FAQ about threesomes for couples – Part 1


Do we need to practice safe-sex since my partner / spouse has undergone sterilization?

Safe-sex goes beyond preventing pregnancy and it involves protecting yourself against STDs / STIs. Being sterilized will not protect against the risk of STIs / STDs.

Having a threesome will improve our relationship?

Having threesome will not necessarily improve a relationship and it can destroy it. How a threesome will impact a relationship is dependent on several factors and the impact may not be known for some time. This may mean the short-term impact is negative but the long-term impact is good.  It also means how the couple works through the impact and communicate may be the best indicator of how the threesome will impact them.

Having boundaries mean I will be restricting my partner’s enjoyment and it is best not to have boundaries?

Boundaries act as a safety-net and define the limits of the threesome. By having boundaries it means each can emotionally prepare themselves for the threesome and reduce the chance of the unexpected happening (e.g. anal sex when the implied expectation was vaginal penetration).

Is Having a threesome is cheating?

Cheating is a term that is define by each couple and therefore, is difficult to define. In the context of a threesome, this author feels, cheating occurs when boundaries have been violated. This means as long as the boundaries are maintained then no cheating has occurred.

My partner has stated during foreplay they want to have a threesome, I should arrange it for them?

There is a difference between the fantasy of a threesome during foreplay and actually having one. During the fantasy you can be the director, the writer, the producer, the actor, and determine the outcome. However, in reality, you can only control your reactions.

If I Say yes to a threesome then I cannot change my mind?

A threesome can only happen if all three participants agree to it and each person in a threesome has a right to say no at any time.

When is a good time to have a threesome?

It is easier to discuss when having a threesome is bad for a couple just starting out with having a threesome, this includes:

  • Major life event (e.g. death of someone close, a major illness)
  • A period of stress or conflict in the relationship
  • A history or an episode of infidelity
  • Not being a committed monogamous couple for at least 2 – 5 years
  • Not feeling comfortable enough to discuss any issue with your partner or there are implied topics that are not discussed in the relationship.

How can I know be certain if we decide to have a threesome it will be successful?

There is no way to know with 100% accuracy. The best way, this author feels, is to consider the following the list below and the list below is only meant as a guide, not a guarantee.

  • Both of you are secure enough in your relationship whereby having sex with someone else will not destroy the relationship.
  • You are secure enough in your relationship you can have sex with someone else in front of your partner or you are secure enough in your relationship whereby you can watch your partner having sex with someone else.
  • As a couple the two of you can talk about any subject and there are no off limit topics
  • As a couple you have been together at a minimum for 2 – 5 years.
  • The planning of the threesome has involved both of you; it is not a surprise threesome and it is not a threesome where all of the planning has fallen on one individual
  • There has been no force, coercion, pressure, or manipulation used in deciding to have a threesome.
  • The reason for having a threesome does not include the preventing of cheating, “adding spice” to the relationship, or having a threesome due to the sex becoming routine.
  • Decision to have a threesome is not made shortly after a major life event (e.g. marriage, death of a loved one, major move, etc).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s