Tag Archives: Mental Health

Working through the tough times

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions by

IMG_8130Is it better to work through the issue or end the relationship?

This time of year makes me reflective and think about the past. When I was younger, my view was very much ‘black & white,’ but through the years my views have become ‘it depends,’ or waiting to see the outcome. Even if I wait to see the outcome, it means I have to be patient and the result may not be clear since it is evolving. Lately, I started asking myself how does apply to relationships and threesomes?

To begin with, good and bad are not absolutes. Instead they are perceptual definitions that are defined by experiences and the context of the situation. A situation we initially perceive as bad may in a matter of weeks or months be seen as good. Likewise, a situation that we feel is bad but give it a bit more time may turn out to be good.

I believe how we perceive a situation influences how we relate to others, how we respond to them, and how we try to manage the ‘stress’ in our lives. For those who have had a bad threesome experience may find in a few months or years that they no longer see it as such. Instead they may view it as either indifferent to it (e.g. something they can tick off their sexual bucket list but will never do again) or maybe it is something they may want to pursue. This means, we should not have a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to a situation whereby we try to minimize the anxiety, ‘stress’ from it but try to work through each situation in order to find a solution.

Also, I believe how we perceive a situation depends on how much responsibility we are willing to accept. In my opinion, we see a situation as bad when we are not willing to accept responsibility for the situation and we try to assign blame to someone else. By doing this it leads to ‘stress’ and conflict which only makes things worse. I believe, by accepting responsibility for our choices then many of the bad situations are perceived as not being as bad.

Therefore, we have a lot of control over how we react, relate to others, and how we view the world. By understanding this, taking responsibility for our actions, and how we chose to perceive things influences our relationship. My advice, is to look for solutions and work through the issue instead of finding the quickest way to lower the anxiety that a situation creates. If we are able to do this then, I believe, we will take more pleasure from the things around us and be more open to the opportunities.

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What makes a couple successful

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Bee seeks flower for intimate relationship

 

What is necessary for a successful relationship and successful threesome?

 

One of the core ingredients, I believe, is necessary for a successful threesome is a solid relationship and this is a common thread throughout this site. Defining a solid relationship is not as easy since a lot depends on religious background, cultural, political background, and socio-economic status. This makes providing a unifying definition difficult and makes the definition dependent on couple that is asking.

 

Recently a Psychology Today article made an attempt in defining the term and I believe, it positively contributes to my ongoing discussion of what makes a relationship stable enough for a threesome. With that said, there are a three minor points that I do not agree.

 

Same Bedtime

 

The first one is going to bed at the same time. Whilst I understand the point being made, I feel it neglects other issues such as health problems or work schedule that may impact bedtimes. In my opinion, this is a minor ingredient for a successful relationship and not a major ingredient.

 

Common Interests

 

Second is sharing common interests. Without developing common interests a relationship, I believe, is destined to fail. However the article neglects to mention how much of a common interest a couple should share, what definition of common interest the author is using, and to what emotional level that interest should be shared. Without more discussion from the author I believe this interest is pointless.

 

10 points too superficial

 

Finally I believe, the 10 points raised are very closely related and do not dwell deep enough for the article to be meaningful. Nonetheless point four regarding forgiveness and point five focusing on what your partner does right, highlight the author is heading on the right direction for this article. I believe if the author was focusing on deeper points about relationships then this article would be much more meaningful.

 

Finally

 

I believe this article is a good guide on some of the more superficial aspects that a relationship needs to be successful and it provides limited insight into what a couple should be doing if they are considering a threesome.

 

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Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Relationships, Terminology, Threesome opinions by

hot night out

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.

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Swinging and Mental Health

Posted in Relationships, Threesome Articles by other authors by

Italiano: PTO / Disturbi mentali: Elenco di fr...Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.

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Pulling back from the cliff

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Stages by

Kama Sutra Illustration

Imagine for a moment the threesome that the two of you planned is occurring flawlessly. All three of you are hitting it off, flirting is occurring and even some kissing.  Now, you move to the bedroom or hotel room where your partner says they cannot go through with it? Maybe they take on a voyeur role leaving you to please the other person. Frustrated you ask yourself, why did this happen?

There are no easy answers to the above question. Having a threesome is something that is fraught with points where the planned threesome can fall apart and this point is usually the point of no return. This is the point where the threesome can be stopped before anything intimate happens.  Most likely your partner was confronted with something that made them pull back from wanting a threesome.

The reason for pulling back varies but can include:

  • Concerns about being seen     as gay or bisexual
  • Relationship concerns
  • Boundaries not clearly      defined or concerns about boundaries
  • Conflict regarding      personal beliefs / religious views
  • Fear of STDs / STis /      pregnancy
  • Attraction to the third      person does not exist
  • Medical / psychological      issues (e.g. Performance Anxiety or body image issues)
  • Feeling pressure or      coerced into having a threesome
  • Emotional feelings such as      jealousy or anger
  • Environmental issues
  • Vision of threesome being      different
  • Being confronted with the      decision to have a threesome
  • Age of the relationship
  • Stress
  • Life Changing events

Until the two of you talk there is no way of knowing the reason for it. Most likely if the issue can be addressed and resolved then it is probable that giving it another try is reasonable.  If you do give it another try then making changes to how you previously have approached having a threesome, the person selected, and may be try making it as stress free as possible.

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