many boundaries and the few that we do have do not contradict other boundaries.
- Our definition of cheating excludes threesomes.
- We have agreed having a threesome is a mutual decision and we accept responsibility for making the decision.
- Each of us has a ‘veto,’ meaning if we are not comfortable with the perspective third person, then we can communicate it and the threesome will not happen.
- If either of us decides to exercise our ‘veto’ then it will be accepted and discussed.
- Neither of us feels pressured, manipulated, or coerced into having a threesome.
- Our planned threesome is not occurring shortly after a major life event (e.g. death, marriage, job loss, major move, etc).
- If we have children in the home, we have made suitable arrangements for them while we have our threesome.
- We have taken reasonable steps to protect our privacy and to protect our safety
- We have discussed and agreed about safe-sex practices
- We have agreed having a threesome must be enjoyable for all.
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