The Power of Three(somes)


When considering the idea of having a threesome we want an ironclad guarantee that it will be successful, enjoyable, and our relationship will remain intact. Many of us look at a threesome like buying a new car with a try before you buy or money back guarantee. Some may look at having a threesome like calling a psychic hotline, seeing the future and knowing the outcome. Without some type of guarantee or without knowing the results of the threesome it makes many of reluctant to try it.

Dancetinyfox offers something worth considering and something I have been recently discussing too, liberation. The idea of having a threesome because it offers an opportunity to experience a unique form of happiness. The opportunity to selflessly share your spouse with someone else then bask in the happiness that it may bring through a loving and supporting relationship.

This article, for some, can offer a route to relationship happiness and fulfillment.

 

The Power of Three(somes).

via The Power of Three(somes).

How to have a mfm threesome without being bisexual


IMG_8704After receiving the ‘green light’, regarding exploring the idea of having a threesome, we quickly realize there are many hurdles that need negotiating before reaching the sought after threesome. Probably one of the earliest hurdles that presents itself is the threesome paradox:

Having a fmf means investing a lot of time with the most likely result being the second woman is bisexual. Thereby leaving out the male. However having a mfm may mean finding someone quicker but it will mean an assault on male-half of the couple’s sexuality?

One solution maybe  quid-pro-quo whereby the couple agrees to have a fmf and mfm only to find either they are unable to find a willing woman to join them or the man refuses going through with the planned mfm because it calls into question his sexuality. In this article, I will explore a guaranteed way of having a mfm without male-on-male contact

So, how do you have a mfm threesome without involving male-on-male contact? The first step is changing the mindset. Having a mfm is not about sexual identity. Speaking from personal experience, having a mfm threesome is about sharing for the man. For his wife / girlfriend and for them as a couple it is about liberation.

This means having a mfm is about an emotional experience whereby a couple can feel secure by trusting each other. By having a mfm threesome the man is giving permission to his wife / girlfriend to enjoy someone else, trusting her feelings will remain for him and she will not violate the boundaries they have set. Also, he is trust the male the invite will respect their boundaries, respect their relationship, and enjoy his spouse / girlfriend.

Final step is selecting the correct male. From my experience, I do not believe homophobic males make a good choice for a threesome. I believe they tend to view having a threesome as a way to have ‘no strings sex’ and can get obsessive about anything that might seem gay. This can create issues in the threesome especially between the males and finding someone who is comfortable with their sexuality is a better choice.

Also I believe there is no guaranteed way of finding a compatible male. Instead I believe the type of male in the situation is a male who respects boundaries, is outgoing, and someone who makes each of you feel comfortable. Then as all of you progress towards having a threesome, they are someone who looks to take cues and does not look to take advantage of any situation that may present itself.

Having a threesome whereby there is no male-on-male contact, involves having the correct mind-set and finding the correct man to join them. For the man having a mfm is about confirmation that is wife / girlfriend is desirable and also about sharing. For her it is being given freedom within the relationship to sexually enjoy someone else and for the invited male it is an opportunity to share an intimate moment with a couple. Therefore there is a guaranteed way to have a mfm threesome without challenging a man’s sexuality identity and without him having any sexual contact with the other male. All a mfm threesome requires is trust, communication, and a desire to share his wife / girlfriend with another man.

 

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

8 cuckolding secrets every new couple should know


ready for cuckoldingCuckolding Secrets

We see our wife or girlfriend flirting with another guy and it gets us thinking maybe letting her fuck him would be quite sensual. Maybe there is a ‘hot’ co-worker that you want to fuck but not sure how to approach your husband or spouse. Unfortunately there are very few objective sources of information on how to plan something like this. Instead we are left with imagery of a forbidden act that is rarely publicly discussed and now in this article, some of the mystery is removed by exposing some of the cuckolding secrets

1) Cuckolding can be liberating

Confidentially cuckolding is a very eye-opening experience. I remember my first experience with Brittany. We started talking about the idea and I was fine with it. Then once she went ahead with it, I remember the near crippling fear it created for me and the panic worrying about her. I remember pacing through the house  going through a lot of feelings very quickly. One moment I am frantic worrying about the relationship and what it will mean for us. Then the next moment I envisioning her having mind-blowing sex with the other guy and I remember how the image of her having sex with someone else aroused me. After coming home and sharing the experience with me, it was stunning how liberating the experience was for me.

2) Cuckolding is not like porn or web sites

Insiders know cuckolding is very different that how it gets portrayed. Cuckolding is a forbidden activity that is not mentioned on television, the movies, or in the print media. The vacuum that is created is filled by porn and cuckolding web sites that can paint a biased picture of experience. Reddit,I believe, does a good job at providing a balanced image of cuckolding but it does not provide a lot of information regarding relationships.

Having a cuckold will forever change your relationship. It can be the poison that plummets the relationship into turmoil before finally killing it. Alternatively it can be a sensual wonderful experience that transform the relationship for the better.

3) Cuckolding comes in many forms

I believe it is preposterous believing cuckolding is strictly a fetish or it is strictly a BDSM activity. Instead cuckolding is a very sensual experience that has many forms. It can be:

  • An open-relationship whereby the man remains monogamous and the woman enter in a long-term emotional relationship with another man while preserving her primary relationship
  • A BDSM activity where Domination (e.g. woman taking on another lover) and Submission (e.g. male agreeing and not having sex with her prior to her being with her male lover) is a part of the experience. There can be a lot of variation and depth to the experience. A lot depends on the boundary of the couple.
  • One off experience whereby the woman has sex with another man with her partner’s full knowledge and consent.

4) Cuckolding is not about penis size

I believe it is arrogant to assume small penis size = cuckolding. There is a lot of research that contradicts this argument and I believe cuckolding is a lot deeper than a one-dimensional element, penis size.

5) Communication

Cuckolding is not a threesome and it is more similar to an open relationship where one person remain monogamous. As a result the need for clear concise communication is essential. If cuckolding is going to work then as a couple need communicating and working through any issue that may arise, such as jealousy, is vital.

6) Relationship must come first

Relationship coming first is one rule I quickly learned and practice. Cuckolding maybe the steamy and tawdry experience the two of you believe you want.  However, your relationship with your spouse must take priority. Losing sight of your relationship can put your relationship into a tailspin that smashes and delivers the deathblow to it. Finding a way to maintain the relationship while cuckolding will probably the biggest challenge.

7) Cuckolding can secure a relationship

Cuckolding, I do not believe, can fix a poor relationship and I believe, if couple chooses cuckolding as a way for fix their relationship then it is likely the relationship will take a pummeling resulting in the death of the relationship. Nonetheless I do believe, if a couple has a good relationship then it is possible the result will be a securer relationship.

8) Cuckolding is about trust, power, communication

When you peel back all the layers of cuckolding the core of cuckolding I believe cuckolding is about is trust, power, and communication.

a) Trust

Without trust cuckolding, I believe, is cheating. Cuckolding requires:

  • boundaries are followed
  • cuckolding relationship will not bleed into the relationship
  • relationship will continue

This means level of trust must be there allowing each person feeling secure in their relationship with the other.

b) Power

This will not be a treatises on the discuss of power in the relationship.

In the United States the issue of relationship power is prevalent but oddly, it is not a big topic in Europe. Nonetheless relationship power means who drives the relationship in specific area (e.g. money) and there is a constant struggle for power.

Regarding cuckolding there is a transfer of power to the woman by the man. Arguably it can be said the male is the true holder of the power in a cuckolding relationship but for this article I will keep it simple by saying the woman has the power.

Why? He is agreeing to let her have sex with another of her choice for something in return. She then takes that power to decide who she will pick and how she will allow the other man to fuck her. Essentially he is submitting to her will. Depending on the dynamics of their relationship, power in the relationship may be very one-sided or it maybe more egalitarian.

c) Communication

Communication has already been addressed and I will not regurgitate it here. Instead I will state at is core cuckolding communication can be the drive that improves the relationship by forcing the couple to rethink how they communicate with each other. Cuckolding will fundamentally force changing their communication style in order to accommodate the additional demands cuckolding will place on them. If done right the changes made by a couple regarding communication maybe the behind the scenes reason they appear happy to other couples.

Finally – the secret is

Cuckolding is seen by many as a forbidden activity because of its mystery and potential risk to a relationship. Nonetheless there is nothing to fear if the secrets of this forbidden activity is understood. The key in having a thrilling cuckolding experience is communicating and respecting boundaries.  If you can respect each other and communicate then I can almost guarantee that you will have an enjoyable cuckolding experience.

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

 

Minimalist guide to threesome planning (it is okay to have doubts)


100% Commitment is not possibleIMG_8802

“Hun, have you considered what it might be like to be with another man?” Or “Dear, have you ever wanted to be with two women at once?” May be the way the wanton conversation start about having a threesome.

Likewise she cums, he cums and a few minutes later he pulls out of her. Then for the next few minutes all of three of you bask in the afterglow of some great sex. However, what happen when the initial conversation ends and the thrill of having a threesome is gone ?

From experience, once the initial thrill of knowing a threesome / cuckold will occur or the thrill of having a threesome is gone the question become, what next? It is at this point, where doubt and insecurity creep into our mind, where sending our partner ‘mix message‘ about wanting a threesome start.

I can recall my initial discussion, “How would you like to invite Fred for a threesome?” was the question Brittany ask me.  For me it was a flood of excitement then feelings of insecurity. For a few moments I thought, “Why is she bringing this up?” “Does she still have feelings for him?” “What about us?” Even though we were talking about having a threesome the question was unexpected. In about 1 minute I went from being excited about having a threesome to utter fear.

So how did I resolve this internal conflict? The answer, discussing boundaries. Taking the time to discuss with Brittany my concern and what I need from the experience to feel secure about our relationship. From that discussion the planned threesome took shape and the experience became an experience that was very much enjoyable.

In conclusion, it is important to remember when working toward having a threesome there will be a moment where there is doubt but to get through it require talking about it then using that discussion to shape the threesome. It is impossible to be 100% committed to the 100% of the time. However, when in doubt communicate with your partner and work through the issue. Being happy and having a loving relationship is more important than having a threesome. If done right it is possible to have a loving relationship and a threesome / cuckold.

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Your threesome journey must start with an internal debate


beachYou must convince yourself you want a threesome before persuading your partner to have a threesome

“How would you feel if I fucked George (not his real name)?” I can still remember that discussion about a cuckold and how it made me feel. I knew from an earlier discussion with my wife that conversation will occur and I was able to read the sign my relationship is heading in that direction. So, how did I did I prepare for the conversation?

To begin with, my preparation is not unlike someone who ask, how do I move my spouse / partner towards having a threesome? What can I do that subtle and does not put pressure on them? In preparing for that conversation, I believe that is the wrong question. I believe the question should be, what do I want from a threesome? Simply put, if you do not know what you want from a threesome then how can you expect to communicate it to your partner / spouse?

Having an enjoyable and successful threesome is dependent on each person’s ability to effectively communicate their need. Need in a threesome is very encompassing that can cover:

  • comfort level
  • what feels good
  • what does not feel good
  • feeling uncomfortable
  • a feeling
  • emotional security
  • physical security
  • trust
  • violation of trust
  • expectation
  • boundary / limit

without the ability to effectively communicate a need and understand what it can mean for you it is wrong to expect someone else to know.

In preparation for the conversation, I knew I had to think about topics such as:

  • What is my comfort limit?
  • Can I accept my decision to allow her to have sex with George?
  • What will it mean for my relationship?
  • Will I be able to grow from the experience or will it devastate me?
  • If it happens what will I need to feel secure?
  • How do I ensure her safety?

As I thought about the I soon discovered I was alright about the idea. Once the conversation began I stated I was happy with it provided:

  • It was a one-off situation
  • She did not stay over-night
  • Safe-sex was practiced
  • She told me what occurred

Now as I look back to that experience, I realize being able to communicate my need to her and the ability to have a loving relationship after 20+ years resided in my ability to understand my need before communicating it to her. Without examining the idea and debating it with myself I do not believe the experience would be as enjoyable as it was for me. Therefore, I believe before you can discuss the idea of having a threesome you need to understand what it means for you.

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Threesome signs


Do non-verbal signs show interest in a threesome?

A-IMG_8560Are you considering discussing the idea of having a threesome for the first time? If so then this article may help you. Think back to when you met your spouse and the discussion you have about your sexual past. Was there anything unique? Did anything make you think they might interested in a threesome? Now, think about the time from that discussion up about a year ago? How do you feel they changed? Are they more sexually liberal or less sexually liberal? How has your relationship with them changed? Finally think about your history with them from the discussion to now.

A sign, simply put, is an indication of their willingness to have a threesome. Many times the signs are subtle such as attitude, beliefs, or changes in behavior. If you answered the questions above, I hope the result shows there can be signs that your partner / SO is open to a threesome but a lot depends on your relationship with them instead of their past.  Does this means there is a complete disconnect between their history and their willingness to have a threesome? I do not believe there is a complete disconnect but I do believe there are subtle signs that can show their interest. It is important to remember indicating interest and actually going through with a threesome are entirely different. A sign can be used when judging if the subject of having a threesome is worth discussing but it is not a guarantee of agreement nor is it an indicator that a threesome will happen. Simply put a sign is something you can use in your assessment about your partner’s receptiveness to the idea.

Attitude

There are some who believe having a liberal view is an indication there is potential interest in having a threesome. Whilst I believe someone who has liberal views, especially about sex, can show their interest in a threesome. Nonetheless, I also believe those who hold more traditional views about relationships and marriage is for a lifetime can show they are willing to work through the tough times if a planned threesome goes wrong.

Another important attitude is an attitude that lacks jealousy and control. It is not possible to be from jealousy all the time but being jealous can be problematic in a threesome. Likewise the need to control everything can be good, especially if you are a manager but in a threesome everyone has some control while submitting control to the other two people in the threesome.

Final attitude sign is outgoing. Being outgoing in a threesome is necessary and without being outgoing having a threesome becomes difficult.

Beliefs

Attitudes in beliefs are very similar with the difference being an attitude is how you approach something and it is something that most people will see. Whereas a belief is something more personal and it is something that is rarely shared. At a deeper level an attitude is the expression of a belief. At some point in a relationship the discussion about beliefs happens. This can be a good, though not perfect, indicator of your partner’s interest in a threesome.

In my opinion a good sign of the possibility of having an interest in a threesome is having a healthy attitude about sex. This means each person is able to use the sexually proper words and euphemisms or colloquial terms are avoided. Likewise sex is dealt with from mature adult perspective. Meaning there is not a lot of control, jealousy, and a true wish to support a relationship.

Behavior

Behavior is probably the easiest to misread and misunderstand. It is my belief behavior must be understood in the context of the person’s beliefs, the environment where it occurs, and relationship history.  The below is a possible list of behaviors that may show an interest in a threesome and by no means is it an exhaustive list. Likewise the list can show other issues and it is important before making any assumptions your observations are discussed with your partner.

  • Expressing an interest in having sex with someone else
  • Stating they find someone attractive
  • Discussing the idea of having a threesome
  • Dressing more sexy / provocative
  • Role playing a threesome / interest in threesome porn  or websites / sharing fantasy of having a threesome
  • Wanting to put nude / semi nude photos on an amateur porn site.
  • Asking about your attitude towards threesomes, cheating, and group sex
  • Previous threesome experience whereby the do not frame it as being a bad experience
  • Willingness to try / explore new sexual things
  • Healthy curiosity about sex

Conclusion

A sign can show an interest in having a threesome when taken in context of relationship history and the condition in which it occurred. If a sign indicates that a person might have an interest in a threesome it does not mean they have it nor does it mean a threesome will occur. All it means there is a chance they might be receptive to the discussion and from there anything is possible. If you believe your spouse is interested in having a threesome then it is best to speak with them outside of the bedroom.  Finally if you have signs that you believe can show an interest in a threesome please add it by responding to this blog.

 

Lifestyle does it exist? Is it bad choice?


Lifestyle what does it mean?

Lifestyle is a word that describe the way we chose to live our life. It gets applied to everything from threesome, open relationships to where we live or our profession. Very rarely do we really think about its meaning or what it implies. For the rest of this article the focus will be threesome.

Think for a moment, what does threesome lifestyle means? For me, it means a someone who regularly participates in having a threesome. Their participation has gone beyond exploration, it has gone beyond someone who occasionally has a threesome and it has become a part of their identity. For a couple, I believe, lifestyle means they regularly take part in their activity that it has become a part of defining their relationship.

This raises a fundamental question, is having a threesome lifestyle a good thing? On the surface it may seem quite bad since it raises the question, is this the way the couple relates to each other? Also it suggests having a threesome bleeds into other aspects of their relationship and it is the only way a couple defines their relationship. Essentially the term lifestyle as it relates to threesome suggests a couple’s relationship is one-dimensional and for the person, it implies having a threesome lifestyle dominates their life. Thereby suggesting they have some type of anxiety, control, or inability to relate to others issue.

I believe, the bigger question is how does a couple support their relationship? If having a threesome is the only way they can connect then, I believe, it is something bad. However, if it is primary element to their relationship and they have other ways they connect then it not a bad thing. Being able to communicate, being able to connect outside of the threesome, and having a relationship that is bigger than the threesome are central in having a relationship that can survive a threesome.

Therefore, lifestyle means regularly having a threesome but being able to detach from having a threesome to support the relationship. It means to me a rich experience, in which, having a threesome contributes to the overall success and happiness of a couple. Likewise contributes to the person happiness of the person participating in a threesome. Finally having a lifestyle does not bleed into other aspects of your life but helps in defining who your identity. In essence lifestyle is an identity that contributes to your overall happiness and satisfaction.

Open relationship saving a marraige?


Can an open relationship save a marriage?

The link to the article poses a wider question, can  opening up a relationship save a marriage?

After reading this article I am left to question the impact opening up their relationship will have on their marriage and I question, if the couple profiled will ultimately divorce. In my honest opinion, I believe the couple profiled was the wrong couple to choose for an article like this. I believe their relationship is already damaged and whilst the article promotes non-monogamy in a positive way, I believe an longitudinal article that followed a couple who is considering non-monogamy would have been more powerful. In addition,  if the couple chose to open up the relationship sooner, before the infidelity, then I am left to question if the would have been able to put into place the necessary structure to preserve it.

In answer to the question if non-monogamy can save a marriage? I do not believe this article is a good article but it does highlight some of the issues couples face. On that basis, I believe, it is a very good article to read and I encourage anyone considering non-monogamy to read this article.

 

 

 

Family message about sex and impact on wanting a threesome


Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality is a great source of research regarding sexual behavior and it is a good source for understanding the research surrounding sexual behavior. Recently a 16 June 2013 article talk about the role of family messaging about sex and its impact.

The sample was college / university students who receive extra credit and it raises questions about it application to adults older than 30. Also using a survey does raise questions about how the students responded. Nonetheless it does provide insight on how an individual’s family can shape a individual’s attitude about having a threesome. This can have a prolific impact on bringing up the idea, the response received, and attitude towards the threesome after it happens.

It is a good article for understanding how previous messages about sex can shape the experience and by understanding the article, it can help with discussing the topic. Therefore I encourage anyone wanting more understanding to read the article and think about how the message about sex impacts us all.

Cuckolding Survey


IMG_8715Interested in Cuckolding? You are not alone.

I came across this survey, see below link, a few weeks ago and placed it on my forum site. After having some more time available I thought I would place it here from my followers to read and comment. The survey examines those interested in cuckolding but who have not had the experience. At least for me, I found it informative and supporting other surveys that I have read. At least for me, I believe it is worth the time reading. Hopefully you will take the time to read it and share what you think.

Fantasy-Cuckold-Survey