Heteroflexible a new term for sexual identity or another term for bi-curious?
Recently I came across the term heteroflexible and for those who may not know the term, it means: someone who is heterosexual but has the ability to have a same-sex encounter without developing a relationship with someone of the same-sex. When I read it, it thought this is another way of stating bi-curious or restating someone who is bisexual?
As I thought about the term more, I realized, it was also providing an explanation as to why a heterosexual individual could have a same sex encounter in a threesome and then continue their heterosexual lifestyle. I was beginning to think this term actually had some merit and it was not another term in the cornucopia of terms describing threesomes.
Then I thought bi-curious means someone who show a curiosity in the same-sex and wishes to explore it. The idea of exploration without identifying as bisexual, I believe, is the hallmark of the term bi-curious and I believe, is also the hallmark of the term heteroflexible.
In answer to the question, is heteroflexible another term for bi-curious or is it a new term for sexual identity? I believe, it is another of the infinite terms that describes bi-curious and it does not further contribute to our understanding of sexual identity.
Related articles
- Heteroflexible (mybodymystory.wordpress.com)
- Once Upon A Fantasy (burncitybabe.wordpress.com)
- Labels, Identity and Sexuality. (unilantern.wordpress.com)
- Are Swingers Freaky and Deviant? (psychologytoday.com)
Threesomes and variations 
Reblogged this on Stories of Pleasure and commented:
Food for thought…
A lot of bisexuals are offended when someone suggests they are heteroflexible.
I would classify myself as heteroflexible. I have done pretty much everything with another girl, and I don’t mind other girls flirting, having a crush, just wanting me in general. I will be with them if the time is right, BUT I don’t fantasize or dream or imagine about being with another woman. I don’t yearn to taste her or feel her body, I like it sometimes, but I don’t seek it.
I think you have the definitions right on for bi-curious and bisexual. Hope I cleared up heteroflexible.
Thank you for your reply and thank you for sharing your insight. I believe, it helps me to further understand a term I find to be a bit repetitive and I now can understand the subtle difference a bit more.
You are very welcome. I enjoyed your post!
Hi,
thanks for the comment.
I like that definition! I’ve been trying to figure out a good definition of heteroflexible for a while now, and I think this one fits really well.
Thank you! I liked your post about it but I’m not sure how much the relationship aspect plays into my definition. Both posts just confirm we all have different definitions for things. I might identify more as bisexual if I’m just given the choice between bi and hetero. But to be honest if I was never with another woman I wouldn’t miss it.
Thanks for your comments, I agree we all have different definitions for heteroflexible and that is the point of my article. The point of my article instead of having many definitions that describe very slight differences, it is better to have only a few.
Bi curious means they have no to little experience. “want to try”
Flexible implies they have experience and no desire to try they already know.
Depends also where you are in the world, in the UK i met more ‘flexible’ and in the USA more ‘curious’
Thank you for your reply. Very well said and I would agree with you regarding the US and UK.
Thanks for the link!
Also, I think bi-curious has connotations of being “a phase” and then going back to being purely heterosexual. It’s something that only happens for a short time, as in, when you’re curious. Whereas, for me, heteroflexible has connotations of being there forever, it’s how your sexuality works. That you’ll always be presented with feelings of attraction outside a hetero framework, but the attraction doesn’t ever turn into something more. So I do think they’re different terms.
(I’ll be writing a followup post to my Heteroflexible one, probably for this Monday, if you’re interested.)
Hi,
Thanks very much for your reply 🙂
I agree with you that bi-curious carries a connotation of a phase. At least for me I see the phase happening at different stages in a person life such as early adulthood, mid-life, and at time questioning sexuality. This means it can happen more than once but since it is a phase then something needs to happen. Either the person is bisexual or they remain heterosexual with a greater understanding what it means to be bisexual.
At least from my perspective, I view the word heteroflexible as another of stating someone is bisexual and in some cases, bi-curious. In the case of bi-sexual I would argue the person is would be someone that has a strong preference for the opposite sex but it is open to the occasional same gender encounter. Whereas applying heteroflexible to the term bi-curious I would state it would happen at a point in someone else life.
Finally when you write your post to your heteroflexible one please feel free to either let me know and I will re-blog it here for you. Alternatively you can reply to this post with the link and I will approve the link provided the site is not known for SPAM.
Thanks again. Here’s a link to my followup post. It deals a bit more with the “is there really a difference” question.
http://mybodymystory.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/heteroflexible-vs-bisexual/
Heteroflexible is the word people use nowadays instead of saying that they’re bisexual. I first heard it a few years ago and, frankly, I thought it was rather stupid and evasive and more so since the people I talked to who said they were heteroflexible behaved like bisexuals. When asked what the difference between being bi and HF (tired of typing the whole word already), a lot of them tossed in the relationship aspect which, again, is something I find stupid and evasive because being bi doesn’t require a relationship aspect unless, of course, you want to nitpick it down to just sexual relationships; otherwise, an HF person sucks cock or eats pussy then reverts back to their default hetero sexual relationship… just like every bisexual I know and that includes myself.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck; calling the duck anything other than what it is smacks of denial of the fact that regardless of what they do and when they do it, they’re bisexual. It just flat-out amazes me…
Bi-curious is a different animal; these are the folks who want to straddle the fence but, for whatever reason works for them, hasn’t done it yet. Most bi-curious people I’ve spoken to over the years say that they feel the pull; they want to know what it’s like but the opportunity hasn’t presented itself or they’re worried about what others might say if they take the leap, stuff like that.
Bi-curious people think but don’t act; bisexuals – and those HF folks – think AND act according to the circumstances. I would never associate curiosity with being “heteroflexible” – it’s comparing apples and oranges in this bisexual’s opinion.
I believe you are “spot on” with this. When I heard the term I thought it was stupid and another attempt to avoid using the word bisexual. At least for me heteroflexible is a form of bisexuality or at least someone who is exploring the idea. You can dress it any way you want to but at the end of the day if it is a duck it is still a duck. I believe heteroflexibile is at least bi-curious if not bisexual.
Why bi-curious? No bi-curious person I know has ever taken the plunge; if they have then being curious goes by the wayside because they’ve had an experience. Now, if they go for it again at sone point, that kinda verifies that their curiosity is at an end… at least in my experiences.
I believe, I take a more broader interpretation of the word curious. By definition curious means to having a desire to learn more about something. For me I take it to mean having a few, albeit, limited experience in order to clarify and understand. It may be something that occurs every few years as times change to clarify but at some point bi-curious either means remaining heterosexual or identifying as bisexual.
If you are thinking about Kinsey scale of sexual preferences, I would put bi-curious at the point where someone is primarily heterosexual with incidental same-sex contact, (http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/ak-hhscale.html), I believe it is listed as number 1.
I don’t dispute this… but I do ask at what point does one’s curiosity is considered satisfied? Again, in my experiences – and as someone who has engaged quite a few curious guys, they usually have two experiences.
The first is to see how they’re going to react at the moment of truth or will they freak out when I have my hand on their cock and close my mouth around it. In that moment, it’s more about reaction to what’s happening; will his cock remain hard? Will he, at some point, start thrusting into my mouth? Will he eventually cum?
If all of this comes into play – and there’s no pun intended here – then he gets to decide if the experience was a good one for him or not; internally, he’s asking himself if his curiosity has been satisfied.
The second indicator is whether or not he does it again, if for no other reason than to confirm that it’s something that he enjoys. If he goes for it again and he determines that he does enjoy it, that puts his curiosity to rest unless, of course, he wants to now find out what it’s like to have anal sex (but not with me – I don’t do that anymore).
Kinsey is a good thing to know about… but I’m talking the real deal here, actual experiences with men who have said they were curious and whether or not they’ve allowed themselves to pull the trigger.
Whether they do anything after the first experience or not, the questions that caused the curiosity to form in their minds will be answered one way or the other; I’ve given many men their first and second times, along with their subsequent times and this particular subject has always been of interest to me because I want to understand why they are curious and what goes on in their minds that lead up to their first experience.
Scientific observation along with some interesting fun, eh?
I agree with you curiosity is short-term at best and probably a few times though I am cautious not to put a number on it since each person is different. However, if someone had, for example 10 same sex experience and told when they were still bi-curious, I would probably disagree with them.
Curiosity I see as a bit like being child in a candy store, a lot of excitement at first but after you been there a few times the excitement wears off. A part of the curiosity maybe doing something different, another part maybe wondering what it is like, and a part maybe questioning sexuality. In essence, it is resolving or exploring a part of themselves.
Pingback: Pardon the Curiosity | Kdaddy23's Blog
Interesting post, since I have sort of landed on the term “heteroflexible” to best describe myself. I do not think that bi-curious is the same thing, largely because (as you and other people have said) bi-curious carries the connotation of a phase/uncertainty.
Heteroflexible, to me, seems almost to be a more specific sub-category of bisexual. I’m a woman and I love having sex with both genders, but have never had any inkling of a romantic feeling towards another woman. I tried calling myself bisexual, but it felt almost insincere because I was so far hetero-leaning.
I realize that the term bisexual doesn’t mean my attraction has to be split 50/50, but that’s how people seemed to take it, and then I’d have to explain. If “bisexual” can easily cover my spot on the spectrum, I have no problem using that term instead of heteroflexible. *shrug* I’m not dead-set on any definition…this one just seems to do the job.
I love reading comments from new people and thank you for posting your comment.
Whilst I am not hung-up on definitions and try to avoid them when I write. I do believe they are necessary for communication and I believe too many terms that describe similar activities / behaviors makes understanding what is being described too confusing.
From my perspective, I tend to follow the Kinsey scale thereby believing each definition (heterosexual, bi, and homosexual) covers a spectrum of behavior instead of imposing a dogmatic set of criteria.
As for me, hetero-flexible seems to fit into outer edges of heterosexual and I tend to view hetero-flexible not as bisexual but as someone who is heterosexual that could interact sexually with someone of the same gender; however, they are not emotionally equipped to form a long-term relationship with someone of the same gender.
Bisexual, to me, covers a very wide spectrum from that includes someone who has the ability to form long-lasting romantic attachments to someone based on their personality not gender. They may show an interest in one gender that may change over time or remain stable with only an occasional interest in the other gender. In my opinion, bisexuality covers a larger spectrum than either homosexual or heterosexual.