How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have


Searching for the answerIntroduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and  integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

  • Having the threesome as a one-off
  • Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
  • Being present
  • Seeing communication
  • Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

  • Kissing
  • Bareback
  • Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating  the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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A single male’s guide: how to attract a couple without offending them


ready for cuckoldingIntroduction

In previous articles such as ‘Asking a Couple for a Threesome,’ and ‘FAQs for Single Men Desiring a Threesome,‘ the thrust of the article was avoiding common mistakes that single men tend to make when approaching a couple for a threesome. This article will take earlier information further by discussing, an approach that I call couple-centric can help increase your chance of success by following seven pieces of advice and help you stand-out from the other 100 single men that are contacting the couple.

1) Accept you are not unique

Accepting this goes a long way in attracting a couple. Many times single men believe:

  • A couple is searching for a threesome because there is an issue in ‘the bedroom’ and somehow the male cannot satisfy her.
  • A couple is searching for a single male with a specific attribute  (e.g. age, muscular body, large penis)
  • A couple does not get many replies because the practice of having a threesome is taboo
  • They are the only male the couple is communicating with about having a threesome

Reality is, you are not so unique that a couple can find another male to meet their needs. The challenge for you is not rest on your laurels and work with a couple.

2) Be Socialble

Being sociable is crucial for a single male. Too often a single male focus on the goal, the threesome, and forget the journey they need to get to that point. Having a threesome is a journey that goes a complex social dance that lasts as long as necessary and each point being social.

In a mfm situation it is the couple that is in charge. This means it is important to get everyone feeling comfortable and it means being able to make ‘small talk.’ Being able to make ‘small talk’ and being able to hold a conversation while focusing your attention on both will be vital in the early stage. Ignoring the male in the relationship, rushing the ‘social pleasantries’ like ‘small talk,’ or not being able to hold a conversation are potential ‘death nail’ with the couple.

3) Think like a couple

Too often a single male will view having a mfm threesome as a way to have NSA (no strings attached) sex with the extra baggage of the boyfriend or husband being present. For the couple she has already made her choice and she has chosen her partner. A single male in their threesome is nothing more than a tool for their sexual enjoyment. For them choosing a single male is who is the best fit their needs at the moment.

For a single male it means putting aside their need and understand the couple, such as:

  • What type of single male do they want for their threesome?
  • What has brought this couple to consider the idea of having a threesome?
  • How does the single male fit into their plans?
  • Are there any underlying relationship issues that could impact the threesome?
  • How do they communicate?
  • What is their style of communication? How can you adapt your communication style to fit their?

4) Understand the couple

I almost included this section with number 3 but felt it was better to keep each point simple. Also I felt it is important to highlight a couple begins their search for a single male at different points in the threesome process

Understanding the couple involve putting yourself in their place. A couple will look for a third person for a threesome when there has been some agreement to at least look. Some couples will be:

  • Looking to see what type of male is available in their area before deciding to have a threesome
  • ‘Testing the water’ to see if, as a couple, they can go through with the idea
  • Wanting to make a few connections with different single men before deciding

Whereas some couples might:

  • Already committed to the idea of having a threesome and are looking for the ‘best fit.’
  • Looking for a single male that can fulfill a specific fantasy
  • In some cases they might be looking for a bisexual male

It is important when speaking with a couple about a potential threesome that latitude is given to them by accepting not every couple searches for a single male at exactly the same point. Some may begin the search to only decide that it needs to happen slower or they may make the contact before coming back. Whatever the situation, I believe, a good single male will listen and support the couple by understanding their journey.

5) Understand the single male role in a mfm, mmf threesome

Previously stated, a couple has many choices for a two male threesome and being sociable can go along ways in attracting a couple. The second part of that equation is an understanding in most two male threesomes the single male role is to enhance the pleasure of the woman. This does not mean he needs to have unique sexual abilities that the other men has and it does not mean he needs to have a larger penis than the other male.

Instead it means, he is there as a someone to help the couple expand their enjoyment and he is also there to work closely with the other male in multiplying her pleasure. This implies the single male needs to be adept in social situations, a good communicator, and someone who is able to work well with others.

Next, it is not uncommon for a couple to choose a single male that has more threesome experience than themselves. Sometimes a couple makes this choice because they want someone to guide them into having a threesome and in this type of situation the single male need to be patient with them. However if they are not comfortable with the need then they should tell the couple.

6) View any discussion as a chance ‘to meet the friend you knew existed but never met.’

This simply means approach any potential threesome conversation as a chance to make a friend and not a threesome. Reason for saying this. not every contact will lead to a threesome. It is better to have a positive attitude and a good perspective than being hostile because a couple did not choose you.

7) Accept Rejection

This goes very closely with number 5 because rejection will happen. A successful single male will accept not every couple will choose them and they are comfortable with this reality. Because they are positive about the experience that is something a couple will notice and having a positive attitude can be a powerful mechanism for making yourself stand-out among the hundred other men that are contacting the couple.

Conclusion

The above seven steps are meant to give more insight to a single when speaking with a couple about having a threesome. Arguably for a couple it sheds some light onto the characteristics of a good single male. Furthermore this article is meant to give a usable approach that will not work in every situation but will help increase the chance for success.  If you forget everything in this article except one thing then the one thing should be, every couple is unique with their own requirements. Do not push the couple into a decision but enjoy the time you have communicating with them and even if nothing transpires then it is possible they may become a friend and who knows where that friendship might go.

 

Related Articles

Part 1: Writing an Ad

Part 2: FAQs for Single Men Desiring a MFM Threesome

Part 3: Perils of Using a Friend or Co-Worker for a Threesome

Part 4: Asking a Couple for a Threesome

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A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective


While reading articles on Word Press today, I came across this hidden gem. It is very well written on threesomes. The only minor drawback, I believe, this article tries to cover too many uniquely separate topics in one article that shifts the article from ‘Looking at Threesomes from [a] Ladies Perspective’ to a general article about why people choose threesomes that includes basic advice on finding someone for a threesome.

In my honest opinion, this article would be better if the author covers each topic as a separate piece covering each topic in more detail. I believe this would be more beneficial to the reader and kept the subject on topic. Even though the author in my opinion, may have drifted off topic, it is still an excellent article that highlights the talent on Word Press. It is a great article that is well worth 5 minutes of your time to read.

A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective.

via A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective.

How to separate love from sex


londonSeven Steps to Minimize the Chance Feelings Will Develop for the Third Person

Intro

The backbone of every successful threesome is the ability putting aside feelings for the third person in order to have an enjoyable threesome. It would be remiss of me ignoring that sex is a very intimate act whereby a bond is created with those is participate and putting aside all feelings is necessary. Instead putting aside feelings mean keeping enough of an emotional distance from the invited third person that allows the marital relationship or committed relationship to continue while still being able to have a threesome.

Putting aside feelings sounds easy; however, many of buy the relationship warranty that sex must equal love or at least, sex can only occur with someone we share an emotional bond. By buying a relationship warranty means we are buying the idea that sex is about caring and that for sex to occur we first must build a relationship with them. While buying the relationship warranty is necessary for marriage or a long-term relationship, buying the relationship warranty for a full threesome can produce catastrophic results.

So, how can you have a threesome and keep feelings out of it? Below, I will give you seven points that can help you avoid buying the relationship warranty for having a threesome.

1) Limit the amount of contact with the third person

The more time all three of you spend together the more likely feelings will develop. This is a result of proximity or simply put, a result of having repeated contact with the same person.

In order to limit the chance feelings develop due to amount of time spent together, it is ideal trying to make a decision about having a threesome based on attraction instead of attempting to develop a relationship with the third person.

Also limiting the number of threesomes, such as one-off, can help reduce this risk too.

2) Limit Rewarding Behavior

Having a full threesome is more about having sex then forming an emotional attachment with the third person. This means the information being shared should be information that is necessary for a threesome to occur and not be information that allows the development of feelings.

Also, this includes limiting any rewarding behavior that encourages development of feelings. Rewarding behavior can be anything from looks, statements, or behavior that encourages the formation of feelings. Limiting rewarding behavior may sound as though the threesome is quite academic, sterile and void of any enjoyment. Instead limiting reward behavior mean finding a balance between letting the third person know you enjoy their company and creating a situation whereby ‘crossing the line’ happens the threesome becomes something more.

3) Having a History Together

Having a history together is vital. The longer a couple has been together, understand each other, and choose having a threesome as an extension of their relationship then the less likely they are developing feelings for someone else. Also having a relationship history is vital in understanding your partner, communicating with them and being able to work with them through any tough time.

4) Avoid Having a Threesome During a Period of Major Stress Relationship Stress

Stress and poor decision making are synonymous but deciding a threesome is a good choice during a major life change may be the decision that topples the relationship. Likewise avoid having a threesome during a time when the relationship is under stress since the may lead to the wrong decision being made.

5) Choose Your Third Person Carefully

Choosing the third person is vital for a successful threesome. Ideally the third person should temporarily fit into the relationship. Fitting into the relationship means:

  • Each person, as a couple, agrees to them
  • There is either a physical or intellectual attraction to the third person
  • The third person does not leave one member of the couple feeling excluded, jealous, or angry
  • They were not chosen because they can provide something that is missing in the relationship
  • The third person respect the boundaries
  • The third person respect the couple’s relationship, is not disruptive, and is not demanding.
  • The third person understand their role in the threesome and does not try to dominate

6) Communicating  Debriefing

It goes without saying communicating and debriefing are essential to keep a relationship healthy, including minimizing the chance feelings can develop for the third person. Without communication and discussing feelings it is likely a having a threesome will devastate a relationship.

7) It Starts with You

The type of threesome you want lies with you. This means the decision

  • What happens in the threesome
  • Boundaries
  • Regarding the third person
  • How you perceive perceive the threesome
  • How you perceive the third person
  • How you react to the threesome
  • How you react to the third person
  • How you react to your spouse / ‘significant other’
  • Your feelings before the threesome, during the threesome, and after the threesome

are all within your control.

Finally

Nothing in life is easy, especially having a threesome. However having an enjoyable threesome that is not disruptive to the relationship is possible but it will require work. Taking time discussing the threesome, potential choices, and its possible impact will go a long way in reducing the chance feeling for the third person will develop. Also, take time to plan it and choosing when to have it will also help. Finally all of the reading on the topic will not guarantee feeling for the third person will not develop and the responsibility for ensuring it will not happen lies solely with the couple.

The Power of Three(somes)


When considering the idea of having a threesome we want an ironclad guarantee that it will be successful, enjoyable, and our relationship will remain intact. Many of us look at a threesome like buying a new car with a try before you buy or money back guarantee. Some may look at having a threesome like calling a psychic hotline, seeing the future and knowing the outcome. Without some type of guarantee or without knowing the results of the threesome it makes many of reluctant to try it.

Dancetinyfox offers something worth considering and something I have been recently discussing too, liberation. The idea of having a threesome because it offers an opportunity to experience a unique form of happiness. The opportunity to selflessly share your spouse with someone else then bask in the happiness that it may bring through a loving and supporting relationship.

This article, for some, can offer a route to relationship happiness and fulfillment.

 

The Power of Three(somes).

via The Power of Three(somes).

How to have a mfm without being bisexual


IMG_8704After receiving the ‘green light’, regarding exploring the idea of having a threesome, we quickly realize there are many hurdles that need negotiating before reaching the sought after threesome. Probably one of the earliest hurdles that presents itself is the threesome paradox:

Having a fmf means investing a lot of time with the most likely result being the second woman is bisexual. Thereby leaving out the male. However having a mfm may mean finding someone quicker but it will mean an assault on male-half of the couple’s sexuality?

One solution maybe  quid-pro-quo whereby the couple agrees to have a fmf and mfm only to find either they are unable to find a willing woman to join them or the man refuses going through with the planned mfm because it calls into question his sexuality. In this article, I will explore a guaranteed way of having a mfm without male-on-male contact

So, how do you have a mfm threesome without involving male-on-male contact? The first step is changing the mindset. Having a mfm is not about sexual identity. Speaking from personal experience, having a mfm threesome is about sharing and making his wife / girlfriend happy. Arguably, it is doing something for her and the relationship. For his wife / girlfriend and for them as a couple it is about liberation.

This means having a mfm is about an emotional experience whereby a couple can feel secure by trusting each other. By having a mfm threesome the man is giving permission to his wife / girlfriend to enjoy someone else, trusting her feelings will remain for him and she will not violate the boundaries they have set. Also, he is trust the male the invite will respect their boundaries, respect their relationship, and enjoy his spouse / girlfriend.

Final step is selecting the correct male. From my experience, I do not believe homophobic males make a good choice for a threesome. I believe they tend to view having a threesome as a way to have ‘no strings sex’ and can get obsessive about anything that might seem gay. This can create issues in the threesome especially between the males and finding someone who is comfortable with their sexuality is a better choice.

Also I believe there is no guaranteed way of finding a compatible male. Instead I believe the type of male in the situation is a male who respects boundaries, is outgoing, and someone who makes each of you feel comfortable. Then as all of you progress towards having a threesome, they are someone who looks to take cues and does not look to take advantage of any situation that may present itself.

Having a threesome whereby there is no male-on-male contact, involves having the correct mind-set. This involves each man being secure in their sexual identity and not seeing the threesome about challenging their sexual identity. Instead viewing it as an experience that can can be quite enjoyable by focusing on pleasing her. Therefore the guaranteed way to have a mfm threesome without challenging a man’s sexuality identity involves trust, communication, and a desire to share his wife / girlfriend with another man.

 

 

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8 cuckolding secrets every new couple should know


ready for cuckoldingCuckolding Secrets

We see our wife or girlfriend flirting with another guy and it gets us thinking maybe letting her fuck him would be quite sensual. Maybe there is a ‘hot’ co-worker that you want to fuck but not sure how to approach your husband or spouse. Unfortunately there are very few objective sources of information on how to plan something like this. Instead we are left with imagery of a forbidden act that is rarely publicly discussed and now in this article, some of the mystery is removed by exposing some of the cuckolding secrets

1) Cuckolding can be liberating

Confidentially cuckolding is a very eye-opening experience. I remember my first experience with Brittany. We started talking about the idea and I was fine with it. Then once she went ahead with it, I remember the near crippling fear it created for me and the panic worrying about her. I remember pacing through the house  going through a lot of feelings very quickly. One moment I am frantic worrying about the relationship and what it will mean for us. Then the next moment I envisioning her having mind-blowing sex with the other guy and I remember how the image of her having sex with someone else aroused me. After coming home and sharing the experience with me, it was stunning how liberating the experience was for me.

2) Cuckolding is not like porn or web sites

Insiders know cuckolding is very different that how it gets portrayed. Cuckolding is a forbidden activity that is not mentioned on television, the movies, or in the print media. The vacuum that is created is filled by porn and cuckolding web sites that can paint a biased picture of experience. Reddit,I believe, does a good job at providing a balanced image of cuckolding but it does not provide a lot of information regarding relationships.

Having a cuckold will forever change your relationship. It can be the poison that plummets the relationship into turmoil before finally killing it. Alternatively it can be a sensual wonderful experience that transform the relationship for the better.

3) Cuckolding comes in many forms

I believe it is preposterous believing cuckolding is strictly a fetish or it is strictly a BDSM activity. Instead cuckolding is a very sensual experience that has many forms. It can be:

  • An open-relationship whereby the man remains monogamous and the woman enter in a long-term emotional relationship with another man while preserving her primary relationship
  • A BDSM activity where Domination (e.g. woman taking on another lover) and Submission (e.g. male agreeing and not having sex with her prior to her being with her male lover) is a part of the experience. There can be a lot of variation and depth to the experience. A lot depends on the boundary of the couple.
  • One off experience whereby the woman has sex with another man with her partner’s full knowledge and consent.

4) Cuckolding is not about penis size

I believe it is arrogant to assume small penis size = cuckolding. There is a lot of research that contradicts this argument and I believe cuckolding is a lot deeper than a one-dimensional element, penis size.

5) Communication

Cuckolding is not a threesome and it is more similar to an open relationship where one person remain monogamous. As a result the need for clear concise communication is essential. If cuckolding is going to work then as a couple need communicating and working through any issue that may arise, such as jealousy, is vital.

6) Relationship must come first

Relationship coming first is one rule I quickly learned and practice. Cuckolding maybe the steamy and tawdry experience the two of you believe you want.  However, your relationship with your spouse must take priority. Losing sight of your relationship can put your relationship into a tailspin that smashes and delivers the deathblow to it. Finding a way to maintain the relationship while cuckolding will probably the biggest challenge.

7) Cuckolding can secure a relationship

Cuckolding, I do not believe, can fix a poor relationship and I believe, if couple chooses cuckolding as a way for fix their relationship then it is likely the relationship will take a pummeling resulting in the death of the relationship. Nonetheless I do believe, if a couple has a good relationship then it is possible the result will be a securer relationship.

8) Cuckolding is about trust, power, communication

When you peel back all the layers of cuckolding the core of cuckolding I believe cuckolding is about is trust, power, and communication.

a) Trust

Without trust cuckolding, I believe, is cheating. Cuckolding requires:

  • boundaries are followed
  • cuckolding relationship will not bleed into the relationship
  • relationship will continue

This means level of trust must be there allowing each person feeling secure in their relationship with the other.

b) Power

This will not be a treatises on the discuss of power in the relationship.

In the United States the issue of relationship power is prevalent but oddly, it is not a big topic in Europe. Nonetheless relationship power means who drives the relationship in specific area (e.g. money) and there is a constant struggle for power.

Regarding cuckolding there is a transfer of power to the woman by the man. Arguably it can be said the male is the true holder of the power in a cuckolding relationship but for this article I will keep it simple by saying the woman has the power.

Why? He is agreeing to let her have sex with another of her choice for something in return. She then takes that power to decide who she will pick and how she will allow the other man to fuck her. Essentially he is submitting to her will. Depending on the dynamics of their relationship, power in the relationship may be very one-sided or it maybe more egalitarian.

c) Communication

Communication has already been addressed and I will not regurgitate it here. Instead I will state at is core cuckolding communication can be the drive that improves the relationship by forcing the couple to rethink how they communicate with each other. Cuckolding will fundamentally force changing their communication style in order to accommodate the additional demands cuckolding will place on them. If done right the changes made by a couple regarding communication maybe the behind the scenes reason they appear happy to other couples.

Finally – the secret is

Cuckolding is seen by many as a forbidden activity because of its mystery and potential risk to a relationship. Nonetheless there is nothing to fear if the secrets of this forbidden activity is understood. The key in having a thrilling cuckolding experience is communicating and respecting boundaries.  If you can respect each other and communicate then I can almost guarantee that you will have an enjoyable cuckolding experience.

 

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