Debunking cuckold myths

It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves...


Cuckolding is slowly entering the mainstream, as an accepted sexual practice, and it is gaining media attention. As it gains attention, the media will focus on the more titillating aspects with the hopes of driving ratings and attracting viewers. Such decisions present a biased view. leading couples to make decisions based on a particular viewpoint. It is important any couple seeking to try a cuckold has all the information. This article will explore some of the more common myths.

Cuckolding is a fetish

This author is aware of many people will argue cuckolding is a fetish but this author disagrees with them. A fetish by definition refers to an item or body part that is needed for inducing sexual arousal.  Since cuckolding is a sexual act and the majority of those into cuckolding can get aroused without being in a cuckold relationship it implies it not a fetish. Even taking a very liberal interpretation of the definition, whereby participating in a cuckold is needed for arousal the definition of fetish still does not apply.

Viewing cuckolding as a fetish, from the perspective of the couple, implies there is dysfunction in the marriage because the woman needs to have sex outside of the relationship for them to become aroused. Also, it implies the couple has to incorporate a third person into the relationship in order for both of them to be happy. For the bull, the male that is outside of the relationship, it implies he is only able to relate, sexually, to someone that is involved in a relationship and it suggests that he is not able to have a relationship with a woman himself.

In this author opinion equating cuckold with a fetish is wrong since it implies the primary relationship is somehow dysfunctional. and creates the wrong image for cuckolding.

Cuckolding is BDSM

While this author feels there is a strand of cuckolding that falls under BDSM. The particular strand that falls under BDSM this author believes is cuckolding that involves:

  • Humiliation due to small penis size
  • Using sex with someone else as a punishment / reward
  • Using sex with someone else as humiliation
  • Using male chastity device to deprive the male of having sex  or intentionally withholding sex while having sex with someone else

It is important to note, any BDSM activity is done with their partner’s knowledge and consent.

This author believes not all cuckolding is BDSM. Instead this author believes there is another form called couple cuckolding. Couple cuckolding differs from cuckolding that traditionally falls under the BDSM definition in three respects. First, the woman once she returns from her encounter shares her sexual experience with the other male with her partner and second, the man in the primary relationship is not submissive. Finally the person she chooses does not necessarily have to be male.

Couples who practice cuckolding cannot accept their marriage is over

It is true cuckolding can destroy a relationship but it is not always true that couples who take part in cuckolding see it as a way to keep a failed relationship together. Cuckolding if done right can enrich a relationship and fulfill it too.

Cuckolding can fix a relationship

Relationships can get stale and a stale relationship can lead a person to look outside of the relationship for a sexual partner. Feeling, as though a relationship is stale, indicates there is an unresolved issue (e.g. busy work schedules, communication issue, etc) that needs addressing. Cuckolding or any other group sex experience should not be sought as a ‘fix’ for a relationship.

Cuckolding is something a couple without any ‘group sex’ experience can do

A couple of legal age and who are capable of giving legal consent can do anything legal they choose, including cuckolding. Since cuckolding involves one member of the couple having sex alone with someone else, it means the person not participating will not be present. This provides unique challenges which requires a high level of trust and the ability to effectively communicate. However, without some form of ‘group sex’ experience (e.g. threesome, wife swapping or soft-swinging), a couple may find they are unprepared for the unexpected challenges cuckolding brings.

Cuckolding is only about sex

Sex is one aspect of cuckolding. However, depending on how long the couple pursues cuckolding, it is possible that emotional bond forms with the bull, thereby forming a secondary relationship with them. A couple considering the idea need to take forming an emotional bond with the third person seriously and they need to have boundaries in place to deal with the issue.

Cuckolding is a better choice since I do not have to watch my partner having sex with someone else

Many times cuckolding is done without primary male being present. Nonetheless, watching your partner having sex with someone else is not easy but it can be quite erotic. If you are uncomfortable with watching your partner having sex with someone else and / or discussing it then it might be a sign you are not comfortable with any type of ‘group sex’ activity. Should this be the situation then it may be worth your time to explore if cuckolding is in your best interest.

21 thoughts on “Debunking cuckold myths

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  3. I’m still kinda surprised that this has gone from a bad thing to some folks’ favorite thing to do and I can’t think of any instance of this that I know of that has been seen as a good thing since the word refers to a man whose wife is unfaithful. But, in this ‘new’ context, it’s just another form of negotiated infidelity, isn’t it? So, um, if she’s being ‘unfaithful’… but he knows and approves of it… is it still cuckolding? If he gets to watch or gets to hear about it after the fact (and not being present), are we really talking about voyeurism or some kind of open relationship?

    • This author tends to disagree with those who believe cuckolding is strictly a BDSM activity and feels there is another form of cuckolding, that is practiced less. It is whereby the wife goes off having sex with someone else and shares the experience with him. In the latter activity there is no domination / submission nor humiliation, instead it is done as ‘equals’ and in some way the activity is shared.

      Comparing the two forms of cuckolding there is sharing of activity because in both cases he knows what has happened. The difference lies in how he learns of it. If it is done as a BDSM activity for example, then he might ‘submit’ to his wife ‘by cleaning her’ or made to feel humiliated because she had to be with someone who satisfies her. Since he is aware his mind begins to fill in blanks and provides him with a fantasy of what happened. Whereas in the latter type of activity she is open with him about what happened thereby knowing what happened.

      In response to your question is it a voyeur activity? This author feels there is a voyeuristic element to each form of cuckolding but voyeurism is not the central aspect of the activity. The central aspect of the activity, this author feels, is the wife’s sexual activity with someone other than her husband and how she shares the experience with him. This bring up the question is cuckolding an open relationship? This author feels the question comes down to the dynamics of the activity. If it is a one time or something that is done on a limited time basis then this author sees it as a variation of a threesome. However it is something that becomes a lifestyle choice for the couple, whereby it becomes integrated into their relationship, then this author feels it is a form of an open relationship regardless of what type of cuckolding is practiced.

      • I agree that cuckolding isn’t a BDSM activity although I know a couple of couples who engage in this under D/s auspices; to me, this is something different and even plays into acts of humiliation.

        I know guys who are fully functional… yet, they get their kicks either watching their wives getting nailed or sitting and listening to her tell about how much fun she had with someone else (or not) and while I’d call this an one-sided open relationship, there’s also an aspect of voyeurism involved on his part or maybe even a sense of compersion where he’s concerned; he’s happy because she’s being made happy.

        I will admit to being a bit old-school about this one because the act doesn’t fit the definition, not if the infidelity has been negotiated.

        • Once you look beyond the definition and examine the dynamics involved it becomes quite interesting. Essentially the form where there experience shared may not be the type of cuckolding that is normally thought of under the traditional definition. However there is enough similarity, this author feels, that makes it cuckolding.

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  5. I’m glad to see someone try to correct some of the false assumptions and misinformation about cuckoldry. I myself have been trying for years, with some decent results but the battle is difficult when the porn industry cranks out “cuckold porn” faster and easier than one can imagine. Plus many guys prefer to watch rather than read which means they buy into the kink aspect of this based on the fantasy/visual rather than reality. Kudos.

    • Thank you for your nice comment 🙂

      You are right porn has created a fantasy of what being cuckold means and a lot of guys buy into that fantasy. A goal of this site is to debunk myths surrounding cuckolding, along with other group sex practices and to show the fantasy is not the reality of having a cuckold. By showing the fantasy is not necessarily the reality that is created in porn or other media, it is this author’s hope that guys who want to make this fantasy true think about it. Cuckolding can be enjoyable if it is understood and if not then it can be quite destructive to a relationship.

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