Becoming comfortable with the idea is a first step
Imagine for a moment your spouse having sex with someone else while you watch. The idea can be arousing but how do you get to that point? If the conversation about having a threesome has started then a part of the process of introducing the idea of having a threesome involve helping your spouse become comfortable with the idea.
The journey from internally considering the idea to actually having a threesome include finding a way of becoming comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else. In my opinion, becoming comfortable with the idea is probably a major hurdle that need overcoming if a threesome will occur.
Overcoming this hurdle will involve resolving the message about monogamy and it involve becoming comfortable with the idea. So, how do you help your spouse become comfortable with the idea of having a threesome?
1) Share the fantasy
Sharing a fantasy is a good way to build trust and in a very broad way ‘to test the water’ regarding the idea. By sharing the fantasy, building on it, and letting your spouse know it is something that interest you builds a foundation for a later discussion. Also, by sharing a threesome fantasy it help move the idea from the shroud of secrecy into the light of discussion
Finally, it is important understanding that an interest during foreplay in the fantasy does not necessarily mean an interest in having a threesome. Instead sharing the fantasy help build the foundation for a later discussion.
2) Watch porn together
Watching porn together can help facilitate later discussion and it can help bring down a barrier. It may help show the practice is acceptable and help remove it from being seen as taboo.
3) Visit web sites on the topic together
There are many threesome web sites, like this one, on the internet and there are more hard-core web sites too. Sometime reading a question from another couple regarding having a threesome is less threatening than watching porn together.
4) Introduce the idea during conversation
Find a way of introducing having a threesome into the general conversation. It can be subtle, such as asking your spouse if they find “X” attractive. If your spouse can see such a question is not threatening then it can help them become comfortable with the idea.
5) Reinforce the idea
If your spouse shows interest in the topic then reward them for bringing it up. The reward does not have to be overtly obvious and instead it can be very subtle, such as smile. Maybe the subtle reward can be warm reply or a “thank you,” for sharing your thoughts. Positive reinforcement done in the right way and done at the right time can have profound impact.
6) Role play the idea
Role playing can be very basic or it can be very elaborate. In my experience role playing the idea should happen after some discussion or sharing the fantasy. By role playing after introducing the idea and incorporating some of the ideas can make for a very powerful experience.
Talk about the idea and as the conversation progresses talk about the barriers preventing having a threesome. Being able to talk about the idea can communicate a level of acceptance of the idea. By being accepting of the idea it can help your partner become comfortable with the idea.
8) Remove barriers
Even if you do not specifically talk about barriers there are things you can do to remove potential barriers, such as:
- avoiding conflict by talking through the issue
- making time for your partner
- letting them know how much you care for them
- being supportive
- taking steps to improve yourself
9) Hall Pass
A ‘Hall Pass’ gives your partner permission to have sex with someone else without being seen as cheating. The advantage of using it as a way of helping your partner feel comfortable it show you can be comfortable with the idea without becoming jealous. However, it should only be suggested after some discussion about the idea and your spouse show an interest in the idea of having a threesome. Also, it should only be used if you are comfortable with the idea, understand the risks, and are willing to accept the consequences.
10) Work on yourself
There are always things we can do to improve ourselves thereby increasing the chance of having a threesome. This can include:
- working on how we communicate
- becoming less jealous
- giving our partner more freedom
- making time for our partner
- being open about what we are doing on Facebook, twitter, and other social media.
There are positive steps we can take to support our partner while they explore the idea of being with someone else. A part of them becoming comfortable depend on us but there other part require them to become comfortable too. The latter is not always possible and in the end we need to love our spouse for who they are not what they can give us.
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