New relationships, long-term relationships, and the threesome fantasy


IMG_8531 updatedIs it better keeping a fantasy as a wish or is better transforming a fantasy into reality?

Imagine you are a couple that is dating for a few months and things start moving from casual dating to a serious relationship. Now imagine you desire to show your ‘better half’ that you are ‘open-minded’ and not jealous. Likewise consider you are a couple that has been together for more than 10 years and you want to show your partner that you can be open to a new experience. In each situation let us assume one way of showing a willingness to try something new or not being jealous is by having a threesome.  Also let us assume in each situation the fantasy of having a threesome is being discussed. This raises the question is better keeping the fantasy as a wish or is better bringing the fantasy into reality?

From my experience, having a threesome is sometimes seen as challenge. The challenge is not going through with a threesome after losing a bet. Instead the challenge is twofold. At one-level the challenge is showing your partner / spouse that by having a threesome you have some how transformed yourself and a willingness of being open to new chapter in the relationship. Likewise the challenge becomes a gift that is given proving jealousy does not exist, even though jealousy may be an issue. Second challenge maintaining the openness that results from having a threesome and remaining true to the reason for having it.

This means the relationship will be transformed into something different. Since a threesome may happen and at least one person in the relationship is attempting changing the directional momentum relationship. Such a change, means either individual in the relationship may not be prepared for the change that may happen and even if each of them are ready for the change, will it be a change that is welcomed?

In my opinion, the answer lies in the power of the fantasy for the couple. Power of a fantasy lies in its ability to unite the couple by being able to share a fantasy that brings them pleasure and brings them close. It is something that binds a couple and brings them close.  Also, bringing a fantasy into reality means taking a risk and the result may not be the result either one was expecting. A result of bringing the fantasy to life may an erotic experience shared by each of them or it could be an experience that adversely impacts their relationship. Once a fantasy is made real it  can mean it will no longer be a shared fantasy for the couple, it will lose some of its mystique, or the fantasy will change to reflect the reality of the threesome that occurred. The question that the couple must ask themselves are they prepared to lose the fantasy in order to make it real?

Another aspect in deciding if it is a good idea in making a fantasy real is each individual skill at communicating. Communicating is key, I believe, in having a successful threesome. If either struggles with being clear and concise about their needs then it is likely a threesome may not work.

In answer to the question is it better to leave a threesome fantasy just a fantasy? I believe, a lot depends on the couple, the power of the fantasy for them, and how they are at communicating their needs. Both need to be ready for any change to the relationship and be prepared for any adverse influence from the threesome experience. If a couple is prepared and agreeing to try the idea then there should be no reason why it needs to remain a fantasy.

4 thoughts on “New relationships, long-term relationships, and the threesome fantasy

  1. For the first time, a threesome can be a challenge and try to be sure everyone one is OK with it as like you say the progression from fantasy to reality can be a big step. If it doesn’t fully work out the first time, talk it out to see if you can fix the issues assuming you want to try again. As a guy I realized that I paid to much attention to the other girl but thankfully my wife was a bigger person than I and overlooked me letting my little buddy make all my decisions for me. Now when we have a threesome I make sure that we are all in it together and the outcome is generally wonderful.

    • Hi Larry and thanks for your reply. You are right making a fantasy a reality is a big step and it can be a difficult one to take. Also I agree, debriefing, afterwards is a big part of it work or not. By talking afterwards each person can voice what they felt went well, what did not go as expected, and issue feelings it brought up for them. Through this process it helps the couple work out what needs to be changed and makes it even more enjoyable, hopefully, the next for them. From reading your reply you seem to be another example of how having a threesome can work.

        • I completely agree with you. It is not having the experiences to understand your reaction, your partner’s reaction, and understanding where your comfort limit exists. Only by having threesome experiences and discussing them are you, as a couple, able to work through it and make them even more enjoyable.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s