Threesome and bisexuality


English: Illustration of the double moon symbo...

A part of the function of this site is to cover the spectrum of threesomes and to offer an opinion on the issues that can arise from having a threesome. By my estimates, roughly 25% – 50% of those who visit this site are bisexual and one of the issues being faced regards addressing the issue of bisexuality while being in a heterosexual relationship. Sometimes the discovery happens after being in the relationship for a while other times the discovery happens before the relationship or the desire to be with the same sex intensifies in the relationship. The challenge, this author feels, lies in addressing the issue with your partner.

This author feels, one of the first solutions sought includes having a threesome with your partner; however, this may not always be the best solution. Other times, for whatever reason, having them there is not practical. This means other solutions need to be found such as opening up the relationship and in the worst case scenario it means ending the relationship. Since each relationship is different, this author believes there is not one magical solution that will work for every situation but a solution that works for each couple.

This author feels many marriage therapists, councillors, therapists, licensed social workers, psychiatrists, and psychologists are not adequately trained to address the issue of alternative lifestyles to be much use. Instead, this author believe, looking towards the LGBT community in their area for support may help. They might be able to recommend someone who is alternative lifestyle friendly and / or provide support in addressing the issue in the relationship.

Below is a list of web sites that may be a potential resource for information regarding support about dealing with the issue of bisexuality in a heterosexual relationship. Most sites are from the US while a few are UK based.

Please be aware all sites listed are independent of this site; therefore, we are not responsible for their content. Since the sites listed are independent of this site we cannot attest to their legitimacy. This means if you attempt to contact them, you will are assuming the risk and we recommend that you use due diligence in researching the organization / site before providing any information about yourself to them.

Finally if you are aware of a good organization or web site not listed, please contact us to have it added.

http://www.thefullwiki.org/List_of_LGBT-related_organizations

http://www.pacehealth.org.uk/

http://www.thefullwiki.org/Seattle_Sex_Positive_Community_Center

http://bisexual-support.meetup.com/

http://www.lavendervisions.com/resources.php

http://marriedgay.org/

http://www.gendernetwork.com/lgbtsupport.html

http://www.gaycenter.org/

http://www.pflagnyc.org/support/meetings

http://lgbtfriends.meetup.com/cities/us/il/chicago/

http://www.outfront.org/resources/organizations

http://lgbtfriends.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/los_angeles/

http://laglc.convio.net/site/PageServer

http://www.sfcenter.org/

http://lgbt-social-group.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/san_francisco/

http://www.polyamory.org.uk/

7 thoughts on “Threesome and bisexuality

  1. Pingback: My journey | Threesomes and variations

  2. Yes, being a bisexual in a relationship with a straight person can be a problem and while I’ve heard of people wanting to do a threesome or foursome to explore their sexuality, well, first they have to get past how their straight partner might have reacted when they got the news.

    As you say, professionals might not be up to speed when dealing with this particular situation… and that’s even assuming that professional intervention is even required to resolve this. While I support and even endorse the organizations you’ve mentioned, I would say that if this revelation were to come into the light, it’s not the end of the world and it certainly doesn’t mean that your relationship is over… unless you’re dealing with a really irrational partner and if you are:

    – They’re going to assume that your sexuality has something to do with being displeased with them
    – They’re going to assume that because you’re bisexual, you don’t love them
    – They might even accuse you of doing some same-sex stuff behind their backs
    – They are going to be more worried about the impact on them than they are how this is affecting you.

    It stands to reason that if you have any reason to believe that your partner isn’t going to respond well to the news, um, you might want to remain silent. I point out (yet again) that just because you’re bisexual doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it other than accept that this is how you feel; expressing yourself in this way, in the grand scheme of things, is not worth ruining your relationship.

    In closing, I’ll ‘expose’ a troubling double standard: If a man reveals to his woman that he’s bisexual, the news is often not well accepted; however, if a woman reveals this to her man, eh, it’s no big deal and he might even think it’ll lead to an interesting threesome (and sometimes it does).

    • I agree with you it is not a big deal and it is something that a solid relationship should be able to deal with. Nonetheless, I do believe, there are some for whatever reason feel as though they have to do something about it and the knee jerk reaction, in a consumer driven health care society is to see a therapist to deal with it. In my opinion seeing a professional is the wrong decision because there is nothing wrong and knowing how to communicate is the key. Getting to that point of knowing how to communicate may require understanding of options along with knowing how to explain it to someone who may become upset, unnecessarily, and how to compromise may require some support?

      • My question is what, if anything, would a therapist be able to do about someone being bisexual other than maybe try to convince them that they’re wrong about the way they’re feeling? Tell them not to feel that way? Reiterate the usual dogma about being straight and faithful?

        There is no tried and true way to break this news to someone; there’s also no easy way to do it other than to look your partner in the eye and say, “Honey, there’s something we need to talk about…” – and then brace for possible impact.

        To me, it’s a judgment call and one based on how well you know your partner and, seriously, if one isn’t prepare to deal with the consequences of that action, I wouldn’t recommend doing it until such time they are ready to deal with any fallout. Yes: There are groups with ways to do this but it still winds up being a judgment call, doesn’t it?

  3. Pingback: How Do I Tell You That I’m Bisexual? | Kdaddy23's Blog

  4. Pingback: Planning a threesome on your own | Threesomes and variations

  5. Pingback: The problem with threesomes | Threesomes and variations

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